© 2014. All Rights Reserved by weirdpurplapanda

Johnlock Texts

[Tues 17 Dec, 19:45]

John, I think I've done something that's a bit not good -SH

Oh God. What have you done? -JW

Promise you won't get mad? -SH

[Delayed] I know I'm going to regret this but fine I promise I won't get angry -JW

Good -SH

Sherlock! Get to the point! -JW

Your laptop is broke. I dropped it -SH

Oh my God. You had me worried you'd killed someone -JW

So you're not mad? -SH

No, because I know you'll get me a new one -JW

Ordered it online already. Should be here is two days -SH

Thanks -JW

You sure you're not angry? -SH

Yes -JW

Are you just not angry because I made you promise to not be? -SH

I'm not angry Sherlock! -JW

Okay -SH

How'd you drop it? You're not exactly clumsy -JW

[Delayed] I jumped, it slipped out my hands and I didn't have enough time to catch it. It hit the coffee table at the wrong angle and shattered -SH

You know, when people over explain it usually means they're lying or hiding something -JW

What are you implying John? -SH

I'm not implying anything. Just stating a fact -JW

No, you were definitely implying something -SH

I wasn't -JW

Do you think I'm lying to you? -SH

No, I think you're hiding something -JW

Like what? -SH

Why'd you jump? -JW

I saw a picture -SH

Of? -JW

[Five minutes later] Hello? -JW

Sherlock I know you're there! -JW

What was the picture of? -JW

Sherlock I'm dying -JW

A giant rat is eating me -JW

Justin Bieber is trying to seduce me! Help! -JW

UFOs are landing! -JW

Zombies are attacking -JW

I'll call Mycroft. I will -JW

Okay, calling Mycroft -JW

SHERLOCK! Just answer me -JW

I think you are the smartest man alive -JW

Nothing? -JW

Thought you'd leap at the chance to gloat in all honestly -JW

[Unsent message] I'm honestly worried, please answer me -JW

Are you dead? -JW

If you'ree not then I might have to kill you for being the most annoying flatmate in the existence of flat mates. -JW

Answer me, please -JW

Its good I'm not gay, because there is no way I'd be able to deal with you as a boyfriend. Its enough work being your friend -JW

So if you were gay, you'd want to date me? -SH

Ha! Got you to answer! -JW

I see that John -SH

...Are you okay? -JW

Yes -SH

Really Sherlock? Clearly that picture upset you. Are you sure you're okay? -JW

I am perfectly fine John -SH

Sure -JW

Believe what you will, doesn't change the facts. You didn't answer my question -SH

I suppose -JW

You suppose what? -SH

That if I liked men I would probably want to date you.. -JW

And do you like men? -SH

I'm not gay, Sherlock -JW

You may not be gay but you could still like men -SH

Okay, fair enough but no I do not like men -JW

Have you ever liked a man? -SH

Where are all these questions coming from? -JW

Me. My mind. Now, answer the question -SH

[Delayed] Once or twice, yes. -JW

Interesting -SH

Have you ever liked a man? -JW

Yes -SH

Have you ever got off with one? -JW

Yes -SH

So, Mycroft was lying when he said about you being a virgin? -JW

Well, no he wasn't lying. He doesn't know -SH

Understandable. You wouldn't even tell him what you had for breakfast (if you had any that is) never mind inform him about your sex life -JW

What about you? -SH

What about me? -JW

Have you ever had sexual relations with a man? -SH

I've only ever kissed another man -JW

Have you ever been with a girl? -JW

Not once, and I don't plan on it really. I am, after all, married to my work -SH

Heh. I'll see you at home, I've got to get milk then I'll be back -JW

-

[Tues 17 Dec, 20:06]

Sherlock? -JW

Yes? -SH

Can I ask what that picture was? -JW

No -SH

Okay -JW

-

[Wed 18 Dec, 02:25]

I can't sleep -SH

Are you awake? -SH

I know its rude to wake someone, especially at this time, but I'm bored John -SH

Are you asleep or just ignoring me? -SH

I'd check but I don't feel up to getting out of bed -SH

Oh, wait, my phone shows if you've read my messages -SH

You're reading them -SH

Are you ignoring because I shouted? -SH

In my defense I told you to drop it -SH

John... -SH

Okay, so me raising my voice was a little uncalled for -SH

If you're waiting for me to apologize then you'll be waiting all night -SH

Even though you didn't say sorry, I forgive you. I know you're sorry -JW

I am -SH

I suppose that matters more then the actual words -JW

I'm bored John -SH

You always are -JW

Not always -SH

Fine. If you don't have a case its very likely you're bored -JW

Better -SH

I'm sure you already know, but in case you didn't I just rolled my eyes -JW

I would have thought as much -SH

Is there a reason you're still up? Have you gone to sleep at all? -JW

No and yes for a little bit. I just can't sleep now-SH

Oh, right -JW

Did I wake you? -SH

Yes -JW

Didn't want to -SH

I know -JW

John? -SH

Yes, Sherlock? -JW

How would you define a nightmare? -SH

Well, I'd say that a nightmare is a dream that evokes negative emotion and tends to stay with the person some time after the dream. Why? -JW

So, it doesn't necessarily have to be frightening to the subject? -SH

No, I wouldn't say so. If it makes the subject feel bad in anyway (lonely, angry, depressed etc) I'd classify it as a nightmare. Sherlock, what's your reason for asking? -JW

I think I had a nightmare tonight -SH

Do you want to talk about it, maybe? -JW

I don't know. In all honesty I'm not even sure what it was about. I just saw some people and then myself holding a knife to my own arm -SH

Were you about to kill yourself? -JW

I believe so -SH

Do you want to kill yourself? -JW

What?! No! -SH

Sorry, sorry. Just wanted to make sure -JW

I would never take my own life -SH

You faked it -JW

John, you know perfectly well why I did that -SH

Yes, I do. I shouldn't have brought it up -JW

Its fine -SH

Who were the people in the dream? -JW

Nightmare. And they were you, Ms Hudson, Lestrade, Mycroft, my mother and Anderson -SH

Okay then -JW

Do you think it means anything? -SH

I don't know. It was just a dream, nothing to worry about -JW

*nightmare -JW

I'm not worried -SH

.. How did the dream make you feel? -JW

Sad -SH

Are you okay? -JW

Yes -SH

Are you lying to me again? -JW

No -SH

So, you were lying earlier? -JW

Perhaps -SH

Would you tell me if you weren't okay? I am here you know, if you ever need me.. -JW

Why would I need you? -SH

No reason at all -JW

Goodnight Sherlock -JW

Goodnight John -SH

[Unsent Message] I'm sorry -SH

-

[Wed 18 Dec, 10:13]

Did you go out? -JW

Yes -SH

Where to? -JW

Bards -SH

Do you have a case? -JW

No, I just came to see Molly -SH

Okay -JW

-

[Wed 18 Dec, 14:34]

What time will you be home? -JW

When Molly and I are done -SH

Done with what? -JW

Our experiment -SH

Sherlock, you're going to need to elaborate -JW

Molly and I are simply having fun -SH

Should I even ask? -JW

We're playing with dead bodies. I'm winning. -SH

Why am I not surprised? How are you 'winning'? -JW

I've figured out how a person died in ten seconds, Molly's fastest is thirteen seconds -SH

Sounds fun -JW

I know that's sarcasm but it is for me, and Molly too I guess -SH

I'm glad you've made more friends -JW

Me too -SH

Oh! Got to go. My turn :) -SH

Hah, have fun -JW

I shall -SH

-

[Wed 18 Dec, 21:03]

Do you plan on ever coming home? -JW

Oh shut up, I'm on my way now -SH

Good -JW

I'm not a child, you don't need to check on me every few hours -SH

I know, its just I worry about you -JW

Why? -SH

I'm your friend. Friends worry about each other -JW

I suppose they do -SH

I'm outside. See you in a moment -SH

-

[Thurs 19 Dec, 15:26]

Sherlock!! What the hell? -JW

What? -SH

The laptop! -JW

Don't you like it? -SH

Its bloody bright hot pink and has 'I

Well done, but that doesn't answer my question -SH

No! I don't like it. When you said you got me a new one you didn't tell me it was going to be something one of your teenage fan girls had designed! -JW

Thomas White designed it... -SH

Ugh. You knew what I meant -JW

I know -SH

What am I meant to do about the laptop? -JW

Keep it. It's funny. Ms Hudson laughed for ten minutes when I showed her the picture -SH

She was in on this?! Sherlock, why do you pick on me so much? -JW

Because your reactions make me giggle -SH

I've never heard you giggle.. -JW

Its a manly giggle -SH

I'm sure it is -JW

Shut up -SH

I didn't say anything. I'm typing -JW

Haha -SH

[Delayed] I'll keep the laptop -JW

What changed your mind? -SH

Ms Hudson -JW

What'd she say? -SH

Nothing -JW

She told you didn't she? -SH

Told me what? She just walked in and burst out laughing -JW

Oh -SH

Told me what? -JW

Nothing -SH

Lies -JW

Yes -SH

Told me what, Sherlock? -JW

About the pictures -SH

What pictures? -JW

The ones saved on the computer -SH

[Delayed] EW! What even is that? -JW

Oh, I wish I was there to see your face -SH

That is disgusting! Who put this on here? -JW

I did -SH

Figures -JW

I CAN'T DELETE THEM! -JW

It's asking for a password! Sherlock tell me the password! -JW

No -SH

You're evil -JW

You enjoy them really -SH

I really don't. They're just wrong. Oh God, what is he doing to that poor man? -JW

I'm assuming you mean Picture_3? -SH

Yeah -JW

I believe the youth of today refer to it as '69' -SH

I know that. But it looks like he's trying to eat him.. -JW

Is it odd we're discussing this? -SH

Probably but since when have we stopped doing anything because its 'odd'? -JW

In all the years we've known each other? -SH

Yes -JW

Never -SH

What the hell! Picture_18?! -JW

Ahh yes, a dear friend put that on without me noticing... -SH

Mycroft? -JW

Yes. The bastard. I'll delete when I get back -SH

When was that picture taken? -JW

A year or so before I met you. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop looking at it -SH

Right. Sorry -JW

Forget it -SH

It's a lovely picture -JW

John I said forget it! -SH

Sorry. Sorry -JW

I'll be home in fifteen minutes -SH

I'll be in the shower -JW

A cold one, I presume -SH

Piss off -JW

-

[Thurs 19 Dec, 01:32]

Were one of those pictures the picture that made you drop my laptop? -JW

No -SH

There's no point me asking, is there? -JW

No -SH

Has your vocabulary been shortened and now all you can say is no? -JW

No -SH

Haha -JW

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit -SH

So, you remember phrases like that and 'round and round the garden like a teddy bear' but you didn't know that Earth goes round the Sun? -JW

John, that was years ago. Shut up about it already -SH

Okay. Sorry. It still makes me laughs though -JW

I know -SH

[Delayed] Why won't you tell me what the picture was of? -JW

Its not important -SH

Did you delete it? -JW

No -SH

Then its important -JW

Its not important, to you -SH

But it is to you? -JW

In a way, yes -SH

Sentiment? -JW

What? No! -SH

You are human. There will be things you care about -JW

How do you know I'm human? -SH

Don't change the subject -JW

Its getting late -SH

Sherlock... -JW

We should probably sleep -SH

Don't -JW

Never know, might need to chase a killer round London tomorrow -SH

Sherlock, please. I want to help -JW

I don't need help -SH

You need a friend -JW

I have friends -SH

You need a friend to talk to -JW

I talk to you, I talk to Molly -SH

A friend to talk about how you feel -JW

I talk to Molly -SH

You play 'how'd the guy die' with Molly -JW

John, don't act like you know everything I do and who or what I talk about to my friends -SH

Wait. Did you tell Molly about the picture? -JW

Yes -SH

About your nightmare? -JW

Yes -SH

About our argument? -JW

Yes -SH

What about our chat about me liking a man? -JW

No -SH

Are you lying? -JW

Yes -SH

Sherlock! -JW

What? She's my best girl friend, of course I tell her those type of things -SH

Girlfriend? -JW

Girl friend. With a space -SH

Oh. I didn't realise you were that close -JW

Yes. Does that upset you? -SH

No. Why would it? -JW

Well, you got used to being my only friend -SH

You still spend the majority of your time annoying me. Its not all that different -JW

When I am out, you can text me if you want me to come home -SH

Really? -JW

Yes. If you need me or want me with you then I will be there. You just have to say -SH

That's... really sweet. Thank you Sherlock -JW

You're welcome John -SH

Sherlock? -JW

Yes? -SH

What would you say if I said I was lonely and needed to spend the night cuddled up to another person? -JW

I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of cuddling -SH

I'm lonely and need to spend the night cuddled up to another person -JW

On my way -SH

-

[Thurs 19 Dec, 12:01]

Are we going to talk about it? -JW

Why are you ignoring me? -JW

You can't ignore the fact it happened -JW

I can see you reading the messages! We're in the same room! -JW

If you won't talk to me at least text back! -JW

-

[Thurs 19 Dec, 12:22]

Bastard -JW

Gone to tell Molly? -JW

-

[Thurs 19 Dec, 12:41]

Shit. Sorry, that was mean -JW

I shouldn't have said that about Molly -JW

-

[Thurs 19 Dec, 16:59]

If its what you really want let's just pretend it didn't happen -JW

That's not want I want -SH

What do you want? -JW

[Unsent Message] You -SH

-

[Thurs 19 Dec, 22:08]

Are you coming home tonight? -JW

-

[Fri 20 Dec, 09:11]

Lestrade called. Where are you? -JW

I lied -JW

He didn't call -JW

Please come home -JW

-

[Fri 20 Dec, 17:47]

Mycroft called and told me. Are you okay? -JW

Fine -SH

What happened? All I was told was that you were in hospital -JW

Its nothing. Few stitches in my arm, that's all -SH

Are you coming home soon? -JW

Soon -SH

-

[Fri 20 Dec, 20:34]

Are you coming home tonight? -JW

-

[Sat 21 Dec, 08:55]

Lestrade actually did call this time. Two kids, siblings, 15 and 16, committed suicide, one left a note saying goodbye to her dog, fluffy, and the older brother painted a spaceship with the letters ASFGJK on the side. But they were both shot, the knifes they had out to kill themselves with were never used. Are you going to the Yard? Should I meet you there? -JW

They hated their father and wanted to die. The father didn't want that and so killed them himself. He's in Italy now. Their mother was forced to go with him and is likely dead now too. The note and picture mean nothing to the case, most likely they meant something of significance to the dead children or their mother, they might have been trying to tell her something. My guess is they were telling her to get out. That or the children were just slightly odd -SH

When did you figure that out? -JW

I was outside the Yard when Lestrade called you. He said he didn't have time call you back -SH

He called me five minutes ago -JW

And I solved the case three minutes ago -SH

Amazing -JW

-

[Sat 21 Dec, 14:51]

We need to talk -SH

Come home -JW

-

[Sun 22 Dec, 12:12]

Sherlock! You can't run away every time we kiss! -JW

I'm not running away. We have a case -SH

Oh -JW

Come to the Yard at once -SH

-

[Sun 22 Dec, 13:05]

That was a waste of time. The daughter didn't know anything plus she was awful -JW

She wasn't that bad -SH

You would say that, she flirted with you the whole time -JW

She was flirting with me? -SH

Yes!! -JW

Are you jealous? -SH

Yes.. -JW

Cute -SH

Shut up -JW

I'll stop, not because you told me to but because we have a case to solve. Can you get me data on the victims sister? -SH

On it -JW

-

[Sun 22 Dec, 13:52]

I've got the data -JW

Doesn't matter. The neighbour is our murderer. The victims husband was away on a business trip for three months, during which time Mrs Fray and her neighbour, Miss Adam, had an affair. The husband came back, Mrs Fray ended it and Miss Adam hated the victim after and killed her in a fit of anger -SH

Wow -JW

It's not any less predictable then the crap you watch on TV -SH

Some of the Christmas plots are unexpected -JW

They're really not -SH

Do not tell me what's going to happen -JW

Fine -SH

Oh, that reminds me, we need to put the Christmas decorations up -JW

Yes, we do -SH

Tonight? -JW

We only have three days, best do it sooner rather then later. Whose coming round Christmas evening? -JW

Molly, Lestrade, Ms Hudson and Harry I believe -SH

Harry said she'd be there. We won't buy as much alcohol as we did the other years, stop both Harry and Ms Hudson -JW

Good idea -SH

Are we going to tell them about us? -JW

I'm five minutes away. Make tea, John -SH

-

[Mon 23 Dec, 13:49]

Milk John -SH

Got it -JW

Did you get cookies? -SH

No, why. -JW

I want cookies -SH

Would you like me to buy some? -JW

I thought you'd figure that out by yourself, but yes John I would like you to get me some cookies -SH

I didn't see the magic word anywhere in that message -JW

Hocus Pocus? -SH

I said one word -JW

Abracadabra? -SH

Sherlock, I want you to say please -JW

I know -SH

I know you know, I was hoping you'd say it after I directly asked -JW

Not happening -SH

I'll get the cookies -JW

Good -SH

You're meant to say Thank You -JW

I know -SH

Dear God, why do I even try? -JW

Because I'm amazing and you'd be lost without me-SH

.. -JW

Maybe -JW

It wasn't a question -SH

-

[Tues 24 Dec, 18:35]

Where'd you go? I left to make tea and then when I came back you were gone -JW

I need to see Mycroft -SH

Why?? -JW

Don't worry -SH

I'm not worried, just curious -JW

It doesn't matter -SH

We're in a relationship now, you should tell me things like this -JW

John, our change in relationship status doesn't mean I will suddenly tell you all about my dreams, feelings and everything else that happens in those mushy shows and books you like -SH

I know that Sherlock, I just thought you'd share your reason for taking off like that. I don't expect, or want, you to act any different around me -JW

Expect the kissing -SH

Well, yes, expect that. If you won't tell me why you've gone to see Mycroft will you tell me what that picture was of? The one that made you drop my laptop -JW

No -SH

Okay -JW

-

[Tues 24 Dec, 19:11]

Mycroft text me... Sherlock, that's adorable -JW

[Delayed] I'm going to kill him -SH

No, don't, its cute -JW

He had no right to tell you -SH

I agree but isn't it better I know? -JW

I guess. I swear to God, if you tease me I will kill you -SH

You wouldn't kill me -JW

Fine, if you tease me I will never cuddle with you again -SH

I won't tease you -JW

Good -SH

Why Mycroft? -JW

He knows about these things, plus I needed to get something from him -SH

Wait, Mycroft is gay? -JW

I'm not sure. I don't think cares about gender -SH

Right. What'd you get from him? -JW

Camera -SH

A camera for what? -JW

An experiment -SH

Okay. Are you on your way home? -JW

Two minutes away -SH

I'll put the kettle on -JW

-

[Wed 25 Dec, 11:07]

Merry Christmas John -SH

We're in the same room, no need to text -JW

You replied by text -SH

Sherlock... Look up. Mistletoe -JW

Come here -SH

-

[Wed 25 Dec, 18:29]

The guests will be here soon. Hurry -SH

-

[Thurs 27 Dec, 23:54]

I would like to see you today -SH

John? -SH

Are seriously still out with Stamford? -SH

Yespb -JW

You're drunk -SH

Andd your sexyyyyyy -JW

It's "you're" -SH

I donttt care -JW

John, please just come home -SH

You said the the maaagic word -JW

Yes I did. Your language is terrible when you're drunk. Now come home -SH

Okay I will will -JW

Texting words twice won't get you home any quicker -SH

I I'm in the cataxi now -JW

Cataxi? -SH

Yespss -JW

-

[Fri 28 Dec, 09:03]

Thanks for leaving the water and tablets by my bed -JW

You're welcome -SH

My head is killing me, hope they work soon -JW

That's what you get for staying out till midnight with Stamford -SH

I'm sensing you're annoyed -JW

Excellent, you follow -SH

Not really. Why are you upset? -JW

Yesterday I asked if you had plans for the evening. You said no. I arranged a nice evening in for us, I cooked! -SH

Oh my. Sherlock, I'm so sorry -JW

Its fine -SH

No, its not. You did something really nice to surprise me and I went out and got drunk -JW

You didn't know, its fine -SH

I'm really sorry, how can I make it up to you? -JW

Go to dinner and a movie with me tonight? -SH

I'd be delighted to -JW

-

[Thurs 02 Jan, 16:56]

Let's go away this weekend -SH

Why? -JW

I want to, do I need more reason? -SH

Okay then. Where do you want to go? -JW

Anywhere. As long as you're there -SH

Cute -JW

Oh shut up -SH

-

[Mon 06 Jan, 15:34]

Sherlock, stop looking at me like that. We're in public -JW

Not what you said last night -SH

.. -JW

You lied to Mycroft -JW

Of course, I knew he'd tell you. I wanted you to be surprised -SH

I was -JW

Good -SH

John, if I can't give you looks you most definitely cannot look at me like that -SH

Sorry -JW

Look at me like that when we get home -SH

-

[Tues 07 Jan, 23:23]

Where are you? -JW

Kitchen -SH

Oh -JW

Why? -JW

Tea -SH

I couldn't sleep -SH

You could've woke me up -JW

You looked peaceful, I didn't want to wake you. I woke Molly instead, annoying her through text -SH

Annoying her? -JW

Yes, Ms Hooper has a crush -SH

On who? -JW

Since you're clearly awake would you like tea? -SH

There's no point me asking. And yes, please, tea sounds great -JW

Then bed -SH

Sherlock, we've barely stopped. Not that I'm complaining. What if we wake Ms Hudson? -JW

I didn't mean sex John. I meant sleeping -SH

Oh.. -JW

Nice to know you like me jumping on you every two minutes -SH

Shut up -JW

Tea's ready -SH

-

[Wed 08 Jan, 12:45]

If Greg calls ignore him -JW

Who? -SH

Lestrade -JW

Why would you call him Greg when we know him as Lestrade? -SH

I just did -JW

Why should I ignore him? What if he has a case for me? -Sh

He saw the picture -JW

What picture? -SH

Your picture. Picture_18 -JW

Oh well -SH

Oh well? Its kind of a big deal -JW

It's really not -SH

It is -JW

Why is it? -SH

Because he's seen you naked! -JW

So have you -SH

I'm your boyfriend, that's different -JW

I still don't see why its such a fuss. Lestrade has seen me naked before -SH

What? Why? When? -JW

I used to sleep naked. It was about a year before we met -SH

Did you start wearing PJs after that then? -JW

No. I still sleep like it often, I just put pyjamas on when I get up -SH

Why not just get dressed? -JW

I like my pyjamas -SH

You confuse me -JW

Good -SH

Why is that good? -JW

It just is -SH

Right... -JW

-

[Fri 10 Jan, 22:00]

John, I've discovered something -SH

What's that? And once again we're in the same room, no need to text -JW

And yet you continue to reply by text -SH

Okay, you got me there. What's this discovery? -JW

I'm in love -SH

With me? -JW

Yes -SH

Good because I'm in love with you too -JW

Kiss me -SH

Gladly -JW