I teared up. I'd made another mistake. At a minimum, I had the comfort I hadn't been the one who had initiated Jillian's death. "Does—does she at least belong here?"

Lucifer continued to look at me. He was trying to tell me something silently, but I didn't understand. "Yes..." his voice trailed off.

It all clicked into place for me then. The plastic surgeries over the years, the blow jobs in Faith's office, the lunches with Frances in hers, they all said something. It wasn't about her career at all, but about her life and how she ran it; no humility, no modesty, no celibacy, or self-regulation. "Temperance!" I exclaimed with conviction. "She is Temperance!"

Lucifer beamed, picked me up, and spun me around. "Yes!" He set me down.

A sense of relief overwhelmed me until something else clicked into place. My stomach dropped. "That means..." My hands flew to my mouth, eyes wide, imploring silently with him to say it wasn't true.

But he said nothing. And I knew he couldn't because it was correct. Shawna was Justice. I shook my head and stepped away before I opened a portal and fled.

I paced in my living room in front of the Wall of Deirdre. I stopped to study. It was always there, but I realized I hadn't taken the time to do this in a while. Weeks... not even after I'd gotten to talk to her. My questions had to be: Do I need to have her back now? Have I finally accepted her death?

If I could, I didn't have to force myself to give Shawna to Lucifer. But if I didn't harvest her for him, I'd never win my soul back, and he wouldn't be able to settle whatever was making him collect the Virtues.

I thought about everything which had happened in the last months, how we had fallen in love, how he'd worked to bargain for Deirdre, how he had sacrificed so much for me. I could never repay him. Unless I...

A portal opened behind me as I stared at a picture of Deirdre holding one of her stunning drawings and then at the drawing itself I'd had framed. Their presence loomed, and the portal closed, but neither of the angels moved.

"Lucifer? Have you been able to bargain for Deirdre yet?"

He hesitated. "No. A visit has been all I have been capable of managing. I am sorry." Regret clouded his voice.

I sighed. I realized it didn't matter. I no longer had the overwhelming drive to have her back. She wasn't unhappy in Heaven, just bored. As for me, whether I brought him Justice or not, I would be in Hell for eternity.

I had no doubt Shawna belonged in Hell if she truly thrived on defending the guilty. I had to know. Until then, I couldn't be around Lucifer, knowing he was hoping I'd sacrifice my best friend. Or, at least, I'd feel he wished it. Everything loving and nice he did, I'd find suspect, and it would eventually erode what we had fought to gain.

My phone started to ding, and I looked. Shawna. I surmised the whole shooting incident was getting around the office.

~

Shawna: We're on lockdown!

Shawna: Frances killed Jillian! Then, he shot himself!

Shawna: Call me.

~

I turned, "Can you give me some time, Lucifer? Leave Azza if you must, but then I have to do this with a clear head if I do it. Does that make sense?"

He took a step forward. "Are you banning me?" he asked, his face pale and eyes wide.

"No. I'm not. That's not what this is about for me. I love you. I just need the freedom to choose." I explained. "But answer me this: What happens between us if I decide not to bring you Justice?"

"Then our contract continues until I declare it a failure or you die. At which point, I get your soul, as agreed, and you are with me for eternity, whether you want to be or not."

Do I want to be with him under those conditions? I asked myself. To always be with him because I must be, no matter if he loves me, or I, him? Or do I want to be with him because I want to be and have free will to choose it?

"What happens to you, and whatever situation you're in about the Virtues if I decide not to do it?" I asked, watching him closely.

He shifted his weight. "As soon as our contract fails, my... task... fails too. Beyond that, I cannot say."

"Cannot or will not?"

"Cannot."

"Okay. Can you give me space to work this out?"

"Yes," he said, his tone slow and unsure. He stood straighter, steeling himself. "If you need me, simply call, as always, love. I will leave Azza with you if you will have him." He snapped a portal and walked into Eve's garden.

"You know who Justice is, don't you?" Azza asked when the portal closed, studying me.

"I do."

He ran a hand down his face and to the back of his neck, resting it there. "And you don't want to bring him this person?"

"I don't."

"But will you?"

"I don't know. I am required to choose," I explained. "If I have a choice over whether or not you are here too, I'd rather be alone for a while. I'm not sending you away any more than I am banning him. I'd just like to have room to think."

"I understand. All you need to do is call me, and I will come."

I nodded as the world blurred, watery. I blinked, and tears fell. Azza turned, and the entrance to the hallway had opened into the rocky desert. He would care for Azazel.

With the two of them gone, the silence of the apartment felt overwhelming. I sat on the couch and cried. No matter what I did, there was no guarantee I'd be with Deirdre; either way, He'd likely separate her from me for eternity. The only advantage for me of taking Shawna to Lucifer was I'd have my soul, and thus my free will, back.

It was tempting, but I wasn't sure it was enough. But if Shawna would go to Lucifer anyway, what did it matter when she went?

If I claimed her, Lucifer's thing, whatever it was, would have an outcome in his favor. It would be the only good, beyond my desires, that would come of it. And, Hell help me, I loved him. Did I love him enough to take her? I didn't know.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. I had a headache. I pulled out the pendant to find her. She was in her office, haphazardly piling money from a safe I never knew existed, hidden behind a wooden panel beside her desk, into a large manilla envelope before she tossed it into a briefcase. I could think of several scenarios as to why she'd need all the money, none of them particularly good. I had no choice but to follow her.

I hoped she was running, taking the cash, and getting the hell out before an investigation. Since Jillian was dead, it was likely they would look at her next. It was a fleeting hope as I watched her car approach the courthouse annex. My heart fell. I knew she would pick up where Jillian left off and bribe a Judge. Still, I forced myself to watch.

She had an appointment with a Judge. The admin assistant ushered her in as soon as she walked into the office. Shawna was smiling as she entered the Judge's chambers, where I saw a woman sitting at the desk. She beamed when she saw Shawna.

The fact the Judge was a woman wasn't too surprising, but it shocked me when Shawna knelt in front of her, hiked up the older woman's skirt around her waist, and spread her knees.

Not only was Shawna going down on the Judge, she did it with such enthusiasm and familiarity, I knew this was not their first meeting. I would take a bet they would meet for quite some time to come. Jillian had taught Shawna well. She knew how to get a Judge in her pocket, which seemed to be a surprisingly simple combination of money and oral sex, and it helped explain her success rate of the trials she won.

If I had been willing to take Jillian to Lucifer for as much, I had to admit it was logical to do the same with Shawna for similar reasons. The only difference was the fact Shawna had been my best friend.

Had been.

It hit me like a freight train to realize I thought of our friendship in the past tense. I recognized I could not continue the relationship, knowing what I now did. And yet, I was still reluctant. I needed a confession of some sort, a conviction I was doing the right thing. I texted her, answering her previous messages first.

~

Me: Holy shit! Are you kidding?

Me: What are you doing for dinner? You can tell me all about it.

~

It took some minutes for her to answer; she had to finish her deal first. When she was in her car again, she texted.

~

Shawna: Hey! No plans. Want to come, and we can order pizza? Watch a movie?

Me: Yeah, sounds great! What time?

Shawna: 7?

Me: I'll be there.

Shawna: Ta!

~

So, I had a date. Maybe I'd get some answers.

I took a shower, dressed in suitable business clothes, and called for an appointment with my investment banker, who cleared his schedule for me. It was time for me to admit I had no interest in continuing my current role at work; I hadn't been there for a while and had no intent to change my new habits. I wanted to retire.

My banker was my age, a phenomenally successful man who had a knack for knowing when and where to invest. I spoke to him at length, looking at all my options. It occurred to me halfway through that I was tidying up my life as a "just in case" scenario if I did somehow get Deirdre back and we had to leave. Given this realization, I made sure my beneficiaries were in order, naming my parents. I also sent a copy of my Will to my company.

I headed into work. It surprised everyone to see me. Thomas knocked and stuck his head in the door about ten minutes after arriving while I was crafting my letter explaining my choice.

"Hey, you! Did you come in to prepare for the Stockholders meeting tomorrow?"

I got up for a fist bump and moved to the couch to chat. "Sort of."

Thomas sat with me, "So, what's up?"

"I'm going to retire. I haven't been active here in months, and I think it's time."

He showed no surprise. "I think it would be a good thing for you. You just haven't seemed emotionally invested since Deirdre died. I think you should travel the world and go find yourself or something." He smiled and patted my hand.

I gave half a smile in return. "Maybe. I know I need a change, that's for sure."

We chatted for a while. When he asked about Lucas, I told him just enough to satisfy him. Eventually, he had to go for a meeting, and I went back to my letter.

I printed it out, signed it, and called the head of Human Resources to my office.

"Let me guess," she said with an amiable smile, "You want to retire."

"How did you know?"

"Oh, it's been a running pool ever since you came back. Especially when you stopped coming in again, we all knew. I have instructions from the stockholders to contact you about it if you miss the meeting."

"They're expecting it then?"

"Yes. It's actually on the agenda, which I assume you haven't read since you're surprised they know."

I chuckled. "I've been a crappy employee as of late."

She laughed, and I handed her the letter. I'd set a date for a month. It was fast, but there was no reason to delay.

She nodded. "This looks fine. I accept your letter of intent."

I stood. "Thank you." We hugged, and she left with my letter. I thought I'd feel differently than I did. A sense of relief, not unhappiness or grief, coursed through me. This was the right move, no matter what happened with Lucifer and Justice.

I worked on various announcements of my retirement until it was time to call for the car to take me to Shawna's. I arrived a few minutes before seven.