Present Day October 2018

It had been a little over 24 hours since I'd spoken to Hayden , my mind was still reeling from what he'd told me. I couldn't help but blame myself , the only thing I was certain of at this moment in time was that all of Hayden's issues with addiction stemmed from me. I was the catalyst that set him off , if I'd fought harder to get my old life back maybe I'd have been able to stop him and his need to self-destruct. His beautiful face was burned into my mind , even though he looked exactly the same as he had done 5 years ago , there were subtle changes that I'd noticed and they were all due to the amount of alcohol and drugs he'd been pumping himself full of.

"Luce , you need to stop beating yourself up over all of this." Ricky sighed as he took a seat next to me on the sofa. "You look like shit , did you get any sleep last night?"

"No not really." I reply "I'm just having some trouble processing all of this , Rick. I've been out of the loop for years and now I find out that I'm the reason Hayden was hell bent on getting high as a kite while the rest of you were left to pick up the pieces." The guilt I felt because I'd left them all behind was nothing compared to this feeling , it was all consuming and like nothing I'd ever felt before. "Stop acting like this is your fault , Luce." he groaned "Hayden didn't have to do what he did , he could've gone to Rehab and gotten clean and the help he needed , he's a troubled man but he won't admit it. You being here or not being here wouldn't have made a difference , he's just using you leaving as an excuse."

I wanted to believe him , we'd stayed up late last night after coming back from Poppy's house and we spoke about what had gone on while he'd left to deal with one of the kids he councils. It wasn't a pleasant conversation to have , repeating what Hayden had said to me was painful I couldn't seem to forget how angry he'd been when he told me that I was the reason he'd been using.

"Change of subject , have you spoke to your mum yet? You've been gone for 3 days?" Ricky asked , motioning to my phone. I'd turned it off after I stormed out of the house and hadn't looked at it since. "Nope , I don't want to talk to her. I'm an adult I don't need to tell my parents where I am and what I'm doing. I'm not ready to forgive her , she went too far this time Rick."

"I understand , but I think you should at least let her know that you're alive." I groaned , he was always the voice of reason even when we were younger. Shooting him a dirty look I reach over to turn my mobile on.

There was nothing , not even a single missed call. I was only hurt for a millisecond and then realised this is what my mother did , she used emotional manipulation to get what she wanted and she wanted me to cave first and come crawling back to her. She'd controlled me for most of my life , but I was an adult now and I wasn't going to let her do it any longer. I showed Ricky the empty screen and I could tell by his torn expression he didn't have a solution to this problem. However I had an idea , pulling up mine and my mother's text messages I began typing.

To: Mum

From: Lucia

Just to let you know I'm currently in Oakland and I've discovered something quite interesting.

My dead best friend isn't as dead as you thought he was , sorry to burst your bubble. Don't expect me

back anytime soon.

Against any better judgment I thought I might have had buried deep inside me I clicked send without a second thought. I wanted to tell her how much of a bitch she'd been for telling me that Hayden had died but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction , this wasn't a battle she was going to win. "It's been nice having you back , Luce. I really thought we'd lost you." Ricky's voice cut through my day dream. "I thought I'd lost you all too." I gave him a sad smile.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" He asked

"Everything." I sigh "so much has gone on these past few days , it's just taking a while for it all to sink in."

"I understand that , you've been through a lot in a short space of time. Not forgetting all of this reopening old wounds , you're bound to feel a little overwhelmed."

"It'll all work out in the end." I replied , trying to be optimistic. "Thanks for letting me crash at yours by the way , I don't know what I'd do without you."

"As If I'd let you stay anywhere else , I meant what I said , Luce. I'm not letting you out of my sight ever again." He chuckled

"Are we still going out with the girls later?" I asked

"Yeah , were meeting them at the old bridge they've made a picnic." I shuddered at the thought of having to eat outside , especially in the latter half of October. "Don't worry you can borrow one of my coats until we get round to going clothes shopping."

"You really are the best." I chuckled , and I really meant it Rick Andrews was truly an Angel.

Half an hour later we were just pulling up to what me and the guys referred to as 'The Old Bridge' , it was a beautiful rural area just outside of town and we'd all spent countless hours hanging out there together when we were younger and it housed so many memories for us all. It was a short 5 minute walk to where the girls wanted us to meet them , I was surprised that everything looked almost exactly the same as it did all those years ago , apart from the trees around us being void of any leaves. It was like this place had been trapped inside a little bubble unaffected from time itself.

The picnic was already set up by the time me and Ricky reached the others and seeing the girls there hit me with a wave of nostalgia. "Everything looks amazing , girls." I say as I caught a glimpse of the numerous items of food that had been set up on the blanket. "I thought since you've been away for like forever we would take you to all of our favourite places when we were younger." Poppy replied " I know you feel like you've missed out on a lot but really you haven't we were all in university so nothing much actually happened , there a few minor incidents with you know who but apart from that it's all been very boring. You coming back into all of our lives has been the most exciting thing to happen to all of us for a long time."

I could feel the tears in my eyes threatening to spill down my cheeks , even though my mind was still reeling from the past 72 hours I was determined to push it all aside and enjoy the picnic with my friends. "Does anyone actually know you're here?" Kiara asked as we all dug into the little feast in front of us.

"I text my mum to tell her but I didn't get an answer. Not that I'm worried I don't want to talk to the woman , she went too far this time." I reply "but I'll need to go back soon and get all my stuff , I start my new job soon and I'll need my car to get there."

"I'll take you , you'll need a buffer if your mums there. My next day of is Saturday we can go and get all of your stuff and you can follow me back in your car." Ricky replies

We all fell into a comfortable silence , all of us too occupied with eating to be able to communicate with one another. The silence allowed my mind to wander , I couldn't imagine leaving this place ever again. Being torn away from the town you grow up in is painful enough but I never expected to feel like I was truly home when I came back , I made the decision then and there that I would find a house here and make it my own little home. I couldn't fathom ever leaving Oakland ever again so having my own place seemed like the way forward.

"Holy shit , I can't believe you still have them." Kiara gasped. I looked down to see what all the fuss was about and the dog tags that Hayden had given me had slipped through my jacket. "Yeah." I reply sheepishly "I found them in a box the day before I bumped into Ricky in that nightclub. I hadn't seen them since before I went to that Rehab centre , I hid them because I was scared If my mother had found them she would've forced me to thrown them out."

"Didn't he give them to you out here?" Poppy asked "I remember you telling us about It in school the next day , it was so romantic."

"We were just friends Poppy , you know that. Nothing ever happened between us , he was like an older brother to me." I was surprised that those words still left a bitter taste in my mouth and a sinking feeling in my chest.

Ricky shot me a look and I knew he'd seen right through the little white lie I'd told the other two but he was the only one who knew how I'd felt back then and what scared me the most was that I was starting to think those feelings that I'd tried so hard to suppress when I was younger had never actually gone away they'd only been forced into a part of my subconscious that I'd forgotten about , until now. But just like before I knew nothing could happen between us , Hayden was an addict and that complicated things immensely and I couldn't let myself get sucked back into that lifestyle. Maybe nothing more than just friends was on the cards for the two of us , it seemed that way as life had put another obstacle in the way for a possible more than friends scenario. However despite all that , I was stuck wanting just that little bit more.

A/N

I apologies for the late update and a somewhat filler chapter. Last week was a very stressful one for me as I had my College results given to me along with my chosen university getting back to me. Updates will resume as normal from now on 😊

I hope you enjoyed the chapter & don't forget to vote/comment ! Your support means the world to me ❤️The next update will be sometime next week !