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Daryl

I finally caught up to Jo down by the gate. By that time the remaining Saviors were dead. She was covered in sweat and gore, but she didn't look hurt. I wouldn't know for sure until I saw her in the light. She was standing with Maggie and Rick. I raked my eyes over her one last time to reassure myself she had made it through okay. Her running off into the dark after the Saviors had scared the shit out of me more that I wanted to admit.

When I stepped out of the dark Rick whipped around to face me raising his hatchet to defend them. There was something wild in his eye that reminded me of when Jo lost control. Jo peaked at me over Rick's shoulder. She heard me coming. Rick nodded to me and looked around at the wreckage.

"Everyone all right?" he asked us.

The girls both nodded, but Maggie looked shocky and there were tears in her eyes.

"Yeah," I rasped back.

"Good," Rick said slipping his hatchet through his belt. "Let's get some more people down here who aren't hurt and get these cars moved. We need to get these gates shut before the walkers get here."

He and Maggie turned back to the house to find people to help while Jo and I got to work. We moved just the trucks we needed to so we could shut the gates. The rest could wait until morning. Everyone was exhausted but Jo and I spent the rest of the night on the wall, keeping watch. I tried twice to send her in to bed, but she refused. I wanted to be mad and yell at her that she was being stupid, but I really couldn't blame her. My blood was still up from the fight too and I didn't trust anyone else to keep watch in case The Saviors came back. It was only a couple hours until sunrise.

By morning the community was completely surrounded by walkers. There were dozens leaning against the fence, banging loudly against the tin and attracting even more walkers from the woods. We would need to get rid of them before we were completely overrun.

Maggie and Rick stepped up behind us. Neither of them had slept either. "We gotta clear them so we can move the rest of cars," Maggie said grimly pulling a knife. Jesus' eyes widened and he was about to step forward to argue about it.

I surprised everyone when I did instead. "Ya stay here," I told her. I jerked my chin to the sides of the fence. "Distract 'em." I hefted my crossbow and Jesus, Rick, Jerry, and I moved to the gate.

"You'd be better up on the wall, providing cover," I wasn't at all surprised to hear Jo's voice just behind me.

I glanced down at her over my shoulder. "I ain't letting ya go out there by yourself darlin, so unless you're planning on staying back..."

I wanted her to stay. She was hurt and tired. She was practically swaying on her feet. She lifted her chin defiantly and I recognized the gleam of challenge in her eye. She was waiting for me to fight with her about this. I wasn't going to give in.

Rosita stepped up too. "I'll come too," she offered. "Even numbers on both sides," she said.

I nodded.

"Okay," Rick said stepping up and taking control. "Daryl, Jo, and Rosita go left, Jesus, Jerry and I go right. Go ahead!" Rick called to the people on top of the fence. They immediately started yelling and slapping against the fence.

"Okay!" Maggie yelled. "Gate's clear!"

"Open 'em up!" I yelled, motioning to the people holding the gates. They opened one just enough for us to slip through.

There were dozens of walkers out here. Jo didn't hesitate. As soon as we were clear she ran straight for the herd a knife in each hand. Her stride was slightly off and she was moving more slowly.

"Shit," I muttered and fired my crossbow at the first one to make a move towards her.

Behind me I heard Rosita chuckle as she struck at her nearest walker.

I fired as quickly as I could reload, but the part of the herd on our side had noticed us and was turning to shamble towards us, their teeth clicked as they snarled excitedly. Jo kicked, twisted and arched through the herd like a macabre ballet. I knew she had an ankle that was still giving her trouble and that she was exhausted, but you never would have known it watching her move. There were times when even I had to stop and appreciate what she could do.

And then reality set in as she pushed too far in and the herd swarmed. I tossed my crossbow aside and pulled my knife, wading in after her. Rosita stayed on my right, killing as we went. I killed as many of them as I could, trying to keep up with her, but a couple got around behind her.

"Jo!" I yelled. It was no use. Exhausted as she was, with the walkers snarling all around her, she would have gone to that place in her head where she could handle stuff like this. I killed two more before I could reach her. There were only two left. Rosita could handle two.

I grabbed Jo's arm, pulling her back. She tried pulling away from me, her entire focus on the walkers. When I wouldn't let go she swung blindly towards me with one of her knives. I slapped the hand down and her knee came up. I grunted as I swung her around away from the herd.

She moved forward, ready to move around me, her eyes glued on the herd.

"Goddamnit stop!" I bellowed. I grabbed her by both shoulders and when she still didn't I slammed her back against the wall. The tin boomed loudly and I knew it would only attract more attention but I had to break her out of it somehow.

Her eyes were wild as she struggled like a damn wolf caught in a trap. She still didn't see me.

"Jo!" I yelled. I pinned her against the wall and held her, staring into her face, forcing her to give in. Finally she recognized me, she sagged in my hands as the tension seemed to drain out of her all at once. I let her go immediately. I didn't want to scare her or hurt her. I never wanted that, but I had to break through whatever was going on in her head.

"I'm sorry," she gasped. She reached up with one hand and rubbed her shoulder. Guilt surged through me.

"I-" I started to say.

She looked dazed and she turned and practically fled back towards the gate.

I exhaled and hung my head. I didn't know what to do to help her. Every time I did anything it seemed like it all went wrong.

When I looked over my shoulder Rosita was still standing there. She had seen it all. I hated that. Jo and I were private people.

"Come on," I said moving towards the cars. "Let's clear the rest of this shit out," I muttered.

Rosita followed after me without comment.

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Jo

I passed Rick on my way back towards the gate.

"Jo," he called moving towards me. Concern clouded his eyes. "Are you okay?" there was something fragile and a little wild living behind Rick's eyes. Maybe it took one to know one, but he was barely hanging on.

I don't know why I didn't lie to him right then. I should have. Then he would have left me alone. "No," I told him.

Something that may have been pity crossed his face and he took another step towards me. I tensed. I hadn't been able to recognize Daryl, it meant it was better to keep my distance from everyone.

Rick stopped when I pulled back from him and held both his hands up so I could see he meant me no harm. "What-" he started to say but the gate cracked open and Maggie poked her head out.

"Were you coming in? I could use your help," she said.

I knew she was covering for me, she had probably seen the whole thing from on top of the fence. Rick probably knew, but it didn't make me any less grateful for the out. I was already embarrassed enough and I would happily seize on any chance to save face. I had lost control out there, badly.

I followed Maggie back through the gate and waited for her while she closed it. Maggie and I stood in the yard and looked out over the damage. "We don't have the reserves to fight off another attack," she said gravely. "We'll have to be ready to go."

"Last I saw Enid was checking the escape route," I said. My voice was hoarse and I had to clear my throat before I could be heard.

Maggie nodded but I wasn't sure my answer actually mattered at this point. She led me away from the fence and back towards the grave yard. I hesitated, not certain this was going to make things any better, but I couldn't bring myself to admit to her that I wasn't entirely stable right now.

We stopped as Jerry and Jesus walked by carrying some of our dead. Maggie's eyes locked on the bodies. Her shoulders started heaving. Either she was fighting back tears, or a panic attack. Either way, I stepped up next to her.

"All of this and we might end up having to run away anyway," she said her voice thick with emotion.

"We all know what we are fighting for," I told her. "In the end, it's just a place."

She nodded though she didn't look entirely convinced. Having a home had always meant a lot to Maggie. She believed in having roots and territory. Me, I was more pragmatic. Daryl was all the home I needed and we could sleep on the side of a road for all I cared as long as we were safe.

Dianne from The Kingdom approached us, leading the savior prisoner Alden. Maggie straightened her back, lifting her chin so she looked confident as she turned to him. "I've made arrangements for you to go outside the gates with a guard, so you can bury your people."

Alden glanced over his shoulder at the pile of bodies. "They're not mine," he said honestly. "But I'm glad you see them that way...as people," he clarified and he turned and walked away. I frowned after Alden. As much as Maggie was working to keep him separate with the other Saviors he seemed sincere in his desire to help us.

I could see the exchange cost Maggie more than it should have. She seemed torn when it came to Alden. Maybe that was why I did what I did next. I reached out and I laid my hand on her shoulder giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You're a good leader," I promised her. "You did the right thing. You saved the gates last night. Saved the community. You saved lives."

"Because they sacrificed theirs," she said jerking her chin towards the growing row of graves. She turned to me and there was sincerity burning in her eyes and something else, maybe a desire for me to understand and accept her next words.

"I only saved the prisoners because Negan could still be in play, which means they could be. I sent Negan that body in a box to make him mad. To lure him here," she confessed. "Because I wanted my husbands-" she swallowed over her next word but she didn't cry. "...grave..." she finally managed. "...to be the last thing he saw. Even if it came at a cost. I don't know if that makes me a good leader. I do know that the only regret I have is that Negan is not in that pile of bodies." Maggie's voice caught with emotion.

She looked at me with tear filled eyes and I knew the reason she had chosen me to talk about this with was because I wouldn't judge her. Michonne, Enid, Jesus, even Rick...none of those people would be as accepting as I would. Maggie thought what she had done made her a monster, I knew better.

Maggie kept walking around the back of the house and I trailed behind her. The two of us were both feeling raw and it was nice to not have to be alone. The way she kept moving I could tell something else was on her mind.

Maggie opened the gas tank on the generator and looked inside. Her face was grim. "We're low on gas. We're going to have to shut down the generators..." she shook her head in disappointment.

"It's going to get hot in the house," I said thinking about Gracie and Judith. "Especially up in that nursery." I turned to go.

"Jo," she called after me.

I glanced over my shoulder at her.

She drew in a deep breath. "I should never have let you fight last night," she told me, lifting her eyes to mine and I could see the guilt she was carrying. "I knew you were hurt and exhausted, but I knew you were the best the chance of killing him..." she pressed her lips together and looked away. "I risked your life for that chance. In the end," she scoffed. "I'm no better than he is."

I stared at her silently until she finally met my gaze once more. She looked like she was expecting me to be mad. I snorted and shook my head. "You're nothing like him. We both know there was nothing you could have done to stop me," I told her. "And I'm not dead. So let go of the guilt. I'm a big girl, I chose where and how I fight. I don't need to be protected."

If Maggie and I were going to continue to work together like this she needed to let go of the belief that I was some kind of innocent who needed protection. Now if I could just convince the surly red neck of that things would go a lot smoother. Thinking of him made me smile. "Although," I added wryly. "Maybe don't tell Daryl you thought that way."

She snorted and nodded. "That's probably very good advice."

"He can be a little overprotective," I said with an apologetic shrug.

Maggie smiled as she swiped away the moisture in her eyes. "He loves you."

Her tears were a reminder that I was lucky to still have Daryl. I was usually able to reassure myself about the dangers we faced with the knowledge that Daryl could take care of himself. I turned to head back towards the house.

"Jo," she called after me. I stopped. "Thank you," she said. "For everything."

I nodded, uncomfortable by her gratitude. I hadn't really done anything.

"You and Daryl being here," she said. "It made a difference. It saved lives," she said using my words.

I ducked my head and hurried away before she said anything else. I headed back to the front steps. When I turned the corner of the house I saw Daryl climbing out of one of the cars that had been parked outside the gate last night. Rosita was with him. Tara climbed out of another one and I was surprised to see she was back on her feet so soon.

Daryl's eyes caught mine across the yard, but Rosita said something and I used the opportunity to slip away. I wasn't ready to face him yet either. He would want to talk about what happened out there but I couldn't explain it, not without telling him everything. And I wasn't sure I was ready for that.

Michonne was waiting to ambush me. Okay, maybe not ambush but that's how it felt. Like they were passing me from one person to the next making sure someone was always at the ready in case I lost it again. Or maybe I was just being sensitive.

"Jo," she said, pushing herself to her feet. Her eyes were red rimmed and the smile she flashed me didn't quite reach her eyes. She was handling what happened better than Rick was, but just barely. She reached behind her into her back pocket and pulled out a crumpled envelope.

As soon as I saw my name in Carl's scrawling handwriting it was like I couldn't draw in a full breath. She for sure didn't know what had been happening or there was no way she would be giving me this now.

"I should have gotten this to you sooner," she said quietly. "But uh-"

"I-" I started to say I didn't want it. That I couldn't take it, but without making the conscious decision my trembling hand was taking it from her grip. I stared down at the letter, knowing there was no way I would ever be strong enough to open it. I turned to go.

"Jo," she reached out and grabbed my arm. I tensed, rocking up on my toes in case I needed to fight. She let go and immediately held her hands up so I could see she wasn't a threat. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "It's just...Carl wrote that because he wanted you to read it," she said firmly. "It was one of the last things he ever did."

Just hearing someone speak his name was like a physical blow I wasn't sure I would survive. I nodded and slid it into my back pocket wondering how I would ever work up the courage to open it.

The girls were playing in the entry hall in front of the open door where it was cool. I crouched down near them and gently touched both their heads.

"Auntie Jo crying," Judith said, her tiny voice rising with worry. She reached out and touched the tears I hadn't realized were flowing down my cheeks.

"It's okay Judi," I promised her, pressing a kiss on her forehead. 

"Hey kiddo," I said and I knelt next to Gracie and pressed a kiss against her hair. I nodded to Sarah and stood, heading upstairs first. It was going to get hot in here and the girls would be going down for their naps very soon.

The nursery was quiet and empty. The letter in my back pocket felt like it weighed more than it should. I needed to read it. As scared as I was I knew I had to. I didn't know how much longer I would have privacy, and I knew I couldn't do it with an audience. I closed the door and sat down in the rocking chair.

With shaking hands I pulled it out of my back pocket. I opened the flap and pulled the white paper out. Seeing Carl's handwriting was like a blow to the chest.

Jo,

You're missing right now. No one knows where you are. But I know you'll find a way back. You always do. Daryl is so worried about you. He loves you more than I think you know. More than I think he can say. You've been fighting for so long and I know you won't stop as long as he's alive. I wish I could have killed Negan for you so you could feel safe enough to truly live. You deserve to rest. 

You need to find a way forward. You need to start over Jo. I hope you find peace. I hope when you find it you recognize it. You are able to accept it. And that you are able to live with it. I know I don't know everything you've been through. I know you worked hard to protect me from that Jo. But I want you to be okay. I want you to know that you can trust people. That you aren't just that person. That you can move on and build a future.

Love, Carl

I could hardly read the last words. Tears blinded me. I closed my hands into fists and pressed them against my eyes as tears flowed down my cheeks and sobs choked me.

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Daryl

I watched Jo head into the house, and instantly felt better. I hoped she was going in to rest. There was just a few more things out here I needed to take care of before I went to check on her. I frowned as Tara climbed out of one of the cars. "Hey," I said walking towards her. "You shouldn't be out here."

She shrugged, though she was holding her injured arm away from her body awkwardly. "It's just a scratch," she told me. "I can help."

I pressed my lips together. "What if it wasn't?" I challenged.

Anger flared in Tara's eyes. "Then it would be my own damn fault. He's back with them because of me," she said.

I scoffed. "No, he's back with 'em 'cause that's who he is," I said firmly. There was no room for grey area with that asshole. He had shot Tara in the damn back.

Tara wasn't going to listen though. She shook her head. "We got lucky finding Maggie...Rick. It could have been different. It was for me, when I was with The Governor."

I jumped in before she could keep talking. "Yeah, but you weren't one of them," I told her quickly.

"But I was with them. Your brother was too."

"My brother," I scoffed and my voice was gravely with my barely contained temper. "My brother ran the wrong way his whole life. If he were here, if I stuck with him when he left, we'd be with the Saviors too, or some other group just like 'em. But I'd have figured out who they were, just like you did."

Tara didn't back down from my temper and I was impressed. Normally she did. "Maybe that's what happened to Dwight," she said resolutely.

I shook my head. How could she forget so quickly what he had done to Denise? How could Jo? I knew this exact fight was going to come between Jo and I one day. It made me even more frustrated to know it and not be able to do anything to stop it. Maybe that was why my next words were so cruel, like it was somehow Tara's fault Jo and I would be having this same fight.

"Was that before or after he killed your girl?" I snarled pitilessly. "Or is that all square now?" I rasped.

Her jaw tightening was the only sign of how mad she really was. "It is," she said firmly. "Look, I may hate him forever, but he saved my life."

I snorted humorlessly. "Naw," I shook my head. "He tried to kill you last night."

"When we were in the woods, when we were coming here, I saw him try and help us win. Jo did too." she said like that would somehow influence me.

It pissed me off that she thought she could use Jo to try and win our argument. "Yeah," I snarled. "I saw what I saw too," and I stalked away.

Jo had disappeared into the house after Michonne said something to her. She was more fragile than people realized and I had a strange urgency to go after her. When I stepped into the door Lil Ass Kicker and Baby Gracie were playing at my feet. Lil Ass Kicker wrapped her small hands around my leg in a hug and Gracie stretched her arms for me to pick her up. I scooped the infant up and hugged her small body against my chest.

"Uncle Da-wil," Lil Ass Kicker pulled at my pants to get my attention. I squatted down so I was at eye level with the solem toddler. "Auntie Jo is sad," she told me very seriously.

Sarah spoke up from her seat in one of the chairs. "She headed up to the nursery," she informed me.

I nodded and looked back at Lil Ass Kicker. "I'll go find her. You watch Baby Gracie okay?"

Lil Ass Kicker nodded and I set Gracie back down beside her on the rug.

I was two doors down when I heard boards cracking from behind the closed door of the nursery. I hurried my steps and silently swung open the door to see her standing with her back to me. She was using one of her new knives to pull the boards we had nailed up over the windows. Even from this far away I could see she was shaking.

I stepped almost silently into the room. It was stuffy and hot.

"Jo," I said her name quietly. I didn't want to startle her.

She hesitated for only a moment but she didn't stop. She popped the next board. "Maggie turned off the generators to save gas. Judith and Gracie are going to need air in this heat," she said but I could hear the emotion in her voice. She had been crying.

"Jo, darlin" I said stepping closer. "You need to rest."

I moved towards her but she didn't stop. I looked down at the table beside where she was working and saw a crumpled letter in Carl's scrawling handwriting and I suddenly understood that this went way beyond her exhaustion and the fight and Negan. Instead of saying that though I went to the next window and started pulling boards down too.

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Daryl

It was late before I finally convinced Jo to get some sleep. With three communities crammed into one people were laying together in all the rooms and halls available in the main house. Jo would have slept better away from the group, but she insisted on a spot in the hall outside the nursery. She didn't say it, but I think she wanted to be near the girls.

I settled down on the floor and held my arm up for her. She didn't hesitate. She laid down next to me and snuggled into my chest. She laid her head down over my heart and I wrapped my arms around her holding her against me.

Jo sighed and snuggled deeper into my side. She hadn't said anything about the letter. She worked all day to help clean up the community without saying a word but she had stayed close instead of pulling away.

My eyes burned when I closed them I was so tired, but somehow after all we had been through we were still standing. We were still here together and that was what mattered. I fell asleep holding her.

It was a little before dawn when the screaming started.

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I hope you enjoyed the update!