Chapter 11

I shouldn't love this so much. I thought that every time and every day now. Finding the point I am supposed to show dissatisfaction and the time I am supposed to show joy was starting to blur. For the first time in my life, I am feeling something I have never felt before: the freedom of requited love. When you love someone it is always sweet but there's nothing that compares with having that love returned. I don't know if it is because of how long I have suffered under my unrequited love, but I found it to be a truly wonderful feeling.

It has been a week since Kongpob and I started dating. Although I didn't have any experience with dating and had to Google it a few times, I was ready to try everything.

Because I work five days a week, we only really had the weekend to go anywhere so we spent it at home eating dinner, preparing dinner, watching a movie, cuddling, stealing kisses, and trying to find the fine line between what is considered too intimate. When I touched Kongpob too intimately and passionately, I noticed he'd withdraw and look like he was cold. I can't say that it didn't concern me, I want to know what that was about, but then he would return to me and curl into me, press his face into my hair and act like he couldn't get enough of touching me. It was hard to remember why I should be worried.

I asked him a few times to explain it to me but it caused him to turn tight-lipped. I didn't want that so as of now I am ignoring the issue. It was fine for now but soon we will have to talk about it.

This weekend, at last, we were going to go out and spend some time doing some outdoor activities. I was thinking of how I would get Kongpob to hold hands, his was just hanging at his side and I have tried to reach for it, but my cheeks were aflame. Can I really hold his hand in public with people watching us?

I reached for his a few times but gave up. Even if I did reach for his hands what if it was too intimate for him and he drops mine like a hot potato as usual. It would be humiliating. Let's just keep walking side by side. This was nice too.

I felt warm fingers grab mine and a jolt went through me. When I looked, Kongpob was holding mine. "How..."

I didn't finish the question but he smiled, "you are so obvious P'Arthit. Why do you even have to hesitate about it? We've done a lot more than this. "He held our hand up to show me.

I was blushing but I said in a gruff voice, "that's because you can be so unpredictable."

"I am?" he laughed, "I think you are the one who is unpredictable, P'Arthit. One moment you are straddling me and trying to bury me with your kisses the next—"

"Kongpob!" I glanced around scandalized. Why is he talking about that outside? I am ashamed to admit that my lust for Kongpob was getting out of control. Sometimes it felt like my body was moving of its own free will trying to satisfy a hunger I wasn't ready to attempt consciously.

Soon though, we should talk about it. "Anyway," I shook our hands, "where should we go first? Cinema?"

"Hmm. I am actually a little hungry, maybe we should eat first."

"Okay, "I nodded. We got in the car again and drove off.

"We should do some exploring," I said.

"Exploring? Bangkok?"

"Yea, do you know everywhere in Bangkok rich boy?"

He laughed. "Do I look like such a shut-in?"

"You and Nue were both raised alike."

He nodded. "Yes, but I had ways of getting out of scrutiny very quickly"

I lifted my eyebrows. "You sneaky bastard, where and where did you go? By the way didn't you leave Thailand when you were sixteen, don't tell me you were sneaking off then."

He laughed a little too hard. "P'Arthit, you are so innocent." His fingers caressed my hair. I hate to feel the bliss that raced through me because he was belittling me.

I shook his hand away. "Don't think you are the only one with experience."

"Oh," his tone was supposed to sound amazed but I knew he was mocking me.

"I'm serious. There's nowhere in Bangkok I haven't been."

He gave me a glance that was most certainly not assured. Just what did Kongpob think I do with my life, go to work, and stay indoors all the time?

"Okay fine, "he paused. "Then how about we play a game. I call a place and you tell me how to get there."

"Sounds good. If I win what are you going to give me?"

"Anything you want."

"Don't say anything," I laughed leaning closer, "you don't know what I would ask."

He chuckled, "I think I have an idea but do you really think you'll win?"

"Come on Kongpob, when have I ever lost to you." He nodded respectfully and I wanted to hug his arm and be clingy like I have seen couples do but I cleared my throat.

"Why are you blushing all of a sudden? What is going through your head, P'Arthit."

"Just drive. I will start first. Since we are going out to eat, let me call this restaurant that you can't possibly know." I was smirking at him. This restaurant can't be anywhere a rich boy would ever want to eat at.

"Your smile tells me you have something crafty in mind, which I always enjoy, so go ahead."

The car pulled into the roadside which was the only place we could park. "Using a Google map is cheating," I complained as we stepped out.

"It's not even on Google map, P'Arthit you called the name of a restaurant that doesn't even exist on Google map."

"Why wouldn't it be on Google map?"

Kongpob took one look. "Ah, now I understand, another restaurant is there. How long ago did you come to this restaurant, P'Arthit?"

I twisted my mouth to the side and glared at the clean one-story building. Where did the bamboo-constructed parlor go? That old, ratty place that sold the spiciest foods that my mother took me to twice when I was a kid and we never came back a third time, was now a brick building owned by someone else.

"It changed but you still don't know where it is."

Kongpob laughed and nodded, "okay, P'Arthit. You win the first round."

"Thank you," I taunted with a grin and a raise of my eyebrows. He took my hand but I dragged mine out of his. "Not here."

"Why not." His pout was cute and I secretly chuckled but I tried not to smile.

"Because I don't want to be stared at. Two good-looking guys holding hands, people would gawk at us and probably take pictures."

"I guess I should hold back from kissing you then."

My eyes glazed a little. Kongpob's mouth was usually warm and strong when he really wanted to kiss. I always like it when he initiates his kisses and moves like he wanted to eat me whole.

"Why are you blushing," his face came closer, a warm smile directed at me.

"Whose fault do you think it is?" I elbowed him as I walked past. The door of the restaurant was sliding open and I wanted to get in before he retaliates but my body came to a shocking stillness as a couple of girls piled out. They were talking rambunctiously and didn't notice me so I turned my back immediately. Kongpob was also doing the same.

We stood in silence looking away from the restaurant and avoiding being noticed. It occurred to me in passing that I haven't done anything wrong and that I shouldn't be hiding but my body wasn't getting the message.

I grit my teeth and kept myself from turning. "I don't think we should eat here, Kongpob."

He didn't respond immediately until I nudged him. "Why not P'Arthit."

"I think it is infested," I said and made my way to the car. I didn't care if I was spotted by the person I didn't want to see. I was getting as far away from her as physically possible.

"Alright," Kongpob agreed quite easily and we got in the car. From the corner of my eye, I saw that we hadn't been noticed. The person I was avoiding has been preoccupied with her group of likely weird friends and not paying us any attention. That annoyed me for no reason and I hit the board just as Kongpob started the car.

"What the—P'Arthit are you okay."

"I'm fine," I said through gritted teeth.

"What is it?"

"Just drive damn it. You don't have to know." I was snappy, I knew that but I couldn't get myself to feel bad. Irritations were like pins to my skin, scratching and tearing. I wanted to take it out on something or someone.

Kongpob didn't bother me again. He drove in silence looking like he had something to brood about too. I looked out the side mirror, the restaurant long in the distance and sighed.
"Are you okay?" he was the one to break the silence.

I glanced at him and my chest tightened with guilt. He doesn't know anything and I just took my anger out on him. "I'm fine and I am sorry."

"Don't worry about it. What was that about though."

"Just someone I want to forget knowing."

"Oh, okay."

We continued to drive with the gentle hum of the aircon. "You are not going to ask?"

I met his glance and he smiled. "If you don't want to talk about it P'Arthit my asking would only annoy you, right?"

I sighed and admitted, "Yeah. I don't really want to talk about it. It is a long story."

"Then don't talk about it. how can I get you distracted, should I touch you?" his hand was already on my thigh. I flinched so hard and he laughed.

"Don't do that so suddenly, Kongpob!"

"You are cute, P'Arthit. I want to pack this car and kiss you silly."

"Well... that's negotiable."

"ohh, you are actually up for it."

I shrugged and gave him a challenging look. "That's if you actually can. And not just a stupid peck this time. Give me a good long one."

"A good long what, P'Arthit. You have to use the word."

I glared at him with the corner of my eye. "Then don't do it if you don't want to."

"I want to!" he announced like a schoolboy and pulled the car into one random corner then he jumped me in a showy way that he knew would make me push him away.

"Wait a minute, are you crazy?"

"You said I could." I had his face turned away so he sounded a little funny. I grinned.

"Are you sure you want to?"

"You are still asking when I am like this?" he pulled his face away and his lips reached over. In the end I turned away and gave him my cheek to kiss. I mean there were people just walking past our car and driving. What if she drives by and sees us, what if someone gawks at us. I am not used to displaying affection in a public place.

"See, I knew you wouldn't do it."

"I—"when I turned my head to reply and explain, Kongpob covered my lips with his. It was short but I didn't run away again. When he pulled back I stared at his full and firm lips and licked mine. Those lips smiled and I slowly began to reach for them with my own when—

"Arthit?"

When I glance away in distraction, my haze cleared at the sight of my mom and Rin.

"Rin," I whispered, my heart skipping a few beats. The car window I should have rolled up made such a spectacular view. Why didn't I roll it up? The thought came too late. Why did Kongpob have to park directly in front of Siam? Another thought that was too late.

"Come down," she said softly but I could hear the rolling in her tone. She was pissed. She is going to flay me alive.

"You don't have to," Kongpob said then looked at the two of them, still, I must add, leaning over me. "Mae, Rin, do you need a lift?"

"Arthit, are you still not coming down?" now she was raising her voice. I nudged Kongpob so he would move then I got out of the car. There was no use dragging this out too long, people were watching.

Kongpob let me go but his face had a stubborn look. I wonder what that was about.

"Arthit," my mom said while throwing me and Kongpob dubious glances. "Are you and him..."

"Yes," I nodded my head, lowering my eyes. How many times did these two try their best to comfort me when I was feeling depressed. They encouraged me many times to give up and save myself from anymore heartache. To them it would seem as if I had been deceiving them. I should have told them that we have started dating.

"What, " Rin's outraged voice was lower than I was expecting. She, with her hands clenched around her bags, stepped closer to me. "Tell me you are joking."

I couldn't look at her. When I left Kongpob's house after he rejected me for the nth time, which I felt was the final time, I told Rin that I was done. I didn't want to suffer anymore. I told her I wouldn't go back to Kongpob no matter what so right now shame coerced through me.

"It's not, I didn't—"I failed to find the words to explain myself.

She looked at me as though I didn't exist to her anymore then she walked away. I clenched my fingers, my throat tight. I should have told her. Why did I let her walk into this without warning?

"Arthit," my mother called after a heavy sigh. "You understand why she is like this, right?"

I nodded. I understand all too well, that's probably why I hesitated to tell her.

My mom glanced next to me where Kongpob was standing and pointed her finger. "Don't think for one second that I have accepted you. Whatever you do, you are still the boy who deeply hurt my son and I won't forgive you so easily." She then looked at me. "Come home tonight, Okay?"

I nodded once more and with a pat on my shoulder and a glare at Kongpob, my mom followed Rin. I fall against the car and cover my face. Why did this happen? Out of all the people to run into, first, it was her and then Rin. Today's date wasn't going anywhere good.

"P'Arthit," Kongpob said next to me. I almost forgot he was there.

"What?" he wasn't saying anything despite calling my name.

"You, your reaction, can you explain it to me? Why do you look so ashamed. Did we do something shameful?"

I gaped at his very serious face. He wasn't looking at me but forward, tightness to his shoulder that I could only read as anger. Eh? Why is he angry? Who is he angry at? Me?

As if to answer my question, he looked at me through the corner of his eyes. Those eyes were solemn, hiding a lot of emotions he didn't want me to see and the ones I saw, I didn't understand.

"Could it be that you don't know the answer?"He asked.

"I am not ashamed." I remember the jolt and coolness when I met my mom's eye and corrected," not in the way you think. I just, isn't it mortifying when your mom walks in on you doing that?" my cheeks were stinging a little.

"Oh," he said. What was that reaction? It seems he doesn't believe me.

"Listen, I didn't tell them okay. They don't know that we are dating. Did you think I would?"

"Well yes."

"Well yes, my foot. You don't understand anything, Kongpob."

"I know Rin and your mom hates me, I even know that I deserve it..."

"This isn't the time to be self aware. My point is that I feel horrible that they found out like this after everything they did for me. Okay? I am not ashamed of loving you and of kissing you."

A smile threatened his lips but the guy who is quick to smile didn't want to let up. "So then, what are we going to do now? Follow them or continue our date."

Internally I sighed; he could be so thoughtless sometimes. "Obviously not. Today hasn't been good for us, first we run into her and then them. If we continue I don't know what else would happen."

"Back there, the person you were avoiding, I wasn't going to ask but is it the girl in the middle, the one with white blonde hair?"

I shifted back and nodded. "How did you guess?"

He gave wry smile. "Just luck. Who is she to you?"

The conversation went another way but it was better than dwelling on what just happened. "I wish she was nothing to me and in a way, she is nothing to me but... she is my half-sister."

Author's note: another long wait, sorry.