Title: ROYAL Lies by RosesinRedXX
Series: FaeTale Lies (book one)
Source: Gardenia: A Review Shop by -Chrysalis_Realm
Genre: Fantasy
Subgenres: Action, Adventure
Mature: Y (alcohol use, animal butchering, assassination, blood, bodily fluids, cannibalism, child abandonment, child abuse, child neglect, death, frequent strong profanity, gore, murder, sexual references, slavery, torture, violence)
LGBTQIAP+: BAP (main and side characters)
Status: Complete
Chapters: 5
First impressions: 31/40
Digging deeper: 48/100
Final thoughts: pending

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*****

First impressions: 31/40

Title: 9/10
I like stories involving royalty, and a plot conflict involving lies and betrayal is always interesting, so I like this title. My only nitpicky complaint is the full capitalization of the first word, although I have a feeling there's a purpose for you doing that. I'm guessing "Lies" will be the second word of each title in the series, and the first word will be fully capitalized to distinguish each book. There's nothing wrong with you doing that, but my preference is for capitalization of only the first letter.

Story description: 7/10
My first observation here is that I don't like quotes or story excerpts to start a blurb. The character space in the blurb preview is very limited, so unless a quote is incredibly gripping when taken out of context, I think it's always better to use a logline with a solid hook or start the actual story description right away. There are also some grammatical errors in these quotes, which can be a turnoff to some readers, because they'll then expect grammatical errors in the story. They're not major errors, though. In the first quote, there should be a comma after "son," and in the second quote, the last sentence should actually be two sentences: "Why? Just tell me, please."

There are some errors in the rest of the story description as well, and most of them involve punctuation. You have a tendency to under-use commas, which can definitely be tricky, because there are so many rules for their use. My best overall suggestion is to look into an editing tool that can help you catch little things like that. Just using the spelling/grammar check in Microsoft Word or Google Docs would help, but going a bit further with something like the free version of ProWritingAid would catch even more. That's the editing tool I use. It's like the basic spelling/grammar check because it underlines mistakes or areas for suggested improvement in different colored lines, and then you have to hover over the underlined text to see what it thinks is wrong and how to fix it. It also includes links to articles with more information, which is nice for learning.

I would just caution you to be careful if you decide to use an editing tool, because there are many apps, like Grammarly, which advertise editing, but once you're actually using them, they push for you to have them rewrite your content. That turns your writing into AI-generated content, which automatically disqualifies you from Wattpad's official and Ambassador contests, most unofficial contests on Wattpad, and real-world writing contests. I'm actually seeing publishers making statements now that anybody who submits content augmented by AI will go on an automatic blacklist, and they'll never consider any future material from that author for publication. So, that's definitely something to be wary of, and fortunately, it's not an issue with the free version of ProWritingAid. Maybe it is with the paid version, but I get all the editing help I need from the free version.

That being said, it's always a good idea to have a professional editor look at your book before publishing. Beyond the value of having a professional review your work to catch any mistakes you may have missed, having a second set of eyes can be invaluable for feedback and suggestions regarding things you never thought of, what you did well, what might need some improvement, etc., and that can be helpful moving forward with the series, too. If it all works out, the editor you choose for the first book can stay on as the editor for the rest of the books as well, and that would help maintain continuity because they'd be familiar with the first book.

I know you've already self-published on Amazon, so if you want to have an editor retroactively edit book one, you could probably stop production of the current version, call it the first edition, and then call the new, edited version the second edition. You can find freelance editors for self-publishing authors on sites like Upwork and Reedsy.

Anyway, getting back to your story description. The first line has a great hook, so that would be perfect for the blurb preview, especially since I don't think it flows well into the rest of the paragraph. It seems like a summary statement that works better alone, either at the beginning or at the end, and I think using it at the top of the blurb would be the best option here. It just needs a comma after "realm" to make it grammatically correct.

Then, I'd start a new paragraph with "When Everetta..." The only issues in this paragraph are missing punctuation marks: commas after "reincarnated" and the last "her," and a colon after "mind."

The transition from the first paragraph to the second didn't feel right to me until I thought of separating the first line from the rest of the first paragraph. It felt like something was missing, but moving that one sentence fixed the problem. The only issue with this paragraph is an extra comma that needs to be removed after "monstrous," although you could consider making "King" lowercase in the last sentence, since its use there is as a noun and not a proper noun encompassing his title.

I like the content of the third paragraph, but I'd actually split it into two paragraphs to increase your hook even more. The two questions work well together to pique a potential reader's curiosity, and the final sentence does a good job of bringing the entire blurb together and boiling it down to a single statement to further hook interest, so I'd make the split right after the questions. A short paragraph with two short questions has a lot of punch on its own. The only grammatical problem with those questions is that "lay" should actually be "lie."

For the last sentence, there should be a comma after "Courts," and as with "King," you could consider making that word lowercase as well. The section with "if they will ever find out" feels a little off to me. It's grammatically correct, but it makes the discovery a passive event, something none of the three main characters are trying to achieve. I think changing it to "if they ever want to find out" would make it active and more gripping.

As for your last non-blurb sentences, there should be a comma after "together," "Updates" should be "update," and it should just be the singular "Thursday" to match "every."

So, that's a lot, but the content of your blurb is really good. You introduce the main characters and hint at plot conflicts, saying enough to create intrigue without spoiling the story, and you do it all in a series of statements and questions designed to hook potential readers. The grammatical errors are minor, easy fixes, and most of my suggestions here are about the actual structure of the blurb, because I think moving things around a little would make the hook even stronger.

Cover: 10/10
I really like this cover. The blend of black, grey, and gold creates a dark, regal effect, and there's so much subtle symbolism woven into the greys and golds. The more I look, the more I find. Keeping the text in the same gold as much of the adornments and using fonts that flow with the background imagery could create a problem with losing the text, but that doesn't actually happen. You've done a good job of making each letter pop out or sink in as needed, and it's all visible: the title, your name, and the name of the book series. Great job with this.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 5/10
Characters: The bold, underlined, italicized text can be hard to read for some people, and since it's the first text on the page, you don't need to set it apart from anything else, so I'd change it to normal text. Keeping in center alignment is fine, but if it were me, I'd probably put it in left alignment.

Capitalization of unnecessary words continues throughout this chapter, so I'll just go over rules for that. Normal nouns shouldn't be capitalized. Only proper nouns like names, places, or titles (connected to names) should be capitalized. So, "book" and "character" in the opening paragraph should be lowercase. "Fae" can probably go either way, but "Asian" and "Egyptian" are proper nouns, so it is correct to capitalize them. And at the end of the paragraph, "enjoy" is a verb, so that should not be capitalized.

The second sentence is quite long and jumbled, but there are a few ways to fix it. First, you could keep it all as one sentence by removing the first "As," adding an "s" to make "character" plural, and adding "I" after "so." You could also consider cutting "some" before "human," as I don't think it's necessary, and there should be commas after the second "of" and after "story" and "realm."

A second option would be to split it into two sentences and merge the first half with the first sentence in the paragraph: "This chart will be updated and included in each book of this series as the story continues, as there are a lot of characters to keep track of, and the ethnicities of some characters were hard for me to detail in the story. Since it is about the Fae realm, I can't really use human terms like Asian or Egyptian, but I am working hard to detail the characters as best I can."

And I'm sure there are many more options, but it's time to move on to the actual character list. Wattpad is a pain and a half with lists, because it doesn't have built-in number or bullet lists, and if you copy and paste from something like Google Docs, it deletes the markdown. I've come up with some list techniques that work for me, and I wanted to share them with you, because right now, this is kind of messy. Your information is good, though. It's just the formatting that's an issue.

First, I don't think you need bold and italics for the heading "Main Characters." I think just using bold font sets it apart enough. Second, there should be a space between the number and the list item (1. Everetta). Third, you put the name in italics and underline, and again, I'd pick just one. Underlined text, in particular, can be hard to read. My preference when I make Wattpad lists is to put the primary list item in bold font, because I think that makes it stand out more than italics would.

Moving on to the extra information under each name, I do a Shift+Enter after the primary item for each consecutive part of the markdown, and then I do a full Enter after the last part to set the next number and primary list item apart. That makes everything that's part of one number appear as one solid grouping, and it makes each new number stand out. Since bullet points aren't a thing on Wattpad, I put a hyphen and a space for each subitem (- Ethnicity:), and then I list whatever information I need after the colon on that same line. I only use normal typeface for that, because it looks messy with italics or any other effect.

So, I'll show you what that would look like for the start of the list. I kept the capitalization for the sub-lists (Ethnicity, Preferred Features), but I removed it for the listed information, because I think excess capitalization makes it look messy, too. Also, when you're noting height, a single quotation mark denotes feet, and a double quotation mark denotes inches. You had it backwards, so I fixed that.

Main Characters:

1. Everetta Scarlett Everden Gillian Avalar Viana Seraph Phoenix Siren Lion Wolf Griffin Chimera
- Ethnicity: Korean and Caucasian mix
- Preferred Features (Book I): golden hair, golden eyes, 5' 2", pale alabaster skin with a hint of yellow
- Actual Features: Coming in Book II
- Nicknames: Child (Eli), Little Star (adoptive mother)
- Siblings: Coming in Book II
- Sexuality: No preference

That looks cleaner to me, and all the information is closer together instead of having to scroll down to see it all. For things later on in the list, like Eli's nicknames, I'd probably do something like this:

- Nicknames: Ellie (Everetta, term of endearment), bastard

You already set the precedent with Everetta that a name in parentheses following a nickname denotes who uses that nickname, so I reduced the explanation for "Ellie" to just "Everetta." I also cut the explanation for "bastard," because that's basically the definition of the word, and it's something the reader probably already knows. There are some other nickname sections that have further information listed, like Luna, and you can play with how you do that, but for me, I think cutting extra words and keeping things all in one line works best:

- Witch (Eli, an insult due to her lack of magic and use of poisons)

Whatever you end up doing, consistency is key, which you already know. Your list is very consistent in its current form; it's just kind of messy looking. There are some places where a space is missing between a punctuation mark and a word, which I fixed in the above list so you can see how that's supposed to be. You usually do that right, so I think it's just an oops when it happens. Percentages should have spaces following them (25% Pacific Islander), and backslashes should not have spaces following them (Fylnny/Fletch). Also, do you mean "Flynny" for that?

Under Snow's nicknames, "respect" should not have an "s" following it, and you don't need to include "Snow" as a nickname, because it's not a nickname. It's her name. By not listing a nickname with Everetta's name in parentheses, you're showing that Everetta does not have a nickname for that character, so you don't need to say that explicitly.

I know you already said the characters don't have human ethnicities because they're fae, so you're just using those terms as a reference point for appearance, but you could try to add that information to the descriptions of their appearance instead of using ethnic terms. So, since Everetta is a Korean and Caucasian mix, maybe she has almond-shaped eyes. You can then say this:

- Preferred Features (Book I): golden hair, golden almond-shaped eyes, 5' 2", pale alabaster skin with a hint of yellow

But you have some very interesting characters here, and I'll be curious to see them in action in the story.

Author's note: Yeah...if I'd been able to review this when you put in the original review request, I could have read more, but now, it looks like it'll just be the first five chapters. Sadly, the judging monster ate me, and it took me a while to claw back out of it. But I can always do the Kindle Unlimited free trial...hm...

Prologue: I went ahead and started the Kindle Unlimited free trial so I could compare the published version to the Wattpad version, and it seems like they're pretty similar. And this is an interesting start. The setting is unknown, but you've introduced three characters in this vague, dream-like scene where the protagonist isn't sure what's real, what's not, and who the people around her are. The descriptions of those people are all good, along with your descriptions of facial expressions and tones of voice to bring even more life to them.

Grammatically, there are quite a few errors. The prologue is in the past tense, but there are a lot of slips into the present tense that need to be fixed, and most of them involve the protagonist's thoughts. There are a couple of ways to handle thoughts. First, you can convert them into the past tense to blend with the narrative, and I think that's the best option here. Her thoughts are so closely intertwined with the story that it would be hard to set them apart. If they were really distinct, I would put them in italics and treat them the same as dialogue. Some of these problem areas are fixed in the Kindle version, but not all of them. For instance, "Why do I feel so faint?" is left in the present tense. I'd either change that to "Why did I feel so faint?" or set it apart in italics.

Commas are an issue here, as they were in the blurb and characters section. The phrase "panicked-ridden" is "panic-ridden" in the Kindle version, but I'd just simplify it to "panicked," because "ridden" is redundant. We already know panic is all over his face because this is the description of what his face looks like.

The phrase "from the corners of my eyes" is technically correct, but I'd change it to "eye," because she probably can't see a person from the corners of both eyes. She would only be able to see them from the corner of one eye, left or right.

There shouldn't be a comma leading into the boy's first dialogue. That sentence is not a dialogue tag. It can stand on its own without dialogue, so it should end in a period. It seems like dialogue tags are a bit of an issue throughout, so I'll go over the rules for that briefly.

A dialogue tag is an incomplete sentence that describes who is speaking and how they're saying their words. It can come before, after, or in the middle of dialogue, but it has to accompany dialogue, because it can't stand on its own. Not every sentence before or after dialogue is a dialogue tag, though. One way to know the difference is to separate the sentence from the dialogue. Is it a complete sentence on its own? Then it's probably not a dialogue tag. Another test is to look for keywords often seen in dialogue tags, like "he said," "she asked," "they shouted."

Chapter 1: Okay, switching into present tense for this. Interesting. There are a lot of punctuation errors with missing commas and question marks throughout, though, and instead of saying "quote on quote" or, in the Kindle version, "quote-unquote," the word "awoke" should just be in quotation marks. That's a phrase people say to show what you would read if they wrote something down, and since this is written, just write it: It's been some time since I "awoke."

This is all pretty informal, so using "'cause" as a shortening of "because" in the narrative is fine, but it needs an apostrophe at the front to show it's a contraction: "'Cause who wouldn't dream about themselves?" I also cut the unnecessary comma after "'cause" and changed the period to a question mark, since this is a question.

Later, "shuttering" should be "shuddering," and the plural word "personalities" is used where it should be a contraction of "personality has," so that should be written as a contraction: "I mean a good body and perfect features might do some in, but for me, the personality's got to match, too, and his personality sure does need some work." I also added all the missing commas.

The "yaddie, yaddie, ya" should be "yada, yada, ya," and then there's this sentence: "For one he proceeds to inform me I have magic, and a queen as well." Using "and" means the object in the second half of the sentence should work as a replacement for the object that came before the "and," but it doesn't: "For one he proceeds to inform me I have a queen as well." So, you need a new subject and verb for the second half: "For one, he proceeds to inform me I have magic, and I'm a queen as well." I also added a comma after "one."

There's another contraction that's written incorrectly as a plural later, where "guys" should be "guy's." Later, the apostrophe in "bout'" needs to be at the front of the word, not the end: 'bout. When you're making a contraction of a word (or two words), the apostrophe replaces the letters you cut out.

The inclusion of *Sigh* is very out of place in a written narrative. That needs to be written into the story, not inserted like a text message. You could say something like, "I sigh irritably. It isn't fair that he's the only one who looks superior." I tied that into the next sentence as well, so you could see how to make that flow with the story. And finally, the phrase "Dowy eyes" should be "Doe eyes."

Moving away from specific grammar mistakes and into structural suggestions, this could use some work. The opening paragraph is really far away from the continuation of the story, separated by a long explanation in present tense, informal, very profane slang, so when it gets back into the actual current point in the story, the reader may have forgotten where the chapter started. Also, it switches back into the past tense and much more formal language at this point. It needs to be one tense. Pick one and go with it. I'd go with the present tense, since the story keeps slipping into that, and it seems like that is supposed to be the overall tense.

The tone is also problematic, I think, because Everetta in the prologue is an entirely different person from Everetta in chapter one. Her personality has changed completely. There's no continuity. In the prologue, she's mature, introspective, compassionate, and logical. In chapter one, she's immature, thoughtless, selfish, and impulsive. And the first part of chapter one feels almost like a stream-of-consciousness rant. It's very strange to go from the end of the prologue to the beginning of chapter one to the suddenly more formal tone when we get back into the story with an elaborate description of the cabin's lighting. After that, the blend of Everetta's slang stream-of-consciousness with narrative detail feels fine, but that initial transition is bumpy.

Paragraph divisions are also odd. There are places where I think there should be a paragraph break because of a change in subject, but there isn't, or there is a paragraph break where it doesn't make sense. For instance, in the first paragraph, the first two sentences are vague and general, and the third sentence narrows to a sudden specific perspective. So, I'd start a new paragraph with the third sentence.

As far as the actual content of the chapter, it's a jarring change from the prologue, but you definitely give a vivid picture of Everetta's character here. She is very real. Eli is less distinct, because Everetta tells us about him more than he's shown in the narrative, but I'm sure that will change as the story progresses. Your world building is good, spread throughout the chapter without you providing tons of details in a single information dump, and your descriptive detail of settings is very good as well. I think the characters' physical descriptions could be better, though.

The way you filled in the reader about everything that's happened between the prologue and now is interesting. I think it would potentially work better as its own chapter, or maybe multiple chapters where you show us what happened instead of having Everetta tell us directly, but that's your choice. And ending the chapter with the promise of action in the next chapter has a good hook to keep the reader going.

*****

Digging deeper: 48/100

Cover & title: 9/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Story description: 4/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Grammar & voice: 10/20
You have a distinctive writing voice which changes to accommodate each character's perspective, which is great. Many people struggle to make each perspective sound different from the rest. Everetta's voice is the most distinct, and I'll get into all the character specifics in the "Characterization" section. But your style is consistent, focusing on character thoughts above all other aspects of the story, which I'll also get into in more detail in the "Plot & pacing" section.

On the grammar side of things, there are many errors, and I'd definitely recommend having a professional help you clean this up. I've already gone over quite a few problems in detail, so I'll skip those and focus on the new issues I noted in chapters two through five here.

The past/present tense issue is something I already talked about, with the prologue seeming to be predominantly in the past tense and chapter one predominantly in the present tense. That's fine, because the prologue is separate from the rest of the story, so it can be different. However, starting with chapter two, the story becomes mostly past tense again, and that is a problem. The body of the story needs to have some consistency, so it's important to pick one tense and stick with it.

There are some misspellings throughout, some of which are slang words that aren't spelled the way they sound, so that's an easy mistake. You use "ya" very frequently, and I think you mean "yeah." There's one part where Everetta says "Ek," which I'm pretty sure should be "Eek," and "mwa" is actually spelled "moi." (Blame the French for that one.)

Some misspellings are what I call "word swaps," where the word you use sounds similar to the word you want but has an entirely different meaning. Homonyms like your/you're are a common example, and there's at least one place where those two words in particular get switched. Other problem words are limp/limb, prime/prim (as in prim and proper), suit/suite (guest suite), not/naught (all for naught), chard/charred, stuck/struck (struck by electricity).

There's a good old-fashioned misspelling with "vide" when you mean "vivid," and there are some words used in an incorrect form as well. "Callous" is an adjective meaning "insensitive," so when you're talking about Eli's hands, you should actually use the noun "callused," which means "rough skin." The verb "ladened" is incorrect in the phrase "meat ladened skewer," which needs the adjective "meat-laden" to describe the noun "skewer." And there are a few times when you use the adjective form of a word, but it should be the adverb form.

There are some phrases you use that are close to correct but a little off, like "two wolves on their hinds." "Hinds" should be "haunches" or "hind ends." Similarly, when you say someone is "nearly five foot tall," you should actually use "feet." If someone is "waiting on your hands and feet," you really mean they're "waiting on you hand and foot."

There are some redundant phrases as well, like "the steel barred bars." You don't need "barred." Then there's "inched forward towards me," where you don't need "forward," and "malicious drawl tone," where you don't need "tone."

I already talked about inserting things you'd use in text messaging, like a word in asterisks, and using a tilde (~) as an ending punctuation mark is also inappropriate for a written story. So, in this example, the tilde should be a period: "Mwah ha ha ha ha! I could make this magic box and you can't~"

I noticed you don't continue capitalizing the word "fae" as the story progresses, so I'd recommend going back and making it all lowercase in the beginning, just for consistency.

The problem you had with making nouns plural when they should have been contractions or possessives goes away, but a new issue with missing apostrophes in those contractions and possessives pops up, so that's something to fix.

Dialogue tags continue to be an issue throughout, and since I only discussed how to distinguish regular sentences from dialogue tags previously, I'll go into the rest of the rules now. The main point to keep in mind is that dialogue does not need a dialogue tag, but a dialogue tag always needs dialogue. So, treat dialogue as normal, complete sentences, and work the dialogue tags around them.

If a dialogue tag comes before dialogue, it should always end with a comma, and then the first letter of the first word of dialogue should be capitalized, as with any new sentence. If the dialogue tag comes after dialogue, the first letter of the first word of the dialogue tag should always be lowercase, unless it's a proper noun. That's because it's not a complete sentence on its own, so it counts as part of the sentence of dialogue and therefore comes in the middle of a sentence. As far as ending punctuation marks for dialogue, use question marks, exclamation marks, ellipses (...), and em dashes (—) as usual. But if the dialogue would normally end in a period, change that to a comma.

Now, for some examples. First, I'll show sentences surrounding dialogue that are not dialogue tags (all in italics to set apart from the rest of the feedback):

Everetta glared at Eli. "I hate you."
"Ditto." Eli turned his back on her and walked away.

The following examples all have dialogue tags. I'll include several ending punctuation marks as well:

Everetta glared at Eli and said, "I hate you."
"Ditto," he shot back at her before he turned and walked away.
"Where do you think you're going?" she shouted after him.
"Away from you!" he yelled.

Dialogue tags can occur in the middle of dialogue as well. They're usually tied to either the dialogue before or the dialogue after, not both, so you would use the normal rules above for punctuation and capitalization depending on which applies.

Sometimes, though, a dialogue tag comes right in the middle of a sentence of dialogue. In that case, keep in mind the dialogue does not need the dialogue tag. So, you're basically interrupting the sentence of dialogue with a dialogue tag. That means the first section of dialogue should end in a comma to show that pause, the dialogue tag should start with a lowercase letter and end in a comma, and the next section of dialogue should begin with a lowercase first letter. If the dialogue tag wasn't there, it would be right in the middle of the sentence, and that doesn't change because of the tag.

""I hate you," Everetta said, glaring at Eli. "You're the biggest jerk I know."
"Ditto." He turned to walk away, adding, "Except you're also an idiot."
"You act like you're so superior," she continued, clenching her fists at her side in anger, "but you're just like me."

There are a few places in the story where you have a dialogue tag before and after dialogue, and that's incorrect. It should be one or the other. Below is an example, followed by the two possible corrections.

Incorrect (both before and after dialogue): ...he suddenly shouted "Aha!" Eli exclaimed...
Correct (before dialogue): ...he suddenly shouted, "Aha!"
Correct (after dialogue): "Aha!" Eli exclaimed...

Another thing to keep in mind with dialogue is conversational flow. Readers expect an A B A B rhythm to dialogue, where A is one speaker, and B is another. Alternating paragraphs of dialogue that way makes it easy for the reader to follow the conversation, because they always know who is talking. But if there's an A B A A, that will throw readers off, because they expect the fourth paragraph to be speaker B. So, as a rule, keep one speaker (and all their actions) together, and when the speaker (or actor) changes, start a new paragraph, as I did in the examples above.

There's one random italicized thought, which really sticks out, because most thoughts are not italicized in this story. With the way you've written it, I don't think you should italicize any thoughts. More than half of each chapter is the character's thoughts, so there's no separating them from the narrative. But there is an instance when Luna chants something in her mind, and I'd recommend italicizing that instead of writing it like dialogue to make it clear she's not saying it aloud. You don't need quotation marks when you do that. Just follow the other punctuation and capitalization rules:

I hope I can remember this spell, Luna thought.
What if I can't? she wondered.
I hate this! she raged internally.

I'd also keep all her thoughts in one paragraph, as with dialogue, but I separated them into individual lines to show the different punctuation rules more clearly.

Saving italics for rare things like that helps them to stand out more when they appear and tells the reader that you're doing something different in the story, so they need to pay attention. It's then easier for them to recognize what the italics mean whenever they show up. So, consistency is key here. For example, you italicize magic spells at first, which is good, but then you stop italicizing them. If you're doing it one way, just stick with that. I think continuing the italics is the best option here.

When Luna falls asleep and the story goes into her dream/memory/vision, there's no section divider or break in the text to show that to the reader, so it's a sudden, jarring transition to a new scene with new characters. The reader can figure out eventually what's going on, but they probably won't know at first. This is a place I'd recommend using italics. You don't need section dividers or headings to show what's happening. Just put the whole dream sequence in italics, and when she wakes up, switch back to normal typeface. Then it's obvious what's happening.

I mentioned ellipses in the dialogue punctuation rules, but I wanted to reinforce that when you're using trailing periods, you only need three. No more; no less.

There are areas in the text with jumbled, convoluted sentences that would be better split into two, like in the characters chapter, or with mismatched phrasing like the "and" situation in the blurb. Sometimes, those are related to a mismatch of singular/plural nouns and pronouns (wolf/they, wolves/it) or nouns and verbs (he/were, they/was).

Finally, extra spaces in the text become a problem in the fifth chapter (and maybe the fourth, too). It's pretty noticeable, so those extra spaces definitely need to go.

Plot & pacing: 3/10
I think the pacing is good, but it's hard to tell. It might be a bit fast. The plot itself is definitely original and has the potential to be very engaging. However, it gets lost among all the thoughts, which is why I struggle to gauge the pacing. Everetta's chapters are the worst for this, because it's almost like those chapters are just her stream-of-consciousness rambling about whatever pops into her head, interrupted briefly by the plot. The other characters' thoughts are also excessive and bury the plot, but not as bad as in Everetta's chapters. It's easier to dig the plot out of their chapters.

Including character thoughts is good for characterization, but there is often a sentence of dialogue followed by paragraphs of thoughts before the spoken reply. By the time that next line of dialogue comes, the thoughts have gone off in another direction entirely, and I've forgotten what they're even supposed to reply to. So, then I have to go back and find the last line of dialogue to make sense of the next one. That doesn't happen all the time, but it happens most of the time.

Those thoughts are also used as transitions between scenes, but since they also interrupt individual scenes, it's hard to know when they're supposed to show a solid transition. The character will ramble on in their thoughts following a line of dialogue that happened a page or so ago, and then they're suddenly in a new setting. It's confusing. There's no sense of time passing. When Eli and Everetta are supposed to be traveling, there's no distance covered. The journey gets lost. Flynn is talking to his father and internally complaining about him, and then he's suddenly in another town. Luna is rehashing memories as she, Everetta, and Eli are traveling, and then she's asleep in a tree. There is no solid transition.

Most of the pertinent information within the story happens in big info dumps within the characters' thoughts. World building, lore, background stories, family relationships, magical systems—it's rare for anything to be shown to the reader. It's all told to the reader by the characters. That makes the story less engaging and immersive. Luna's dream sequence is a really refreshing change to that, because suddenly, I'm seeing bits and pieces of the past instead of just reading about it. I don't think all of that information should come in dream sequences, but showing snapshots through short flashback scenes, or even adding chapters to the beginning of the story to actually show important events, would really help here.

I'm very confused about what Everetta does and doesn't know. She talks about waking up two weeks ago in this life and world, not knowing anything about the past, but then she talks at length about the past. It seems like she knows everything. Except she can't remember this or that minor detail, even though that's part of something she already said she knows. It's very iffy, and Eli's chapter doesn't explain the problem away. Yes, he's suppressing some of her memories, but there's still a disconnect between what she says she can and can't remember. She can't remember something on one page and forget it a page later. That doesn't work.

Along with that, there's something about her parents telling her something, but she was just reincarnated two weeks prior. What parents? After reading the following chapters, I think you're referring to her original parents in her original life, but that's not clear when Eli makes this comment in chapter...two, I think.

Later, she gets a vision and immediately assumes she saw the Summer Queen dying, but she knew nothing about the five courts or the five royal families until Eli told her minutes before the vision, and there's nothing in the vision to tell her who she saw. So...how does she know?

The magic book made of skin and flesh (disgusting, by the way) is stated to have a leather-like cover. Leather is tanned, dried skin. So, it sounds like it's not leather-like. It is leather.

This book has a lot of potential, but I had a really hard time finding and following the plot. Reducing the thought commentary and emphasizing the plot through showing instead of telling would help here.

Characterization: 10/20
Characterization is generally good because of the thought-focused chapters, but there are some contradictions. I already talked about Everetta's character and its problems, and I don't really have anything to add to that, so I'll just start with Eli.

His chapter is much more formal than Everetta's, and who he is inside is nothing like what he portrays to her. He's caring, concerned, thoughtful, and protective of her, and there's even a statement that he wants her to think of him as a "dear, precious friend."

But his character, as seen in everybody else's chapters, is nothing like that. He's selfish, superior, argumentative, and just a general jerk. And I don't understand why that's the case. There's no explanation for him hiding his true character and putting on an act for everybody else. Although his better nature apparently only applies to Everetta, because he definitely looks down on the magic-less fae and doesn't want to help them at all. But he does, because she does, and he rationalizes his actions by saying that will earn the commoners' favor when they retake their thrones.

Also, Everetta calls him "prim and proper," but he's not that at all in his chapter. He also says the f-word, and then a page or so later, he says the d-word, which shocks Everetta. She then states she'd never "heard a single curse word leave his posh lips," which she'd said in her first chapter. She also notes he has "manicured" hands, but Luna says he has "pale, callused hands," although she then says shortly after that his hands are "flawless." Which is it?

Moving on to Flynn, he's a rather bland character. He doesn't like his parents; he doesn't like himself; he doesn't like anybody except his sister, Snow. And Everetta. Who he calls "angelic" moments after he hears her let loose a slang, profane, incredibly immature sentence. But attraction can blind people to the flaws in others, so I'll let that go, although I pity the poor man.

Luna is a character whose contradictions begin in Flynn's chapter. He says she has "sorrowful pitiful eyes but confident glare." Which is it? If she's expressing sorrow and a pitiable state through her eyes, she certainly isn't confident, and she definitely isn't glaring at anybody. He then goes on to describe her as sitting with "her arms wrapped around her knees curled up near the far right corner of the dingy room," but then he says, "yet there the girl held herself as arrogant as a peacock." And then, "yet there she lay." Again, which is it? If she's curled up in a ball, huddled in a corner with sorrowful, pitiful eyes, there's nothing arrogant about her.

Getting into her chapter, she's mature, haughty, confident, and potentially more knowledgeable than anybody else in the story thus far. Her assessment of Eli and Everetta as two immature kids constantly arguing about the stupidest things is rather amusing, since that's what I get as well, and her blatant intent to kill both of them (expressed in her thoughts only, of course) adds an interesting layer of complexity to the plot.

Harmony within genre: 5/15
Yes, this is definitely a Fantasy story, and listing Action/Adventure as secondary genres is appropriate. However, this section of the review also includes an assessment of plot elements and plot progression, and the plot is a problem I've gone into at length above.

Also, there doesn't really seem to be much difference between fae and humans, and the magical elements seem more like a convenience feature than an actual complex magical system. Everetta conjures up boxes to store meat when she wishes she could store meat, and she instantly cleans dirt off of a piece of meat after a tussle with Eli. The deepest the magic goes is in chapter two with the (disgusting) spell book, but there's no description of how to use it beyond reciting or thinking words, no description of how it feels for the magic user who's casting it, no build-up or in-use details. It's instantaneous, with no work required.

Other species, like werehounds, orcs, and whatever else, are all either mentions or could easily be substituted for something like regular wolves. And I know this is just the beginning of the story, so that may well change, but currently, the court system is much more detailed than any fantasy element.

Originality: 10/20
This is definitely original, but I'm also assessing hook, descriptive detail, level of immersion with world building, and ability to engage readers. For me, the hook isn't there, nor is the immersion or engagement, and I've gone into all of that above. As for the descriptive detail, there are moments where this is stellar, like the description of the lighting in the cabin in chapter two. Settings are definitely your strong point here.

Character descriptions, however, can be awkward or clunky, like when Flynn's father has an "unwavering bulky stance." "Bulky" is not a descriptor for a person's stance. That would describe his physical build. And there are other instances like that. I know you said in the characters chapter on Wattpad you're actively working on improving your character descriptions, so you already know about it, and you're already doing what you need to do. Just keep practicing.

Action descriptions are either really good or kind of confusing, and there are some details that just had me scratching my head. For example, a dagger's blade is referred to as "the sharp white pointy side." Now, that was in Everetta's chapter, and she isn't exactly the most knowledgeable character, so maybe that's just her showing her ignorance. It still struck me as odd, though, because that's really common knowledge.

Overall, this has the potential to be a really fascinating, epic fantasy narrative, which you already plan to turn into a series. It's rough around the edges, but with some work and the help of a professional editor, it could really clean up nicely.

*****

Final thoughts:
Everetta has some problems. She woke up with no memories, met a boy who's a jerk, and has to rely on him to fill in the blanks. According to Eli, she's a reincarnation of a queen, he's a king, and they need to find a way to reclaim their kingdoms from usurpers, because the five courts of the Fae Realm are all under the control of people who shouldn't be running the show. To top it all off, she's also a powerful magician with no recollection of how to work her magic, and she's having painful visions. But she's figuring her magic out, despite Eli's unhelpfulness, and she's determined to get back on the throne and regain her memories. No matter who or what stands in her way. She is a queen, after all.