Nitya

Sitting in my room, I feel deep sadness wash over me. Because Prathamji told me earlier that we would be returning to the village the day after tomorrow.

Just thinking about going back to that house fills me with a sense of dread. Maaji and Chachiji's harsh words and disapproving glares are my constant companion there, making me feel like I don't belong in that house and family. With them, I always feel judged and out of place.

But amidst this sorrow, there is a flicker of relief too. And it's because of Prathamji's changing behavior toward me. He still seems distant most of the time, but there are some moments, those rare special moments, when I see the other side of him.

My lips curl into a small smile when I remember how tightly he had hugged me after finding me in that abandoned building.

It felt as if he was as relieved on finding me there as I was relieved on seeing him there.

And then, after returning home, our moment after I took the shower.

Warmth creeps up my face as I recall how he had looked at me then. And how shy I had felt under his gaze. Shy yes, but I was not uncomfortable, even though I was standing in front of him in just towel wrapped around my body.

Goosebumps still line my skin when I recall how he had touched my arm then. A flitting caress it had been, but it had caused my heart to thunder against my chest in such a way that, for a moment, I had wondered if he could hear it.

But then, it had gotten even better at night. The conversation that we had, him smiling and not at all seeming distant. And the way he had let me hug him the whole night.

When I first asked him about it, I was slightly nervous because there was a chance of him pushing me away and getting angry with me for seeking comfort from him. But when he allowed it, my heart had skipped a beat.

And in the morning, when I had found myself wrapped in his arms, such was the feeling of contentment within me that it had made me feel light for the whole day.

Although Prathamji had said it would just be for that night, I have been continuing to hug him for the last one week since then.

I wait for his breathing to get steady before I scoot closer to him, but even in doing so, I know he only pretends to sleep because he stiffens the moment I wrap my arm around him.

But neither does he say anything, nor do I tell anything regarding knowing about him not being asleep.

We go to sleep with me hugging him and I find myself wrapped in his arms every morning.

This has made me hope we could be forging deep connection with each other. That there is a chance for him to someday whole-heartedly accept me as his wife.

But along with the hope, there is a slight fear too. It's because I am not sure if Prathamji will continue to be like this even after we return to the village.

What if he turned back to being distant and indifferent to me? The way he used to be.

I shake my head, standing up and pacing in the room.

Think positive, Nitya. Prathamji's behavior had already changed for the better before we came to the city. So, there is no reason that he would go back to being rude and nonchalant once we return.

Nodding at that thought, I will myself to believe it.

The opening of the door, jolts me out of my reverie and I glance at the door to see Prathamji entering the room.

"Are you fine?" He asks me, concern lacing his voice, and I wonder if he can sense my desolateness.

Managing a smile, that I hope looks genuine, I reply, "Yes. I am fine."

He nods, seemingly satisfied with my answer.

"You returned early from work today?" I ask him after a few seconds.

"I returned early because we need to go shopping," he says, surprising me.

"We?" I ask, wanting to confirm. "As in, you and me?"

He nods. "Actually, there is a business party we need to attend tomorrow night. I thought only Bhaiyya and Bhabhi going there would be enough, but Bhaiyya insisted that you and I should also go. That's why, we need to go shopping so you can buy right clothes and jewelry for the occasion. I first asked Bhabhi to take you shopping, but she said she has already planned visiting her friend today."

"Umm, okay," I say, trying to keep my voice steady despite the butterflies in my stomach. "Shall I go get ready then?" My words come out more eager that I intended, but I can't help it. After all, this is the first time Prathamji is taking me shopping with him. I can't wait to spend the rest of the day with him.

"Yes, start right away," he tells me. "We'll leave in an hour."

*****

Opening the cupboard, I start rifling through my clothes, wondering what I should wear, when my gaze falls on the green salwar suit that Dhritiji had insisted me to buy.

The color is vibrant and the design on it looks elegant too. Yet, I feel nervous because I do not know if Prathamji would approve of it.

But then, I remember Dhritiji's words. She had said he would like it.

Shall I try it?

I wonder, skimming my hand over the dress and taking it out of the cupboard before I could change my mind.

*****

Finally dressed, I take a deep breath and walk out to the living room where Prathamji is waiting for me.

I can feel my heart pounding and my cheeks warm with nerves. For a moment, hesitation creeps within me and I almost turn back to the room to change. Because if this is something that he disapproved, I did not want it to sour the day ahead.

Before I can turn, I notice Prathamji suddenly glancing up to look at me.

When he continues staring and does not say anything for a while, I begin to worry that he is angry.

But then, he gives me a small smile.

"Bohot sundar dikh rahi ho," he says, his voice a little softer than usual. "Hara rang tumpe jazzta hai."

("You look beautiful," he says, his voice a little softer than usual. "Green color suits you.")

At his words, a rush of warmth spread through me, and I shyly smile.

"Thank you."

I feel slightly overwhelmed, and it is not only because of his compliment, but also because of the way he is looking at me.

"Let's go?" He asks, and I easily nod, ready to go with him wherever he takes me.

*****

I am still smiling due to his compliment as we head out of the apartment building. I make a mental note to thank Dhritiji for persuading me to buy it.

After we get settled in the car, Prathamji starts driving and there is a comfortable silence between us. I feel like I can get used to this. Being with him, going out with him, sharing my every days with him.

It also makes me wonder how he feels about it. His behavior has been changing, yes, but I still don't know how he feels about accepting me in his life as his wife.

"Here we are," Prathamji says after a few minutes, stopping the car in front of a mall.

Climbing down from the car, we enter the mall, and Prathamji leads me to a shop, saying its one of the best stores in the mall and also perfect for the kind of clothes I need to buy to wear to the party tomorrow.

"You select dress for yourself here, and after that a staff from here will take you to another store, where you can choose the jewelry," he says, making me frown. "I have some work to attend to here. I will finish it and return within three hours. After that, we can go home together."

Before I can say anything to that, he turns to leave, but stops midway.

"You have that paper, right, in which I had written our home address and given to you?"

I nod at him. "Yes. It's in my bag."

It brings some of the warmth back, knowing he cares enough to not want me to get lost again, yet it does not fully erase the disappointment. I had thought we would spend the whole day together and he would help me in shopping. But he only intended to bring me here and leave me on my own while he attended to his work.

Sighing, I shake my head, not allowing myself to dwell on it much.

After all, I can't expect him to have a three hundred and sixty degree change in a matter of few days. Our bond is slowly growing and I need to be content with it and also be patient before I can start to hope and expect for more.