Chapter Seven.

JUSTIN:

            When I arrived at the dorm building I wasn't sure what to do. My palms were all sweaty from having to see her and as I opened up the door to the building, the memories started to sink in. Like the time I took her out to dinner and I was supposed to go home but she pushed me right up against that brick wall by the drinking fountain and we made out for a good half hour. I remember picking her up in my arms and running my hands up her dress that she had on too. The black lace one with the little silver beads on it.

            I remember our first day back in Toronto as a couple when I dropped her off here and she said she loved me before I left. I remember thinking how lucky I was to have a girl like her and now, I'm knocking on her door as a complete stranger almost. Someone who hasn't been there for her in lord knows how long.

            The door opened and she looked scared to death of me or of what I'd say. Her fingers immediately went to fix her hair but what she didn't get is that she was perfect in every way. I loved the fact that she was in sweatpants and I loved the fact that her hair was in a ponytail. She looked so beautiful.

            "I know you don't want to be here but I think it'll only just be an hour, okay? I won't make you stay here any longer than-"

            "Let's just get started."

            I didn't want to hear her speech about how inaccurate she was over thinking things. I wanted to be here more than anything even though she'd never know that until I saw the huge stack of books on her bed.

            "Jesus." I groaned. "You weren't lying."

            Taking a seat on her bed, I ignored her underwear that was on the floor or at least tried to. It was a thong, and for a second I almost wondered if she left it there on purpose.

            She sat on Casey's bed across from me and handed me the piece of paper that explained what the project was about. I wasn't even paying attention in class that day and now I'm really not paying attention. All I can think about is all of the nights we slept together here when Casey was away at Scott's. Like the time when I brought a movie over and popcorn like I tried to do the first time except that time we were actually dating so I didn't need to ask. She loved it and I remember the popcorn going all over the floor from us making out so much but we didn't even care. We had sex until like four the next day. God, those nights were just-

            "Justin." She said again.

            "Oh, sorry. What?"

            "Did you look it over?"

            "Yeah. I did. I just don't understand it. I swear to god she's trying to make us go insane."

            Reina laughed when I said that, making my heart stop again for the second time today. I missed that so much and it's almost like she knew it got to me because she smiled slightly and looked down at her book again.

            "She just wants us to go more into depth with Hamlet. We read it in high school and everything but doing a project on our own will help us understand it more. That's where she's coming from I think."

            My girlfriend that was on scholarship. My girlfriend that loved everything to do with school. My girlfriend that was so smart and sounded so sexy and looked so sexy focused on our project. Well, she's not my girlfriend. But in my mind she can be.

            "Right." I nodded. "I get that."

            "Okay so... read this act and annotate it."

            I got up from where I was and sat down next to her, her body stiffening all too quickly and my god I wanted to relax that body. I wanted to do things to it that would relax it immediately.

            "Which act?" I whispered, glancing down at the textbook.

            It's for your own good man.

            In order for you to stay on a healthy track and make a successful recovery at school you're going to need to be by yourself for a bit.

            Pushing the thoughts out of my mind, I looked up from the textbook at her lips and licked my bottom one, wanting more than anything to taste them again. Just one more time was what I needed. I needed Reina one more time.

            "Uh, this one."

            She didn't even notice that I was staring at her lips or maybe she did but she ignored me. All she did was pass the textbook over and for a second I almost grabbed her hand. I almost pulled her into me so she would be forced to look at me but when I started to calm down, when I realized what the hell I was actually doing, I started to get angry. This is exactly why I shouldn't have come here. She does this to me and how? How does she do that?

            "I gotta go." I muttered, closing the textbook.

            "What? Justin you just got here. I need help on this!"

            "I just can't be here Reina, okay? Not now."

            "Justin stop!" She begged, tugging on the sleeve of my shirt. When her fingertips touched my body I froze, my whole body seeming like a statue.

            "Y-You've been so nice all day just please stay. For a second you weren't mean and isn't this better than what we've been like? Isn't this a good thing?"

            The tears were coming into her eyes and I couldn't even look at her without wanting to kiss her and make her better. The moment we kiss is the moment I will never be able to stay away from her again.

            "I-I saw you staring at me." She whispered, pulling on my shirt more. "If you want to kiss me Justin then do it. I know I pushed you away but I want to. I miss you."

            "Reina I don't want to kiss you." I lied, my voice getting shakier. "Please just let me go."

            "Baby kiss me." She whispered, her fingertips going around my waist. "I miss you."

            She kept repeating herself and now she was on her feet, her chest pressed against mine and our lips were inches apart. I could feel her breath collide with mine and it felt like my chest was going to explode. From her use of the nickname, from her eyes that wanted me more than anything, from just every damn thing going on right now. My brain was so fucked up and this is what happens with her. She controls me in a way that no one else has.

            "Fuck Reina stop it!" I seethed, pulling away from her. "I can't d-do this okay? I just can't!"

            "Why the hell not?!" She screamed. "What the fuck happened to us?!"

            "YOU!" I yelled back. "YOU HAPPENED!"

            Then she started to cry and I was blinking away my tears, running my hands over my face to try and calm my anger down but I couldn't. I was so frustrated because I was caught in-between two things. I wanted them both but it was one or the other it seemed like.

            "You make me fucking insane Reina! Don't you get that? I went to rehab because of YOU. I went to rehab because the second I thought you didn't want me I took a blade to my skin! YOU did this to me and that's why I'm begging you to stay the hell away from me! Why can't you just listen?!"

            When it was all out in the open, when my emotions were finally let out, she was sobbing harder than she ever has and opened up the door. I wanted to take it all back and tell her that it was only partly true. Most of it had to do with me.

            "O-Okay!" She screamed. "I get it! Just leave!"

            I didn't want to leave though. I didn't want her to be mad at me. What I wanted was to tell her that I wanted her more than anything but I didn't know how to handle both things. I didn't know how to be with her and not want to cut. Rehab gave me strategies to try and help but would they work? I don't know. That's a risk I can't take and I wish I could tell her what I'm feeling but it's almost like it's impossible. She thinks I hate her when it's the complete opposite. I love her.

            "GO!" She yelled again. "GET THE FUCK OUT!"

            Exiting almost immediately, the door slammed in my face and the sadness came all at once. The anxiety was creeping into my body all at once and that same craving came seeping through my veins. The feeling of wanting to cut. I wanted to put a blade to my skin from how stupid I was being.

            "This is just a bad day." I reminded myself. "It'll get better."

            Running my fingertips across my palm, I slowly started to inhale and exhale; looking into the sky once I was finally out of the building. When the feeling stopped, when the sensation faded, I looked back at the building in confusion. Last year, I wouldn't have been able to stop. But now, It was fading. The only thing that I was questioning now was would I be able to do that if we were in a relationship? Would I be able to stop? 

A/N:

OMG JEINA MOMENTS ARE LITERALLY LIFE I LOVE THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING.

UGH I'M DYING TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THOUGHT OF THIS CHAPTER SO PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT :)

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