I stood outside Hoseok's door, my heart in my throat. I came here unannounced even though I knew I shouldn't have. I knew that but all I could think about was apologizing to him and it was killing me.

I wanted to make things right again, even just a little. Once I managed to gather up the courage, I knocked.

After a few seconds I heard the door unlock and then open. "Y/n...What are you doing here?" Hoseok asked, his eyes slightly wide. I knew he was definitely shocked to see me.

"Can I come in?" I ask, not wanting to beat around the bush. Hoseok didn't say anything for a second but before I could question why, I heard a voice from inside.

"Who is it baby?!" My heart sank at the sound of Rei's voice. Of course she was over right now of all times.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come." I say, instantly regretting doing so. "Y/n-" "I'm sorry." I say as I turn around and start to walk away. This wasn't what I wanted to happen at all. I shouldn't have showed up without saying something first. It was my mistake.

From behind me I heard a sigh before the sound of a door shutting. My chest felt tight as I made my way back to my car. Upon getting inside I leaned my head in my hands.

No matter how many times I saw him, it never got easier.
—
Later that night I was sitting on my couch staring off into space. I couldn't stop thinking about earlier and how stupid I felt for just showing up like that.

I acted impulsively and I should have known better. Now I felt even worse then before I had went there. Except now this time Hoseok probably thought I was crazy for just showing up like that.

I sighed, unable to shake the shitty feeling I had. This sucked. I hated feeling like this. I wish I had never went over there.

As I was in the midst of my pity fest a knock on the door startled me. Confused, I made my way over to the door. I wasn't sure who it was and I figured Seo-Yun wouldn't just show up unannounced.

I opened the door and to my surprise I saw Hoseok standing in the doorway, a look on his face I couldn't quite understand.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I ask, surprised he was even standing here right now. "Why did you come to my house earlier?" He asks, completely ignoring my question.

"It was a mistake, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just showed up like that." I say and Hoseok shakes his head. "Why did you come over?" He asks, his voice almost desperate, as if he needed to hear exactly why.

I sighed as I moved aside so that he could come in. "I came over because I wanted to apologize for what I had said at the movies. I shouldn't have acted so coldly and I apologize." I say.

Hoseok steps inside, looking around the room before his eyes fall on me again. I shut the front door as I wait for him to speak again.

"You don't really feel that way, do you?" He asks, his eyes sad. "I don't know...I don't know how to feel, Hoseok. Everything with us feels so awkward and I just don't know how to act around you anymore." I sigh.

"You don't believe we could ever go back to how we were? I know things are different now but I still want you in my life. It's all I've ever wanted." Hoseok says.

His words made me sad. Sad because that's all I had ever wanted too.

"Do you honestly think that's the best idea? What about Rei? You haven't even told her about us, about our past. She doesn't deserve that." I say.

Hoseok let's out a shaky breath. "I know it's selfish but I don't want to lose you y/n and I don't want to lose her either. I don't know what to do..."

My heart hurt for him. He was torn between the two of us. His girlfriend and his first love.

"You should tell her. If she's okay with it, then I would love to be part of your life Hoseok but If she isn't, I can't. I don't want to be the reason you lose her." I say.

"But-" Hoseok starts, his eyes sad. "I don't want to lose you, not again. I can't." Hoseok says, his voice breaking and his eyes starting to tear up.

Without thinking I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him as tightly as I could. In an instant he was hugging me back just as tight, if not tighter.

"I don't know what to do, y/n. It all hurts so much." He sighs into my shoulder. I felt horrible seeing him like this. All this time he was hurting just as much as I was...

"All you can do is hope for the best. What's meant to be will be. It'll be okay." I say as comforting as I can as I rubbed my hand over his back reassuringly.

When Hoseok pulls back he sighs, wiping at his eyes. "Thank you, y/n." He says. "For what?" I ask, watching his face as he spoke.

"For coming back. For not leaving forever..." Before I could respond he spoke again, his voice almost to quite for me to hear.

"I thought I would never see you again and that killed me. So thank you for coming back."
~
After Hoseok left I crashed into bed. My emotions were everywhere and I didn't know what to think. Hearing Hoseok spill his heart out like that made everything ten times harder.

I wasn't sure what would happened after he told his girlfriend about our past but in the end, all I could do was hope it wasn't something that would ruin what little friendship we had left.

I wanted to be part of Hoseok's life but if his girlfriend didn't, I wanted to respect that. I wasn't an awful person to force myself in between someone's relationship. I would never do that, it wasn't who I was.

All I could do now was wait and see and hope for the best.

—