Chapter Nineteen

REINA:

            Being that it was two weeks before the wedding, none of us saw Scott or Casey that often. They were always doing something whether it be checking up on the venue, making the guest list, sending out invitations. We never really saw them and today they were trying samples for their cake while the rest of us chilled out at the house. I normally hated being bored but today I wasn't. The reason for that is because Justin was playing video games. Some girls hate it when guys play video games but I loved it because he looked so hot. The way he was so focused and telling Mark and Colby what to do or the way he licked his lower lip when things were getting difficult. God, he's so hot. I can't wait until he makes up his mind so I can straddle him again right on this couch. Little does he know I'm thinking about giving him head right now.

Justin had called and apologized for his actions at the bar last week. He said it was just because it's been so long and his emotions got the best of him. He said it was wrong on his part and that bothered me because I thought maybe, when he went home, he'd be so sexually frustrated that he'd just make up his mind and give in but unfortunately that wasn't the case.

"I bet you anything Casey's sucking Scott's dick right now." Mark chuckled, moving his fingers rapidly on the controller. "Babe! Oh my god our cake tasting was so amazing. I just want to get down on this floor and-"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Justin laughed. "All you do is think about sex I swear."

Lifting Justin's hands up that were on his lap, I laid down so I could place my head there and it didn't really phase him. His hands just came around my head so he could place the controller in front of me.

Later that night Mark and Colby decided to go to a party a couple blocks down and since Casey and Scott still weren't home, Justin and I had decided to watch a movie on Netflix. I hadn't moved from earlier. His arms were still around my neck and occasionally; he'd play with my hair until he remembered that he couldn't really do that anymore. Then he'd stop and I'd rub my head on his lap to make him continue it again. I know that got him sexually frustrated and it's honestly killing me. I've never craved sex so much and Justin was just unbelievable. He was so damn good in bed.

Turning onto my other side so I was facing his stomach, I looked up at him and he looked down at me, sending me a little smile.

"What are you doing?" He cooed, brushing some strands of hair away from my face. "Watch the movie."

"Can I just go on a rant for a second about how much I miss sex? With you?"
Sucking in a sharp breath, he pressed his lips into a firm line and focused his attention back on the television. We haven't really talked about sex but I'm going crazy. God, I know what I said last week but I can't do this. I just can't. But I want to.

"Yeah?" He asked, his voice cracking slightly at the end. "Do you?"

He was biting on his bottom lip and I couldn't help myself. I lifted his shirt up with my hands and started to kiss his abs, my tongue delicately trailing across his skin. I could feel his goose bumps the more I did it and when I started down his happy trail he let out the smallest moan I've ever heard. Nothing has ever turned me on so much.

"God dammit." He sighed, tilting his head back on the couch. "Reina please just give in. One night."

The door opened and I quickly stopped what I was doing, sitting up and fixing my hair before Scott and Casey came in with huge smiles on their faces. Justin's cheeks were so flushed from what he was feeling moments ago and I was embarrassed beyond belief.

"We decided on vanilla!" Casey shrieked. "After like five hours there that's what we decided on. Wait until you see how it's going to be decorated Reina oh my god."

There was silence in the room and when I gave her an awkward smile they could both sense that they had just walked in on something. I shouldn't have done what I did because honestly, I want us to be official. If he doesn't know by now if he wants us to be together then when will he? It's been so long now.

"That's cool Case. I can't wait to see it. I'm actually about to get going so are you coming back with me or are you staying here?"

"Uh, here." She smiled. "If that's okay."

"Yeah that's-"

"It's dark out." Justin said with a confused look. "Do you know how far away campus is? I mean it's not that far but there's creeps out there."

"Justin I'll be fine, okay? It's just better if I leave."

Standing up from the couch, I walked into the foyer to put my shoes on and Scott and Casey didn't really say anything. They could tell something was up but I'd just tell Casey when I saw her again. I really didn't feel like explaining to everyone I let my emotions get the best of me and sensually kissed his damn stomach. If they hadn't walked in, I'm certain I would have given him head.

"I'll be back tomorrow." Casey said. "Probably in the morning."

"Alright cool. See you then!"

I closed the door behind me and shoved my hands in my pockets as I quickly tried to walk back to the dorms. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't creeped out about walking alone out here but as soon as I heard a door close behind me I got the biggest smile on my face.

"Fuck it's cold." Justin said, jogging to catch up to me.

"Well look who it is... why did you follow me?"

"Um, because I don't need you getting raped. You know how I feel about you walking home alone by yourself."

"Yeah when we-"

"Stop." He chuckled. "Can I ask you what just happened back there like ten minutes ago? Why did you do that?"

God this was embarrassing. I don't know why I did that. I was just feeling so close to him in that moment and we've had tons of damn moments. I've had plenty of opportunities to kiss him but I just chose not to. This time my body apparently chose for me.

"I don't know." I sighed. "I'm sorry Justin. Sometimes I just don't think about what I'm doing. I was in the moment and it was extremely stupid."

"I wouldn't say stupid..." He trailed off with a cheesy grin. "I liked it."

"Yeah and the thing is that you're confusing me Justin, honestly. You act like you're into me at times and then other times you can be so distant. Like, we'll go a week without talking and then one night we'll be close as shit and the next night we'll go back to not talking to each other. I just need to know what you want because I'm going crazy here. I really am."

The wind started to whip even harder than it was so I gripped my jacket tighter around me, beginning to walk a little faster so I could get back quicker. Why is it that whenever it's cold outside time always seems to go slower?

"Reina there's just things that I haven't figured out yet. I need to learn to be by myself first before I can throw someone else into the equation. It's hard for me too, okay?"

"I don't doubt that Justin but you don't let me in. I want to know what rehab was like for you. I want to know what the doctors said to you. I want to be a part of that side to you just like I used to be."

"When you left?" He laughed. "When you left me?"

"Justin I didn't-"

"Yes you did, Reina. You left. You left me that night after Spring Break ended and I don't think you know just how much-" He stopped himself, letting out a sigh. "I've never cared about something so much in my entire life. When you left, I swore to myself I would never forgive you. I went to rehab after I over dosed because Scott talked me into it. I woke up in that hospital room and guess who wasn't there? You. I woke up every damn day in rehab with the same god damn walls praying that would be the day I got a letter from you. Nothing ever came. Not for four fucking months. Don't sit here and try to tell me you suddenly want to help me through this when you weren't there. You-"

Then he just stopped talking, clearing his throat and continuing to walk next to me on the pavement. He finally let out the real reason and I just felt like sobbing like I always do because I'm such a baby. I never used to be but ever since I met him I've just been a different person. Now I know the reason he acted so cruelly towards me when he came back and now I understand why he's taking so long to open back up. He just doesn't get it though. He doesn't get how hard I did try.

"You wanted to know the reason why I'm taking so long to make up my mind and that's it. Because how the hell do I know if I want to be back with you? You weren't there for me at one of the worst times in my life. If you weren't there for me at my lowest then-"

"Justin." I said. "You don't understand. The reason-"

"Can we not talk about this?" He asked quietly. "I don't feel like talking about this anymore. Please."

Another huge gust of wind hit my face and my whole body started to shiver, Justin immediately taking off his coat so he could place it around my shoulders. It amazed me that even when he was mad at me he still acted like a gentleman.

"Thank you. We don't need to talk about it Justin if you don't want to but eventually we're going to have to. I think you'd feel a lot better if you let me explain myself but I won't push it. I'll wait until you're ready."

The campus was now in eye's view. I could literally feel the heat that was about to hit my skin and began to walk even faster, clutching Justin's jacket tighter around me. It smelled exactly like him.

"Hey." He said, his hand grasping onto mine. As soon as our fingers intertwined time slowed down even more, my eyes filling up with tears from how badly I wanted us to be back together.

"Hm?"

"I don't want you to think this is your fault. I know the way I'm talking it sounds like that but it's mostly my fault. What happened in our relationship was on the both of us and I just don't want you to take the blame for it. I'm trying to work us out. At first, in rehab, I was at that place where I honestly thought I was over you but as soon as I saw that damn smile of yours again I just said screw it. I don't think I'll ever be able to stay away from you Reina."

We were at the dorms now and I expected him to say his goodbyes to me here but he followed me inside and started to walk me to my room.

"I can't stay away from you either Justin. I know I have a lot to prove to you but when you're ready for me to explain, like I said, I think you'll feel a lot better."

Sticking the key in the lock, I turned around to say goodbye to him but he completely took me by surprise and wrapped his arms around my waist. My chest was pressed against his, his lips nearly inches from mine, the smell of his gum going right into my nose. I could practically taste him.

"Are you warm now?" He whispered. "Still cold?"

My whole body was on fire now but I had completely forgotten his jacket that was still on me. I couldn't even move my damn arms though from how numb I was. All I could focus on were his hands on my waist, moving inch by inch across my stomach.

"T-Thank you." I stuttered. "For the jacket."

Passing it back to him, he kissed my cheek and my face turned completely crimson. I just wanted him to come back inside with me but until he made up his mind I wouldn't allow that. Especially now that I know the reason.

"You know how much you mean to me?" He whispered. "Reina you are such a big part of my life. I'm trying so hard to trust you again. I'm trying."

"And you don't think you're a big part of mine? Justin you take up such a huge part. I care so much about you and I'm going to prove that to you. I'm not going anywhere."

I expected him to say something more but I loved that little grin he got on his face before he brushed a couple of strands of hair away from my cheeks again.

"Goodnight, Reina." He said, kissing me on the cheek once more. "Sweet dreams."

 A/N:

Probably one of my favorite chapters ever. I don't know if you guys have any predictions but i'm so excited for you to see where this story is going!! :) 

Please comment what you thought!

Twitter: @believeeexoxo

Instagram: @drxwsdeanna