because we do not stan terfs. looking at you, JOANNE. anygay, hope you enjoy!(both characters are huffles)
My fingers are numb from the cold, but I don't want to go back inside. I'd rather stay here, in the snow, and watch my breath form little clouds in the air. Even if I'm going to catch a cold. I don't care right now.
Why I'm voluntarily freezing to death out here? Because then I don't have to talk to the others, or listen to their terrible jokes. I know they don't mean it, and I know it probably sounds silly, but when they playfully joke about my hair or anything I use to feel better about myself, it just hurts, and I just can't stand keeping secrets. Also, there are a lot of students in the common room at the moment. So, no thanks.
"Ethan!" A familiar voice rips me out of my thoughts, I internally cringe at the name that's used. "Ethan, what are you doing out here? Do you want to die or what?" I turn around to my girlfriend and smile at her.
"No, I'm fine. I just needed my space for a bit." I answer honestly.
Fiona, who has just been running towards me, stops a few feet away, hesitating. "Should I... go then?"
I shake my head immediately. "No, it's fine. Stay. Or we can go back inside together, you decide."
She sits down next to me. "So... Is anything wrong? Can I help?"
I shake my head. "I'm fine."
A lot is wrong, but where do I start? How do I explain it? And what will she say? I feel her worried gaze, I know she knows that I'm lying, but she doesn't pressure me. She just says: "Okay. But just know you can talk to me about anything, you want." And that's why I love her. Which makes me even more worried. Because what if she doesn't love me anymore after I tell her? I know she's a great person, and she would probably be okay with it, but... What if? I can't know that yet. God, sometimes I wish it was easier.
"Ethan, you're crying,"
I am. I didn't even notice. I quickly wipe the tears off my face before Fiona hugs me.
"I'm sorry." I mutter and she lets go of me to put her hands on my shoulders and look me in the eyes.
"No." She just says. "Stop that. Don't be sorry for crying. These are your emotions, and it's good to let them out." I nod, tears in my eyes again, and she continues: "And really, you can talk to me, okay? I love you."
I nod again. Then, everything just bursts to the surface and I just fling my arms around her neck, hugging her tightly and sobbing.
"Hey..." She returns my embrace, though she's a little more gentle, and strokes over my back as I cry.
"Your feelings aren't irrelevant, you hear me?" She whispers in my ear. "Whatever it is, it's important and I'll be there to listen whenever you want me to. Whenever you're ready."
I nod for the third time, my face buried in her shoulder. I don't know how long we stay like this, but it is surprisingly relieving to just cry it all out.
My tears run dry as suddenly as they came, but we stay in the hug for a little longer. Then I let go and look her in the eyes.
"I think..." I clear my throat. "I think I want to talk now. I'm pretty tired of keeping this secret."
Fiona doesn't say anything, she just looks at me and takes my hand.
I hesitate. "Uh, well, I... Oh Jesus, this is even more difficult than I imagined." I take a deep breath. "I... Fuck it. I'm trans. A girl."
In the moment the words leave my mouth, all the strain just falls off of me. It's out. I said it. I told someone. I finally told someone. Oh my god.
"Really?" Fiona asks.
"Yes."
She smiles. "Thank you so much for telling me! So what's your name?"
My jaw drops to the floor. "You're completely okay with it? Like, no problem at all?"
She seems irritated. "Uh... Yeah? I guess? Who do you think I am, Kaitlin Bennett? Or the author of the story this oneshot is based on? That's an insult, honey. And you didn't answer my question."
"Oh. Uh. Sorry. I... I thought of Olivia?" I still can't believe it.
She's beaming. "Oh my god, that sounds great! That's such a good choice, I love that name!"
I feel like I could burst into tears again. "You do?"
"Yes! It's a beautiful name, and it's perfect for you!" She says it in a way that just destroys every doubt. "So, that means you're my girlfriend now? I guess I'll have to overthink this whole 'I'm straight'-thing. Eh, who even cares. I just love you."
I smile. "I love you too."
"Wait, hold on." She says as she remembers something. "Does anyone else know yet?"
"Uhm, no. You're the first."
The surprise in her eyes irritates me a little. Who else should I have told first? "Wow. Thank you for the trust!" She starts smiling again. "From now on, you have to tell me about every single little step. Coming-out, I don't really know about your transition plans but that doesn't matter, just tell me whenever anything big happens so I can aggressively love and support you."
I literally can't stop smiling. "Thank you, Fiona. It really means a lot to me."
"Oh, of course!" Fiona gets up and offers me her hand, which I take and she pulls me to my feet. "I'm freezing. Let's get back inside, Olivia."
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