"LET'S DO SOMETHING FUN TOGETHER," said Dana, right after she flew into fifth period.

      Ashton and I turned towards each other, wondering what she had up her sleeve this time. Sighing, we looked to her so she could continue.

      "You know, I'm very convinced that I'm the most hated person in this friend group," she said, wiping imaginary tears away and sobbing only to stop abruptly. "But that's going to change. Today. Because we are going to do stuff together as a friend group, and you guys are going to like it."

      I chuckled as the bell rang. "What did you have in mind?"

      She brushed back her hair with a smile. "So, I was looking online yesterday and saw this bonfire circle where we can work on healing and forgiving ourselves or even others. And I thought it would be fun to do it together with friends, don't you guys think?"

      I almost snorted. "You've got to be kidding. A Kumbaya ritual?"

      Ashton shrugged, amused. "Honestly, that does sound pretty interesting. Maybe not my idea of 'fun' but strangely nice."

      Dana shook me. "Seeeeee! Even Ashton's not opposed."

      I flicked him. "Of course he wouldn't oppose it. He loves talking about his feelings."

      He flicked me back. "Because I don't know why you would wanna carry all that weight with you when you could just let it go."

      What if I don't want to let it go?

      "And it'll make you feel better," Dana added, pleading. "C'mon, you'll love it. I promise."

      "And if I don't love it?"

      "Then, that sucks because you're gonna do it anyway."

      I groaned. "Fine."

      Dana took my hand and high-fived it. "Awesome. But we can't do it at my house because my parents have work early tomorrow, so we wouldn't be able to make noise." She poured her eyes into my soul, and I already knew where this was headed.

      "You want to use my place."

      "Pretty, pretty please," she said. "Also, you have a huge backyard, and it's really nice. It's the perfect place."

      I caved in. "It's not like I can say no."

      Usually, I wouldn't agree to impromptu plans, especially in my dwelling, but I wanted to forget about the "If it's not Calum, then it can't happen" type of ideology Mom had going on.

      As Chef explained our tasks today (studying), Ashton nudged me. Facing him, he seemed weary. "I'm a bit nervous," he said. "Meeting your mom last time didn't go so well, and I don't want you to get kicked out for real this time."

      "You don't have to worry about this time," I told him.

      This morning, she wouldn't even look me in the eye. She could probably feel the slight edge I wore since my talk with Ashton. I'd been keeping it under wraps on how I truly felt—sad, mainly—but I didn't think he noticed. Or if he did, then I wondered if he was going to ask me about it. Hopefully, that wouldn't be the case because I'd become a crying mess again.

      I'd been sharing so many of my secrets with Ashton, I was starting to lose track of the ones I still had.

      He sighed. "I'll take your word for it."

      After an hour-long study period, I waved to Ashton and Dana as we parted ways. Seeing a familiar face pass by, I quickly caught up with him. "Hey, Randy, wait up."

      He turned upon hearing his name and offered his usual smile. "What's going on, little tiger."

      "For the first time, I saw you," I said within my bragging rights.

      His grin didn't quite reach his eyes. "You got me."

      We continued to maneuver down the halls, passing by various people. Randy was quiet, which was unusual. I thought back to our weird, or as I called it, encounter yesterday. I wasn't sure if he was upset about me refusing his proposal or if he was just not wanting to talk.

      "You're quiet today," I said once we got into class.

      He chuckled and pulled out a notebook that didn't seem like it was for AP Calculus. "Does that mean I talk a lot?"

      "Not necessarily." I set my things down as our teacher walked in. The bell hadn't rung yet, but he began writing some notes on the whiteboard, which meant today was going to be boring.

      As soon as the bell rang, Randy's knee bounced for the rest of the period, and he barely said two words. By the end of class, his notebook was filled with words and numbers that had nothing to do with today's lessons. Randy was in the Top Five, along with me, so I knew he was a smart student. Something was bothering him enough to blank out in class, and a rival wasn't fun unless we had the same growth.

      "Here." I slid over my notes from today. "Just bring them back to me tomorrow, okay?"

      "Shit," he mumbled to himself and then smiled at me. "You're a real lifesaver, pasia. Thanks."

      "Of course," I said as I drummed my fingers on my thighs. School was already over, and the classroom was almost empty. My things were already packed, but I didn't know why I was still sitting here.

      Randy looked at me and laughed a bit. "You know, you don't need to wait on me." He nodded towards the door. "But you have people waiting on you."

      I turned, and Dana's bright pink shoes poked out from the door. Rolling my eyes playfully, I faced Randy. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said, and then the words I wanted to say came out. "And if you need someone to talk to, I'm always around."

      "You first," he whispered, then regularly, "See ya tomorrow, tiger."

      For some reason, Randy and I felt weirdly connected, in some sort of deep understanding type of way. Even though I barely even knew the guy, I bet down the line I would end up getting to know him. And as I replayed our conversation while Dana chatted about the bonfire tonight, my mind seemed to draw a blank as to what he meant by his final words.

      You first.

      It deepened my curiosity towards him and led to the beginning of our first encounter. He'd said he approached me because of The Gossips supposedly false rumors or was that his opening to even approach me at all? For maybe something bigger? And if so, what was it? And why?

      But maybe I was overthinking it. I tossed away the thought and tuned into whatever Dana was talking about, only hoping I was right.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

      Later on that night, I sat in front of the fire, wondering how throwing a piece of paper in the blaze would somehow erase all my troubles. It was only natural that I was a pessimist with every little thing that'd gone wrong in my life. How could I look forward to anything?

      Ashton, Calum, and everyone else was a blessing that fell on my lap. Sure, it gave me some hope, but three to four years couldn't make up for the past fifteen. It was a lot of undoing, and if this was going to work, I'd need more than just one sheet of paper.

      "You look like you'd rather be in the fire than sitting, looking at it."

      I chuckled as Michael took a seat next to me. "You're not completely wrong about that."

      He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I'm not really into emotions either, and I, too, would rather be engulfed in the flames." He took a pause. "But, supporting my girlfriend is what I'm here for, so if she wants only a sentence, I'll give her a paragraph."

      I sat up, looking above. "And that's okay. It's nice to support our loved ones when everything is going the way it's supposed to—north and not south. I could sit here for hours and think of every single bad thing that's happened, write it down, and chuck it into the fire. Time and time again, I've touched south when all I ever tried to do was look up."

      "Well then, that's where you've gone wrong."

      I turned to him. "What?"

      "I'm not one to be ''wise" or "inspiring," but my mom did this with me when I was a kid whenever I'd feel jealous of other kids and negative emotions in general." He laughed when I rolled my eyes. "I promise it's not whatever you're going to think it is."

      "Sure," I said sarcastically.

      "So, what I want you to do is look down at the ground and tell me what you see."

      "Michael, I swear—"

      He laughed. "Come on, just do it."

      I focused my eyes on the concrete and sighed dramatically. "There's my foot with an ant crawling on it because Dana insisted that taking off our shoes would help us heal ourselves with nature."

      "Okay, and now rephrase what you said to something positive."

      "Impossible," I immediately said.

      "You didn't even try." He sighed when I only side-eyed him, realizing I wasn't into this. "How about this? There's your foot with an ant on it that's trying to search for food to feed its colony, and it just so happens to be your bare foot because Dana is trying to help us become better people for ourselves."

      I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of me. "This is beginning to sound like an awful therapy session."

      "Or a friend trying to help another friend." Then, he pointed east. "Look over there and tell me what you see. Remember to be positive."

      With a blank face, I stared at the woods. "It's the forest that's still lavishly flourished even in the beginning of winter."

      He applauded. "See, that wasn't so bad. Now try this way."

      I followed west, where he was pointing. "There's the other side of the forest that's not been so lucky in avoiding the temperatures this year, but's going to look like its cousin by the time spring rolls around. So, that's nice, I guess."

      "Okay, so let's look up like you say you've been doing all these years."

      I stared above, gazing upon the thousands of stars visible out here without all the artificial light from the city. The moon was high and bright in its waxing gibbous phase, showing that even though we're not always at our best and fullest potential, we still were dazzling.

      "It's the night sky," I said. "And it's beautiful."

      I turned to Michael as he spoke. "Wanting north is never a bad thing and neither is going up. We all want to be higher in life than where we are, but in our ironic and unfortunate position, humans can't fly."

      I chuckled. "Right."

      "So, where does that take us? Only but forward, right? So," he said, pointing out, "look straight ahead. Where does it lead?"

      I smiled, finally understanding the point he was trying to make. Looking ahead, Ashton and Dana were laughing at whatever Luke wrote on his paper while Calum appeared to be thinking real hard about whatever he was going to write.

      "Telling you right now, I'd give up the entire night sky for these guys."

      I brushed the ant off my foot finally and watched it find solace elsewhere. "For someone who doesn't care for feelings or being wise, you sure know how to."

      "Only when needed." He stood and then nodded to where everyone else was. "Whenever you're ready, we'll be waiting.'

      I let out a short laugh and saluted. "Thanks."

      He walked away, and I faced my blank sheet of paper with different feelings now. I wasn't sure if I was ready to forgive my past or forget about it. Healing could only be done when you finished hurting, and I'd say this was only the climax of things. I would've loved to say things would be better in the near future, but there were so many things I just couldn't shake. It will hurt me in the long run. I knew that. But the present was all that mattered, and all that would matter, forever and ever.

      By the time everyone rejoined around the fire with their own words of healing, I, too, had one sentence written.

      "Alright, now you can do whatever you want to the paper and toss it in the fire." Dana crumpled hers and tossed it into the flames.

      Calum and Luke shredded theirs and threw them in as well. Michael followed Dana's style, and Ashton simply folded his and chucked it in there. Before I let it go, I simply lit the corner of it and held it a little longer, watching my words turn to ash.

      Ashton came next to me, his hands in his jacket pocket. "So, you and Michael seemed to be talking earlier. I'm thinking since you actually wrote something down that he gave you a word of advice."

      I smiled a bit. "You could say that."

      "So, what'd you write?"

      I squinted at him. "Mm, you could go first."

      He chuckled. "How did I see that coming? Anyways," he gazed into the fire, "I forgave my dad for leaving our family so I can put that to rest. I held a lot of grudges against him and acted out when I was younger because of it. Well, I actually stopped when I came here."

      I raised my eyebrows. "Acted out?"

      He turned his head away and shrugged, unashamed. "Yeah, I use to get into fights and such at school."

      I almost laughed a little too loud. "No way."

      He looked at me with a sly smile. "Hard to believe, huh?

      I made a face of reasoning. "Just a little, but you apparently gave Brian a black eye, so I'll believe you have a wild side in that soft heart of yours."

      He rubbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes. "Yeah... I did." He sighed and laughed nervously. "But it felt really good."

      I let out the tiniest chuckle. "I'm not saying I condone violence, but if theydeserve it, then hey. Who am I to stop a punch or two."

      "I don't know. I mean, Luke used to get bullied a lot," he sighed, "so I kind of beat them up back in middle school."

      I shook my head, taking all this in. "Wow, I'm really seeing you in a different light and I kind of like it."

      He rolled his eyes playfully. "Your turn, Ms. Sadist."

      I breathed out happily. "It may not be as great as yours or anybody else's. Like sure I could've sat here and written out all my problems and said I could heal from that, but in truth, that's too much for me. And I'd be lying to myself. So, looking straight ahead, at the now, I did all that I could do for it. I simply forgave myself right now."

      "You mean, just for this moment?"

      I nodded. "Because I could sit here and pretend that I know how tomorrow going's to turn out our how I'm going to act. It could be great or the complete opposite. But I think it's a good thing to start now. I forgive myself today, and I'll do it again tomorrow, and the next day because I now know what's right here, right now, as cliche as it is, it's all that's important. Even as I'm crying and screaming or loving passionately, I'll forgive it all, constantly."

      He grabbed my hand, comforting me with a smile. "And I'll be right there with you."

      "I know," I said softly.

      After we put the fire out and everyone started to travel back inside, I took one last look at the sky and whispered one last goodbye.

: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :

Hey-oooooooo! It has been a while, like...a LONG WHILE..............BUT ANYWAY. How y'all been? Good....good. Nice.

Anyway, this shit hitting dude. Life going broski. Uh yuh yuh.

How's your tree in the backyard?

Bye!