Hi, hello and a big smile to you all! So finally am I updating and I hope you like this chapter. This story is not at all well written or in a whole really well planned, I am just warning you again.

I am sorry for the slow updates and I am thinking about putting this story on hold, as I have a lot going on in my private life. I am not being able to juggle life anymore, wattpad is far from the list. So sorry in advance.

Just wanna say thank you and that you're the best! So you know, I do really appreciate you all.

Love
Shona

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You know what hurts so much? It's when someone made you feel special yesterday but makes you feel like you're a nobody today.

-Unknown

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Have you ever wondered why some people are miserable? Well, most of the time people haven't been able to fight for what's worth living for. They take awful decisions and end up ruining themselves.

Take me as an example. I am Zayne, a 29 years old successful Doctor. Living my dream in the country I am born and brought up in, the beautiful Sweden.

I made my Arab parents beyond proud and thrilled when achieving my diploma. The apple of their eyes became a doctor.

I should be happy right? Well, I am not. I was happy, actually the happiest man alive, but then it all went downhill after an event.

Sometimes you make choices without thinking and your actions leads to consequences that leaves you miserable. One mistake is enough to break you and to regret the day you were born.

I have lost what's truly important to me. Yes, my profession makes me feel important and proud of myself but then the only source of happiness I crave for is gone from my life due to my own stupidity.

"Dada."  My princess, my daughter Zariah, looks at me with a huge grin and extends her arms towards me. "Angel want dada."

My eyes immediately moistens seeing her still recognize me even though she barely sees me anymore. I miss her and Zora so badly. I curse myself every single day for losing my beautiful family and for hurting Zora.

I know that Zora loath the very sight of me. To keep her from pain I usually make sure that she doesn't notice me whenever we cross paths. However, today when I heard Zariah cry I could not keep myself away. The sound of my daughters sobs stabs my heart and I just want to hold her close. I want to console her and make sure she knows that her dad is always there.

Zora doesn't turn around and just stand there as a statue. I notice her knuckles that has turned white now and I exhale a deep sigh. I walk up to her and get hit by the familiar soft flowery scent of her that always knock out my senses. I want to wrap my arms around her and hug her so hard that she is forever imprinted on me. The beautiful woman in front of me, for me still my wife, look paler and thinner than before. Her dark circles gives away that she has had a sleepless night, once again.

How could I do this? To the love of my life? To the mother of my child? How could I ruin my life with my own hands? I stare at her from beside her while she keeps staring into space in front of her. "Zora." I call out softly again and she flinches for a millisecond before she goes back to being emotionless. 

She turns her captivating black gaze at me which aren't as I remember them, they used to be full of life and used to shine while now they seem dull. I try to search for a single ray of hope in them but she turns her gaze away from me to our child.

"May I?" I ask Zora without shifting my gaze away from her, who knows when I'll be standing this close to her again?  Zora offers me a short nod and I force myself to tear my gaze away from her to our daughter.

Zariah smiles and I pick her up from the stroller. "Dada, mama, angel." She instantly wraps her tiny arms around my neck and I can almost feel my heart explode with joy.

Having my precious in my arms a tear rolls down my cheek without my permission and I hug her tightly as if I'll lose her if I let go. I kiss every inch of her cheeks and her hands. I take a glance at Zora who doesn't look at us but her eyes are indeed brimming with tears. How I wish I could hug her but I know she'll push me away even further and I don't want to get on her nerves or create a spectacle right now.

I know every single thing about Zora in detail, from inside and out. When she is nervous she fiddles with her hands, her lips slightly trembles and she doesn't make eye contact while she adjusts her hair. When she is excited or happy her eyes brightens up, she gets hyper and more talk-active. When she feels insecure she distances herself a bit and adjusts her clothes numerous times. When she is stressed or mad she cries and screams.

Right now her posture is rigid, her eyes blank and she is surrounded by a ice-cold negative aura, or you may call it a shield. It's nothing new that my heart aches every time my eyes lands on her and seeing her like this is plainly killing me from within, because it's evident that she is broken. The fact that I am the solemn reason for her state is suffocating me. She did not deserve to get hurt.

I muster some courage to talk to her, I know she'll snap but I rather get a reaction from her than seeing her impassive. "How are you Zora?" I ask after clearing my throat.

She spares me a glance and shifts her gaze to a happy Zariah who curiously plays with my short pricking stubble. "I can't do this right now Zayne." Zora's words comes out as a painful whisper and I swallow hard. "I received Zariah's custody after the divorce but I'll never keep her away from her father or you away from your daughter, but I can't do this right now." She grabs Zariah away from me who looks on surprised and I instantly feel cold without her, thankfully she doesn't start to cry.

Zora starts to push the stroller but I grab her wrist in sheer desperation and she immediately halt. She look down on my hand around her wrist with disgust evident in her eyes and frowns, while I simply feel overwhelmed. "I am sorry Zora, I really am. Please, forgive me." I love you, I want to add but I know it's not appropriate. "I regret it every single second." I whisper and let go of her wrist.

She pinches the bridge of her nose in tiredness and turns her attention to me. "You know what my mistake was? That I didn't listen to myself or my gut feeling due to so called love. I believed in fairytales and I believed in us. I should have never married you when I knew that a interracial marriage hardly last." She tells me ever so calmly with a broken voice.

I don't know what hurt the most, to hear her say that she regret the fact that she married me or for seeing the regret in her eyes for ever loving me.

Her words makes me ashamed of myself for making her lose her faith in interracial marriages, and marriages in general. "You can't say that Zora! Whatever happened was not due to me not being Desi or you not being Arab. I can give my life for you and Zairah." I try to make her understand by pointing out to her.

She chuckle bitterly and shake her head. "You know what? This is ridiculous, why are we even having this conversation? We are divorced, it's over and it doesn't matter anymore." Her each word slaps me hard, I can't come to term with our divorce how hard I even try. "And please spare me the fake concern, if you would have cared for me, loved me or even respected me you would have been able to keep your promises." She gives me a piece of her mind and I look away not having the courage to meet her gaze. "Bye Zayne." With a last glance she leaves me standing there and I can't be more ashamed of my very existence.

"I still love you." I whisper to her retreating back and I do my best to not let my tears fall freely in public.

I do love her, I do respect her and I do care for her but it's true that I could not keep the promises that I made to her as well as to myself.

It was a Saturday morning and we both had the day off. After eating some breakfast we ended up in bed again as we were tired from the previous night when we had watched a movie and talked until dawn. I was laying on my back with my arm over my eyes while Zora laid with her back towards me. She was too quiet for being her usual self and I could sense that something was wrong. "Zora?" I called her.

"Hmm?" She hummed as a response.

"What's on your mind?" I asked her while removing my arm from my eyes and took a glance at her back.

"Nothing." She responded after a moment which can only mean that she is hesitating in telling me.

I rolled my eyes and in a swift move grabbed her warm tummy. In a matter of a second she was tossed over by me and she let a small surprised gasp leave her lips. She was laying on her back now and I rolled over to hover above her with my hands resting either side of her on the bed. She blinked not comprehending what just happened and I smirked seeing her sudden pink cheeks. "What's going on?" She questioned suspiciously with her hands on my chest.

I shrugged and bored my eyes into her mesmerizing black gaze. "You tell me? What's bothering you." I retorted back and she rolled her eyes. "Don't ignore the question or answer with 'nothing' because I know something is bothering you. Tell me, so I can help you." I warned her straight away.

"It's seriously nothing." She told me again and bit her lower lip, I would be lying if I said that it wasn't a distraction.

I held my gaze in eyelevel to be able to focus. "I'll not let you go before you provide me a solid answer." She rolled her eyes again and played with the rim of my t-shirts neck. "You know what I can stay like this forever." I smirked and started doing pushups. With every pushup I planted a kiss on her soft luscious lips.

Her eyes widened and she gaped at me stunned. "What are you doing?" She asked with a soft smile and I kept planting kiss after kiss on her until she turned crimson.

Yeah, she used to blush when I, her husband, used to kiss or touch her and I loved that about her. "Ok, ok." She said and stopped me with her arms as a shield between us. "I was thinking about you." She said unsure and searched for something in my eyes.

"Me?" I responded puzzled with furrowed eyebrows.

She slowly nodded and then added. "Or more like us."

"Proceed." I was curious now.

"When you told me about your feelings when we were in university, I never thought we could be something else or more than friends." She enlightened me timidly and a wide grin spread on my lips as I remembered the day when I had confessed my desire to be with her. 

Her shocked expression was worth observing when she realized that I was telling her that I considered her more than just a close friend. It was like she was ready to spin around and run as far away as she possibly could.

"Yeah, it wasn't that hard to figure out with your attitude toward my approach." I teased her with a smirk.

She chuckled adorably. "Anyway, and now I can't imagine a life without you." She bored her eyes into mine with seriousness evident in them and made me the happiest man alive.

I wrapped my arms around her and rolled over so I was laying on my back on the bed. "Well you don't have to as we are going to stay together for the rest of our lives." I assured her and hugged the life out of her. "We got married for that very reason." Taking her hand I planted a kiss on her hand with her wedding band.

She rested her head on my arm and looked at me with a soft smile but uncertainty was still there in her eyes. "I know that but I am scared Zayne. I am serious when I say that I will not be able to live without you." She briefed me as if I wouldn't know the feeling.

I caressed her cheek. "Do you think I joke when I say that? Zora, you are my life and without you there's no me." I wished that I could make her feel my extreme emotions for her.

"So you'll never leave me?" She asked me the obvious.

Boring my eyes into her soft big eyes I answered with the truth. "Never."

"Promise?" She smiled goofily which made me stare at her mesmerized.

I reassured without any hesitation and secretly swore to myself to never hurt her. "I promise." She leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

She leaned back and examined my face for a brief moment. "Look, if you ever find yourself having feelings for someone else or you want to be with someone else." I sighed annoyed and cut her off.

"Then I'll respect you enough to tell you what's going on and we'll make it work from there." I monotonously repeated what she has told me numerous times before. "I know all of this. You have told me this at least hundred times. Listen to me very clearly, as I am telling you this again, I only have my eyes for you." She cuddled closer to me and I adjusted my arm around her.

I inhaled her soothing fragrance while she played with my hair. "If we are ever blessed with children then make sure that you always think about them before taking any drastic step." She whispered concerned and I sighed.

"Zora, how low morals or values do you think I have? I love you, and if anything than you're stuck with me for the rest of your life." I passed on to her a bit annoyed.

"Good, because there's no other way I would want it." She smiled goofily which made me chuckle.

Hugging my adorable wife tighter I told her what was on my mind. "May God have mercy over me since I am madly and crazily in love with you."

A bitter smile finds its way to my lips. My feelings for Zora hasn't changed. Matter of fact, I actually love her even more if it's even possible. "I still love you Zora, forgive me for hurting you. If I could I would travel back in time and rectify my mistakes. My only wish right now is to lay in your arms, inhale your fragrance and hear about your day. I just want to be loved again, by you." I say to no one in particular with a lump in my throat while gazing at the sky from my balcony, as regret and guilt claws my inside.