I'm the youngest in my family which is horrible news for me. I have two older sisters and a older brother. Being the youngest means that I am expected to be just as great as them. So if I get an A- or just an A it's something horrible. And I have dry skin like my mom which means that I have to keep it moisturized more than a regular person. If I don't than these huge dry spots show up and turn into scars. My mom keeps getting me skin medicine which I actually use. Everytime she See's me use it she's like "It's getting so much better" but than not even an hour later she's saying how horrible it looks and acts like I've been doing a horrible job. It makes me not want to care. At this point I don't care about anything that is about me. I care about so much. Just not me. And it doesn't help that everyone in my family thinks I'm the bad guy. Something's broken? Lightning did it. Something's lost? Lightning's fault.

And whenever I get mad at one of my siblings my parents and my other siblings never side with me. Cause I'm always in the wrong. Never them. I was a mistake. My mom told me. She tried to make it funny by saying "I was on the pill and we had protection but you were just like 'hey! I'm here now!'" I used to laugh at it. But now I just act like it's funny.

My siblings never want anything to do with me. They'll always say because they're busy or something. But than they turn around and hang out with the rest of my family or their friends.

All of this is kinda funny for two reasons.

1: This is why I made my OC a shadow animal creature. Because I find comfort in animals and shadows. That's why they show up at night. They're friends. They talk to me. I don't talk back though. Because if I do they leave.

2: I say I don't know how to vent and yet here I am, venting. Is this venting? I'm not used to showing this side of me. I always just hide this crap away.

I let my mom in once. An it was a mistake. Now she wants me to see a therapist and I feel even worse. I just want to sit in my room now.

Rn I'm sitting in my room, doing a puzzle as I type this. Puzzles help me take my mind off of things. But my chest won't stop hurting. I don't want to post this chapter. But if you're reading this than I obviously did.

If you're all worried now, don't be. I'll be back to my "regular cheery" self soon. I would say that I'm going to take a break from Wattpad but that means that I would have to deal with the real world even more. And I'm scared of what would happen if I did that. So I'm not taking a break. Breaks don't help me. I just have to push through this. Like everything else