thegeekyfandomwriter wrote this incredible short story which is powerfully written, full of intense emotions and events.

"Give it up! You're surrounded," Cap warned the young woman, dressed in a trenchcoat and wide brimmed hat. His voice held a tinge of hope, like always, that maybe, just maybe she might give in. Might show the weaker, vulnerable side of her desperate to be good again. When she was silent, the hope grew. Until he spotted the wicked grin adorning her face, and every agent around him exploded in a splatter of blood as they were killed from the inside out.

His eyes widened as she licked away some of the blood on her finger, and the crimson liquid decorated his suit like a layer of thick paint. For the first time, her eyes met his, a baby blue against a silvery-turquoise-green, shining with a frightening, malicious evil. Inside of those mesmerizing orbs was the very thing in scary campfire stories, the wicked intent of a monster.

He stood there, stunned. He should've known better. This was on him. All their lives, because he was hesitant to pull the trigger on the young woman he thought he knew. The young woman he thought he loved, for just a moment. She took a step closer, and he prepared to fight, his gaze never parting from hers.

It must've been something in the way he looked at her, as though he had just been shredded to pieces, as he took up his fighting stance. Or maybe it was the way he said her name, almost desperately, hopeful and torn and pleading for her to stop, to say it was just one of the nightmares he always had, and that when he woke up she'd be there to comfort him like always.

Her bottom lip quivered, almost invisibly, and she dipped the hat down just a little bit to break the eye contact. To maybe hide the streaky tears going down her face as she stood in front of them.

"I'm sorry, Steve."

And then she was gone.

He almost hadn't heard it, almost missed the wet trails leading down her cheeks. Almost didn't see her lip quiver, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't help but notice every single detail about her, etch it into his mind like he had done in his sketchbook so many times before. And in that moment, he knew.

He still loved her. He would always love her.

And she loved him too.

But instead of looking past the plastered smirk, past the tough walls in her gaze, he chose to believe that was the end of their depth.

Steve hadn't saved her.

He left her alone when she broke, and when she would say she was alright and they both knew she was lying, he wouldn't protest.

He thought he was giving her space, that it might help.

But now that he thought about it, did it ever help him?

When the nightmares were too much, she had been there to talk it through. Even if he didn't want to talk, she would force him to let go of his feelings, and hold him until the shaking stopped. When he felt overwhelmed but the new century he had found himself in, she would calm him.

He told himself he was helping her.

Maybe he was just sparing himself from seeing the depth, the pain in her eyes, behind the smiles she sent him that made butterflies erupt in his stomach. He was afraid of what lied beyond the happy demeanor she would paste on, finding himself content with the plastered smiles.

And now he had lost her. He betrayed her, in a way.

Steve broke his promise.

And now he broke her, and in turn, himself. He fell to his knees, sobs wracking his body as he held his face in his hands, finally understanding the consequences of what he'd done. They were making him suffer like nothing he could imagine.

Lately he hadn't been able to sleep, but was afraid to stay up, stuck between thoughts of her or nightmares of the past. He soon realized he could escape neither. He had lost the person he loved most, again. But this time, it was all his fault. There was no blaming fate, or the tesseract, or time. There was only him, and the choices he had made.

~~~~~

Steve was a shell after that incident. He moped around the tower silently, and even Fury had allowed him off duty. He didn't respond to Tony's jokes, barely seeming to acknowledge anyone else's presence. Eventually the Stark stopped teasing him altogether, knowing there was no point in bothering him.

Everyone knew not to bring her up in front of Steve. He would either collapse in a sobbing heap, or break something to pieces. Sometimes both, one followed after the other.

He hardly went out, either, always finding that something reminded him of her. The smell of her favorite coffee, someone wearing her favorite color. Couples sitting on park benches, melodious laughter reaching his ears as he imagined the two of them doing the same.

Sometimes he would even think he saw her, passing by him on the street, or in a taxi. He wouldn't know even if he did. By the time he turned for a second look she was gone.

And she had always kept watch on him. Even if she wished, she could never quite leave him alone. She watched from the shadows, and when she saw his pained face she was torn between staying where she knew she belonged and throwing herself into his arms, his embrace.

She wanted to melt into his touch and let him whisper to her that it was alright, that everything was okay. But she knew better than that. It was never okay. It would never be okay. It was all her fault, after all. She stepped out of the shadows, allowed Steve to help her believe she could blend into the light. It was all a fantasy in the end.

They had caught her once, as she watched from a distance. Clint told her everything, and Natasha just watched with sad eyes as Tony all but begged her to come back. Even if he knew she couldn't. Bruce understood, but even he couldn't help but wish that she could bring back the old Steve, with kind eyes and reassuring smiles.

No one ever told him that they'd seen her. She disappeared soon after they spoke, and no one had seen her since. They knew it would only break his heart, to know she was still so close, but was so determined to remain distanced. They feared that if he broke any more, they feared he might shatter. And if he shattered, they weren't sure what she'd do.

Because even if she tried to disappear from his life, Steve was still the light to her shadows. She couldn't help but cling to it. Shadows needed the light to exist.

However, she didn't realize that light needed shadows in the same way.

And so she watched from a distance. She watched as he never tried to pick himself up, until someone else tried to do it for him. She watched as he was gradually put back together, piece by piece, thanks to Sharon. As he fell back in love, with the woman who picked up the pieces left by her. Everyone was happy for him, especially her. But they couldn't help the slight melancholy to their smiles as they knew she was watching, always watching, smiling gratefully through her tears as she saw him move on. She was simply another relic in the past, now.

But what everyone knew about the past is that it never liked to stay there.

And now, as he dropped his shield after fighting Tony, she faded out of the shadows and picked it up.

The Stark could only watch in a stunned silence as she touched Steve's shoulder. As he turned, eyes widening in recognition as Bucky looked at her with the same realization. As she held out the vibranium shield for him to take, and as he hesitantly did so, wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him. He was still in shock as she began to glimmer out of existence again, that same kind, sweet, loving smile he had adored. That he still adored.

Yet there was something different about this smile, something that made his heart beat out of his chest as the realization overtook him.

She had just given him a real smile, even more breathtaking than the ones she once showed. His breath caught in his throat at the sight as it dawned on him that it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

And then it escaped in a choked sob as he realized it'd be the last time he ever saw it.

Tony and Bucky could only look on as she began to disappear again, an apologetic look in her eyes telling him not to cry as she smile shone dazzlingly in front of them. They could only watch as he began to panic at the sight, at the thought of never seeing her again.

"No, no no no no no," he gasped as she fizzled out of sight, crying out her name as he clutched his shield tightly. He had let her go again.

It wasn't any easier, even if he thought he'd fallen in love with someone else.

It was actually a million times harder.

And, as always, she went back into the shadows, watching from afar as a pang in her chest begged her to show herself, hold him close.

She ignored it, like always. It was best for her to stay away, to shy away from the intense light of him. That moment with the shield was a moment of weakness, one that she'd nonetheless cherish in her mind as she quietly kept him safe. Bucky always knew she was there, could always see her standing in the dark corner of the room, eyes on Steve.

He appreciated it, even if it broke his heart to see the both of them torn up over such a misunderstanding. In exchange he always fought to protect him as well. She'd see him meet her gaze every once in awhile, a nod of reassurement. She didn't question how he saw her.

Perhaps those once stuck in the dark could recognize others doing the same.

Regardless, she would always be there, watching Steve through his challenges, a soft smile on her face as he rose to every expectation.

In reality, however, he was always empty. It had never ceased, even though he'd always pushed it down.

The shadows need light to survive.

But as his light began to grow just a little bit duller, he made a pledge to himself.

He'd find her, no matter what it took.

They were facing in separate directions, back to back as she watched him from the corner of her eye. He was always seeking her, but looking the wrong way.

He'd force himself to turn around and find her. He'd bring her back.

Because shadows need light to survive, but light is only a blank, empty slate without shadow.