From where Jana and I stood in the hallway near Wyatt's room, my eyes never left Harper from the moment she walked in. For one second, my chest squeezed tight at how fucking beautiful she was, even casually dressed. Her blonde hair was down, completely straightened but light and shiny. Her eyes glossed over like mirrors, even from far away, as she watched her younger brother take a big step against his leukemia.

Shit, my eyes were even a bit damp at the sight. He was a good kid.

The fact she walked in with a stocky, inked up guy with short, buzzed hair right behind her clenched my teeth tighter.

I'm definitely taller.

I wasn't sure if he was just a friend but the way his hand lingered close to her ass suggested he wasn't. Surged forwards by a need to know, I congratulated Wyatt with our shared elbow bump, shook his Dad's hand, and gave his mom a polite brush-off smile while mentally I opted for Harper's usual go-to middle finger gesture.

With long steps, I practically chased after Harper to the elevators and, once there, breathed a sigh of relief when she stuck her hand in between the closing doors.

More than a month had passed since I last saw Harper in person, technically two since we'd interacted, and I was irritated with myself at how my usual feelings rose up every fucking time.

Don't get me started on the way my dick still salutes her.

The last time I'd actually seen Harper was at her paralegal graduation ceremony. Mr. Reynolds, indirectly through my Mom's urging, had invited me in one of the most painful, embarrassing moments that I'd averted. Like a pathetic sap, I came with a bouquet of flowers in my hands and got as far as the entrance of her Law School building when I watched as she introduced another guy to her dad.

The surprised look in his eyes showed he hadn't known she was seeing someone but that brief interaction was all I needed before I'd turned around and handed the coral-colored roses to another graduate before I left.

Seriously doubt that's why he invited me but... fuck, that still hurts a month later.

And now, the same guy who'd given her flowers, met her dad, and hugged her close to him came for her brother's cancer bell ceremony. I shouldn't have needed so many smacks of reality before I admitted defeat. The cynical, self-preservation side of my brain fully agreed.

She doesn't want you, Jake.

She's moved on.

So should -

Two small fists beat into the center of my chest blinked me out of my thoughts.

"The hell was that, Jake!?" Jana fumed, her eyes narrowed into thin slits.

"I..." One of my hands rubbed over the back of my neck. "Sorry about that."

"Sorry for not asking me to be your girlfriend or sorry for using me as one to make another girl jealous?" she spat back with one more fist punch for emphasis.

Guilty on both charges.

"Uhh, both?" My shoulders lifted up an inch and she groaned.

Two of her fingers pinched her nose and she groaned again, louder and full of frustration. "Last I knew, two dates and me making it crystal clear that I'm heading out of state wasn't a relationship."

"I know, but..." I wrapped my hands around her ass and squeezed gently. "I also made it clear we could have fun before then, right?"

"And I reminded you that isn't what you need," she huffed and swatted my hands off her.

Jana was right and, in my defense, I'd done something I hadn't done since I first arrived at USC.

I was celibate.

And it sucks.

The first two days were the hardest, literally. My cock literally throbbed in protest. And honestly I still had my morning shower sessions, as well as after I'd kissed Jana goodnight at the end of our dates... right before she smacked me. Both times.

A month into my dry spell, I was surprised the guys hadn't voted me out of the house the first week. My temper flared at anyone who breathed around me, I trashed my room again after Harper's paralegal certification ceremony, then settled down as the normal lust that clouded over my brain thinned out with mental clarity and a bigger perspective.

And a lot of time at the gym. A lot.

Almost instantly after our season ended with the Alamo Bowl win, my stress levels dropped significantly. I was still horny as fuck though and tempted every weekend but, for once, kept my dick in check. The UCLA shit was more than enough motivation for me to do that.

"I know," I relented and dropped my hands to my sides. "Bad habit, sorry Jana."

"Bad habit?" Her eyebrows drew together and she glared daggers at me. "I practically tasted that tension, Jake. I'm assuming that was Harper... from the way you looked like you wanted to caveman pounce on her."

At the constriction that squeezed my throat inward, I swallowed thickly and nodded. I'd been up front with Jana since, honestly, all we were was friends.

Even if I would've slept with her by now... If she'd have let me.

Jana's hard-set morals were what I respected most about her. I would've been nothing but a short-term distraction, which I was fine with but she wasn't. So, instead, she offered a listening ear and somewhat sympathetic opinion. I'd glossed over the details in my relationship with Harper and offered just the crib notes, but they were enough. She admitted I had more drama with one girl than she'd had her entire lifetime of dating, then offered her condolences.

The most frustrating part was how I felt like I hadn't ever gotten a real chance. Certain words, really fucking important ones, I hadn't said to Harper because she hadn't given me a fucking chance to say them.

Maybe I don't deserve one. Maybe I blew the only chance I deserved when we were fourteen.

Doesn't matter since now it looks like I won't ever get one either.

My phone rang in my pocket, with the one contact I needed to answer because I still hadn't responded to her new fiancé's message.

She said yes!!!!

Fiancé... fuck, that's weird.

"Hey Ellie," I greeted her dryly. "Con-"

"Jake!!!" she squealed loudly, in the highest pitch voice I'd ever heard. "Oh my gawd! I'm so excited, Logan asked me to marry him and -"

My chest vibrated with a low chuckle. "You said yes. Hightower beat you to the announcement but congratulations."

"He said, he... Jake, I need to ask if you... Will you, umm..." Ellie's voice turned quiet and thickened with emotion. "Walk me down the aisle?"

"I'd better," I assured her and raised one hand as Jana retreated to her car in the parking lot, probably relieved not to share air space with me anymore. "Only if you spare me the mushy details."

"Stop, you'll eat those words one day, Jake," Ellie's voice continued in my ear. "When you're down on one knee, shoving a ring in... some girl's face."

"Highly doubt it." My eyes rolled as I fished in my pocket for my keys and walked out to my car. "I can't even hold a proper relationship, although that usually takes effort on both sides."

I practically heard Ellie's frown along with the confusion in her voice, "Harper's still ghosting you?"

"If by ghosting you mean that she said she hated me, told me to leave her the fuck alone, and is now dating someone else," my voice sharpened with each word and I rubbed my free hand over my forehead. "Yeah, she's ghosting me."

Ellie sat silent for a solid twenty seconds. "What? She's... I'm sorry. I didn't know, Jake."

My chest heaved with a deep breath and I exhaled sharply. "Well, now you do. She wants nothing to do with me, so thanks for the reminder. Good talk, Ellie."

"Jake, come on." Ellie scoffed quietly. "Don't be an idiot and assume you know what's going on in her head. She's probably just lying to herself about her own damn feelings."

Like that helps the situation any.

"Assuming shit is kind of my only option if she doesn't fucking tell me," I gritted out, yanked hard on my car's door handle, and nearly smacked my left knee with the corner of the door.

"I know she's been quiet to me too but she has to learn to sort out her feelings," she started gently and, in my opinion, gave Harper way too much slack here.

She's actually really pissing me off.

Fuck, I wanted to punch that guy just because he touched her.

"Ellie." My eyes narrowed by the time they reflected back in my car windows. "Just because she can't deal with her own shit doesn't give her the right to take it out on me and then act like nothing ever happened between us. Stop defending her mistakes."

"True... She shouldn't take it out on you, but remember she hasn't had the resources, the tools, and the support system that you have." Ellie's valid point only fueled my irritation further, so I put my phone on speaker and tossed it onto the dashboard. "And me too. She's done everything on her own, Jake."

"By her own damn choice!" I grunted and sat down behind the wheel so hard that my car rocked a few times. "Ellie, if she would just let me help her, fuck even just talk to her, then-"

"She's scared Jake," Ellie cut in, but with a quiet, soft voice. "She's scared and... Her mom abandoned her, then came back because of a sick half-brother's request? Who wouldn't react badly to that? She feels -"

"Ellie, I know how she feels." My eyes closed for a moment and I shut my door. "Like no one loves her. That she doesn't deserve love in her life because it's been taken away. But if she'd just -"

"I know, Jake." My ear buzzed with her sigh. "I know. And I think she feels the same way for you but... she has the worst way of showing it."

Kind of hard to believe her seeing someone else is a declaration of any feelings for me other than 'I want nothing to do with you.'

My nose tingled with how loudly I snorted. "Right. Were those feelings expressed before or after she smacked me?"

"She... what? Ugh, Harper." Ellie groaned quietly, then bitterness crept into her voice, "Look, I definitely think that's wrong but sometimes we hurt the people that we love. Dad taught me that."

I closed my eyes and pressed the back of my head into my seat because Ellie was somewhat right.

Fuck, I hate when she's right.

"And I'm not saying that you should forgive her, or forget. Just... try to understand she's in a dark place," she continued in a tight voice. "My guess is she's hiding. And I bet her real feelings won't stay hidden forever."

"So what?" My eyes cracked open and narrowed at my phone. "I'm just supposed to wait while she moves on with some other guy?"

"No, you wait until she figures her shit out and at least apologizes to you because you deserve at least that much from her," Ellie shot back. "And I'm going to assume there's probably a few things on your side to apologize for too, when the time comes."

My only response to that truth was a grunt, so that's what I gave Ellie. She laughed quietly, her usual response when she knew she was right. And fuck, this conversation had turned into one Ellie sucker punch into my ego after another.

"And before you ask me what you're supposed to do between now and then," she ended with a typical, direct Ellie jab. "Work on your own shit, Jake."

"Enough," I warned her. "Spend your efforts on wedding planning, Ellie."

"Ugh, you're reminding me that I need to call Mom," she grumbled. "She's called me five times today, already going off the deep end with some dream big, Italian wedding. I just want something small and intimate but either way, your attendance is mandatory."

"Wouldn't miss it," I assured her in a dry voice. "Because I'm sure you wouldn't let me even if I tried."

Her soft giggles dissolved into a sad tone. "I am really sorry about Harper, Jake. I hoped for a better outcome, for both your sakes."

"Me too. Now go call Mom." I followed up Ellie's goodbye then shut off my phone and sighed loudly.

It's never as easy as Ellie makes it out to be but she did have a point.

Fine, she had two points.

Right when I set my phone in the center console's cup holder, it chimed with an update. I frowned for a moment when I saw a text message from an unexpected source.

Drake: Hey Jake, I'm sorry about what happened. Don't know if this helps but thought you might want to know this.

Probably found out Burke got expelled and grateful his ass was only removed from the team after the end of this season.

Drake's 'punishment,' had been lessoned by Coach Campbell because he'd come clean with his involvement. Drake's removal from the team after this season ended had little impact on a guy who graduated this spring and probably had no interest in pursuing football post-college anyway.

But still, my eyebrows drew tighter together at the first contact we'd had since he moved out of our house, particularly because of his second text.

Drake: [ attachment ]

"I'm going to regret this, I just know." I groaned and clicked on the file, which was an all-black video screen with about a forty-second play time.

Faint sounds of party music throbbed in the background, along with some rustled movements. My jaw dropped within the first four spoken words, muffled by a distance but I recognized the sharp, biting tone anywhere and turned up my phone's volume level to max.

"You fucked up, Emily. You think I'm only concerned about Jake's dick."

When the hell did this happen!? Please tell me I wasn't tossed in the bathtub during this conversation...

Harper's voice grew louder, sharper, and fuck, sexier when she continued, "Even though his dick is more than the hype that you probably finger yourself to, he's more than that. He's stubborn, loyal to his family, holds more passion in his pinkie toe about football than I'll ever care about anything, ever, and he's taken all of the shit problems in his life and came out a better, stronger person."

My heart pounded loudly, my chest swelled up, and my breathing shortened the more I listened. I panted so much that my front windshield fogged up on the driver's side. Even though my phone screen was blank, I kept my eyes glued to it and hung on every word like they were spoken to me now.

"It takes a strong person to get beaten down by your demons, face the parts of yourself you're ashamed of, and even stronger to overcome them. And the fact that you scheming, life-sucking parasites have no fucking clue what I'm really talking about is all the proof that I'll ever need in terms of where you and I stand when it comes to Jake Fucking Harrison."

I took a slow, deep breath because I'd never felt so much shock and denial smack me over so quickly. My hands threaded through my hair, where I clenched on tight for a few breaths. First, I couldn't believe Harper said any of that, in my defense, but second, I couldn't believe that I'd just heard about this so many weeks later.

And if she felt so strongly before... What the fuck is happening now?

My eyes blinked over and over at my screen when the video ended, to the point where I wasn't even sure I'd heard those words. So I replayed it over, and over, and over from my seat behind the wheel, parked in one of the hospital's visitor parking lot's spaces. Each time through, my heart soared with warmth and pride at her words, which wouldn't have meant much to Emily but they meant everything to me.

Once the words had been burned into my memory, I slumped back in my seat and exhaled sharply.

Well... fuck. I... I had no idea.

What do I do now? Dumb question, I call her.

I opened my text message history, which showed the last two one-phrase responses we'd shared.

me: I won't chase after you, firecracker. But I will wait for you. ❤️

HER: Didn't do it. Promise.

I tapped the pad of my thumb over the heart emoji, which closed out my text app. My reflection, or at least a really unflattering angle up my nose of it, showed from the dark stock background photo I hadn't changed since I'd bought the new phone.

The weight in my heavy eyes disappeared as I closed them.

Fuck, I really, really hate when Ellie is right... except this time.

Double fuck, this is going to be... painful.