Rose

Reaching for a cheese bread roll- I handed it to him as he wished for, my eyes lingering on his face as he took a bite. His eyes roamed around the dining room in silence, I enjoyed his presence. I watched him as he swallowed- he seemed so careful, would he feel the tube as he did so? He glanced at me, we gave each other a smile and I turned my attention back to my soup.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Mum started, making me look at her with an expression that she would understand that I didn't want her to- but she ignored me completely. I just hoped they wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable.

Zayn quickly swallowed his mouthful and shook his head, a smile appearing on his lips. "Sure, I don't mind."

Sighing innerly, I realised my brothers and father were observing him silently. They didn't say much and that surprised me as my brothers usually cracked jokes or made comments to see how people would react to that. That way, they would find out if the person would fit in the family.

But now.. they were both extremely quiet, after they had introduced themselves to Zayn. I could tell their eyes lingered on his feeding tube and beanie- probably guessing he was bald. I kicked their legs from under the table, wanting them to stop staring.

Mum handed Zayn a bowl of soup, which he placed on his plate. "Have you been in the hospital for a long time?"

Zayn thanked her with a soft smile, his eyes roaming over the ceiling as he thought about her question. "Yeah, quite some time. I don't really know for how long, though. Couple of months." He hesitated, his eyes falling on me with a questionable look, but I shrugged softly, letting him know I didn't quite know either.

"Oh, that's a long time darling. Is it okay over there? I don't think anyone likes staying there for a long time, but is there enough to do for guys like you?" Mum questioned, sipping on the still warm soup in between.

Taking a bite of my bread roll, I looked Zayn's way, watching him as he shrugged slowly. "It's alright. There's some patients that are my age.." He gulped lightly, I knew he was thinking of Nathan, which broke my heart. "I'd rather be with my mum, though." He chuckled after that, forgetting about it.

"I get that.." Mum gave him a soft smile, reaching for a bread roll herself. "Does she come by often?"

Zayn silently ate his mouthful, politely answering after that. "Mum and dad come by every weekend with my little sister. My two other sisters come by sometimes, they're rather busy with school and walk. Obviously, they would want to visit throughout the week, but we live in Bradford, so that's kinda far away, sadly.."

Secretly stuffing another bread roll onto his plate without him noticing it, I smiled by myself when he reached for it subconsciously and took a bite. Somehow, I felt the need to feed him well, to be full and satisfied at the end.

"See, I thought I could hear that by your accent! The northern one, I used to work around there." Dad mentioned, mixing himself into the conversation. So far, it went fine. I silently enjoyed myself while listening to them talk.

Zayn laughed softly, looking down at his plate. "Yeah, I hear that more often. And that's really nice, what company have you worked for?"

My dad smiled at him, "Oh, no company. I have done courses for psychological stuff, such as training teams- I had some clients over there and I helped them out with entrepreneurship."

"Oh, that sounds interesting. Could've helped out the school I used to work at, what a mess that was, the team." Zayn mumbled, Dad laughed at that- my brothers chuckled. Zayn ate some soup after that, softly touching his tube so now and then.

Turning my face to him, I whispered, "Is it okay?"

His eyes fell on me, he nodded with a smile. "I just thought I felt it for a moment, but I didn't." He chuckled, finishing his spoonful after that. I sighed in relief.

"Must've been really hard to hear that you were sick.." Mum asked, her gaze carefully sliding down his face. I groaned and shook my head, giving her a warning look.

Zayn nudged my arm, a smile playing on his lips. "It's alright." I watched how he placed the bread onto his plate and ripped off small pieces, stuffing some in his mouth between his words, though he wouldn't talk until his mouth was empty. "I've had Leukemia before when I was around five years old, so I've had checkups until I was like.. eighteen years old. Mum noticed the symptoms, actually. I hadn't really given it much thought before because I was so little back then, I didn't remember what the signs were of me being sick. Uhm, so when we went to the doctor and they told me I had Leukemia again it was like.."

He stopped talking, his eyes falling onto his plate for a brief moment. For a minute, I was afraid he would start crying, but when he looked up again, it seemed he was just in thoughts.

"I don't know, like.. obviously it shocked me, but at the same time my doctor had mumbled out before; once sick, always sick. Surely, it's not always like that, but I was more likely to get it because I'd had it before, know what I mean?" His eyebrows furrowed as he glanced between my parents.

Mum asked further about all of it, but my thoughts led to somewhere else. Confusion appeared when I thought about his words about him being diagnosed with cancer when he was a little boy, but then I suddenly realised he had said something similar when he was upset with his parents and Caroline for forcing him to wear the hospital gown, right before surgery.

After they had chatted for minutes more, Zayn could finally eat without being interrupted, but right at that moment a phone started vibrating, a loud tune playing. The six of us looked up in surprise, glancing at each other to find out which phone it was, until I turned my face to Zayn's backpack, confirming it was his one.

"It's your phone, Zayn." I said quietly, not wanting to gain too much attention.

Zayn's eyes widened, "Is it? I'm sorry. May I leave the table to put it off?" He asked my parents politely, I quietly sighed at that.

Smiling at him, I nudged his arm back. "Don't say sorry, Zayn. Go ahead." He quickly got up from his chair and crouched down in front of his bag, reaching for his phone and switching it off quickly while sighing softly when he found out why the alarm went off.

"Alarm for my pills." He mumbled more to himself but to me as well, looking at me after he had searched through his backpack for a while. "Do you know where they are?" His cheeks were flushed red, I wondered why that was. He didn't seem shy, but I couldn't think of another reason.

Crouching down beside him, I opened the smaller pocket and took the packages with pills out of it. "Caroline told me she had put it in here." Placing them onto the table, I made my way over to the kitchen and prepared him a glass of water.

Sitting back down, mum simply looked at me with a soft expression on her face. Turning my attention away from her, I saw how my brothers both stared at the pills with an expression that screamed empathy. Thomas shook his head when we made eye contact, in that way letting me know he felt for Zayn.

Zayn, however oblivious to the staring, pressed the pills out of its packaging but stopped to wipe his forehead. Bid red spots had appeared on his skin, drops of sweat rolling down his face. Furrowing my eyebrows, I observed him. "Are you alright?" Thank goodness, my parents and brothers started a conversation so the attention wouldn't be on him right now.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." Zayn smiled lightly, but I could tell he felt disappointed, in a way. "This always happens- it's just one of the pills I have to take in the afternoon. They make me sweat and glow, sort of like a hot flash. I hate that this has to happen now, it's embarrassing." He waved his hand in front of his face, to cool off a little.

Placing my hand on his arm, we made eye contact. "You can't help it, Zayn. It's fine, trust me."

"I guess." He gave me a small smile, but the disappointment was definitely visible in that. It made me sad- he must feel horrible.

"What are those pills for?" Thomas, finally, asked something and even Zayn seemed surprised, which was rather comical in a way.

Zayn let out a chuckle, looking down at his pills. "Oh.. I don't really know actually. I just take them because they tell me to. I only know that this one makes me extremely sleepy," Zayn showed him the two white ones and then a big pink one, "This one makes me feel nauseous and this one makes me glow like now." He showed two yellow ones, gulping them down with water after that..

"I'm sorry.. it must suck a lot to basically live on pills, in a way." Lucas spoke up after a brief moment of silence, making me even more surprised.

Zayn shrugged, smiling at my brother. "It's alright, you learn how to live with it."

"Well, I wouldn't think I'd ever accept it if it happened to me, honestly. You got my respect, really. You seem so positive about this all." Thomas gave him a small smile, his eyes lingering on the empty medicines boxes. I could tell Thomas was honest, I loved that he noticed Zayn was in fact really positive.

"Thanks." Zayn smiled lightly, his attention back on his food after my parents and brothers started a conversation themselves. Listening to my parents' one about family related stuff for a while, I felt Zayn's finger tapping my leg lightly, eventually.

"What's up?" I said, quietly.

He whispered, "Can I maybe have another cheese bread roll?"

Smiling at his politeness, I couldn't help but laugh too. "You don't have to ask that, silly. You can just reach for it." Taking one out of the bowl mum had served them in, I placed it onto his plate. "There you go."

"Thanks, Rose." He whispered, taking a bite while his gaze fell onto my face. "I don't want to be rude and just eat everything." His voice was now barely above a whisper, his eyes almost questionable.

"Trust me, my mum prefers you eat everything instead of nothing at all." I smiled and loved how he was eating so well. He needed it and I felt happy for him that he was at least allowed to eat something besides his tube food, which he couldn't taste.

When dinner was finished, we played games with Zayn and my brothers. They finally seemed to be warmed up to him, and Zayn to them. He wasn't as shy anymore, typical guy jokes leaving their mouths, followed by loud laughter. It made me feel relieved- cancer wasn't the main topic anymore. It was just Zayn, a guy like them, from around their age- the sickness didn't define who he was as a person.

Finding out he had the same lame humour as my brothers was quite the disappointment, but the only difference was that it actually made me laugh when it came out of his mouth. Happiness flooded through my body as I watched him in amusement, getting along with my brothers so well.

Hours after, Zayn had said his gratefulness and goodbyes to my family. We had stepped into the car and I had driven him back to the hospital, where he had sat down onto his bed instantly, the exhaustion written on his face. The day and evening had been so good, but so intensively for him.

"Rose, I had a lot of fun today. The zoo was a nice day out, and your parents and brothers are really nice people." Zayn's lips curled up, his smile looked sweet.

"I had fun, Zayn! It was great spending the day with you. I hope it made you forget about everything for a little while.." Returning him the smile, I poked his shoulder. "Just don't tell them you ate at my place, I don't think they'd approve." I whispered, my eyes boring into his.

A cheeky smile appeared on his lips, his eyebrows wiggling slowly. "My lips are zipped, Dawson."

"Good." Laughing quietly, I quickly made my way over to the door when a nurse came into his room to check up on him, getting the patients ready for the night. "Bye, Zayn. I'll see you."

"Good night, Rose."