to actively kill myself. If it's something else that kills me, then it is more than welcomed. If I somehow died in an accident, then it was an accident.

I wrote this once in my "military diary" thing, but I hope Athene won't be like me. Be it an honour student - which is mostly why my sister named her that - or depressed, permanently over-thinking, has self-harm and homicidal tendencies, suicidal, hopelessly into art, swears a lot, bad at interpersonal relationships, poor personal hygiene habits whenever mental state turns bad, actively get in bad moods or states of mind to nuture creativity, etc.

You see, I'm a mixture of all the rotten things a human can be, so please just don't take after me. Neither my good quality nor my bad ones. And the way someone has such high expectation for me that they even name their own kid after me? Don't just suddenly decide to give me more responsibilities, it's stressful.

But if somehow my way of thinking end up influences her, then there's just this one little thing I hope she will agree with me. The "Happy Ending". My Happy Ending.

To mom (and dad, probably), if I can make you feel any better saying this, I'm sorry you have a child like me. I'm sorry I'm like this.

Well, probably not, haha.

MY3122