I'VE COME UP WITH NICKNAMES

Y/n to Blitzø: Blitzy, Mr. Boss
Y/n to Stolas: Stols, My Prince, Bird Baby
Blitzø to Y/n: Girlfriend, Girly, Babe, Hon
Stolas to Y/n: Birdy, Darling, Dearest

-

"Y/n! Daddy!"

Stolas stirred, looking towards Stella, wrapped up in the blanket while it only covered his lower half. "Via's calling us, Stella..." he said sleepily.

"You get up...didn't hear a mummy..."

He got up and went to Octavia's room, where he found her hiding underneath her blankets. "Via? What troubles you, my owlet?"

Her head popped out of the blankets. "Daddy! Daddy!" she cried and ran to him, Stolas picking her up. "I had a dream!" she sobbed. "A really bad dream!"

He yawned, then wiped away her tears. "A nightmare," he corrected.

"I was looking all over the palace and...I couldn't find you anywhere!" she cried, burying her face into his neck as he rubbed her back. "S - so I tried to call my Fairy Godmother to wish you back. But she wasn't there, either! You weren't there and neither was Y/n!"

"There there, Via. It's okay. You're okay." He took her back to bed, summoning his grimoire. "When you're scared and you don't know where I am, you must remember, no matter what happens to me, I will never be far away from my special little starfire," he said and tapped her nose, sitting down with her.

Stolas:
It always seems more quiet
In the dark

He opened up a portal to space, letting Octavia look in in wonder.

Stolas:
It always feels so stark
How silence grows under the moon

He floated through the portal, Octavia still in his arms, landing on the moon.

Stolas:
I used to think love would be fun
Now all my stories have been told
Except for one

He looked at his daughter, who looked back at him with her big eyes, then she looked over to a pink glow.

Stolas:
Add the stars align,
I hope you'll take it as a sign
That you'll be okay

A meteor went towards the glow - a star - which began to sink. The planets began to gravitate towards it, including the moon.

Stolas:
Everything will be okay
And if the Seven Rings collapse,
Although that day could be my last,
You will be okay

Her eyes beginning to close, Octavia yawned and fell asleep against Stolas' chest.

Stolas:
When I'm gone, you'll be okay

As a supernova exploded, Stolas teleported them back into Octavia's room, the portal closing behind him. He disregarded his sleeping child and began to belt out the words as he tucked her in.

Stolas:
And when creation goes to DIE,
You can find me in the sky,
Upon the last day

He backed away to the door, smiling down at her sleeping figure.

Stolas:
And you will be okay...

He shut the door and went back to bed, Y/n peeking out from the corner around him. She looked at Octavia's door, sighed, and went back to bed.

-

"I can't believe you slept with an imp IN OUR FUCKING PALACE!"

Octavia groaned, awoken by her mother's shrill shrieks.

"It was unexpected! I would have gotten a motel!"

"A motel?! Like a fucking PLEBIAN?!"

Octavia took her phone and began playing music, drowning out the noises of the argument. Add she walked down to the kitchen, she nearly got hit with a plate, which she walked over.

"You to fuck this one, TOO?!" Stella screamed at him, Y/n keeping her distance at the other side of the table while Stolas blocked Stella off, and threw one of their servants at her, which she dodged.

"You okay, Pringles?"

"You are a goddamn embarrassment! I'm not spending another moment looking at your pathetic, IMP-SUCKING FACE!" Stella stormed out, still screaming and breaking things.

Y/n sighed "Morning, Via," she said, noticing the teenage owl come in.

She ignored her and sat down, Stolas trying to greet her next as he went into the refrigerator for a large chunk of zebra meat. "Did you sleep well, my owlet?"

"Was that a serious question?" she mumbled, her gaze on her phone. Y/n took one of the seats, summoning her guitar to tune it.

"Mm-hmm...what's that you're listening to?"

"It's called My World is Burning Down Around Me. It's by Fuck You, Dad."

Stolas looked down, hurt.

"It's a band."

"Oh! How charming..." He fed the zebra meat to a large plant that gulped it right down without chewing and pet it until it shut its eyes.

"So, you two done screaming for the day?" she asked, sipping her coffee.

"Um..."

In the distance, Stella screamed again, shattering something else.

"You know what I haven't done in a long, long time?" he asked, trying to change the subject and gestured towards a large picture on the wall. "I haven't taken you to your favorite place in all of Hell! Why don't we go to Loo Loo Land?"

"I'm not five anymore..."

Finished, Y/n let out a strum. "What the fuck is Loo Loo Land?"

Y/n ignored, Stolas insisted, "You always were so happy when I took you to Loo Loo Land! What do you say we go there again, have a day, just us and Y/n? Show her around." [This feels like my dad trying to bond except I would actually be losing my shit to go to a theme park.]

"I'd...rather kill myself."

"Same, bestie."

"There we go! Anything but staying in this house. Now, I'll arrange our security." He took the phone from the butler, who was now bruised.

"Security...for a theme park?"

"We are rich and we are hot. People want our money and our bodies."

She took the cereal box, beginning to eat directly from it. "Our money, maybe..."

"Speak for yourself, Princess," Y/n quipped, getting up and taking the phone. "Now I'm gonna call the only man who can fuck me!"

She dropped her cereal with a look of disgust. "What...?"

"Fuck...people up for us."

She pulled her beanie over her eyes as Y/n began to dial.

-

Blitzø had two crudely-drawn puppets of Millie and Moxxie on his hands, making them talk to a picture of himself with a robe pulled down and a flower between his teeth. His mug read #1 BOSS, BITCH having been crossed out.

"Oh, Blitzø! You're such a good boss!" be said, impersonating Millie, then Moxxie.

"Yeah, I really want you, sir."

"Me too!"

He took them off and threw them across the room, leaning back in his chair as he pulled out a framed picture from god knows where. "Sorry, not interested! Right now, there's only one bitch that I want." The picture was an embarrassing snapshot of Y/n at the Christmas party he had kept. He began to make out with it, irritated when his phone rang. "WHAT?!" he demanded, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Why, hello, my big-dicked boss ~"

He spat out his coffee, hearing someone else on the other line - Octavia - do the same.

"What -"

-

"- the -"

-

" - FUCK, -"

-

"Y/n?!"

"Language, everyone!" Stolas demanded, looking at Y/n disapprovingly.

"Oh, please. Like you aren't the only one who Vizzie/Author-chan has to bleep out?" Into the phone, she continued, "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

-

".........no." He threw the frame to the side, something shattering and a cat meowing randomly, eyes enlarged and mouth tiny.

"Right. Well, I need a favor."

"Aw...look, I just had a chemical peel. So, you'll have to find someone else's face to plant that depressed ass."

"It's for my goddaughter."

"Ah. Well, make sure she washes it."

-

"What? Ew, no! They wanna show me this theme park and I was hoping you would come with? You know, be our glorified bodyguards?"

"We're assassins, not bodyguards, k? Maybe read your job description next time. And you got some audacity to ask when you took the day off, girlfriend."

"I'll pay you ~"

"Pay me what?"

"My paycheck for my PTO."

-

"Done!" He slammed his phone on his desk, shattering it. He pulled out a megaphone and shouted through it, "M&M, get in here! We're goin' to Loo Loo Land!"

Moxie opened the door with a confused look. "Loo Loo Land?"

Millie proceeded to smash her head through the glass. "Loo Loo Land?!"

"Loo Loo Land!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Loona yelled in another room.

-

A van with I.M.P written on the side in spray paint pulled up. Moxxie got out of the van, then opened the side door, where Stolas, cramped as all hell, got out and put on an apple hat. Octavia followed, pulling up her hoodie.

Blitzø popped open the trunk and Y/n came tumbling out, face-planting. "WHOOOO!" she screamed into the cement, pumping her fist up.

Instead of helping her up, Blitzø leaned over to Stolas and whispered in a low voice, "Now remember: this is work and work only. Me and the others are not here to satisfy your perverted needs, alright?"

Octavia turned around disgustedly and tugged on her father's arm. "Hey...Dad...do we have to -?"

Blitzø put up his hand to shut her up. "Okay, yeah, hold on right there, sweetie." Again to Stolas, "If you try fuckin' my little ass in that park, I swear to -"

Y/n bent over, squishing his cheeks from behind so that they pouted out. "Don't worry, Mr. Boss, we'll be on our best behavior ~"

He swat her hands away, then shook his face so that his cheeks went back to normal.

"I'm literally gonna be sick," Octavia groaned.

"Oh, crumbs! I knew today would be a lot!" Moxxie pulled a bunch of pill bottles out of his bag, rambling. "What do you need? Anti-acid? Ibuprofen? Morphine?" He pulled out a bunch of syringes at the bottom filled with morphine.

"That was figurative, old man," Octavia sighed and walked away.

"Oh, right." He chuckled nervously while Y/n took the morphine and put it into her purse for later. "But she said it was literal," he said to her.

"Welcome to my world, Mox."

"Wow! I haven't been to this place since I was a tot!" Millie gushed, taking in the theme park while a teenage imp got crushed with an old sign. "It hasn't changed a bit! Oh, look! It's Big Woobly!" She gestured at an old dinosaur with his mouth open, giving a demonic shriek.

"That is...deeply unsettling," Moxxie said, taking a step back.

"Oh, come on! It's fun! You've never been here?"

"No. Theme parks always disturbed me. Especially the mascots."

"Well hey there!"

"AAAAHHHH -" Moxxie jumped away from the giant red apple that hovered over him with a painted on smile.

"I'm Loo Loo! Welcome to Loo Loo Land! If y'all get hurt here, just try and sue us!"

"Look! Via! It's Loo Loo!" This grown-ass, slightly gay but not actually, large owl was more excited about the giant apple than his daughter Lord give me strength Stolas honey I love you but that thing is cringey nightmare fuel.

"I have a question," she said.

"Ask away, little girlie! A-hyuk a-hyuk a-hyuk!"

"Is it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off of Lucifer's far more popular Lu Lu World?"

A long beat.

"..................no."

"This place reeks of insecure corporate shame."

Stolas pushed her away, trying to brush off the interaction sheepishly. "Why don't we go check out the rides?"

Once they were gone, the apple said, "That chick's creepy, huh?"

"The FUCK did you say about my goddaughter?!" Y/n pulled out the morphine and stuck them all in his arms, injecting it all in and making the apple pass out immediately. "Come on, bitches, let's go." She pulled their arms aggressively away from the mascot, Moxxie looking around at the attractions nervously. She let go of them and wandered away to look for a hotdog.

"You really like this place, huh?" he asked Millie.

"I love this place! My parents would bring me and my siblings here when they should swing it! Money-wise."

A worker wheeled away a wheelbarrow full of money. Moxxie looked at the prices inside one of the stores. "Yeah. The prices so seem rather criminal. I mean, that much for a novelty cup you use one time?"

"Because it's Loo Loo Land!"

Y/n came back with Blutzø, who was decked out in merch and bought Y/n a hotdog and drink in one of the cups Moxxie was just criticizing. "Listen to your hoe, Mox." he said, nudging him while Y/n practically inhaled her drink. "How 'bout I take the first watch while you two have a little fun?" he suggested, lowering down his sunglasses to wink.

"OOOOOH! We gotta do my favorite ride!" Millie dragged Moxxie away by the hand.

"Oh yeah? Wh - which one?"

A rollercoaster ahead plummeted at least ninety feet with a bunch of fire.

"Oh, crumbs."

-

Immediately after, Moxxie was in front of a trash can barfing, a family walking by with glares, puked all over, along with a dragon from the petting zoo.

-

A group of imps had their weapons pointed at Stolas and Y/n. The minute Blitzø so much as looked at them, they were scattering away, leaving him to patrol.

Y/n stroked his horns, purring. "You're my hero, Blitzy ~"

"Save it, babe. I'm working."

"You all need to get a room," Octavia groaned.

"Hey, I am not a day-hooker!" A woman pushing her stroller glared at Blitzø, pushing past him. "What? I just said I'm not, prude," he said, flipping her off.

"Oh! Look, Via!" Stolas pointed to a circus tent, where a mother was trying to get her screaming son into it. "You used to cry such tears of joy as this show!"

Y/n looked around the tent, already curious. "What show?"

Octavia's eyes widened and her close became panicky. "Oh no..."

-

Young Octavia was pushed against the stage, where Robo Fizz was sparking and stuttering every other word, her eyes filled with tears in a panic, breaking down when the robot leaned over her.

At the concession stand, Blitzø scowled, dressed as a clown.

-

"I hate that fucking clown," they said together.

Casually, Y/n was bound in a rope with Stolas, who was gagged. With a sack over her head, covered in blood, she called out, "Blitz, darling! I need my prince to come save me!"

He took out his rifle and shot one of the imps, the rest of them running. "Aren't you, like, one of our best assassins?" he asked rhetorically, dragging her to the tent ahead of Stolas and Octavia. Look, bitch, hotels sometimes like to be in distress. When they sat down, Octavia took the sack off of her head, completely unphased.

Robo Fizz came onto stage, sparking all over, his voice still glitchy. "Hey - hey - hey - hey - hey, implings! It's me, the Robotic Fizzarolli! Shipped from Big Ozzie's factory to bring you a wonderful show celebrating Loo Loo Land, spelled with Os, to avoid lawsuits! H - H -H - H - H - Hit it!"

Robo Fizz:
Loo Loo Land, Loo Loo Land!

The curtain opened up, showing the animatronic band that reminded Y/n of a certain game on Earth she became obsessed with for awhile before moving her hyperfixation onto something else.

Robo Fizz:
Everybody sing along with the Loo Loo Band!

He pointed to different demons, eventually getting to Y/n, who backed away, slightly creeped out. Blitzø popped up between them and aimed his rifle, the robot running back to the stage.

Robo Fizz:
Ev'ry boy, ev'ry girl, ev'ry woman, ev'ry man loves Loo Loo Land!

He grabbed a bunch of random children to hug, then threw them at the bleachers.

Robo Fizz:
Everybody's friendly

He hugged Big Woobly on the guitar so tight, his neck broke.

Robo Fizz:
And nobody's mean

He hit a bear in the back with two heads, playing the banjo. Oil covered a guy in front who obviously did not even want to be there.

Robo Fizz:
No copyright infringements ever seen!

He dumped gas onto a bunch of legal documents and lit them on fire.

Robo Fizz:
I have a dream

Backup Singers:
[He has a dream...]

Robo Fizz:
I'm here to tell...

Backup Singers:
[He's here to tell...]

Robo Fizz:
About a magical, fantastic place called Loo Loo Land!

Y/n had brought her legs up to the rest of her body in a semi-fetal position, holding onto Octavia in fear while the owl looked boredly at the musical.

-

Millie immediately pulled Moxxie to a game of bottles, where a carnie imp was attracting her attention. "Hello, hello! Step right up and win a thing!"

She gasped, bouncing on her heels. "Oh, look, Moxxie! A THING!"

It was a purple stuffed penguin creature with horns, wearing pink overalls. Its label read 'THING?'

"Oh, you like that thing?" Moxxie asked, already reaching for his money.

"YES! I don't really know what that thing is but I want that thing!"

"Ahhh...finally, something I can handle." He gave the money to the carnie. "Okay! One game, puh-lease!"

He took the money and, with his tail, gave Moxxie a pistol, who shot without looking, instead his gaze fixed on Millie. It hit the target, which refused to fall over. He blew the smoke from the gun as the carnie crushed his dreams. "Ooh! Strike one, little man!"

"What? But I hit it," he protested.

"Hmmm, I don't know what to tell ya, buddy. The target, see?" He pointed. "It didn't go down. So, yeah. No go, bro."

He growled, but paid again and got another bullseye without a knock-over. He smacked the gun. "The Heaven's wrong with this thing?!"

"Oh, man. A real shame, I tell ya," the carnie mocked, mocking a crying person.

"Another!" He slammed down more money aggressively.

-

Robo Fizz:
- body sing along with the Loo Loo band!
Ev'ry boy, ev'ry girl, ev'ry woman, ev'ry man loves Loo Loo Land!

The robot cackled maniacally while the bear literally fell into pieces over the stage. Stolas was the only one not a child genuinely into it, applauding. "Ah hohohoho ho ho ho ho ho, how delightful!"

Octavia would have had her head back in torture if Y/n had not climbed on top of it, eyes wide and glued to the robots, shaking. "Delightfully evil!" Behind her, an imp raised his knife to stab her before getting shot down by Blitzø in the back row, blowing his head off. Y/n looked back, smirking. "Thanks, babe."

"My, what good aim he has ~" Stolas agreed, scaling the short demon seductively.

"Ugh! I can't do this anymore!" Octavia yelled, getting up and stomping off, dropping Y/n off her head.

"Ow."

"Wait, uh - Octavia!" Stolas ran after her, along with Y/n as soon as she scrambled up.

"Wait I'm sorry if it's my fault I was just scared!"

"Muahahahaha hoho-oh! Is that Blitzo my sensors spot up the - e - e - ere?" The robot psychotically turned to him. "I bet the kiddies are still running away from you, huh?"

"The 'o' is silent now," he said coldly.

"A - A- Awwwww, just like your audience always was when you to - told your lazy jokes here!"

He took off the sunglasses and threw them. "Bitch, please. I make more money killing people than you do being a cheap-ass robo-ripoff of an overrated sellout JESTER!"

"Oohoohoo! Someone's salty! Real or not, though, people lo - o - ove me! Does anybody love you..." His voice went demonically low and his eyes gleamed evilly. "BLITZ-O?"

"No. But I'm really good with guns now." He pulled his rifle out, firing at will, shooting at an acrobatic robot. "Dance, bitch!"

Robo Fizz rolled up the stairs to Blitzø and wrapped himself around the imp, then launched him up out of the roof of the tent.

"Ohhhh, FUCK MEEEEEEE...!"

-

Outside, a man rolled his cart filled with torches. "Torches, I say, I say! Get your inconvenient torches here!"

Blitzø landed on the cart, the torches spreading green fire everywhere and melting the animatronics.

"Ow, I say, OW!"

-

"Wow! Man, you're really starting to make this sad." The carnie had a pile of money, Moxxie seething and ready to snap at any moment. "Y'know, if you suck, you suck. Guess you won't win your honey here a prize..."

He leaned over flirtatiously towards Millie, who took the gun from her husband. "Let me try." She fired, missing it completely. The carnie pushed a button, making the target fall.

"Oh, look at that! Lucky shot, baby!"

"Are you kidding me?!" Moxxie yelled at him. "You - you - you charlatan!"

"Hey, uh, get lost, pipsqueak. I'm talkin' to the lady ~" Millie grimaced as he purred, grossed out, until Blitzø landed on him from being yeeted again by Robo Fizz.

"Sir?!"

"Ohhhh...Hey, guys!" He tried to snap out of his daze. "You should probably go, uh, make sure Y/n and Stolas are okay. I've...got some unfinished business to take care of." He cocked his pistol and began firing at Robo Fizz, who was still on fire. His head spun, but the bullet went into his mouth, which he promptly spat out.

"Oh, what a mouth!" Realizing what he said, he recoiled. Once Robo Fizz leaped for him, Blotzø jumped away, letting him fall onto the tent and let the severed heads off prizes fly everywhere, one of them hitting a little bit and knocking him unconscious.

"Goddamnit, Nathan! You ruined another bloody photo! Why were you even born?!" his father screamed at him.

-

"Octavia?"

"Octavia!"

Both ran deeper into the theme park in search of the emo teen.

"Just leave me alone!" she yelled over her shoulder, running into a funhouse ride.

"Octavia!" Stolas yelled again, sprinting ahead of Y/n. They followed her into the fun house, which seemed more of a horror house than anything else with all the limbs and deadly objects around.

An imp jumped out from the shadows onto Stolas, which is when Y/n immediately pulled out her gun and shot him, black blood flying out and the imp falling off Stolas' shoulders and onto the ground.

"You had a gun with you this whole time?" he asked.

"Yeah.........I just wanted to be saved for once, y'know?" She put her arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer, chin on top of his head. "But nobody hurts my prince."

"Oh, darling...hoo hoo hoo..."

Moxxie and Millie, in the doorway, watched on in confusion until the prince saw them and stood back from Y/n, straightening, and cleared his throat. "Where is Blitzy? He's our knight in shining armor, not you littler ones."

"He's, uhhhh...busy," Millie said.

"Being a fool," Moxxie added.

"What kind of fool?" Stolas asked.

"The everything is on fire kind."

"Ugh, figures. Stols, go find Via. I've got a boss to save." She kissed his cheek, pulled out an even larger gun, and bolted out of the room, rounds being heard as soon as she got outside.

"You two. Protect her," Stolas demanded and went deeper into the fun house.

In the back, he found Octavia in one of the cats, her back turned to him, but evidently crying. "Octavia..." He discarded the hat, now drowning, and climbed in next to her. "I take it you are...not having fun."

"I didn't even want to come here," she sobbed, head in her knees.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, I...I thought you loved it here."

"When I was a kid and my parents didn't hate each other..." she sniffled. "And my dad wasn't in a...weird three-way with some red dickhead and my godmother...at least I know Y/n, but you never asked me if I wanted to bring an imp into our family..."

"I'm sorry, Via. I'm sorry for...everything...happening right now. I know it's...a lot. I, uh...I should have listened."

"I just want to go home..." she sighed, another tear escaping her eye. She leaned farther over the railing. "But home doesn't even feel like home anymore...you ruined it."

"You need to understand...your mother and I...I just...I felt...she's always been...I haven't been...ha...we weren't in..." He sighed, head dropping ass he gave up. "I'm sorry, I - I - I don't have the words."

"Are you and Y/n gonna run off with him...and leave me behind? Go away where...I can't find you...?"

"What? No! No, no, no. I'd never do that. Never. Neither would she. I think it's time to leave this place." He lifted her up, carrying her out of the cart and away from the fun house. "You were right. You are too old for it, anyway."

As he carried her out, an imp dropped down, switch blade in hand. Stolas immediately turned to glare at him, Medusaing the shit outta him and turning him to stone. He carried her past the chaos and to the gate, I.M.P still fighting the robots in the background. "So. What would you like to do now?"

"Oh, can we show Y/n Stylish Occult next? They sell weird taxidermy there."

"Hmmm, okayyyyy..." he said reluctantly, a look of worry flashing across his face.

Octavia giggled, then smiled up at him. "Thanks, Dad. You're okay sometimes."

"Thank you, Via...thank you."

An explosion, then Blitzø, Y/n, Moxxie, and Millie were on the ground in front of Stolad and Octavia.

"Way to ruin another good thing, sir!" Moxxie slurred.

"Worth it! That slutty toy clown had. It. Comin'!"

They went unconscious before a quief attempted to drag Millie away until Y/n shot it. "Sweetie, how many people did you kill?" she asked.

"Uh, how many people got in front of my gun?"