"Mom, how did I do?" Tanner jumped up and down excitedly in the park, and Rachel looked up pityingly to Halen. "Only one of them hit him this time." Tanner beamed with pride as Halen gasped, pinned to the tree with knives around him, one biting into the side of his thigh.

Poor Halen was getting too old for this.

"Good job, we don't have to take him to the hospital today. I think we can bandage that one on our own." Rachel patted her son on the head from where she was sitting on the picnic blanket, and his green-flecked eyes glowed back at her with adoration.

"I'll get the bandages!" Tanner went into the car to grab the first aid kit that lived stocked in their possession. They used it too often, but she was part of the Moceri family and her son did like his knives.

As he came back from the car, his golden curls wagged behind him, having gotten long enough that he could ponytail it in the back into a little nub. After seeing pictures of his father, he'd wanted so badly to have long hair like him.

Right now, he wanted it up, like the old pictures of Tanner from when he'd been in the circus, his hair pulled back, a cowboy hat on, and knives running from his shoulder to his waist on a belt around his body. There had been so many pictures of Tanner's younger days in his things after he'd passed. They had delivered it all to Oliver, who had been named his beneficiary, and Oliver had promptly dropped it all on her.

After he set the first aid kit next to her on the blanket, Tanner flew off to retrieve the knives from around Halen's legs. Tanner pulled them out as Halen removed the ones from around his arms. Until Tanner got better at aiming, they had agreed to keep them away from the head and center mass. Halen could dodge if one came at him too close, but not as easily if it were flung at his abdomen.

A cringe-causing whine drew her attention as Tanner pulled out the one that had bit into Halen's thigh.

"You're just like your father. Good job." Halen's words were tight, in pain, and an insult, but Tanner was too young to know and instead glowed from the perceived praise.

"Mom, Hale says I'm just like dad. Am I?"

Halen collapsed next to them, pulling his pants off as Tanner begged for praise. This was a private park so no one was here, but it was still pretty morbid watching him cut away his boxers with the scissors. Rachel gave him her jacket to cover the rest of his groin area and legs and he accepted it gratefully.

"You are just like your pops, little man." A voice came from behind her, and Tanner squealed in delight, running up to him.

"Julian!" Tanner loved Julian.

Lifting Tanner up into his arms, Julian had trouble holding him with how big he was getting now, but Tanner always expected it. When the boy jumped him at eighteen, he might take poor Julian out. Though he'd grown, Julian was still skinny in comparison to other guys. It was warm out in early June and Julian had on a dark shirt that left his arms bare to the shoulders. As always, Tanner played with the ridges of his tattoos in awe and reverence.

"Can I have one?" Tanner begged like he always did.

"Definitely not till you're older." Julian laughed, kissing her son on the forehead before he set him down.

Tanner was never still. Released from Julian's grips, Tanner ran around, rolling in the grass. She rubbed her eyes as she watched him. It was hard to watch him flip off his hands and back to his feet, only to repeat it as if it weren't a feat. One day he might snap his neck, and that gnawed at her insides.

They had started him in gymnastics young because had taken such an interest in his father. Tanner had wanted to do the trapeze stunts his father had done in his youth, but there just weren't circuses anymore. They had died out before he'd even been conceived, his father's occupation a relic of the past.

So they had settled for gymnastics, and that took up a lot of his time. They were letting his knife throwing skills slide from lack of use. She'd have to get him a tutor, because Tanner was good but clearly not consistent. Sometimes, he was deathly accurate and other days they had to get Halen stitches.

That might just be because of Tanner's easily excitable nature though. When he was at home he was calmer and hit all of the targets. Out with everyone, his heart pumped in excitement, and he was so jumpy and eager.

Maybe he'd benefit from some education on staying calm under pressure. At what point did it change from educating a child to grooming an assassin? That line was so blurry with Oliver, and she was trying her best to give Tanner everything he wanted while raising him to be a good man.

Parenting was rough.

"Halen, I pity you, man." Julian laughed, sitting next to her in the grass, and Halen gave Julian a glare before it softened to a light smile.

"It's okay. I volunteered myself." Halen stitched up the slice in his flesh after he'd sanitized it. He slapped a bandage over it and pulled his pants up with a gasp of pain. "How is your place going, by the way?"

"It's actually going really well." Julian's genuine smile was so nice to see after everything he'd been through.

By place, Halen meant Julian's small business called, Back to Ink. The name was corny to Rachel, but it was straight forward, if anything. After getting out of the mental hospital, just two years later, Julian had gone to school for muscle health, massage, and tattoo art. His place was packed with happy customers for Julian's body massages, and he even had a couple people begging at his door to be trained by him. Julian had spent his whole life learning about just that, and there was nothing like his fingers running over another human's body.

Rachel knew–she got her massages for free.

On top of the massage aspect of his shop, he also had a tattoo parlor attached to it. It was some of the most sterile stuff she'd ever seen, and she had been his first customer. Slowly, and with the detail she was used to him showing, he had inked in the outside of a sun design he'd etched into her back, accentuating the small ridges with shadows.

Safe to say, Julian didn't cut anyone up legally. Really, he didn't cut anyone up at all anymore. The urge to do so had waned in the last decade as he'd matured, so he had better control of himself. On occasion, one of Oliver's men would see him going about his business and inquire about getting one of his tattoos.

That was when he would relent and his old passion took him over completely. Julian had no pity for the mobsters though, so if they asked for it, they got it straight. Very few of them could maintain the composure to watch him slice away their flesh, and so he ended up laughing half of them off. The ones who stayed though, man, those men were hardened.

Julian, like her, had been adopted into the Moceris, and having one of his designs was a badge of honor and strength. The men had to work themselves up just to try, and more often than not, they were terrified the whole time. It was funny to see the men who got very tiny ones just to say they'd had it done.

While Tanner would likely beat it out of Julian when he got older, Julian tried to keep Tanner out of anything illegal and on the straight and narrow. Julian was also good at dissuading him from a tattoo logically. Children grew, so if he gave him one now he would grow and it would stretch and distort in a manner that he could never erase.

It was something for adults.

Unlike Julian, she hadn't invested her time into anything education wise. All her time was absorbed in Tanner, and that's all she ever wanted. Aside from that, while Tanner was at his acrobatics lessons, Rachel had her own fighting lessons with Halen and Oliver.

There had been a few times she'd attempted to get a college education, but they had all flopped, so she'd fallen back and conceded to being one of Oliver's henchman–soon to be Halen's though. Oliver was getting into his fifties and by no means any slower than he was ten years ago, but he'd groomed Halen to share control of his family.

As the years went by, Oliver and Halen had only grown closer, and she was happy he hadn't been dropped like a rock for not being young anymore. Hell, Halen was nearing thirty and still looked like a man at twenty.

They were married now, too–Oliver and Halen Moceri. It was amazing to her that it never really bothered anyone in their family of the mob, but she'd seen how vicious Oliver could be over the years, so she knew they had reverence for him regardless of his sexual orientation. Oliver was downright brutal to his enemies, and even worse to betrayers, but he would sell his soul for his men.

So, her free time was practice at being a proficient mobster. Rachel was an excellent shot, much better with a baton than way back when, and she could use a knife just as well as Halen, though not throw them as accurately as Tanner. Maybe she'd ask Tanner's new tutor about it when she got one.

"Who are you?" Tanner asked in his innocent tone, and she looked up at who must be a stranger to her son. They had never met after all, at least face to face.

Nathan had seen Tanner in passing as he came and went often enough, but he never stayed for very long. Rachel was happy to see him, even if he was standing in a long black coat in the eve of summer. Like he couldn't find anything else?

"I'm a kidnapper," Nathan teased, not knowing her son well enough to not say that. Barely dodging the knife, Nathan squealed, running over to them as her son turned on him. "I was kidding, kidding, you psycho!" Nathan insisted, dropping to his knees to hide behind Julian.

That was difficult.

Nathan had gotten taller, his shoulders had widened slightly, and he was just a bigger sort of guy. Julian himself had gotten taller, taller than her anyway, by like all of one or two inches, but he was skinny as all hell.

"Oh goodness, there is a scary kidnapper behind me. Who will save me?" Julian whined in fear, and Halen, being the good sport that he was, nailed Nathan to the ground in a vice grip with a smile.

"It's okay, Tanner, I got him. Put your knives away. You're going to hurt someone," Halen said as he spun Nathan and pressed him into the ground, pinning his back with a knee.

Slipping his knives back into his tiny sheathes, Tanner plopped on the side of the picnic blanket, only lightly stained with blood in one spot.

"Get off me, jerk." Nathan shoved him onto the ground, likely tearing Halen's stitches, but Halen was lost in laughter. They were always like this.

"When is grandpa getting here?" Tanner bounced as a car door shut, and Micah came up to them with half of the food.

"Did I hear someone wanted to see grandpa?" Micah lifted Tanner, and he giggled in his arms. "You guys have him armed to the hilt again." Disapprovingly, Micah took off Tanner's knives and set them down. After he did, Tanner jumped out of his arms to run up to Donovan.

"Grandpa." Tanner jumped up and down, waiting to be lifted, but Donovan scowled at him.

"I'm not your grandpa." Donovan was a bit sensitive about his age.

Insisting, Tanner stopped and did his best impression of a sad crying kid imaginable. Despite his fake sniffling noises, Donovan rolled his eyes and ignored him, setting down the rest of the food. "Gotta work harder to con me on that one," Donovan admonished, and Tanner stamped his foot but crawled into Donovan's lap as he sat.

"What did you bring me, grandpa?" Going through Donovan's pockets, Tanner searched him. Donovan always brought him something small, though he refused to give it to him ever.

"Nothing, you spoiled brat. I brought you food." Donovan's demeanor made the rest of them chuckle, but Tanner was used to it. It was a few minutes as they set the food out before Tanner let out another childish squeal as he found his gift in Donovan's inside coat pocket.

"Look, Mom." Tanner waved his prize in the air as if he had just won the lottery. It was a new set of targets for Tanner's room. He loved sticking them up all over the house to aim his knives. They had a guy on call to permanently smooth over the holes when they became too numerous.

"These too." Donovan pulled out a bag of party popper but held it out of Tanner's reach when he jumped for it. "Nu uh, these are for all of us and for after the food."

Her son sulked, but he quickly found Nathan where he had sat up between Micah and Donovan. "Kidnapper!" Tanner accused, and Nathan flinched back.

"It was a joke! I'm a law-yer!" Nathan spat at him, and Tanner looked over to her confused.

Poor kid didn't know that word.

"Which is worse?" Julian asked Rachel, and she snorted her drink.

"Mom, what's a lawyer?" Tanner asked, climbing into Nathan's lap happily, as he did to anyone.

"They're like the bad guys," Julian said and Tanner looked up to Nathan nervously.

"Julian, stop that." Rachel pushed him, and he laughed, falling back onto the ground. "Honey, Nathan helps people who are in a lot of trouble but don't have money. He's a good guy, I promise."

"Good guy, yay!" Falling on Nathan, Tanner giggled, but Nathan had turned to her with a smile.

Though Tanner had only ever glanced him in passing, Rachel had seen Nathan on and off throughout his schooling. Ian had had a substantial life insurance policy, as well as a decent bank account that he had left to Nathan. It had gotten him through law school and he was now an attorney, though he'd only been one for a couple of years. That had him traveling frequently for work, but in his down time, he returned here and was accepted happily by Oliver or Donovan, depending on how long he was staying.

Right now Nathan worked for himself. Avoiding a firm kept him open to invest time in cases pro bono when he wanted to. More than anything, Nathan sought out cases for people in the worst straights. Though he didn't always defend innocent people, he did defend people likely to get the death penalty so he could get them life in prison instead.

That one thing, Nathan fought vehemently for. Having the ability to just come back here and flop on someone's couch gave him the freedom to pick and choose who to help. It wasn't in him to defend unscrupulous people, but his definition of the word wasn't so judging as other's.

Oliver would also always employ Nathan if he needed temporary work. The mob was always in court over something. Nathan would veer away from anything really sketchy though. Oliver had special attorneys and men when he needed to make witnesses silent in those cases. Rachel didn't have to be reminded Oliver was a criminal. She'd resigned herself to that the moment they'd taken Tanner away.

Micah was a youth counselor. While a lot of times the kids he worked with were fine, he also specialized in trauma counseling for kids in particular. Donovan had not let Oliver come near his son with a ten-foot pole, so they were both working off his student debt at the moment. At least he hadn't been drawn into the mob like the rest of them, but Rachel wouldn't say she was unhappy.

Looking at all the successful people made her feel a little less accomplished, but it didn't matter to her that much. All that mattered to her was Tanner's happiness, and Julian's of course. It had been a long road after he'd been released, through his court ordered therapy and observation, and her grief counseling. They had persevered together through their anguish and healing.

While they had tried to help Nathan as well, he had been closed off to the world for a long time. Instead, Nathan had spent most of his time in Oliver's compound, pouring every ounce of his being into his bachelors and law school.

There was happiness in Nathan's eyes now, though occasionally he would suffer pain through his cases. It was better than when he'd been alive but dead in some dark room in the compound. At first, Nathan had appeared okay, but after a few weeks he'd sunk into a despair that even Donovan couldn't lift him out of.

By then, Micah and he had moved into a house in the area and Donovan didn't have as much time to focus on Nathan. It wasn't as if he had given up on him. He had just run out of things that he knew he could do for him.

Strangely enough, Oliver had helped Nathan through the worst of it. If you didn't count the fact that Oliver was a vicious criminal warlord, he had a similar personality to Ian, so she understood it. There was a gentleness in both of them, hidden behind a rougher and sometimes mischievous exterior. Somehow, Nathan had ended up just as close to Oliver as she was.

Today was the day that they all gathered together to remember the ones they had lost. They ate on the lawn and talked about their work and lives. It was like this every year. While the invited everyone involved, Maggie was always indisposed.

Rachel felt like it hurt Maggie to see what had happened despite her best efforts, so they didn't bother her. Oliver was actually really busy, so he made it out on his own time, usually in the morning though. This year he had visited the graves already. But last year he had been with all of them. It varied year by year, but this year it ended up being just them after the sun had set, and Tanner was fast asleep in Micah's lap.

They walked out to the place that Tanner and Ian were buried, and their tombstones reflected the light of the setting sun. Rachel knelt, touching the smooth stone. They were set off from where any actual graveyard would be, so they could rest alone, in peace, away from a world that had never understood or accepted them.

No tears. While she would cry sometimes before she got to the grave and often after, when she was in front of Tanner, all she ever did was smile. That was what had made him happy, and so she felt the cold stone with one hand and played with the small blue flower at her throat with the other.

"I'm happy, Tanner." The rest of them were silent as she spoke. "It took me a while, but I'm really happy. You son is just like you and more handsome every day. I know you're looking over him, whether you're in heaven, hell, or some freaky knife-throwing ghost. I love you. I'll always love you." Rachel stood up, turning around, and Julian pulled her into his arms, holding her gently against him.

"It's okay to be happy, Rachel," Julian said into her ear lightly, and then he kissed her lightly on the lips.

Julian had grown close to her during his time in the mental hospital. Since Nathan had ended up as half an invalid, he had visited much less. Every day, Rachel had shown up and sat with Julian, even if they wouldn't initially let him in the same room as her unrestrained. They had bonded much faster than she'd expected, considering she had not felt romantically for Julian to start. With her waiting for him, Julian had pushed through all of his therapy and put everything he had into getting better, for himself, and for her.

Tanner had wanted her to be happy with someone else. That made it easier, sleeping in the arms of another man at night, though she longed for ones she would never feel. Julian understood her uneasiness and gave her space when she wanted it, and he was wonderful with Tanner. Not only did Julian love her son, he was happy to talk about his father with him, openly and with enough tact that Tanner loved his father with all his heart.

Rachel could have never raised Tanner as well without Julian's constant support. At least she had Julian. She left his soft and caring touch to turn to Nathan as he approached Ian's grave.

Nathan set a pack of cigarettes in the spot that was usually used to smoke incense. It was rare he said anything, and he had yet to get over his grief. It had been so long but also terribly short for all of them. Leaning his head on Ian's tombstone, Nathan's shoulders shook as he cried over the stone. Halen went to him and pat his shoulder, and Nathan hugged him so hard that he groaned.

Nathan was trying still to find a semblance of a normal life. Though he had a job and worked constantly to help others, emotionally, he was still working through things. So far, his relationships hadn't panned out, and his last girlfriend had left him a few months ago. The tall eventually did for one reason or another. Either they found him distant or he didn't have enough time for them aside from his work. It wasn't like Nathan seemed to care much when they left either. The right one just hadn't come around yet to dig him out of the pit he lived in, but she was sure one would someday.

When she asked, he just shrugged it off. It seemed to her that Nathan just didn't know what he wanted, which to be fair, neither did she. It would take some time for both of them yet, and it was going to take a real keeper to understand that Nathan spent some of his long weekends in a mobster's compound. It was a harder road to recovery for Nathan, and whenever Ian met up with him, wherever people went after death, he was going to slap him something hard.

Rachel just hoped it was upside the head. Chuckling to herself, she followed Julian as he collected Tanner. Donovan gave him the party poppers that Tanner had passed out too fast to play with.

"Thanks, Donovan," Julian said, and then he slipped Tanner into the car, buckling him in.

They were both broken a bit. What had happened had taken something from all of them that they could never get back, but they continued with each day, one step at a time.

Nathan, for the sake of others in situations like Ian's.

And her, for her precious son who was growing into his father more and more every day.

All either of them could do was make choices.

And hope they were the right ones.

Word count: 4123 -- Edited July 17th, 2020