I felt sick. The feeling consumed me and I felt like a blow had been directed at my stomach. The cold air sent tingles through my cheek. I was sure it was red but no one mentioned it as we walked away from my home. I wasn't even sure if I could call it a home, or even use the word 'my'. Your house should be a place of safety, not one that made you tremble when you thought of it. 

Chris and PJ placed themselves on either side of me, acting like a shield as the school came into view. A car sped past and puddle water splashed onto my shoes. I looked down at them before glancing down the road and seeing a car in the distance. I wondered about how easy it would be to step off the pavement and let the car take me away. I wondered but I didn't stay on the thought for too long. Partly because I didn't want to just give up after everything I had been through and partly because I knew Chris and PJ wouldn't let me. They clung to me and pulled me forward with them as soon as the car passed and no more were tailing behind it.

"We gotta go to art," Chris said as we walked through the gates to hear the bell chiming through the grounds.
"I've got maths now..." I shrugged like it didn't matter but it did. Phil would be in that class. I was about to see if Phil had changed or if he still acted the same as before when Alfie was by his side.
"Okay," PJ said slowly and readjusted his bag on his back without letting go of my arm, "do you want us to walk you there?"
"No, it's okay," I told them and they seemed reluctant to take that as my final answer so I unlinked my arms and attempted my best smile.
"Sure you'll be fine?" PJ creased his eyebrows together.
"I am fine and I will be fine," I replied. PJ looked like he was about to speak but I jogged away from him before he could.  We had already missed form and I noted that people were beginning to fill the corridors to get to their next lesson.

I tried to spot out Phil but I only saw him when I got to Maths. He was waiting outside for our teacher to arrive. He was alone. 
"Hi..." I said as I approached Phil but trailed off as Alfie appeared coming up the corridor. I cursed under my breath and Phil made no attempt to reply to me.
Alfie cut in before he could anyway.
"Awe, if it ain't the little ballerina," Alfie addressed me and I felt my body stiffen. 
"You told him?" I shot the question at Phil who refused to look me in the eyes.
"No," he stammered. I narrowed my eyes at him, he looked like he was lying.
"Why am I not surprised," I scoffed and balled my fists up. The sting from earlier seemed to spread across my cheek as my face heated up.
"Ooh you gonna let the little girl treat you like this?" Alfie mocked as I felt my anger grow. It felt like a thick, itchy blanket was being wrapped around me. It felt suffocating and I needed to explode to get myself out of its grasp.
"You can shut up too! Haven't you got maths to fail?" I snapped. The metaphorical blanket was still tugged tightly around me, the anger hadn't loosened it's grip. The anger crawled up my throat and intoxicated my mind so my brain wasn't telling me what to do properly. It was spouting out commands that I would never listen to but I couldn't do anything but listen if it meant I could shake the feeling that consumed me. It made me shake.
"Don't you dare speak to me like that!" Alfie straightened up and uncrossed his arms, I could see his knuckles going white. Phil noticed too.
"Yeah, get lost Becky," Phil mumbled.
"Did you..." I was at a loss for words. Dani was bad enough but... but using my dead name was something new. Something completely out of character. Only my mum would stoop that low but if my own parent was willing to hurt me then why would I think someone I barely knew would be any different?
"Oooh, good one Phil," Alfie complimented and laughed as he cooled off and leant against the wall. His cool kid attitude pissed me off more than it should have.
"Its bad enough I have my mum calling me Becky and acting like I'm a girl," I began. My rage was directed at Phil and I got louder and angrier with each word. "I don't fucking need this shit from a fuckboy like you so get lost and go fuck your little girlfriend!" I was yelling, I was shaking,  I was angry, I was upset.  Everything negative pushed inside me and the my emotions were so thick and heavy that I couldn't breath. 
"I-" Phil started to speak but it pushed me over the edge. I slammed my fist into his face, I didn't hold back.  I used every pent up emotion that had inside me to force it forward. Phil staggered backwards and held onto the side of his face.
"You've got quite the punch for a girl, Howell," I heard someone say but I couldn't tell who. My body was buzzing, I had to get away. I pushed myself past the crowd of students I hadn't realised had gathered around me.
"Dan wait," I heard Phil call before I started running.

AN:
I'm finally picking my final uni choices!! Psychology hype! (Although I still don't know if I should do a dual honours and have creative writing along with psych?? So many choices '^^)
- Rach x