dedicated to my best friend  camirova25 for always reading this story 

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I was hanging out at Shawn's one night when I got a text message from Logan. He was telling me to go home immediately. I didn't want to go. I was really comfortable in Shawn's arms and with Courtney's head on my lap but I knew it had to go with my parents. I knew I had to go home.

When I got home I found my parents sitting at the table, Logan sitting on the other side. I opened the door and they all looked at me. Logan gestured for me to sit down next to him. I did as he told.

My mom put her hands on ours and held tightly. She was struggling to keep in the tears, but when I looked into the bright blue eyes that I inherited, I knew that she was happy.

She told us that she and my dad were getting a divorce. She would stay home until she found an apartment, but she'd stay in the guest room until then. I was going to go live with her. And as much as I love my mom, I didn't want to leave my dad alone.

I couldn't do much about than suck it up. It's not like I had a say in their decision. I tried hard to be strong for them but I lost it the day my mom gave me the news: we were moving.

It wasn't far from where we lived and it was still in The Town, but it wasn't home. It wasn't where I was used to, where I could walk from my house to my best friend's. Or where I could cross the street and go to Shawn's. It was practically a new neighborhood, one that I did not like. The only good thing about it was that it was closer to the beach, but nothing more.

We moved a few days before Christmas and the only thing on my mind was what we were going to do for the holidays. My family was broken, most of my friends were out of town and my brother was leaving for New York in two days to spend time with his girlfriend. At least he was coming in time for New Years, but still.

Our new apartment was small compared to our old house. The house was big, it had two stories and had four rooms. The apartment had a small living room and kitchen and two small bedrooms. It was nice, in a comfy kind of way but it would never be home.

The day my parents finally signed the documents for the divorce I got mad. Like really mad. Logan had suggested that I went to New York with him and stayed there with him until New Years but I said no. I didn't want to leave my parents in that moment, even if I'd never been madder at them.

I texted Shawn and told him to meet me at Crossberry Park. Five minutes after I hit send I got another text. It was John in our group chat. Party at 11 at my house, help me organize please!!! I typed a quick response saying that I'd be there at seven. I waited fifteen minutes for Shawn's response.
Be at your place in 5. Text me the address?

I got ready and re filled my water bottle, this time with scotch or whiskey. I'm not really good with alcoholic drinks. I heard a honk and looked out the window. Shawn was outside.

I went down the stairs and got inside his car. "How are you doing?" He asked. I rested my head on the window. "I've been better. But my mom is fine, sort of, so I'm okay." He nodded, clearly not knowing what to say.

We left for the park. It was closer from here, another good thing from living out of home. It was a three minute drive to the park, the least.

As soon as Shawn parked his car we walked to a bench that was looking towards the play ground. At first we just sat there awkwardly. Then he decided to ask again.

"So, how are you holding up?" He asked. I took a sip from my bottle of mysterious alcohol. "Uhh" I looked down to my water bottle and put it up so that he could see it. "Not so good I'm guessing." I nodded. "You're so smart." I said smiling and drinking a lot this time. He just started at me. Everyone knows I'm not much of an alcohol drinker.

"And how are your parents holding up? And your brother?" He asked. I could tell he was concerned for me and my family. "They're good. I mean, my brother didn't throw a tantrum. Dad didn't yell. Mom didn't cry, a lot. Maybe they're keeping it in. I don't know. But they seem calm so that's fine by me. You want some?" I tilted the bottle a little at him, gesturing for him to drink. He shook his head no. I took this as a sign to drink the rest of it in one gulp. Bad idea. I was dizzy.

"You really shouldn't drink so much you know." He said while trying to get the bottle from me but realizing it was useless since it was already empty. "I know." I responded sarcastically. I threw the water bottle it the trash can as if I were playing basketball. I missed by far and started laughing hysterically. Shawn just looked at me with a mix of worry and disappointment.

He stayed silent for a bit and then asked. "Do you really think that drinking your parents' divorce away is going to work?" I nodded. "So, what? When the alcohol wears off your parents will still not be together. So please, stop drinking. It's not worth it." I winced at his response. I knew he was right. I knew eventually I would be wasted and hung over and that still wouldn't change the fact that my parents don't love each other anymore. Yet I couldn't help but feel mad at him.

"Well it's easy for you to say. Your daddy crawled from one wife to another and had six kids with two women. You definitely know he won't leave this time." I said. He closed his eyes as if what I said hurt him physically. "I won't defend what he did. Trust me, he was an ass to that. More of an ass not to tell us. But don't hold that over my head. Please...don't. Just don't drink anymore today, or any day. Please. Promise me you won't drink again today." I wiped the tears from my eyes. I didn't want to hurt him yet I did it in the blink of an eye. "I promise."

We stayed silent for what seemed like forever. I was afraid that if I spoke I might say something offensive again. "Can you take me home please?" I asked him. He didn't nod, he didn't answer and he didn't smile like he usually did. He just stood up and walked to his car. He saw it was getting difficult for me to walk because I was so drunk so he jogged over and helped me to the car. And again, we didn't say anything.

It was a silent ride to my new apartment. It was a good thing it was such a short drive because I'm not sure I could have handled the silence any longer.

When I got out of the car and he saw that I was inside the building he left. I'm surprised he didn't get a speeding ticket afterwards for driving so fast.

I opened the door to the apartment and I found a note from my mom: I'll be home late tonight. I have a meeting with the lawyer about the divorce. There's food in the fridge. If you go out, don't come home too late. I love you, Emma!
I sighed. Turns out I was home alone that night. I had nothing to do but to go to John's party.

At nine I got to John's house to help out. I'd fallen asleep to wear the alcohol off and lost track of time. When I got there everything was ready. "You're a little late, aren't you?" asked John. I rolled my eyes. "At least I came." Tamara came out from the kitchen and said silently, "Someone's in a mood." I rolled my eyes. I really wasn't in the mood to party.

An hour before the party my phone was full of text messages. I ran to it hoping that it was Shawn forgiving me and saying that he was sorry. Instead, it was James, his best friend. His texts read:
James: Hey Emma! It's James. You probably know me
James: So you might have heard that Shawn and Ellie broke up today
James: I wanted to tell you that it's not because of you
James: I know that you think he has a thing for you, but he doesn't
James: You wanna know what he said to me the other day?
James: *attachment*
It was a screenshot of a conversation of him and Shawn where he said that he only wanted to hook up with me so that I was hated by all my friends. I started to tear up. This couldn't be true.
James: And in case you think this is fake, ask him yourself
James: he doesn't like you Emma, face it
James: he just wants you for sex
James: sorry you had to find out this way. See you at the party!

That son of a...

***

By eleven thirty people started to arrive. At first we thought no one would come, then they came in masses. Ten minutes later the house was full of people from school. A few second-hand friends, a few people who I don't know. We'd hosted parties before but I had never noticed just how many people actually came to them.

At twelve I saw Shawn and his friends arrive. Shawn was in the lead, he's the leader after all, and the rest of the boys were behind them. The group of friend usually referred to as the "Idiots Town High". After them entered a group of girls who sometimes hung out with the idiots. Most people don't acknowledge them but the people who do just call them "The Sidekicks".

Both groups scanned the crowd before they dispersed. I caught Shawn's eye. I wanted to go to him and say sorry for what I said about his dad. I also wanted to ask him about the conversation with James but as soon as he saw me he looked away and walked to the opposite direction.

For a while all I could think about was Shawn. I couldn't believe that he had said that. How had the nice boy whose family took me in when mine was breaking suddenly turned into a disgusting player?

I danced with a few people at the party. A few guys who asked me for my number, my friends who were low-key happy that I wasn't talking to Shawn and finally Vincent who was really worried about me.

"Do you want to talk outside?" asked Vincent. I nodded my head. "No, I just want to dance and drink the night away!" He looked at me with a confused look. "Won't your parents be mad if you come home smelling like alcohol?" I stopped dancing and my smile faded. I pressed my lips together and nodded. "They won't care." I still hadn't told my friends that my parents had divorced. He then left me alone in the kitchen.

I was in the kitchen serving myself a drink when Shawn appeared. He looked at me and smiled. A fake smile. "So you're going to break my promise, huh?" I drank a shot. Then another. "Mhm." He looked at me with pity and said, "I'm sorry." It was barely audible because the music was so loud but I heard him loud and clear. I rolled my eyes and stuck my middle finger out at him. He was so startled it gave me time to get out to the backyard.

Tamara was sitting in a chair near the pool. I sat next to her. She didn't even notice me when I sat down beside her. I coughed and she looked at me with her eyes wide. "What happened to you?" She said with her hand on her forehead. "I tried alcohol for the first time today. A lot of it" I laughed. She nodded.

We remained silent for a while. The type of silence I was becoming used to. It was kind of hard to talk with the loud music blaring in the back and all the obnoxious teenagers running around everywhere. She was about to stand up and leave until I decided to break the silence and ask. "Would you kill me if I asked you something related to your brother?"