"Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it can."

—Nicholas Sparks

I bailed on whatever plans Kelly had in mind as soon as we got back to the bookstore. It was lame, I know. I was lame, but I needed some me time. I still hadn't properly processed all that was happening around me. I had so much anger to tap into and not enough time to sort through it before having to deal with my family and as my birthday grew nearer, I was sure that my parents would pop up and ruin it.

Kelly looked disappointed but soon perked up at my promise of having her over for dinner one night. The invitation was as vague as an Ikea instruction manual, but she bought it. "See ya later!" she called as she pulled out of the parking lot, honking her horn when she was almost out.

I waved and literally dragged myself into the bookstore. I didn't want to be anywhere in particular right then, but even so, work was still the last place on any list. Jamie frowned questioningly as I passed him, and I shrugged to say that it was nothing.

Of course, it wasn't nothing, because it was everything. It was every minute that I'd devoted to Brian and it was every tear and every sleepless night I'd endured since our breakup. It was Katie's faux persona and the way that she seemed to have everyone wrapped around her perfectly manicured fingers. It was my mother's insistence that I forgive and forget, and it was my father's acceptance of the catastrophe. It was Jamie's arrival, and Hailey's departure and most importantly, it was Nathan's presence in my life and the happiness that he exuded. It was the way that all those things combined made me want to sleep for a thousand years or climb to the tallest mountaintop and yell until I was hoarse. My life was literally the perfect storm, and I was standing in the middle of it all, feeling like I was slowly going under.

"You okay, sugar?" Connie asked, concern marring her pretty face. I forced a smile and nodded, collecting the first box of twenty to restock the shelves — Not a fun time. "You look a little green. Maybe you should call it a day and let me finish up?" she suggested. The pity in her voice made me sick.

"Tummy ache," I lied. "Just waiting for the painkillers to kick in."

She looked unconvinced but given the nature of our friendship in the way that we didn't have one, she left me alone and I got started on my task.

It was well past nine by the time I'd put away the last of the books and locked up the place. I was so looking forward to being gone for the weekend and sleeping in till noon sounded freaking amazing.

I took a deep breath, appreciating the fresh air and unlocked my car, promising myself that as soon as I got home, I was going to take a two-hour bubble bath and then sleep for the next twelve hours. I was determined to feel at least a little relaxed by morning. I did not want to spend my birthday feeling like absolute crap. No, sir! That was last year's shenanigans and this year I was going to start off right. Sure, I'll probably cry before the day is over, but I'd be dammed if I started the day off being a sad fuck.

I tried to stay on course and be relaxed to get the mood started, but the entire drive home my phone kept going off and I was getting seriously pissed off. What was so important that it warranted calling me every two minutes? Anyone who paid any attention to me ought to have known that if I didn't answer the first three times, I was either driving — and I do not deal with my phone when I'm behind the wheel, sleeping or just flat out ignoring them. So, why was my phone still being blown up? I was going to strangle someone.

I relaxed a bit when the buzzing stopped for good and I was able to carry on with the final five minutes of my journey in peace, but I was tense all over again when I pulled into my driveway and found myself parked besides my mom's car. Of course. Of. Fucking. Course.

I groaned when she met me at the door. "What?" I practically yelled, feeling like a child for acting like a grouch. But I wasn't a child, I was a very pissed off adult with every reason to be a grouch.

"Okay, Taylor," she calmly said, making her way to sit beside my father on the couch. "Whenever you're ready."

I hung my jacket on the rack and dropped my bag at its base. I really did not feel like entertaining my parents, but like always, it was better to get it over with. "Seriously, what?" I repeated. "And I do not have time for any drama." I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall, feeling like I might fall asleep right there.

My mother cleared her throat, a telltale sign that she was preparing for battle. "We're not here to cause any "drama" as you so eloquently put it. It's your birthday tomorrow and we'd like to personally invite you to your own party, since that's the only choice that you've left us."

I scoffed. "No, thank you." The nerve of this fucking woman.

She plowed on, despite my lack of interest. "Would it kill you to suck it up for one day? That's all that I'm asking for, one day of peace between you and your sister and then you can return to your misery if you wish."

I could've slapped her and changed the nature of our relationship forever. Just socked her real good and then she'd wash her hands of me and I could be happy. I couldn't do it though, not even for all the promise of joy in the world, I couldn't stoop so low. I'd never struck another person in my life and my mother being my first victim, sounded heinous. Instead, I pasted on a smile that said I was irritated as fuck and said, "it just might. It just might kill me to "suck it up" as you so eloquently put it, mother. It just might drive me over the edge, so far that not even the comfort of my misery can save me. So, to answer your question, fuck no. Hell no. Hell to the fucking no, to be exact. Anything else?"

She ground her teeth and glared at me. I bet that she wanted to slap me, but I trusted that she wouldn't. My father just sat there, silently nursing a cup of coffee, presumably. He always just sat there. Never offering to help me, but always willing to aide my mother or Katie if need be. I hated him in that moment and I hated myself for feeling that way.

"Anything else?" I repeated, feigning a bored tone. I was really trying my hardest to piss my mother off so bad that she'd leave and stay gone for at least a month, two if I was extra vile.

"Your presence is required at that function. It's not a matter of personal feelings, it's what needs to be done and I thought that I'd raised you better, young lady," she said in a tone that betrayed her words. She sounded scared almost, but, of what?

"And my answer is a big fat no." I stared right back at her, matching her glare. "You know, you have dismissed my feelings a million times before, but I'll be dammed if I let you make me doubt my anger. Anger that I have every right to. Anger that I have earned. Anger that stems from an overflowing well of hurt and humiliation caused by your golden child." Tears welled in my eyes and I cursed my body for betraying me at a time like this. Regardless of my leaky situation, I was determined to let her hear me once and for all. I didn't want to ever have this conversation again. Ever. "Do you even know what I'm going through? Have you stopped to think about me at all? Huh? Just imagine that my entire world has shattered, and you keep on smashing the pieces every single time that you open your mouth, and all for what? For Katie? For the person responsible for my suffering? How can you look at yourself in the mirror and be okay with this? How could you do this to me?" I wiped away tears. "How can you continuously choose her over me, without fail? Even when she's wrong." My voice softened. "Especially when she's wrong."

My dad looked torn, but still, he did not come to my rescue. My mother, regardless of how sad she looked, was not about to let me have the last word. My heart sank as I watched her gather her thoughts to crush me further and I followed it all the way to the floor. Sliding down the wall like a defeated person, I decided that how she reacted to all that I'd just said would define how we moved forward. If she responded with some bullshit, then I'd have to let her go.

I loved my family. Sure, I may hate them now, but even in the midst of it, I still loved them. But, as much as I loved them, I'd cut everyone off before I let myself go.

"Taylor." It was my dad who spoke up. I blinked at him, confused and wondering what the hell he possibly had to add. He sighed, placing his now empty cup on the coffee table. "You know that we love both you and your sister equally." His eyes pleaded with me, but I just frowned. I expected this sort of shit from him, honestly. Never on my side. Only addressing me to pacify the situation. Fucking asshole. "We didn't choose her over you, even though it may seem that way," he continued, oblivious to my frown that had upgraded to a withering glare. "But we want you two to be happy. Your sister seems happy with Brian and that's what matters right now. She's happy and you could be too, if you'd just let this anger go."

I leaped to my feet and shouted at him, "I was happy with Brian! Fuck you for even saying that to me!" Later I'd be mortified that I'd just cursed my dad, but right then? Nah.

"No, you weren't," my mother said softly, only managing to piss me off even more. I didn't care for anything that she had to say. Not anymore. Even if by some miracle, I forgave my dad and that rat, Katie, I'd never get over how callous she treated my pain.

"Stop talking to me," I said through gritted teeth. "And Dad, yes, we were. We were really happy at the beginning and if I'm being honest, it probably declined when him and Katie started bonding more." A reminder that made me see red. They were fast friends, seeing as they'd had so much in common. At the time, I was so sure of our relationship that the thought of them falling for each other was ludicrous. We were so very different, so how could someone fall in love with someone like me and someone like my sister. It didn't make any sense. Unless, of course, I'd only fooled myself into thinking that he loved me. But that was stupid and him falling out of love rather than him never actually being in love with me, was an easier pill to swallow.

"Sometimes the people that we think we're meant to be with, just," he sighed, and those eyes were back. The ones that begged me to listen to what he was saying, without putting anger first. "It's not always meant to be, Taylor. Brian was not the one for you and I know that you're smart enough to see that." My glare had not faltered although I was giving his words some thought. "You may have loved each other in the past, but in the here and now, a future together isn't possible."

"Don't you think that I know that? Even if him and Katie were to break up, he's tainted now, and I could never want him again." My mother perked up and I knew that she was about to say something dumb. I carried on before she'd had the chance. "My issue is not with me not having Brian, I'm over that. It's with Katie having him. It's with her ruining what was and it's with everyone expecting me not to be angry at the betrayal. You would expect your friend not to go after your ex. Regardless of the state of the breakup, it's just not something that you want to see. So, why would I be okay with my own sister doing it to me? And to make matters worse, neither of them had had the decency to tell me that they were dating. I would have been angry, but I would have found a way to let him go." I was ranting, but I needed them to listen. "I spent the six months prior to our breakup feeling him slip away and wondering what I was doing wrong and then I spent another six months after it was over, wondering the same thing and pining after him, while he was already in love with her! Don't you think that I deserved the truth? Didn't I deserve the opportunity to move on with my life, too? I'm angry and I have every right to my anger." I gave my father the same pleading look that he had used on me. "I will not be attending your party tomorrow and I will not be attending the wedding. Just as you're standing by Katie's life choices, regardless of how devastating they may be to me, I'd like for you to respect my wishes and leave me alone. Please."

My parents didn't say anything, and I was all out of words. So, we just stared at each other. I half expected my mother to say something snide, since she seemed incapable of showing any empathy to my plight, but the silence only stretched on. It was my father who finally spoke up, fitting really, since I had addressed him last. "Okay," was all that he said and then he was on his feet, my mother following suit.

I breathed a heavy sigh and eagerly closed the door behind them. I turned the locks and retreated to my bedroom before they changed their mind and came back. My body ached, and I really needed that bubble bath more than ever. So, I did exactly what I'd promised myself, and treated myself to the longest bath in the history of baths and then I went to bed.

After getting a full night's rest for the first time in what felt like an entire year, I awoke with a brand-new attitude. It was my day! I loved my birthdays for some odd reason and this one, while severely depressing, was no different and I was not going to let the events of last night ruin it for me.

My original plan was to sit at home and be sad while I watched old movies and ate my body weight in ice cream, but I'd had a change of heart. Instead, I took a long shower and dressed in my Saturday best. Aka, my favorite onesie.

I was in high spirits as I rummaged my bag for my phone and was beyond surprised to find that it wasn't dead. I quickly thumbed through the birthday messages and sent my gratitude at being remembered and then called Hailey. Turns out that she was the one that was blowing up my phone last night and her drunken voicemails didn't even explain why. I needed to have a serious talk with her again about her excessive drinking and then I'd approach her father. It was harsh, but I loved that girl too much to stand idly by while she drank her life away.

"Woo, hoo! It's the birthday girl!" Hailey screamed into the phone. "Happy, Happy, Happy, Birthday, my love!"

I giggled at her silliness. "You can stop yelling now, I've got the message loud and clear." I was glad to hear her voice though, yelling and all.

She laughed on the other end. "Sorry. It's just been so long since I've last had a good screaming match with you and this is good practice."

"I miss you buckets," I told her truthfully. "I mean, obviously not everyday, but like today? Yeah, today I'm missing my best friend."

She cooed, and I rolled my eyes. "So, what's the deal with today?"

I sighed. "Mommy and daddy dearest dropped by last night. I think I'll just lay low for now." Despite everything, I hadn't given their visit much thought since last night. I was actually trying to just ignore the entire fiasco.

"Want to talk about it or no?"

I laughed mirthlessly. "No."

"Fair enough. Update me later? I've got study group in ten minutes."

"Deal."

"Love ya."

I thought about taking a nap after ending the call, but someone had another plan. I didn't try too hard to hide my smile as I made my way towards the door. I already knew that it would be Nathan. Well, at least I'd hoped that it would be him since he hadn't called or texted yet and that was weird.

It was Brian.

My reflexes weren't as quick as his and before I could get the door shut all the way, he'd wedged his foot in the crack to stop it. "Come on, Taylor. We need to talk."

"Not today, asshole. You don't get to ruin my birthday this year, too." I kicked his foot and smiled when he grunted in pain, but he made no effort to move it. "Get the fuck off my property."

"Can't do that." He sighed, giving me a different kind of stare from the one that I was giving him. I had my best glare face on and I was hoping that it'd be enough for him to get the message. "We need to talk first, then I promise that I'll be gone."

I groaned. "We have nothing to talk about, Archer. You dumped me to marry my sister, end of story. Can you leave now?"

He shook his head and I wanted to deck him. "That's not the entire story. Please, just let me in, it's so cold."

"And you deserve to freeze."

"Now you're just being petty."

I huffed. "Brian, I really don't want to talk to you. I know that it won't end well and it's my birthday, for crying out loud. Let me have my day."

"Katie and I leave town tonight. It must be today, or I'll never get this off my chest and I need to if I want to salvage our friendship and your relationship with your sister, and I don't just want to. I need to."

My face must've shown how disgusted I was by his words because he frowned. "Friendship? Dude, I burned that bridge and threw the ashes away. Also, Katie is as good as dead to me. Move along." I gave his foot a good kick again for the hell of it, but still, he didn't budge. "Brian, for fucks sake, I don't want to talk to you." My only other alternative was walking away, but that wouldn't do me any good because he'd simply follow me.

"Stop kicking me!" He swore under his breath and closed his eyes, almost like I was trying his patience. Asshole.

"Then leave me alone!"

"You used to be a lot nicer."

I furrowed my brows. "I used to be a lot of things, Archer." Like the love of your life.

He sighed again. "Please, Tay. Just give me five minutes and if you still want me to leave after that, I will."

"The last time that I gave you any of my time, you wasted it to do nothing but hurt me." I narrowed my eyes at him. "Again."

He ran his hand down his face, looking like a man at the end of his patience. "That wasn't my intention and I'm sorry that I hurt you, but we do need to talk, Tay."

"Stop calling me Tay. It's Taylor, to you. You lost that privilege when you left."

"Sorry. Taylor, can we please go inside where it's warmer?"

"No. I already told you. You deserve to freeze." Among so many other horrible things that I longed to list, but he wasn't worth getting riled up over.

He took a risk and touched my arm. "Please."

I shrugged his hand off. "Do that again and I'll break it."

"Don't you want to know why we broke up?" It was a last resort and I almost laughed at how desperate an effort it was.

"Not anymore. Just go."

"You never loved me."

I reeled back, feeling like I'd been slapped to the face. "Excuse me?"

"You were never in love with me. You were in love with the idea of being in love, and at some point, it just wasn't enough anymore." He put his arms around himself and frowned at me.

I shook my head. "No. No, I loved you and that is the worst excuse that anyone has ever had for ruining someone else's life. Try again."

"Taylor!" He was growing really impatient now. Good. "I'm freezing out here, at least let me in."

I groaned and felt like stomping my feet in protest, but the fun of keeping him in the cold was dwindling every time that he shivered. Damn my good heart! I stepped aside, but kicked him as he passed, for good measure.

He sat across from me in the living room, a frown still etched on his face. The fuck did he have to be upset about?

I pulled my legs up to me and hugged my knees. This asshole was really going to ruin my birthday and I was letting him.

"Taylor, if you just took a minute to pay attention to what I'm trying to say, you'll see that I'm right and that you were only in love with the idea of me." He tilted his head, his eyes not leaving mine, although, I was pretty certain that I was glaring without even trying to.

"I feel like you're soiling my name every time that you say it because it's always accompanied by some bullshit." I turned my glare up a notch. "I. Loved. You." He leaned back and shook his head. "Yes, I did. How can you tell me that I didn't? I know what my emotions are or were or whatever, and I did love you."

"You like to say that you did, but I always knew that it wasn't fully reciprocated. You may have loved me at some point, Taylor, but you weren't in love with me. Somewhere along the line, things changed. There was a difference, one that you can only feel if you're living in that nightmare."

I let go of my knees and brought my hands to the face. I refused to believe what he was saying. "Look, that's a wack ass excuse for leaving me. Say that you fell out of love, or you just didn't love me, but don't deny how real mine was for you."

"Are you hearing yourself right now? You're saying that it's acceptable for me to say that I never loved you, but God forbid you have to dig a little deeper to see that it was you who didn't love me enough."

"You—"

"Tay, you're going to throw the fact that I left in my face again, but why should I have stayed with someone who didn't love me the way that I loved them? You're one of the best people that I've ever known, and I've seen how you are with the ones that you truly love, you weren't like that with me. Most times it felt like I was just there as an accessory. Maybe it was all in my head, but I spent the last year of our relationship feeling like an outsider, feeling like you were slowly losing interest."

"How can you sit there and blame it all on me? You saying that you felt unloved does not absolve you of any wrongdoing. What happened to talking to me about it? I had no idea that you'd even felt that way. And I, too, spent quite some time in our relationship wondering what was happening. I felt you withdraw before you'd officially left and that killed me."

Now, he looked sad. "Tay, me withdrawing was my way of acting just like you. But, instead of you realizing that maybe you could try harder, you pulled away, too. We stopped communicating and that's what doomed us."

Was he right? A panic rose within me at the realization that he just might be. "You know that I was never good at expressing my feelings, but for you, I tried so hard to be better." I was clutching at straws, trying to somehow make him see that it wasn't all on me. "I did love you."

"Sure, three years ago when you were sad and vulnerable. Then you got over Jamie leaving and although we were still together, it was easier to blame our lack of, well, everything, on the fact that we were going it long distance and when we left college, the strain only worsened." He moved to sit beside me, and I moved away out of habit. He still sat close to me, reaching for my hand which I let him take. "Tay, you loved me at your lowest when you needed someone to love you back. I'm not blaming it all on you, I only want you to see that you didn't love me all the way through to the end and my love for you wasn't enough to save us."

Tears pooled in my eyes. "And Katie?"

"She loves me like I love her. There's no compromise." He gently squeezed my hand. "Tay, you and me both deserve someone that loves us the way that we're meant to be loved. Maybe it didn't work out between us because we couldn't love each other in that way. We did love each other, it just wasn't enough." He wiped my tears away, sighing when I pulled away from him. "You deserved better and I deserved better. I'm sorry that we didn't tell you, but I'm not sorry that it's her. I know that that's not what you want to hear, but I can't lie to you; I never could."