Hospital

Bright flashes of light pull me forward and as I settle my bleary gaze on the glaring beam, I scan the room from my position and see medical equipment. My scream hurts and I can't believe it's my voice.

I let everything go. Primal, loud, vibrating through the walls, I can feel my insides tearing, pulling at the intense sound. I know what John was talking about now, let it out, all out, hold nothing back. I let another scream release, my head hurts so bad and I can't process the attack, my body seems to be releasing all those horrible minutes, they flow, echoes down the halls and I hope Alice is not near, that John has him bundled away somewhere, far away from me. I disappear, sinking in darkness.

Alice POV

"We have heavily sedated her. She will be under for not less than 12 hours" The doctor walks out and I walk a little nearer to her side, she has bandages all over her face and head, flowing her arms and I'm sure they had to do more, down lower, I wasn't asking, it's all too much to comprehend.

I hold her hand and she is so still, I haven't seen her this quiet since she was little when she would sneak in and have sleepovers beside me, I must have been 8, she 6. Always annoying me but the one who truly stood in my corner.

"Mr Cooper. Mr Lennon is asking about her...." The pretty nurse smiles sweetly and shows me quickly out of the room.

He's a fucking mess, blaming himself for being upstairs on the phone for a radio interview of all things. Bloody press once again "John. Mate" He is in a state and looks through me, the screams earlier had us both grasping the sides of our heads, she sure has a set of lungs. John glances at me finally.

"What are you doing, get back in there with her" John is pushing me back towards Beth, he doesn't want her alone.

"Alright I'll go. As soon as the doc says its ok. I'll trade places with you" We hug, I've never hugged the dude before but now, now he's as much brother as she is sister. He flops back in the chair, hitting his head on the wall behind him as I walk the corridor back to sleeping beauty.

Ten hours, the clock counts as I stare at her face holding her little hand. I need to pee, I need to smoke twelve cigarettes at once, I need to cry. The coppers want my statement but I have nothing but a shadow to describe.

I kiss her forehead and whisper that I will be back as soon as I can, I will feed Sterling and hug him for her, like she would. Relutantly letting go of her hand I stand and walk to the door, eyes taking in her form just incase I happen to forget.. but how could I? How could I ever forget this. Her aura, her, she's still in there, I know it.

Johns POV

I hate this waiting, no sounds. The nightshift staff are half asleep, why aren't they all in there watching over her. Alice will protect her, I can't, that's plain to see. I was on the fucking phone, to the press of all people, how ironic that they once again can tear my life apart from half a world away.

"John, give me your keys, I'll feed Sterling" I hand over the keys and realise she's all alone, standing too quickly I grasp onto Alice, he holds me steady "Go watch over her mate, make sure she's safe"

"I can't keep her safe, Al. This is all on me" I gulp for air and he's hugging me again. Weird and wonderful it feels all at the same time.

"You can. Go and look after her. Please, do it for her, for me, for the damn horse" He smiles and we shake hands, business like but that's a man thing.

I want to hug her, kiss her sorry, shower apologies over her.

I move along the corridor slower than a run, faster than a trot, the young nurse looks up and drops her head again. Paperwork to be filled, signed and shuffled from one tray to another, I suppose.

Pushing the door open, expecting silence, the noise hits me. Beeps, blips and sharp intake of breath, mine, as I see her peaceful, silent, still. Moving closer I feel apprehensive and, dare I say it, afraid; that she wakes and sees me and screams again. I deserve the scream, I wasn't beside her offering protection, we weren't tucked up in bed entwined, sleeping, hearts in sync.

The heart monitor keeps a steady rhythm and I hold her motionless hand, fingers that would teasingly caress me now lay dormant, sallow on the sheets. When I touch her cheek with the back of my hand I imagine her eyes, holding mine sharing our secrets and wishes, needs and wants. All I see now are thin eyelids that didn't save her vision of the horror that befell her.

The heart monitor which was steady is now lit, a multitude of buzzers and sounds, the other machine perhaps her blood pressure looks as if it is doing mickey flips with the numbers on the screen, nurses rush in and I get pushed, first off to the side out of the way then, as doctors crowd around, then out the door they send me, into the hall.
Head in hand, I glance down at my empty palm, the one that held hers. Did she feel my hand and now all this has happened?

Faltering back a few steps I find the wall behind me, and lean heavily. Everyone in my life seems to disappear just as I get to know them. Like I am the fan that blows their body's and spirits far away.

Both doors open and she is wheeled out of the room in haste, the bed clipping me as they turn it in the narrow corridor towards the operation theatre. What is so wrong she needs to be under the knife again? Hours were spent the first time repairing and suturing. A nurse grasps my arm and leads me silently back to the waiting room.

"Is Bethany's brother here, Mr Lennon?" the young nurse that I thought lazy before held both my arms looking into my eyes, compassion beyond her years shining, yearning to help.

"No" I shake my head bellying the word.

"Ok, I will tell you then. Her significant other? John. Her friend?"

"I don't know... I love her I think?!" I spit the words out and she steps back slightly "Her lover, is there a box on the form for that?!?! ....Sorry, I'm sorry"

"That's ok. Sit down. Good" The nurse sits beside me, her name tag says Sally, she smiles again, a peaceful aura around her. "Mr Lennon, Bethany has developed pressure on the brain it sometimes happens after these sorts of traumas. The doctor has taken her back into surgery and they will endeavour to eliviate the pressure. It has risks but no surgery, means death."

Just as the nurse said 'death' Alice walked in and collapsed in a heap, the nurse scooted over to him quickly and we both shake, talk and otherwise rattle him back to consciousness.

"She's not Alice, listen ok. Beth's still here" I nod for the nurse to leave and continue on explaining Beth's further surgery. We sit, lay and pace until another surgical nurse, in scrubs, walks in and smiles.

"Mr Cooper, Mr Lennon. Bethany is back in her room, as soon as the sedatives wear off we are hoping to get some positive response from her" The nurse looks at the wall clock above her head turning again to look back at us "Should be around an hour, as she has been in post- op under watch for a while now. Would you like to sit with her- both of you?" We don't talk or answer just get up and walk quickly to the door, to Beth.