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Jo

We ran through the forest as the pouring rain began pelting down on us. Each drop was a sting against my bare skin and I wished I had thought to pull my jacket out of my backpack. I followed the group, keeping my eyes open for any walkers. They would have to be awfully close before I would have been able to see them. We wove through the trees, trusting Daryl to lead us through the growing dark and rising storm. 

The barn was old but it looked like the roof was intact from what I could see squinting through the rain. I was soaked completely though and the water streamed down my bare skin. I shivered as the wind continued to pick up and the temperate dropped. Daryl stopped outside the barn and turned to the group. 

"I didn't check it," he called above the wind. Rick nodded and stepped forward. He jerked his chin to Carol who stepped up beside him. His eyes fell to Glenn and Maggie and then Daryl and myself. We had all done this enough times we immediately understood without him having to say a word he wanted us to clear the place in our assigned groups of two. His eyes fell to Abraham and he jerked his chin towards the trees and he and Sasha turned to watch the rear. Michonne stayed with the rest of the group, her hand resting tensely on the hilt of her Katana. 

Rick and Carol led the way through the door, moving together. Daryl bumped my shoulder lightly before we stepped inside the door. I looked up at him and wasn't quite sure if he was asking if I was okay or if he was just saying hi. I grinned at him and pulled my kukri and the knife from the spine sheath that was up under my backpack. 

He nodded and we stepped in together, shoulder to shoulder. Rick waved us to the right and we moved to clear that side of the barn. It felt good to be working together again. I hadn't realized how much extra tension I was carrying around with me by having someone else watching my back. I don't know why that surprised me. I had never trusted other people very easily and the last few months had done nothing to improve that. 

Once our side was clear Daryl stepped over to an open area to begin working on getting a fire going with Glenn. I found Maggie standing over a dead Walker in a small room off the side of the main area. I stepped up next to her and looked in the doorway to see Walker who had once been an old woman. It looked like she died of natural causes, hidden away in this tiny room away from the world. 

Maggie made a sad sound in the back of her throat. "She had a gun. She could have shot herself..." Maggie shook her head like she didn't understand the woman's actions. 

I could see a shot gun on the other side of the room. Being pragmatic I stepped over the body and picked up the gun. I opened the chamber and checked the magazine. It was fully loaded. I double checked to make sure the safety was on. 

Maggie hadn't taken her eyes off the dead Walker. I looked down at the Walker and back to Maggie. I was not good at this. I knew Maggie was hurting over Beth's loss as well, but I was already failing at comforting Daryl, who I was close to. There was no way I was going to say the right thing to make her feel better. 

"Well," I said thoughtfully lifting the shot gun and resting it over my shoulder. "Some people can't give up. They won't, no matter what happens to them." I snorted, "Like us."

Maggie turned to look at me with a frown, like she hadn't expected me to say something so insightful. I tried to think back to the last time Maggie and I had a conversation. I guess I didn't chat much with anyone, I always seemed to keep myself apart. She nodded and turned back to the dead walker. I let out a sigh and walked back towards the main part of the barn. 

It seemed everyone had gone off on their own to try and get some sleep. Rick was reclining against an old grain sack near the fire. Carol and Michonne were sitting in the flickering light watching Glenn and Daryl work to build the fire up. There was a small pile of wet wood that Noah and Sasha had brought in sitting near their feet. The wood was hissing and popping but not catching. I took a detour from heading towards the fire and went up into the hay loft. I found a few old wooden crates that would burn nicely. I carried them back down and stomped them into pieces. 

"Here, this should burn well," I said making a small pile of the scraps near Glenn. He looked up at me and gave me a nod of thanks. 

I debated going off and finding a quiet place to sleep, but the fire was tempting. I shivered and finally gave in and sat down between Daryl and Glenn near the fire. My t-shirt was still sticking to me like a second skin and I needed to dry before I was going to be able to fall asleep.

Rick glanced down at Carl who was sleeping only a short distance away with Judith in his arms.

"He's gonna be okay," Carol assured him, following his gaze. "He bounces back...more than any of us do," she added, frowning down into the fire. 

I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around my knees as I shivered again. The barn was drafty and the wind that kept blowing through was cold. It had been a long time since I was in a storm this bad. Maybe not since my time in the back country in Montana. My jacket was still in my backpack but it wouldn't do any good to put it on over wet clothes. 

Rick nodded, but didn't look away from his family. "I used to feel sorry for kids that have to grow up now. In this. But I think I got it wrong. Growing up is getting used to the world. This is easier for them-"

Michonne interrupted Rick, her sharp voice making him look at her. "This isn't the world. This isn't it."

I stared down hard at the fire, hugging myself even tighter against the cold. I laid my cheek against the top of my knees. Rick wasn't wrong. I remembered back to how quickly Katie had bounced back after such a short time in Woodbury. I didn't think I would ever fully recover from what happened in Woodbury. The flames were mesmerizing as I watched them dance and flicker as they ate the wood. The fire was small and it wasn't putting out enough heat to stop my shivering. My eyes felt heavy and I was more tired than I thought. 

"It might be," Glenn's voice was filled with so much sorrow. "It might." I knew he was having a hard time with Maggie. I wasn't blind and I had seen their interactions lately. Maggie was grieving and it was slowly taking it's toll on Glenn. 

"That's giving up," Michonne snarled. She sat straight and powerfully on the edge of the firelight. I had always respected Michonne's ability to survive, but seeing her sit there, looking so determined, made me realize just how strong of a person she really was. 

"It's reality," Glenn replied grimly, he poked at the fire with a stick.

Daryl looked over at me and frowned as he realized I was shivering. He reached out and laid the back of his fingers against my skin. I knew it would be cool to the touch. I had goosebumps. He lifted one arm, inviting me closer to him. I fought back the urge to frown. I was glad, but this was such a one-eighty I didn't quite trust it. We really needed some time to talk, but looking around at the thirteen people surrounding us I knew that wasn't likely any time soon. Or maybe I was just over thinking things again and I needed to just stop and be thankful for what was in front of me. 

After about ten seconds of deliberation I decided I was going with the latter. 

I shuffled towards Daryl and settled in under his arm. He was damp too, but the time he spent starting the fire made him considerably more dry than I was. Compared to me he practically radiated heat. Daryl rubbed my arm with his other hand and I laid my head against his chest fighting to keep my eyes open. I was so tired. 

"Until we see otherwise, this is what we have to live with," Rick's voice was an aggressive growl and it stirred me to sit a little straighter and pay attention. There was something about Rick could command attention. It drew people to him and made them want to follow him. It was what made him a leader. I tilted my head to look up at Daryl. He had something too,  but it was a different something, a quieter something. I liked his something better. 

Rick cleared his throat and sat forward, leaning towards the fire. "When I was a kid, I asked my grandpa once if he ever killed any German's in the war. He wouldn't answer. He said that was grown up stuff, so...so I asked if the German's ever tried to kill him," Rick looked around at each of us sitting around the fire. "He got real quiet. He said he was dead the minute he stepped into enemy territory. Every day he woke up and told himself "Rest in Peace" now get up and go to war," Rick's voice was rough and I could feel Daryl slowly tensing around me. I drew away a little as I listened to Rick's story. 

" And then after a few years of pretending he was dead he made it out alive. That's the trick of it I think. We do what we need to do and then...someday...we get to live. But no matter what we find in DC I know we'll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves...that we are the walking dead."

Daryl tensed up around me. I felt him draw in a sharp breath and he dropped his arm from around me and shook his head. "We ain't them," he rasped, his eyes glared at Rick, reflecting the firelight.

Rick looked over at him and Daryl climbed to his feet, pulling away from me. Rick watched him as he broke up a few of the wet sticks, to try and built the fire up even more. Rick must have seen something on Daryl's face, something I couldn't, because he leaned forward. 

"We aren't them," Rick agree. "Hey," he reassured Daryl. "We're not."

Daryl looked down at the sticks in his hands and around the barn where everyone was sleeping. "We ain't them," he said finally and he stalked off into the darkness.

Rick looked back at the fire a frown on his face. I knew what he meant. I understood what Rick's story was about, but I also knew Daryl. I knew what Daryl was going through and knew he would never think of it that way. He couldn't. It just wasn't in Daryl. 

I climbed to my feet to go after him. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the dark. I found him pacing restlessly in front of the door. It was blowing in the wind, slamming against the frame. The chain we had used to secure it was looped loosely and it rattled loudly with ever movement. 

"Dare?" I called softly to him.

Daryl turned to face me and in the dim light I could see the torment in his eyes. I stepped up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist pulling him into a tight hug. 

"I can't do that either," I told him, my voice muffled by his jacket. "That's not how I survived."

He nodded his head against mine. "We ain't dead, and I won't act like it...I wanna live."

I reached down and took his hand in mine, lacing my fingers with his I gave them a gentle squeeze. 

He nodded again and when the door slammed again he turned to glare at it. He pulled away gently and stepped up to secure it. He grabbed both doors and leaned forward towards the small gap. His whole body went suddenly tense and he jerked back, slamming the doors shut. His fingers worked frantically to try and tighten up the chain. 

"Rick!" I yelled. 

I ran to Daryl just as he slammed his back against the door, fighting to keep it closed. I lay back against it beside him, digging my heels into the dirt against the herd of walkers. I couldn't see how many but I could feel their strength as they pushed against us and I could hear their excited snarls. I closed my eyes as the doors bucked beneath us. The Walkers would never get tired, they didn't. One by one the people of our group noticed and ran to help us. We all piled together against the wood as the storm continued to rage outside.

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Daryl

I was sitting against the far wall, my eyes still on the barn doors early the next morning. The walkers were gone, they had been for hours, but I couldn't seem to let it go. I scrubbed at my eyes, I had been awake all night one watch. Jo was sleeping on her side on the barn floor a few feet from me. She was curled up beneath my vest that I had laid across her when she finally fell asleep. Maggie was the first awake. She stood and stretched. When she saw me she came over and sat down.

"You should get some sleep," she said in a gentle voice.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"It's okay to rest now," she told me and her eyes drifted over to where Sasha was sleeping.

I looked at Sasha too. She had only fallen asleep a little bit ago. She was the last of the group to give in. "He was tough," I said looking at my hands as I thought about Tyreese.

"He was," Maggie agreed.

I pinched my lips into a line and said the words that were really on my mind. "So was she," I said, looking at Maggie. Maggie's eyes went to the floor and she looked like she was ready to cry "She didn't know it, but she was."

I reached down beside me and picked up the music box Maggie had been carrying around the last few days. I handed it over to her. "The gearbox had some grit in it."

"Thank you," Maggie said giving me a gentle smile. She touched my knee lightly and I let her. She licked her lips and frowned, looking like she had something to say. Her eyes drifted to where Jo was sleeping. "She's tough too you know."

I snorted and nodded. "Way tougher than me," I said wryly.

Maggie nodded and smiled a real smile for maybe the first time since Beth died. "She can take it, Jo I mean. She can handle it." And she stood up and walked over to Sasha. I watched the two women leave the barn together and let out a tired sigh. I was exhausted. I moved over to where Jo was sleeping and I laid down beside her.

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