Chapter 15; The Yew

You're like this Yew, captivating but dangerously poisonous.

───── ❝ m.yg. ❞ ───── 

After witnessing Jimin's and Haru's little sentimental moment, Yoongi went off into a heavy trail of thoughts, allowing the warning gust of the possibly upcoming storm to dry his tears. And the more time he spent thinking about nothing in particular, the more he realised that his world consisted of nothing but scepticism, fume, Haneul and... Haru. 

It wasn't something that the very few people that knew a thing or two about him realised, but he actually didn't know himself. Nonetheless, the bloke didn't consider this to be an issue. He didn't care and didn't want to know himself because he was afraid. 

Min Yoongi was terrified by the thought of what type of person he could potentially have been. Min Yoongi was a man that thrived on cajolery; cajolery that he used upon himself because he didn't want to dive deep into what his past life was like

He wanted things to be the way they had to be, he didn't want to deal with things like "the heart wants what it wants". What his heart wanted, most certainly, didn't concern him. And, perhaps, that was why he suffered so much.

His chest was heavy and ached every day even though nothing particularly bad had happened to him. However, being such a weird geezer, he didn't wish to know what this untoward heartache was all about. He preferred silence, he preferred ignorance. 

Yoongi stood stiffly in the university's garden, knowing that he'd be unlikely to get caught during class time. The young bloke pondered whether he should go to class and smile at his best friend as if nothing had happened, or if he should just leave. 

A loud thunder roared and the sky gradually became livid. A raindrop plunged on top of his nose, making him flinch. Another one fell onto his cancer stick, almost lighting it off.

Something was set off in Yoongi at that moment. He dropped the cigarette and killed it with the sole of his shoe, booting some dirt over it before rushing towards the parking lot. 

By the time Yoongi was on the roadway, his car just being one of the other many cars stuck in traffic, the storm had already commenced. The pitter-patter that violently punched the front window of his car made his head throb even harder. 

He couldn't believe that he cried, that he was hurt by Haru doing the same things as him: finding love, being in love. He was an utter, fucking hypocrite. Apart from that, he had ditched Haneul. Again.

That was why he was planning to make up for it. He wanted to go to Haneul's house once again and apologize to her. Yoongi realised that he kept on apologising to his girlfriend without actually changing, which was very jerk-like of him.

She has suffered a lot and Yoongi was supposed to bring her joy, yet he was only making life harder for her.

...

Knock, knock.

'Ajumma, I said that I am not in the mood to buy apple pie from you—' Haneul muttered lazily, eyelids heavy and voice raspy as if she had woken up from a deep slumber after ages of weeping. 

'Do I look like an ajumma ready to sell you some apple pie?' Yoongi asked playfully, putting his dolour aside. He was going to focus on Haneul and Haneul only—no mentioning of Haru. 

'Gi-ah?' her eyes widened, clearly surprised to see him again after he had left just barely an hour ago. 'What happened? Is Haru alright?' she inquired bitterly, trying not to show just how unpleasant she felt whilst asking him such a question.

'She is good, but it's okay, let's not talk about her today.' he smiled tenderly, making Haneul's jaw drop as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 'Anything you wanna do on this amazing, rainy day?' asked Yoongi with a sarcastic undertone as he rolled his eyes, making his swain giggle. 

'You'll be with me the whole day?'

'Yes.' Yoongi nodded, 'But I am leaving after dinner, I can't skip another day of school,' he added, making Haneul hiss sheepishly. 'So? What does my sweetie want to do on "our day"? Rainy days are just made for us...'

'Shut up, being too sweet isn't your thing!' Haneul laughed, slapping Yoongi's chest. 'Can we go to see my mom? I know it might down the mood a bit, but I am not going there to cry. I just want to see her because I don't do that often, maybe with you... it'll feel better?'

Yoongi didn't question her. 'Of course, let's get going.'

...

'Neul-ah, we are going to get all soaked, dirty and most likely sick this way.'

'Can't you just put up with me for once?'

'Ugh, fine! Goddamn it!'

And that was pretty much how the couple had ended up wearing matching cagoules that they had bought on a whim at some random store on their way to Mrs Myung's burial. Haneul forced her boyfriend to buy a yellow cagoule, whilst she bought herself a red one.

She explained that they'd look like a circus together at which Yoongi remained in conflict. Was that scary, cringy, funny, straight up dumb or all? He didn't know but did as told anyway, it was his girlfriend's day after all. 

They also bought galoshes to avoid having that feeling of soggy feet. Notwithstanding, there wasn't much to do with their trousers; they were indeed getting wet.

Yoongi's hands were intertwined behind his back as he walked a step behind Haneul, following the thoroughfare to get to the grave they were looking for.

Of course, the two had also stopped at Mrs Shim's store to buy some flowers beforehand. They decided on pink Chrysanthemums because the kind vendor had told them that those were the most long-lasting flowers they currently had.

Yoongi carried the big bouquet as his girlfriend skipped like a kid, jumping through and into the puddles.

'You looking like fucking Peppa Pig,' he taunted, making Haneul glare at him in annoyance. 

'Shut up, you look like fucking Coraline! If you only you had dyed your hair in blue...' she retorted, making Yoongi crack up. He looked at his and her attire, doing some calculations.

'Well, we really do look like Peppa Pig and Coraline though... what a team!' guffawed Yoongi, almost dropping the dank flowers onto the muddy ground, receiving another glare from Haneul. 'It's your fault though. You picked these atrocious colours!'

'Aish, shut up. You are so used to wearing grey and black with Haru that the only other colour I've seen on you is minty-green. Your fucking hair. I still don't get how can a serious, dull dude like you dye his hair in such an outré colour? Or even dye his hair at all...'

'Well... I don't know honestly. I don't remember I guess.' he shrugged, 'You know, my amnesia...' Yoongi tittered sheepishly as his girlfriend nodded, teasing him for keeping his hair dyed anyway. 

They soon managed to reach the stone that they were looking for. The pair bowed before they began setting up the flowers.

'Hello, Mother,' Haneul greeted kind of awkwardly as she kneeled down, grabbing the empty plastic vase. 'I know I don't visit you often, but today I brought someone special. He's my boyfriend,' she said shyly, eyeing Yoongi.

Before the two left Haneul's house, she grabbed an empty water bottle and filled it with some water to put into the vase for the flowers.

'Hello, Ma'am,' Yoongi uttered in his low voice, feeling a bit awkward, just like his girlfriend. 'I am Yoongi. Min Yoongi. I've been here before once, but have never spoken to you yet.'

Haneul stood up and grabbed Yoongi's hand, 'I hope you don't mind if we talk for a bit, Mother. We'll disturb your repose just for a little while, okay?' she smiled, guiding Yoongi to sit under a Yew.

Their hands tore apart as both of them hugged their knees. The wet grass squelched under the couple's butts, but they didn't really care, they were already wholly drenched anyway. 

'Well in case we freeze to death, remember that I love you, okay?' kidded Yoongi, rubbing his forearms.

'Aish, you are too dramatic.' Haneul rolled her eyes. 'Tell me something nice instead.'

'Something nice.'

Haneul threw him a glare. 

'I think the view in here would be beautiful through any season.' Yoongi turned to look at his lover instead of the picturesque terrain. There was a wide, green field in front of them, several different trees growing taller through decades and sepulchres losing colour each time someone visits them less, and yet, Yoongi looked at her.

'It almost makes me feel like the Earth has feelings too.'

'You're so unoriginal.' Haneul rolled her eyes once again, 'But I appreciate the fact that you remember I said that.' her lips curved into a mild grin. She wouldn't have liked to admit the fact that her heart fluttered.

However, she was startled when the warmth of Yoongi's larger hand engulfed her very own. 'You,' Yoongi whispered, 'you are beauteous, you know?' he frowned, his other hand cupping her cheek. Haneul's eyes widened at the very affectionate action. 

'Look at you.' the corners of his lips turned downwards. 'Any other girl would have found this cheesy, but you seem impressed. I don't tell you that enough, do I?' 

The young woman's eyes became glossy, but she didn't say anything. 'I don't praise you enough, I don't pat your hair enough and I certainly don't see you enough.' Yoongi gulped, crushing his lower lip with his teeth. 

'Your name, even though it's a bit common, it suits you. You and the sky are alike, lovely through every emotion or hue. When was the last time I've told you something really nice and made you happy?' Yoongi shook his head, disappointed in himself, taking his time to realise just how lacking he was. 'I'm really sorry, Neul-ah...'

'Y-Yoongi...' Haneul pouted, and it wasn't a childish pout. It was the type that you couldn't help when your face works faster than your head. Her hand moved to rest upon his cheek, watching as raindrops continuously slid along the bridge of his nose. 

'Did you start writing your book?' he gently took her hand off of his face and placed it into his lap.

'Yes, well, I've started drafting, and I am actually halfway. I hope that when I graduate I can become an author. If I fail, I want to be a model though,' explained Haneul, 'would you read my books?' 

'Of course, and I am sure you won't fail, but you'd definitely make a great model!' Yoongi beamed, 'I'd even tell Haru to—' he cut himself off, his smile dropping.

He had done it again. It was all going well, but then he just had to mention her again...

Haneul chuckled, 'That's good, at least I'd have a guarantee of two readers for sure.'

'We have always been kinda sad together...' Yoongi points out, 'I think that's almost why we suit each other so well. It always rains when we are together. And depending on how you look at it, it's either amazing or extremely depressing.'

'You are right.' Haneul pursed her lips, nodding a firm nod. 'You know,' she started, turning to look at Yoongi's side profile, 'Sometimes I miss you very very much. You're like this Yew, captivating but dangerously poisonous.' 

That got Yoongi's attention. He looked at the big brown trunk behind him, then at its leaves, at its berries and finally at Haneul. 

'But you never come. Sometimes I want you to be here very very much, so I go out on the balcony and wait. I beg the ether for you to come, but you come late, very late. You still come though...'

'I'm sorry... that's probably all that I can say.' Yoongi huffed, his chest feeling heavier after hearing Haneul finally speak honestly. 

'You know, sometimes my head hurts very very much because I have two women whom I love madly. One is my girlfriend and the other is my soulmate. I'm torn between the two of you, and sometimes I feel like it's my duty to give you guys time.'

A teardrop fell from the corner of Haneul's eye, but Yoongi couldn't see it because it melted away with the rain.

'I am sorry. We are all selfish. You must be torn between Haru and me, and the problem is that we both tremendously need you. We thrive on you like you're oxygen, and maybe you are because when I miss you, it's very very hard for me.'

'Haneul-ah, love,' whispered Yoongi, uselessly tugging a strand of her long, wet hair behind her ear as he scanned her dainty face. He rarely called her pet names since they both weren't fans of them, and that was why when he did, it hit so hard.

'I can't live without you,' he said softly, cupping her cheek again, 'but I can't live without Haru either.'

He hated it. He hated the fact that he had vowed to himself that there wouldn't be any mention of her that day but broke it. It seemed as though it was inevitable. As he said, he couldn't live without them, although, he also knew there were some sentiments that he was shunning. 

'I know that, Gi-ah.' the woman sighed, hugging her knees again as suddenly she felt like the temperature dropped massively. 'I realised that a long time ago... but sometimes it really hurts. It's not like I blame you or her, but then should I blame myself? Is it my fault if my heart aches every time you smile because of her, every time you leave me for her?'

'No,' Yoongi laughed breathily, 'not at all.' The sincere look in his eyes scared her somewhat. 'It's a mess. I am a mess... I hope you can accept the mess that I am?' Yoongi said unsurely, a strange, lopsided grin plastered over his pale face. 

'What else am I going to do? I have accepted you for years, stupid. We are all fucked up.' Haneul scrunched her nose, poking Yoongi's cheek. The two giggled at the childish gesture, their hearts feeling lighter after letting it out. 'It's freezing... shall we go have dinner?'

'Of course.' the big beam on Yoongi's face didn't falter. 'Let's stop at a mall, I'll buy you something fancy to wear.'

'Make sure you look presentable too.' she stood up. 'Ah, and the dinner better be fancy as well.' Haneul began walking away, leaving Yoongi to sit under the tree by himself for a few seconds. He snickered at her remark, shaking his head. 

↳ TO BE CONTINUED... ❞

Published date: 9/04/2022.

Word count: 2,452.

-Jɪᴍɪɴᴀɴᴅʜɪsᴊᴀᴍs 💜