❝My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.❞
-John Green

***

I wake up to an entanglement of limbs and the sun shining brightly on my face. My position isn't at all what one would consider to be comfortable, but I don't mind. I don't mind, because all I can see is Maya curled up next to me, and when one has the universe right in front of them, all else seems to fade away.

However, I can tell school starts soon by the position of the sun, making me wonder how long we have slept in. After all, I forgot to set my alarm last night, our arguments and make ups caused everything else to slip from my thoughts.

"Maya," I whisper as I gently shake her, untangling my legs from hers, and trying to free my arm from under her back. "Maya, wake up, we're going to be late for school."

It was as if those words rang a bell in her ears, for she sat up rather fast and cursed under her breath. "We can't be late for school, if I get one more tardy I'll most likely have detention," she tells me, a certain panic in her voice. I only remember Maya getting detention once in school, and it didn't end well with her parents. In fact, the police were called and she had to stay with me for a whole week. I almost want to tell people about Maya's parents, just so they'll stop complaining about their own and finally appreciate them. Maya would kill to have most parents, while these bratty kids don't understand how good they truly have it.

"Okay, it's okay, I'll get you to school on time," I promise her. "I just need to change my shirt."

"I need to change my whole outfit. I have enough remarks on my hands from people, let alone if I wore the same outfit twice."

I was going to tell her who cares what they think? I really was, after all, I liked her overalls. However, just as I opened my mouth, she began to take her overalls off. My heart still isn't sure how I feel about her, these feelings being completely new and utterly strange, but what I knew, is that I couldn't look away. I could neither close my eyes nor my mouth, and I found myself staring at her. She really is beautiful, and as I watch her overalls come off, nothing on her body except her underwear and bra, I can't find it inside me to feel bad for watching her. I'm just so happy she feels that comfortable around me to change in front of me. She just makes me happy all around.

"Aren't you going to change your shirt?" She asks me, as she looks over and notices I'm still wearing the same AC/DC shirt I fell asleep in last night.

I find myself blushing as I look away from her, muttering a yeah under my breath. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's making me feel weird. I want to go back out onto the balcony and hold her, I want to talk about our dreams and how we're going to be together forever, I just want to be with her. Not even like dating, I just want to be around her. I want to protect her from her horrible family, to be her shoulder to cry on. I know I'm going through things of my own — my uncle a heavy reminder of the loss — but I want to be there for her. I can almost forget my own pain as I watch her go through hers. I don't know or understand these new feelings, but I'm not scared of them. I'm not scared to feel this way towards her, for I do love her so much, and if it turns out to be the love that lovers share, I wouldn't mind. She's never broken my heart before — arguments or not — and I'm not scared that she ever will.

I quickly change my shirt, just putting on a plain black one, before helping her collect her things and put them into her bag. "Thanks, Clark, for everything," she tells me with a small smile, as I hand her her bag. "You really are the best, if only more people knew that."

"If more people knew what you knew, perhaps I wouldn't be mostly yours like I am now. You would have to share me with everyone."

"Well," she smiles. "It's a good thing I'm the only one who knows what I do about you, then."

I want to tell her it is really a good thing, for despite wanting people to stop picking on me and making me feel inferior, I can't help but feel safe knowing she's the only one that truly knows me. I mean, if a bunch of people knew my secrets, they would no longer be secrets worth keeping. I like that she's the only one who knows what I'm thinking just by the way I act. I can only hope that she doesn't notice these feelings, not yet at least, especially since I don't quite understand them myself. I also don't want to lose her. I know that I won't, but I don't want her to feel awkward when she stays, for that's the last thing I need.

"Well, are you ready for another day of hell?" I ask her, trying to amuse her despite feeling rather positive for the day ahead. As long as I focus on her and not my loss, I think I'll be okay.

"Always am," she sighs, and I can't help but wonder if that sigh runs deeper than it seems.

**********

School was an even bigger hell than usual.

Despite not getting picked on yesterday for breaking down and crying in most every class — not to mention crying on Maya's shoulder in the hall — the laughs and jokes all came today. It was as if they were writing down puns and jokes all night, just to feed them to me today. On top of it all, they weren't even original. Clearly, a mouse could have made better comebacks than they did.

So, when my mom asks me how school is when I get home, my grunt is the only true reply I could give her.

"That bad, huh?" She asks.

"You have no idea," I sigh as I fall back onto the couch, wishing Maya was here. Wishing I could replay this morning in my room, for she was just so beautiful and it felt like almost magic to be able to witness her getting dressed. All these feelings, and she doesn't even know how she makes me feel.

"Care to share?" She suggests, as she comes into the room with a bowl full of chips.

"Not particularly," I admit.

"Well, if you're not going to share with me, I'll share these chips with you. If you're up for it?"

My mother isn't the best person in the world, she's not the greatest role model, she's never going to be on the front of Vogue, but what she is, is the best person in my life besides Maya, and I love her so much. I would do absolutely anything at all for her, and she knows this. That's probably why she just asked if I'd take up her offer on the chips, for next she's most likely going to suggest we watch a movie. It's how this always works without fail.

"I'm up for it," I sigh, as I sit up and give room for both the bowl to sit beside me and for her to sit on the other side of it.

"And a movie, as well?"

"I knew it," I laugh, as I eat a chip. Nothing beats Lay's original.

"What movie are you up for?" She asks, and I can tell she really is trying to get me to feel better. If it were any other night, she wouldn't think twice about suggesting a movie, but tonight she's acting as if she has no idea what she wants to watch.

"What movie are you up for her?" I ask her instead.

"Depends on what you want to watch," she shrugs, and just at that simple gesture, it reminds me of Maya. I wonder if she's okay right now.

"I don't care," I admit. "Anything, anything just to get my mind off of life."

"Okay, what about..." she trails off in thought, as I lean my head back against the couch, trying to forget about life and focus on the fact that sitting here right next to my mom and eating chips and discussing what to watch is the good in life. "Um, what about a comedy?"

"I'm thinking more of a drama," I mumble.

"You're acting dramatic enough tonight, I don't think you need anymore drama in your life right now. Actually, what movie are you thinking?"

"Er — Titanic?" I admit sheepishly.

"Ha!" She laughs, before throwing a chip at me. "You used to tell me you hated that movie, I knew you were a sap at heart!"

"Mom," I whine. "Please, you won, okay? Settle down," I laugh.

"I am settled! Only, I don't want to watch Titanic, it always makes me so sad."

"Me too, but it will take my mind off of everything, and I'm desperate for anything right now."

"Okay," she reluctantly agrees. "Titanic it is. But first, clean up that chip," she points to the chip that she threw, it now being nothing but smashed crumbs near my arm.

"You're the one that threw it!" I defend.

"You're the one that smashed it!" She retorts with a laugh.

"You're mean," I laugh with her, as I clean up that chip while she searches for the DVD.