Chapter One ✦ Better Than Nothing

𝕿he water was an eerie calm from where Nell loomed above, hesitant to so much as dip her toe in the tranquil sea out of fear she may disturb the peace. Instead, she sat at the edge of the wooden dock with her legs folded like a pretzel, neck straining as she peered over the ledge, searching the murky waters for any signs of movement. Surely something had to be alive in there.

Around her, the beach seemed to breathe with her, sand brushing upwards from harsh gusts of wind, the trees branches floating into each other with leaves flying out and onto the water, adding small ripples into the otherwise still sea. Even alone, as the sun set over the horizon and cast shadows on her face, Nell couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched.

Something in the sea, it had to be. Spying on her. A fish, and a mighty big one at that, looking up at her, prepared to gnaw on her feet if she were to place her toes within the water. Would it pull her off of the dock? Submerge her entirely, drown her, consume her even as she still attempted to breathe? Would she fight back?

Nell shifted closer to the edge.

It would be easy, she thought, to jump in. Easy enough to let the fish she knew was watching her to pull her to the bottom of the sea, push her into the dirt and the weeds and consume her whilst she thrashed about in a failed attempt to break free.

The sun was to go down completely soon enough. It would be easy then. Easy to sink.

"Can you swim?"

Nell yelped, nearly falling off of the dock entirely as she spun around, eyes frantically searching the dimly lit area behind her for the source of the noise. It was not difficult to find, her gaze settling on the one thing that stood out — a boy, about her age, leaning against one of the few trees littered just where the dirt bled into sand.

Though he was a distance away, she could make out his basic features with ease — dark hair that looked as though it had never encountered a brush in its life, and a pair of thin wire glasses balanced on his nose.

Sure, Nell was relatively new to Walcott, but she liked to think she'd met most of the local people her age by now, be it through her cousin Caroline's incessant need to drag her to every event she went to, or her own ventures. But she was certain that she'd never seen this boy before.

Why the fuck was he in her backyard?

"Of course I can swim!" Nell called back to him, unsure if she was speaking loud enough for the boy to hear her.

But he did, his lips curving upwards as he stepped away from the tree and began walking towards her. When he reached the edge of the dock, his doc martins pressing up against the wood, he paused, humor in his hazel eyes. "You don't look like you can swim."

This time, she frowned, skin beginning to itch. Nell only just resisted the urge to claw at her bare arms, dig her nails into her flesh as she looked up at the mysterious boy. Was she that easy to read? "Why would you say that?"

"If you could swim, you wouldn't be looking at the water like it'll kill you," he said without hesitation, eyes flickering between her and the sea she'd been observing like it would be her end.

"Maybe I want it to," she challenged — a lapse in judgment, a feeble attempt to push back on him, this weird boy and his weird way of talking to her. His lips parted, confusion evident in his expression, but Nell was quicker. "Haven't you ever heard of hello, or do you start every conversation with strange questions?"

"Not every conversation," the boy began, taking a step onto the dock. Beneath him, the wood let out a creaking sound, proving its age, but he didn't seem to notice. "Just ones with pretty girls."

Right. Nell rolled her eyes, turning her attention back towards the sea. She supposed there hadn't been a fish watching her after all, just this boy lingering in her backyard.

"If I come closer, will you push me in the water?" The boy asked, his footsteps stilling once he was a few feet away from her.

"I was considering it," she deadpanned, refusing to so much as glance in his direction. Even so, the noise that followed suggested he had taken another step closer to her.

"I'm James," he greeted. "James Potter. I moved just over there."

This time, Nell allowed herself to look at him, watching as he aimed a finger towards the back of a home fifty or so yards away from them — the house right next to hers.

"Well, not moved, exactly. We're just renting the place for the summer."

"So you're rich?" She blurted, mentally kicking herself the moment she spoke.

But to her surprise, James Potter didn't take offense to her out of place words, letting out a laugh. "Yeah, suppose you could say that. Can't imagine every family can afford a summer home."

She shook her head. "Doubtful. I don't pay much attention to the economy or whatever, but...my aunt's always going on about how expensive groceries are nowadays."

James laughed again, moving so he was fully at her side. Through the setting sun, the light color of his skin seemed to shine in an almost holy way. Angelic, she would say if she didn't know better.

But she did know better.

Nell averted her eyes, digging her nails deep into the dock. He sat down next to her, but unlike her, hung his legs off of the dock. She watched as he let his nice, scoff free shoes — expensive ones at that — merge with the water as he drew shapes in the liquid with his covered toes.

For a moment, she considered doing the same. Now that she knew no fish had been watching her, waiting for her, she thought it might be quite nice to feel the water on her bare feet.

But she restrained herself. Nails dug deeper into the wood, to the point where she knew she'd have splinters.

"Do you live here then?" James asked after a few minutes of silence passed between the two. "I mean, in the town. Not the dock. Obviously you don't live like...right here."

To her surprise, she found a laugh bubbling in her throat, one she could only just manage to swallow. "Yeah. I live right there." She nudged her chin towards her house. Her aunt and uncle and cousin's house, technically, but they'd taken her in. It was her home too, they'd told her over and over, until she'd nearly begun to believe it.

Father Frank had said the same thing, was what she told herself when she found she grew too wide eyed, too naive. He'd manipulated not just her, but her mother, her father, her sister, with their lives revolving around him and his little group of followers. Other hopefuls like they had been.

She wondered if she was the only one who'd fled that hellhole, or if she was made an example of to the rest of the loyal followers, the worst of apostates. What not to do, who not to become.

"Do you like it here?"

Jerking out of her thoughts at the question, she paused for a moment, considering this. Sure, it was better than poverty, than aching stomachs and unanswered prayers and discussions of the upcoming doomsday, but was it home? Not when her aunt barely looked at her, her cousin was impossible to appease, and her uncle only saw his brother in her eyes, a boy he'd never get back. Not that she could blame him — her father was reflected right back at her in Uncle Raymond.

"Suppose so." Nell shrugged. It was better than nothing, she told herself.

Better than nothing.

That was what got her through everything. Because nothing had been horrible, those four days in the cold. Worse than nothing had been a paranoid hell, praying and awaiting a death she would not end up meeting. Better than nothing...she could live with better than nothing.

"I do too." James grinned. "Been lovely so far. Well, it's only been two days, but..."

Nell absentmindedly wondered why she hadn't come across James before, if he was living next door. Surely she'd have seen in on one of her long walks around the town, or the hours she spent in the exact spot she was in now.

"I've got a brother," he proclaimed after a long pause, seeming awfully proud of this fact.

She lifted her eyebrows.

"His name's Sirius. You should come meet him. He's just inside." James nudged once again towards his home, and panic seized in Nell's chest the moment he did.

A new, mysterious boy she'd only just met was trying to get her to go inside a home she'd never stepped foot in before. "You could have him come out," she suggested.

"He's an indoorsy kinda guy. Except for when playing qu-rugby."

She spared herself a moment to blink, shoving aside thoughts of how he was clearly attempting to kidnap her, hold her hostage in his basement and do unspeakable things. A long, gruesome murder came to mind first, those horrific crimes she'd seen plastered on the television Aunt Frances always had on.

"Rugby," James repeated once again, as if attempting to convince her.

She nodded along. "Right. Rugby."

"Where are you going?" He asked when she slid up onto her feet, hands pressing into the wood as she steadied herself upright.

Once she was fully hovering above him, she glanced out at the sea once more, then back at him. "Dinner's soon."

A lie. She'd already eaten, forced down a ham sandwich despite her body not wanting to eat. It was part of adjusting, Uncle Raymond had told her. She needed to eat, put on some of the weight she'd never gained in those eleven years in Angel's Children.

"Can I come with?" He asked, an animalistic sort of eagerness to him, wide eyed like a deer and grinning like a dog.

She blinked again, her theory of him being a secret serial killer not dimming. "You're inviting yourself over?"

It was his turn to look confused, glancing up and down between her and the dock. "Is that rude?"

"A bit," Nell confirmed, running a hand through her thick blonde hair.

James winced. "Sorry."

Pity struck somewhere in between her ribcage, playing a tune with the strings of her heart. James Potter could very well be a serial killer, she lamented, but at the same time, wasn't she supposed to be going out of her way to make friends? Aunt Frances had told her she ought to stop clinging to Caroline and inserting herself into her group of friends, put herself out there instead — this was exactly that.

"You can come, if you'd like," she settled on, before remembering she'd been lying about having to eat dinner in the first place. Maybe she could force another sandwich down, sit at the table with the rest of her new family, who were surely actually having a meal about this time, pretend her stomach didn't reject the concept of food that wasn't scarce.

His face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Really? You mean it?"

Part of her wanted to take it back, but she knew the surprise on her cousin's face when she brought him inside would be worth it. See, Caroline, she could see herself saying. I'm no parasite.

Caroline had called her as much last week, one of their blowout fights due to Nell's alleged incessant clinging. It wasn't that bad, she told herself when she stormed off, leaving the house and going on a three hour walk around the beach. She couldn't help it that she couldn't make friends on her own, that her only source of human connection nowadays was through her cousin.

Better than nothing, Nell had reminded herself when she dragged her feet back to the front door, collecting her pride as she did. It was all better than nothing.

And when she told the excited James that yes, he could step foot in the Harrison home, she was reciting the same mantra over and over in her mind.

Better than nothing.