B R E N

Looking up into the shocked face of Madie Lenertz while releasing a load into her roommate's mouth was not what I had planned for the evening.

I doubted I could ever forget the expression on Madie's face when I'd opened my eyes to find her staring.

Trying to choke down embarrassment, I glanced down at Nessa. She stood slowly, looking at the door that Madie had just slammed shut.

Nessa turned back toward me. "That was awkward."

Understatement of the year.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably, but before I had a chance to reply, Nessa bent down and tugged up my pants. I grabbed them from her, tucking myself back in.

She took a few steps backward, leaning against the opposite bed. I wasn't sure which one was hers and which one was Madie's.

"I think maybe..." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, her boldness from earlier wavering. Apparently, Madie's interruption had dumped a bucket of reality over both of us. The moment was gone; the mood had changed.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked.

She laughed shakily. "Sorry, Bren. I'm not trying to kick you out or anything."

I shook my head. "You don't need to apologize, Nessa. I just feel bad that..." I trailed off, not sure how to say it. Neither of us could finish our sentences because, well, it was all awkward as fuck. But I didn't like leaving a hook-up without doing my part, and for some reason, I wanted her to know.

"Bren, it's fine," she said with a little smile.

God, this was weird. I cleared my throat for a second time. "I'll see you around, Nessa."

And just like that, I left.

But I couldn't bring myself to walk back to my room, knowing Beau would be all over me, wanting to know what happened. I sank down, leaning back against the barren walls of the hallway.

Shit. I'd been admittedly a little shocked by the sudden, but sweet, assault of Nessa's lips on mine. But the way her tongue had flicked into my mouth was nearly as intoxicating as all the beer I'd downed earlier. And then she'd slipped her fingers beneath my shirt, raking them over my chest, and I was lost to it.

It'd been a few months since a girl touched me like that, and all I wanted was to forget everything except that feeling.

I was the one who'd tossed off my shirt, but Nessa had been the one to trail her lips down my bare chest. She'd nipped at the fabric of my briefs as her hand came up to palm the erection that strained against the zipper of my pants. And fuck if that hadn't felt good.

Nessa had glanced up once, looking at me with hooded eyes. I'd expected to see drunkenness in them, an intoxication that would explain her attraction to me. But her hazel eyes were wide, alert, and scheming. She'd smirked and flicked open the button on my jeans.

And I didn't bother to stop her.

Soberness had reached a new level by the time I finally dragged myself up, forcing my legs to walk back to my room. I crossed through the dorm commons to the other side of the building, and the night cast shadows through the massive windows on the far wall.

But between the shadows, I saw her.

Soft hair draped across one of those stupid, uncomfortable couches in the middle of the room. Moonlight shone like a spotlight on her face. She was curled up in a ball.

An instant flood of shame filled me. I assumed she was back with Quinton. No part of me wanted to face her right now, but I also couldn't leave her sleeping out here.

"Madie?"

She was either sleeping or ignoring me—probably the latter. I couldn't blame her after what just happened. But the closer to her I walked, the more apparent it became that she actually was asleep. Her body rose and fell in slow waves of slumber.

I was such a creep, watching her like this.

"Madie," I repeated, kneeling down to brush a hair away from her face.

She stirred, her blue eyes blinking open. They found mine. It was the middle of the night, and somehow she made it feel like dawn.

"Bren?" she asked. Her voice muffled with sleepiness.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked, trying to be gentle.

Madie searched her surroundings as if she'd forgotten where she was. Then she frowned at me.

"Well, I couldn't go to my room, could I?" she snapped.

I leaned back on my haunches, startled by her sharp tone. Biting my lip, I considered what to say. "I just assumed you'd go back to Quinton's room."

Madie gave a sharp shake of her head. "We had a...disagreement."

I nodded, and it was quiet for a moment.

"Look, I'm sorry," I said finally.

She sat up with stiff movements, refusing to meet my gaze.

"For what?" Her words were as tight as the tension in her body.

"That you had to walk in on that...and that you've been out here."

A dry laugh escaped her lips, her eyes still avoiding me. "You just had to hook up with my roommate, didn't you?"

When she finally looked at me, I saw that little bit of fire that she'd had earlier at the party. Madie was more than just a sweet face.

But I didn't understand why she was mad. I swallowed. "We started talking after you left."

She pushed off the couch, hastily grabbing the sandals that she must have kicked off at some point.

"Is that really why you didn't want to talk to me tonight?" she retorted, staring down at me.

Slowly, I stood up to face her. "What?"

"At the party. Was I ruining your chance at scoring?" she asked, not breaking her glare. "I should have known," she mumbled. "Guys aren't interested in just talking to girls, are they?"

Withholding a groan, I dragged my hand through my hair. "No, Madie. I had no plans of that happening tonight."

The most pathetic part of it was that I would probably pick talking to Madie over a blowjob from her roommate, which only proved that something was seriously wrong with me. But it wasn't like I could actually tell Madie any of that.

The damn girl rolled her eyes, turned on her heel, and left me in the dust as she stormed off toward her room. Looking over her shoulder, she threw out, "Well, it did happen, didn't it?"

I tossed my hands in the hair. "What the hell, Madie?"

I should have just walked away. I should have gone back to my room or at least stayed put in the commons. But I followed her.

"Nessa asked me to walk back with her. Nessa invited me in. She was the one who kissed me. I wasn't planning anything," I called after her. "I enjoyed talking to you at the party, but then you left, Madie."

Goddamnit, I wish these stupid pleading words would stop coming out of my mouth. Madie's footsteps were heavy as they continued down the hall, and I picked up my pace to catch up with her.

"Madie, stop," I growled, irritated that she was ignoring me.

She did, whirling around and leaning against the wall. I rocked to a halt, standing about a foot away from her. A deep sigh released from her lips. "Bren, just forget about it."

I looked at the ceiling. A disgusting stain spread across it—likely a water leak that was about to burst on my head. "Are you going to forget about it?" I asked, finally.

I knew that tone in her voice, and I knew that she wasn't.

It was just like the word fine.

Nothing was ever just fine.

"It's fine, Bren."

Jesus Christ.

"I'm just—" She hesitated before looking to the floor. "It's fine. I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"Shit, Madie. I know we don't know each other that well, but come on. I do want to talk. Tell me what's wrong." Her defeated expression bothered me, and I took a quick step forward, stupidly raising my hand in an attempt to brush aside a hair that fell across her nose.

But Madie instantly flinched, turning her face flush against the wall. Fear flashed through her eyes so quickly that I almost didn't catch it, but then traces of it lingered. It lingered in the tight pull of her lips, in the way her chest rose and fell faster than it had before.

I knew that fear.

My hand suspended in the hair, hovering between us.

"Woah," I said, lowering my voice. "Hey, it's okay." The distance between us was so slight that I could see when her mouth relaxed, her lips falling open in an exhale.

"You just have a hair right here," I breathed. Reaching over in the slowest movement I could manage, I gently brushed the strawberry blonde strand aside. Just as slowly, Madie turned her face toward me.

"Madie..."

I hated everything about what had just happened, but I didn't know what to say.

"I have to go, Bren," she said eventually.

Her voice was quiet. The fire within Madie had been smothered again, and I worried that this time it was because of me.

"I'm sorry about tonight," she murmured. And then Madie slid away from me, striding down the hall, her sandals dangling from her hand.

I let her walk away.

After all, she wasn't mine to stop.

🖤
Thanks for reading chapter eight of It Burns Within Us! I appreciate all your support.