Chapter 36

The petition has been filed and the documents were compiled. Shanelle and I had been rehearsing the 'story' para sa collusion hearing mamaya kasama iyong prosecutor. I had read the documents over and over again. I had a huge migraine nang tinatapos kong isulat iyong petition. But Samuel agreed to this—he wanted this, Yago said so. I was just executing everything. This was the job.

"You and Yago should give scriptwriting a try," sabi ni Shanelle. "This is... way too believable. If I didn't know about this, I'd believe that all these were true."

I remained silent. Sigurado ako na malalaman ng mga magulang ni Samuel. Ano kaya ang mararamdaman nila kapag narinig nila lahat ng sasabihin ko tungkol sa anak nila? I haven't gotten the chance to meet them before... and I hated that this was the circumstance under which I'd meet them... pero mas ayaw ko na masaktan sila dahil sa mga sasabihin ko. Samuel told me before what a religious family he has. He told me stories about how his mother tried her best to raise them as good Catholics. How she's arguably the kindest person he knew.

God, how it would break her heart to hear the stories about the kind son she thought she has.

Kung pwede lang sanang sabihin sa kanila na hindi totoo lahat ng maririnig nila... but we couldn't risk that. The prosecutors are good. They'd know if something's up. At sa dami ng kaso sa Pilipinas, at the first sign of collusion, they'd recommend dismissal. Ayoko ng dagdagan pa ang kasalanan ko kung susuhulan namin sila. That way, I'd really be risking it all for this case.

"Not surprising, though," sabi niya.

"What?"

She shrugged. "Ganito naman talaga, 'di ba? Because if the government won't make it easy for the people, then the people would just have to make do," she said like it was a matter of fact. Tama naman siya. You can't force people to stay in an unhappy relationship. Kahit pa pahirapan sa annulment, kung gusto nila, gagawan ng paraan. Walang impossible sa taong desperado.

Katulad namin.

Sabay kaming bumaba ni Shanelle. Pagdating namin sa loob, nakita namin na nandoon na iyong Assistant Prosecutor. This was new. Usually ay naghihintay kami dahil madalas ay naiipit sila sa hearing.

"You're good?" I asked Shanelle.

She nodded. "Same, same," she simply replied. She knew she needed to stick to the same script dahil iyon lang naman ang paulit-ulit na itatanong sa kanya. Bumisita sa opisina niya nung isang araw iyong DSWD na assigned sa case niya. Iyon iyong gumawa ng collusion report na pinasa sa fiscal. Shanelle told me she just answered the questions as expected. Dahil nga ganito ang trabaho namin ni Yago, alam na namin kung ano ang usual na itatanong—una ay tungkol sa mga bata pero wala namang anak sina Shanelle, pangalawa ay iyong sa relasyon na nila—kung kailan nagsimula, kailan nagkaproblema. Shanelle said that she stuck with the script given... so there should be no problem.

Sana.

I wanted this to be over as soon as possible.

"Good morning," bati sa amin nung Assitant Prosec.

"Good morning," sagot namin ni Shanelle.

May inilabas siya na folder. Iyon iyong report sa naging interview kay Shanelle nung isang araw. "Walang anak?"

"No kids," sagot ni Shanelle.

"Both lawyers?"

"Yes," sagot ni Shanelle. "I practice mainly criminal law," sabi niya. "Samuel is currently working on insurance cases."

"Paano kayo nagkakilala? Same school?"

Umiling si Shanelle. "No, I graduated from Brent. He graduated from SCA," sabi ni Shanelle. "We met in a common friend's party. He was in a relationship then."

Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Paano kung magtanong siya kung sino?

"E ikaw?"

Shanelle shook her head. "No. At that time, busy ako sa acads," sagot niya. "We met again nung BAR review na. Single na siya, pero ako naman iyong may boyfriend."

"Laging wrong timing," comment nung assistant prosec.

"You can say that."

"Kailan naging kayo?"

"Two months after I broke up with my other ex," sabi ni Shanelle. "Baka kilala mo siya. He made quite a spectacle when he got himself imprisoned for the death of Arthur Villamontes."

Shanelle was doing very well. Consistent lahat ng sagot niya. Kung sabagay, madali lang namang magkwento kung base sa katotohanan. Hindi mo kailangang irehearse o tandaan—you just have to state based on memory.

Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba abogado rin si Shanelle o kung natuwa lang iyong prosec sa chismis ni Shanelle tungkol kay Vito, pero mukhang maayos naman iyong nangyayari. Kailangan lang ni Shanelle na tapusin 'to tapos ay sa pre-trial at sa trial na ang susunod naming problema.

"Mukha namang okay," sabi nung Assistant Prosecutor. "Kailan nagsimula iyong problema."

Huminga ako nang malalim. Ngayon na magsisimula lahat ng kwento na ginawa namin ni Yago.

"When we got together, I remember always jesting na amoy alak siya kapag aattend ng review," Shanelle began. "He'd just always just shrug it off. I didn't think any of it anymore because it seemed like naiintindihan niya naman iyong lectures namin. He even passed the BAR when we took it."

"So he likes drinking," kumento nung assistant prosecutor.

"More like a high functioning alcoholic," sabi ni Shanelle.

I drew a deep breath. When I asked Yago about this, he just shrugged and said that we should stick with a story that's believable. Walang maniniwala na may mental disorder si Samuel, but Yago said that it's more believable to paint a picture of Samuel's habitual alcoholism—that it existed before the marriage occurred to the point that Samuel couldn't perform his marital obligation. He even provided photos from different bars and casino na may hawak si Samuel na baso ng alak. There was even a hospital record of Samuel having his face almost broken—pero sabi naman ni Yago, hindi daw kasalanan ni Samuel 'yon, but Samuel was so drunk na hindi siya nakalaban kaya ganoon iyong naging itsura nung mukha niya. I asked if he pressed charges, but Yago said that Samuel just shrugged it off after the guy offered to pay for the hospital bills.

The story was so... close to reality that it's easy to believe that it's real. Because sometimes, that's how you win cases. You fabricate lies and mix them with the truth—enough for the lies to be convincing. That way, no one would suspect that you're painting an all too different picture.

Nagpatuloy pa iyong pagtatanong nung assistant prosecutor. There was also a story about how Samuel only stayed for three days sa bahay nila. It was substantiated by proof of his lease agreement sa apartment kung saan siya nakatira ngayon coupled with hotel at flight bookings. If you'd look at it from an outsider's perspective, magtataka ka talaga kung magasawa ba sila dahil parang hindi nagtagpo iyong schedule nila na nasa iisang lugar sila.

There was also a portion wherein Shanelle said that she was in the hospital for a minor surgery but Samuel was nowhere to be found. The surgery did happen, but Shanelle told me that she purposely did not tell Samuel because she'd rather have Clary by her side.

Also stories about his 'psychosis' backed with testimony from psychologists—from top psychologists, even.

Truly, lahat possible kapag may pera ka.

The stories were true... but not really.

I stayed silent until it was time to leave.

"Do you think his parents will be at the trial?" Shanelle asked.

"Sa tingin ko," sagot ko. "Why?"

She shrugged. "Just that... it'll hit a sore spot," sabi ni Shanelle. "Samuel's older brother died because of a drunk driver. It might bring back bad memories."

Napaawang ang labi ko. Pakiramdam ko ang dami kong alam kay Samuel, pero ang dami ko ring hindi alam. Sa tagal namin dati, bakit hindi ko alam iyong mga ganitong bagay? Why didn't I know about this? Or was I so self-involved that I didn't bother to ask just because I was happy most of the time?

Nang makaalis si Shanelle, hindi ko alam kung bakit nanatili lang ako sa sasakyan ko. Alam ko na dapat bumalik na ako sa opisina, pero hindi ko magawang magsimulang magdrive. Nandoon lang ako at hawak ang manibela.

We could've gone with a different reason.

Why this, specifically?

Why use something that will hurt his family?

Hindi ko maintindihan. Kasi ang alam ko, mahal ni Samuel iyong pamilya niya lalo na iyong nanay niya. I was starting to think that I really didn't know him at all...

I kept on driving. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako napunta rito sa labas ng apartment ni Samuel. Gusto ko na lang matawa dahil nagalit ako sa kanya nung pinuntahan niya ako, pero heto ako ngayon, iyon din ang ginagawa.

It's like we never really learn.

I didn't even know why I was here because it was the middle of the day. He's probably at work. I should probably head to mine. And I began to drive... but I paused.

I kept on typing and erasing and typing.

Hanggang sa tumigil na ako.

Now's not the right time for this

* * *

"Final answer 'yan?" Iñigo said when I shook my head to decline the drink that he gave me.

"Yeah. Pass muna," sagot ko. Ewan. Tuwing nakakakita ako ng alak, naaalala ko iyong sinabi ni Shanelle tungkol sa kapatid ni Samuel.

The stories must be true... kasi sabi ni Yago, it's almost a hundred percent true. Almost. So it meant that most of it were true...

Did he really drink that much nung wala kami? Kahit na ayaw niya dahil sa history ng kapatid niya? Why was I feeling bad for him? It was his choice to make. It wasn't as if ako iyong pumilit sa kanya uminom... And it wasn't as if ako iyong nakipaghiwalay sa kanya.

Tsk.

Ayan na naman.

Natatanga na naman.

Iñigo was telling a story about one of his meetings nang biglang dumating na rin si Kitty. They were so energetic habang nakasandal lang ako roon. Pinipilit ko naman na makinig sa kanilang dalawa, pero wala talaga ako sa mood.

After a while, I excused myself.

I tried to call him. I told myself na isang ring lang, ibababa ko na iyong tawag. But why did he have to answer in the first ring? Like he was waiting for my call?

Humigpit ang hawak ko nang sagutin niya iyong tawag. Walang nagsasalita sa aming dalawa. Alam niya ba na ako iyong nasa kabilang linya?

"I'm sorry about your brother," I said after the few minutes that felt like a lifetime. "I didn't know."

"Hindi ko nasabi."

"Yeah... Why?"

"I don't know. We only talked about the good things."

Napasuklay ako sa buhok ko. He was right—looking back, we only talked about the good things. I was so stressed with school that I almost always complain to him. Hindi siguro siya maka-bwelo sa akin dahil lagi akong nagrereklamo.

Hindi kami sanay sa seryosong usapan.

Siguro kaya ang dali din naming naghiwalay nung nagkaroon kami ng totoong problema.

Hindi kami nasanay sa pag-uusap—iyong totoong pag-uusap.

We were in love... but we were both foolish to think that love will always be enough.

"Right. I'm sorry about that."

"Not your fault," he replied. "If I wanted to, I could've told you."

I wanted to ask 'so why didn't you?' but after everything that happened today, iyong sumbatan siya ang huli kong gustong gawin. I really didn't know what I wanted to do, but what I knew that I wanted was to listen to his voice.

"I'm sorry about your brother," sabi ko pero hindi siya sumagot. "We should've used a different reason."

"No," sagot niya. "It's... closer to the truth," he added. "And it would make a lot of sense."

"Totoo ba na alcoholic ka?" I asked but once again, my question was met with silence. Humigpit iyong hawak ko sa railing. "I drink a lot, too. Maybe that's something we have in common," I continued. It's as if I could see him giving me a small smile. "I know I should stop, but work is so stressful, alam mo 'yon?" patuloy na pagkukwento ko sa kanya. "Na ito naman iyong pinangarap ko nung nasa law school pa tayo, but now that it's here, parang bigla ko na lang gustong bumalik sa law school."

"Times were simpler."

"Exactly," I said with a small smile. "Only I didn't know back then that I was living the simpler life."

Muling namagitan ang katahimik sa pagitan namin.

"Samuel," pagtawag ko sa pangalan niya.

"Hmm?" he replied like in the old times.

"Pupunta ba iyong parents mo?"

"Yes."

"May chance ba na hindi?"

"I don't think so."

Huminga ako nang malalim. "This will be messy," I said.

"I know," he replied. "But no way around this but through this, right?"

I smiled to myself because I remember him telling me that before tuwing magrereklamo ako sa dami ng binabasa ko sa school. "Right..." I said. "We just need to get through this."

There was silence once again, but when he spoke again, his voice was lower this time.

"I like this," he said. "I like talking to you without someone shouting or crying," he continued.

Bahagya akong natawa. "Yeah... I don't like shouting either. Too old for that," sabi ko at saka ngumiti at humugot ng malalim na hininga nang marinig ko iyong pagtawag sa akin nila Iñigo dahil turn ko na raw kumanta. "I have to go."

"Thank you for calling," he said.

"I'll see you when I see you," I replied before I ended the call and went back inside. 

**

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