Dear Diary,

A lot has been happening in these past few days.

Five days ago, my friend that likes him had sent me a text which just consisted of her ranting about him, saying that he really cares for her and they're true friends, which I know is true.

I just hope he doesn't obtain feelings for her before I even get the chance to get over him.

Later on that day, she had texted me saying, "Let me just see the gift I gave you for your birthday so I can give it to her for her birthday. I'll pay you back later."

I was furious that she would even think of doing that to me and I just couldn't stop thinking about how much money and time I put into getting her gifts for her birthday.

I was also heartbroken because I knew she was supposed to send that to him but it somehow got sent to me.

After that, she has swore that it wasn't meant for me and it didn't mean anything. She also explained that she was going to the mall later to buy me something and I just told her okay, leaving the conversation at that.

Then four days ago, my friends and I agreed that we should do something a little different for my birthday and I aggressively let them.

They had pitched in the idea that we should all vote for people that have the, "best smile," "most helpful," "funniest," etc. Whoever would win a category, they would win a certificate saying so. I thought it was the most fantastic idea that a birthday party could ever have.

After a while of discussing this on the group chat, he private messaged me his votes and he had voted me for being the most helpful and friendly which made me slightly happy seeing that he's picking me and not her.

Right before the party had started, I got a text from 'my friend' saying she had something to tell me and she was really excited to tell me. She had told me it would be something that would make me really happy. The big news that she was going to say is that she was over him and she didn't need a guy to make her happy.

I quickly texted her back that it was okay for him to like her and that we have no hard feelings towards each other and that I just want to hear the truth from her, not a lie that would make me happy.

I had then asked her if she had taken him with her to the mall like she had said so but she told me no because he didn't want to. I may have happy danced to that just a little bit.

I told myself, "Today's the day. The day I've always wanted. The day I'll take his attention a bit, take pictures with him and have fun! I'm going to finally see his beautiful eyes again and hear his rasping voice! I can't wait. I look stunning. The black dress suits me perfectly and my chocolate brown hair is curled fallen down my shoulder. He sure will notice me. I wish."

During the party, my friends had made me some surprises. When they came in, each one of them held a balloon that had different words written on them. They all walked past me as I kept reading the balloons and it made me happier than I already was. I could jump out of a six story window, I was so joyful and ecstatic.

One of them that I really remember had said, "happy birthday to the most beautiful and cheerful girl."

Then, seconds later I found them screaming, "SURPRISE!"

They then had pulled a big board out of nowhere that had said "Happy Birthday" really big on it and it had so many nice words written on it. He then came next to me and told me happy birthday, and that he hopes I like what they had done.

I, of course, had thanked all of them and told them that it was the best thing anybody has ever done for me.

They had also gave me a birthday gift that all three of them shared, and it was the hugest one I've ever seen. The wrapping on the outside had said it was from a store called Virgin Mega Store; it didn't really help my curiosity and my patience.

Seconds later, that 'friend' came, him and her had shook hands and said hi to each other.

Later on, a lot of us had found ourselves dancing away on the dance floor. I remember having a good time but then I happened to take a glance over my shoulder and see that 'friend' and him sitting really close to each other, laughing away.

I had given signals to my other friend and had asked her if she can push me over to them, which she had did.

I was pulled up right next to him but they had continued to ignore me, still laughing and having a party of their own.

Noticing I was a little sad and upset, my friend had came next to me and asked if anything was wrong, which I kindly declined. I had told her that I'm happy and this is my birthday party, which it was so I wasn't lying too much.

She had then smiled and said, "Okay great, now let's go dance and have some fun!"

By the way she told me this, she knew I was lying but she just wanted me to feel better.

About ten minutes later, he had finally gotten up to dance, which made me a lot more relaxed so I can dance harder than I was, not worrying about him and her.

Another thirty minutes after that, he must've gotten tired because he had went to sit down. She had saw him and casually walked over to where he was.

They started talking again, laughing. Minutes pass and they make me angrier and angrier, although, I try to calm myself down. She had made me jealous like never before but she isn't doing anything different. I turned away from them and continued to dance, showing that I was happy but I really wasn't. I wanted to hurt somebody.

More hours passed by that had consisted of dancing and having fun.

In the contest we had finally held. He won best personality and best advice giver. It was really cute to see his face when given this news. When 'My friend' knew she won most quietest, she teared the paper and got angry. She hates being called shy or quiet. I felt really sad for her, honestly.

A few more hours go by and she had left. I took this opportunity to try and get his attention that I've been secretly trying to do during this whole party. I sat next to him and tried to joke around with him but nothing really stuck, our voices had stopped talking and it got quiet.

After a while, him and I had decided to take some pictures together. The one I can remember most is him pointing and me with a poker face on that made him look cute and absolutely adorable. Him and I had kept talking for a little while longer until my cousin had pitched in the idea of playing never have I ever.

The game was amazing and I felt truly happy today, he even helped to push me around and I couldn't ask for anything else.

An hour had passed and I found my dad coming in with a present for me; a brand new electric pink wheelchair. It was a family moment that consisted of my family and I crying, and hugging everyone. My dad noticed my friends and had said hi to him. Then, my uncle had came out and said hi to him as well, and then my mom did too. They knew about him because of my little cousin that always talks about him, who loves him so much. We finally ate some cake and everyone had sang happy birthday to me.

After the cake, I sat in my new wheelchair and I kept struggling to push and I had kept falling. Then, he suggested that I'll walk and he will follow me, so I tried walking with it and kept failing. He tried helping but it was no use and I was already getting tired.

Then, he told me come here let's sit, he saved a seat for me beside him which had made me over the top happy. I mustered up the courage to tell him that it would be a good idea to take another picture together and he had agreed.

I suggested that we could take one of those pictures which we were supposed to look away. We tried it about fifteen times and we just kept failing. Then, we finally done it right. He looked kind of attractive in that picture. I looked kind of weird but that was okay, I loved the picture. Then, he sat beside me again.

Good moments finish really quick because it was time to leave. All my friends left, then I had went home. I opened the first birthday present which is the one that all of my friends got, it was a disco light bulb. It was completely amazing and I thanked all three of them for the wonderful gift they had given me. It was spectacular. Then I had went on to open up all the other presents. I had gotten perfumes, accessories, candles, body creams and a lot of beautiful cards. 'My friend' had made me a card and bought me a candle, it was actually really sweet of her. Then, I spoke to him for a while telling him thank you and such, then I drifted to my dreams.

The next day, I woke up exhausted. I was really tired from all the dancing that occurred the night before. I texted 'My friend' to thank her for the present she had gotten me because I had forgotten to tell her last night. She had answered back really quick and she kept speaking about him. I told her that she loves him and that she has to admit it, but she would keep denying it. We kept arguing about it for a little bit then I decided to show her the photos him and I had taken yesterday.
She answered by, "ahahaha cute."

Which had secretly made me laugh in my head. I quickly replied, "The second one though, I don't remember ever taking this one." Which happened to be the picture when he wasn't looking and I in fact, remember how we took it because we failed so many times.

She didn't answer for a while but saw the message. Minutes passed and she she replied by, "Change the subject."
I kept laughing till my stomach hurt and I was actually really happy. She had finally got jealous, I'm so satisfied now; Revenge taken. I don't mean to get her angry, I just wanted to show her how it really feels. She hurts me ten times more than I ever did to her.

The most important thing about this is that I dreamed of him yesterday. I really can't wait until this most wonderful and special yet very far day, I hope it comes. I just love him so much. This heart-aching feeling that we're just friends, I wish it would just go away. I miss him, and honestly I wouldn't see him till mid-August because I'm traveling in a few hours. I hope he talks to me. Less than a month and it would be officially a year loving him, caring for him, looking out for him, thinking of him, trying my best to help him and do anything to support him. There's always hope! I still have hope of him loving me back! I really hope so.

So lost, I'm faded...

Love,

Your Lover.