Sutton

I can't believe this is my life.

Where had it all gone wrong? How did I end up in this mess?

I always knew my life might be a bit more...complicated than most due to my father's choice in business dealings. But never, not in a million years, did I think this would happen.

If I thought I was miserable when my father wouldn't let me perform in Moulin Rouge, well...I'd give anything to have those days back. I'm not even playing at the club now. Last week, when I was getting ready to go, Jason told me that I didn't "have to do that anymore." I nearly cried on the spot.

At least then, I was getting out of the house. Now, everything is fucked up and I'm more trapped than ever. I want to be—

"Sutton, you okay?"

I startle, jumping away from the window where I had my forehead practically pressed to the glass. I grab my best friend and bodyguard, Dominique, by the elbow. "Shit, you scared me, Dom."

She cocks an eyebrow at me. "I scared you? You're scaring me. Why are you staring down at 5th Avenue like you'd rather be plummeting toward it than up here in this dress shop?"

Because sometimes, I think I would.

"I wasn't," I say, pushing back the sadness, the fear, the dread. "I was just zoned out, that's all."

She looks at me dubiously but lets it go. "All right. Well, it's our turn."

"Great."

Hooking her arm through mine, she leans in and whispers, "I know you don't want to do this, babe, and trust me, I get it. But Jason's mother is here, so you need to put on a happy face or she's going to report back that you're being 'surly' again."

Oh God, Mrs. Virginia Claiborne-Kincaid. The snobbiest woman I have ever met—not to mention one of the wealthiest in the city.

We've been meeting up for wedding planning, and every time my smile falters for a second or I look the least bit upset or preoccupied, she goes right back to Jason. She tells him that I looked "downright despondent" the entire time, and he needed to do something to "get me under control."

Yeah, I'd rather not get another lecture from Jason tonight on how I need to recognize the "importance of this marriage." As if he hasn't been drilling it into my head since he found me with Nicolai almost two weeks ago.

I slap on a smile and enter the waiting area where Jason's mother and the bridal consultant are. I greet them with a wave. "Good afternoon, everyone."

"Hi, Ms. Banks. Welcome to Enchanted Bridal. Thank you for trusting us with such an immense responsibility. We know how important it is to find the perfect dress for your big day. We will do everything possible to make that happen."

If only she knew how little I actually care.

"Thank you"—I look at her nametag—"Iris. That is very kind. I can't wait to try them on." I walk over to the couch and lean over to give Jason's mom a hug and a peck on either cheek.

"Good afternoon, Sutton," Virginia says coolly. "I trust you're well-rested?"

'Yes?" I ask, glancing at Dom, who just shrugs.

"It's just last time we met up, you had stayed up late the night before doing some, I don't know, bookish thing, and you were in a terrible mood," she says, sniffing as she looks me up and down.

I have no idea what she's talking about. I was probably just in a bad mood and made up some excuse. Why does she have to make everything sound so...beneath her?

But I swallow my annoyance and say, "Nope, got a full seven hours last night. Ready to try on dresses and find the perfect fit!"

Her eyes travel up and down my body again, and I'm suddenly oddly self-conscious of my form fitting pencil skirt, tucked in blue sleeveless blouse with ruffles on the front, and thin black belt that cinches my waist and highlights my already curvy hips.

"Speaking of fit," Virginia says to Iris, "you do have her size in store, right?"

My eyes widen in horror, and hot tears fill my eyes. What the fuck is she doing?

Iris's eyebrows meet in the center of her forehead right as Dom looks like she is going to come out of her skin.

"Um, ma'am, Ms. Banks is not a size that is out of the ordinary. They would have her size at any store in the city." Iris glances at me and sees the embarrassed look on my face, and she looks back at Virginia with a new, cold expression. "And just for your information, we are a size inclusive store. This is not the 80s anymore, Mrs. Claiborne-Kincaid. You may want to catch up with the times."

I tuck my lips between my teeth to keep from bursting into laughter and follow Iris as she beckons me with one finger.

Damn, she schooled her. Maybe Virginia will at least leave me be for the rest of the day.

"Thank you," I whisper as we walk down the hallway to the fitting area. "You have no idea what you just did for me."

Iris looks over at me and smiles broadly. "I think I do. You can't imagine how many future mothers-in-law I see in here every single day who act just like her. It makes me sick. So any time I feel like I can put one in her place, I do."

"Well, it is appreciated. She has been needling me for weeks now," I say as Iris shows me into a lush fitting room with ivory decor—walls, carpet, even soft ivory lighting—and gentle pink accents.

"Glad to be of service. Now let's see if we can help find you exactly the kind of dress you want. I looked over the questionnaire you filled out before the appointment, and I couldn't help but notice that you didn't have many preferences?"

My heart clenches, and I force myself to keep a happy face. "I've just never been much of a fashionista, and I don't really care too much what I wear on my wedding day. As long as it looks good on me."

It's a lie. I have always cared about clothes and fashion, and I've dreamt of my wedding since I was a little girl. I've always wanted a form fitting white dress, something that shows off my figure, a floor length veil, and to wear my hair in long curls down my back.

It's just...in my mind, the groom was always Nicolai.

And now he's been taken from me, too.

Iris just nods, though. I've mastered the art of lying to strangers. Hell, let's be honest, I've even mastered the art of lying to the people who know me. I've made my dad believe I'm okay with this.

"That's fair. I hear that a lot. Any silhouettes or accessories you want to stay away from?"

"Form-fitting gowns and floor-length veils," I say without hesitation.

I'll be goddamned if this sham of a wedding steals anything from the wedding of my dreams.

"Done. I already have some ideas."

***

The rest of the appointment goes smoothly, especially because Virginia keeps her trap shut, Dom and Iris keep me sane, and I leave the shop with a ballgown fit for a princess and a veil that only goes halfway down my back.

It's nothing I ever wanted, and everything that's perfect for this shitshow of a wedding.

We're on our way to the penthouse in the back of the limo when Dom finally says, "I thought you wanted a form-fitting gown. Like a mermaid style. What changed?"

I glance at her warily. "The groom."

She winces and reaches over to squeeze my knee.

"Shit, Sutton. I'm sorry. I didn't even consider that you'd do everything the opposite. That's perfect, though," she says, a grin spreading over her face. "You're brilliant, you know that?"

I shrug but can't help the slight smile that turns up the corners of my lips. "I don't want to marry him, so I figure I might as well not give him every dream I ever had, right? He's already taking the biggest part of the day, why give him the rest?"

Dom sighs and sits back against the leather interior, staring at the ceiling. "I wish we could get you out of this. But I swear, one day."

"I know. We'll make it right one day. This isn't the end. For now, I'll play the part of the dutiful daughter."

"And what about Nicolai? Do you think he'll wait?"

I shift in my seat and chew my bottom lip before looking up at her with tears in my eyes.

"He said he would, but I don't know. I can't expect him to wait forever, and I don't know how long it'll take me to figure a way out of this. How long it'll take my father to get himself out of trouble."

"Nicolai loves you, he—"

"But it isn't fair to ask him to put his life on hold," I exclaim. This is splitting me in two. My heart feels like it's going to shatter at any given moment. "Dom, I love you, but I don't want to talk about this. Please. Not when there's nothing we can do to change it. This is life or death stuff here, and I can't let my dad down."

I haven't been able to stop thinking about Nicolai since I left him. Even the smallest things remind me of him. But I don't have the freedom to choose who I want to love. Not in this world.

"It's over with Nicolai," I whisper, glancing out the window as we drive by Central Park; by the spot I'd met up with Nicolai all that time ago. "It has to be."

Dom looks sad, but I know she understands. She's in this life too. Her dad is a member of the Ring as much as mine. He may not be the leader of it, but he's in it all the same.

And that means if the roles were reversed, she'd do the same thing as me.

Suffer in silence to keep the family afloat.

It's what we do.