Random neighbor: hi we're new
Cord: hello I'm Cord, these are my children. Jake, Grace, and Shark.
Random neighbor:..... you look their age?
Cord: best not to worry about it, they're not too bright. I'm the only one with any common sense.

Cord: don't let Jake and Shark fool you, they may look smart but I regularly have to remind them not to put a fork in the toaster.

Shark: I have a salsa emergency.
Jake: the salsa or the dance?
Shark: I am equipped for both.

Jake: can you do me a weird favor without asking any questions?
Grace: is that not the bedrock in which our friendship was founded?

Cord: Your honor. Members of the jury. Police security man guy. The Defendant. Me. The lady sitting in the fifth row with the weird hat. No I am not stalling for time.

Cord: see that ball of fire in the sky? That's the sun. It goes by many names: Apollo's lantern, day moon, old blazy. The important thing is, never touch it.
Jake: I know what the sun is.
Cord: yes now you do.

Shark: if Cord doesn't call back soon I'm going to Microsoft a baguette
Shark:
Shark: .... Microwave.
Grace: Microsofting a baguette.
Shark: I wonder what it would taste like.
Jake: it would taste like RGB probably.

Shark: bugs bunny taught me that murder is okay if you've been inconvenienced in any way.

Jake: what are people? Am I supposed to like them? In what way? Romantically?
Shark: people baffle me, they're interesting to keep around sometimes. And sometimes I get so fond of certain people I go gay for them.
Cord: i just want people to like me. I may be bisexual but zero times two is still zero.

Grace: sometimes I look up into the sky and see all those stars, and it makes me think of stealing a street sign.
Jake: you believe in stars? Fool. Those are the holes poked in the container so we can breath.

Shark: no worries.
Cord, narrating: there were in-fact many worries after he said that.

Jake: are you drunk?
Cord: no.
Jake: good.
Cord: I accidentally took acid though.

Shark: I don't understand why I'm not allowed matches. Or swords for that matter.
Jake: you're the boy who plays with matches. You're exactly who my parents told me not to associate with. And yet here I am, living with you.
Cord: Shark you have no impulse control. That's why.

Grace: my ideas come at me like a deranged lizard.
Grace: sometimes it's only mildly questionable.
Grace: and other times is wanting to steal a traffic light from Mars.

Neighbor to police: occasionally there may be days without a single sighting of them. And sometimes it's just a loud crashing noise followed by yelling. Sometimes it looks as if somethings on fire.
Police, knocking on door: Hello?
Shark, answering door, now panicking: what can I do for you officer?
Police officer: your neighbors have brought up a few concerns regarding your estate and those who live here? May I come in to ask a few questions?
Shark: sure thing one moment.
Shark: CORDDDDD THE POLICE ARE HERE.....
Cord: no worries officer, we're just weird and dumbasses. No ones hurt nothings been on fire and jakes a gamer. That should cover anything.
Police: ....... Sure

Jake: what is this?
Grace: flowers?
Jake: no, what is this. Why is the table set? Why was extra effort put in making this look presentable?
Grace: all our parents are supposed to be coming over....
Jake: OH SHIT
Shark: oh hell naw.

Shark: This year since the pandemic is still a thing. I've decided to do trick or yeet. Trick or treaters stay on the sidewalk, I throw a hand of candy out to them, and they fight to the death.

Cord: get in the Halloween spirit and make a ghost.
Grace: that's called murder, and I've heard somewhere that it's illegal.