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@anjd17 | Weapons of an Empress

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PROS

01. Adventure.

I really enjoyed the adventure and quest aspects that had been woven into the story. It quickly sets up a goal for the main character, and it allows for world-building.

02. Dialogues.

The dialogues were very thought-out and well written. The conversations flow easily and naturally. I especially enjoyed it when the spirit showed up, asking her to step up and take the quest — the exchange had a fantastical and mystical feel to it, which fit well with the theme.

CONS

01. Info-dumping in the first chapter.

The first chapter began by you explaining who the main character was, what her life was like before, and what her life is like now. Although there isn't anything inherently wrong with starting a story like this, it does take away the opportunity to implement an element of mystery and surprise for your readers. 

Instead of telling your readers what happened, make them think, and allow them to keep guessing — it not only helps the story to flow better, but it also keeps your readers hooked. And this is something that I have seen achieved in so many published young adult fantasy books, where the main character is almost always introduced while in the middle of completing a mundane daily task. It's then that the protagonist starts to slowly recount their current circumstance and how they have gotten to that place. 

If you'd like to find out more, my advice would be to pick apart fantasy books that you've read and enjoyed and analyze them. What were the introductions of those characters like? And how were they written?

02. Correlating actions with emotions.

At the end of the first chapter, Cahira's parents sacrifice themselves so that she could live. And I'd imagine that would be an intense moment filled with mixed emotions — despair from losing her parents, helplessness from not being able to save them, and hope from thinking that there could be a chance that she would be able to save them. After all, Cahira did not see her parents die with her own eyes. 

But almost immediately after the whole incident, Cahira picks herself up, concludes that her parents are dead, tells herself that there is nothing that she could have done, and decides that she's more interested in the room that she's been teleported into.

Not only is this unrealistic, but it also takes the human aspect away from the character — she doesn't behave like how anyone else would in that situation. Instead, I would like to have seen the character dwelling in that despair and sorrow for a bit more before picking herself up and vowing to be better. 

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