November 10, 2016

Lately I had been feeling as if I was hiding something more than just my insecurities from Cecilia and that just helped me feel like I had cheated on her emotionally somehow.

I felt guilty over not telling her about my encounter with her ex, and the more time I went on not telling her, the more I felt like I should have just said something the day that happened.

Yet, I think I would have never told her if it was not for the fact the doctor had decided to call her out of the blue.

The professor and I were at the mediation center yesterday and her phone, as usual, was at my table so it would not distract her during mediation. It was on airplane mode up until the end of the session.

She had sort of a routine, every time a mediation session was over, she would get her phone and leave the room to grab coffee before getting back to her mediation room and we would talk for a while before I had to leave.

Only this past Tuesday when she came back in the room with her coffee in hands, she had a frown on her face because of what was displaying on her phone screen.

I did not care much about it because at first, I thought it was only a call from a number she did not recognize—I could not have been further from the truth though.

"It's uhm... Miranda." Cecilia had a frown on her face, and I could not quite read what it meant, probably because I was having a silent meltdown thinking what the doctor could possibly want from her. What if she told Cecilia about our talk and Cecilia felt betrayed that I had hidden it from her?

"Are you gonna answer it?" I asked trying to keep my cool as I heard the ring going on for the third time.

"I don't think I want to." That statement helped me get back on my feet, but I realized in that moment it was best I told her about my encounter with her ex.

Once her phone had stopped ringing and she was sitting in front of me while she sipped from her coffee, I figured that was as good a time as any to talk to her.

"I feel like I should tell you something." That got her attention and she stopped in the midst of taking another sip, retreating the cup from her lips and placing it on the table instead.

She crossed her legs and leaned back on her chair as she nodded for me to continue. "I saw Miranda the day I went to my doctor's appointment."

"Okay?" The fact she was not pressing any more information out of me just made me freak out even more. "I'm not saying this isn't a surprise, but I don't exactly see what the problem is."

"We talked. She asked about you. About how you were doing." I could feel it becoming harder to get to where I wanted to go with that conversation.

"So, you were civil. I think I would have probably done the same if I were in her shoes." The damn woman could not be any more chill about the whole thing and it was driving me crazy.

"She figured out we were... I don't even know how to call us... beside the point." She just kept looking at me with her understanding eyes that usually made me feel safe, yet all I could feel was aggravated.

"She warned me about you. Miranda said you were all about the chase and once you got it, you got me, you would eventually get tired and move on to the next just like you did with her."

I knew she wanted to say something—I could see her mouth starting to open sucking in the air before she could speak—but I stopped her. Once I had started, I felt like it was best to let it all out.

"I know I shouldn't give her too much credit, but I can't help but feel like she is right. Honestly, at the same time I feel like I have nothing to complain about you, I also feel like you are leading me on." I was out of breath by the time I was done venting.

Her phone rang again and this time I could see the name on the screen.

"Do answer. If she is calling again, it's probably something important and I would really like to believe you wouldn't just ignore me like that if we ever ended things between us." I could not believe I was vouching for the damn doctor—guess life was really just an infinite cycle of unexpected events.

"Miranda, whatever it is you need to talk with me, I hope it's important since apparently you decided to mess with my relationship when I clearly respected yours after you left me." The tone coming out of Cecilia's mouth just did not match with the way she was looking at me—also, I could not help but fell hopeful with her choice of words.

Her free hand was caressing my cheek and she was giving me an apologetic look while she listened to what the doctor had to say.

"I'm not gonna mingle with your divorce. First because I do not want to be anywhere near you right now, but also because it would just be unintelligent. His lawyer would take advantages of it to get their client the better end. Just talk with Eve." And without saying goodbye she hung up the phone laying it on the table.

She took both my hands in hers, pulling me closer by getting me to lean over towards her as she did the same. I could feel our knees bumping on each other.

Even if I feared what was going to come out of her mouth, I could still feel the tingling sensation in my skin caused by her touch.

"I could see something was bugging you, but I didn't want to force it out of you. Lately I just feel like you have a constant frown on your face, and I honestly hate to think it's my fault." She said caressing my knuckles with her thumbs as she looked at our hands.

I never even knew she had picked on my insecurities, or at least on the frowns they tended to fill my forehead with.

"I'm guessing the talk with Miranda was just the last drop. So. Are you gonna tell me what exactly you've been stressing over?" She asked letting go of one of my hands so she could take another sip of her coffee.

I had just about a heartbeat to decide on how to proceed and for some insane reason I thought the crude truth was my best way out.

"Do you really want me to go there?" I asked and with her lips still on the cup she gave me a slight nod, "I get insecure about us. Mostly when you're not around. Or so I thought, but I guess I just didn't realize it was printed on my face." She did ask for the truth, didn't she?

She tried to swallow as fast as possible so she could say something back.

"Remi." She took in a deep breath, "I really thought we were past that, love. I'm not upset, but why didn't you just talk to me about it?" Like I had not tried though.

I could see she really had no clue what the problem was.

"I did though. At the little gathering you had at your place. I texted you after I left, but I never got a real answer." Her eyes grew bigger, and it seemed she knew exactly what I was talking about.

"That talk with your mother overwhelmed me and that message didn't help. I'm sorry." She said averting her gaze.

"You did one fine job underreacting over the whole thing." I joked to try to lighten the mood. I had been so scared to talk about it with her, and yet she seemed okay enough.

"The whole girlfriend thing, I just feel so stupid being my age and using that title. It is just a teenagerly thing to say. I told both you and your mother that night, I'm serious about it, I'm serious about us." And finally, it was starting to feel like the doctor had been wrong after all.

"So... You're just not into the label thing?" I knew it was such a minor thing, I should just let it be. But even if she was no longer in the age for it to seem acceptable to have a girlfriend, I was, and I wanted it so badly I felt like a teenager all over again.

"Not really. Can you be okay with that?" I nodded, because honestly, what else was there for me to do? My vain need seemed so small compared to how she had handled the situation.

The smile on her face was a visual reminder that I was the only one who got the one from the frame out of that picture and back into real life. It made me feel like that was consolation enough for not getting the stupid title that seemed to be so important to me in that moment.

"Let me make it up to you, okay? Stay over tonight. I know you like getting ready at your place, but you can wear something of mine, or just go upstairs in the morning. I like having you there." All I could do was nod with a stupid smitten look on my face.

Her way with words always made me lose my own. It seemed every time something happened to make me see a red light flashing inside my head about us, she knew just how to turn it off.

"Miranda might have known me once upon a time, but even if there was a time in my life when it was all about the chase for me as she said, I need you to understand that I've found what I was chasing for, I've told you this before." How could she be so good at that?

There were three heavy words dancing in my mouth, desperately begging me to let them out, but I was too scared to free them, so I chose to show her how I felt instead.

My hand was caressing her cheek, much like she had done before. When I felt like I could not hold those words back inside anymore, my thumb went from her cheek to her bottom lip, down to her chin, in order for me to pull her close so I could kiss her.

I wanted the words I longed to say to dance from the inside of my mouth all the way to hers. I wanted her to feel them as much as I did.

It did not matter how many times we had kissed, how much more intimate we had gotten in these past couple months, kissing her was always as intense as the first time.

My lips often felt too hot against hers, it was as if catching a fever by the way her cold breath felt against my swollen lips.

We broke apart and for a while I just stayed there, with my eyes closed and my forehead against hers as I contemplated why I had even considered what the doctor had said in the first place.

I did not let myself stay in that compromising position for long once I figured it was best to leave before someone got in and saw us like that.

"I have a paper due tomorrow. I'm gonna go to the library, text me when you get done here and I'll meet you by the car." I said creating some space between us so I would not be tempted to kiss her again—who was I kidding?

"Okay." She said once I was up and ready to leave. Yet, instead of letting me go she held on to my hand and pulled me down to give me one last kiss. Once we pulled away from each other I noticed how her eyes were glistering.

The way she was staring made me feel like there was something else she wanted to say, but we got interrupted by a knock on the door.

I opened the door to leave, and her other assistant walked in as I went on my way to the library.

Although I was supposed to study, all I could think about was the things that seemed to be said by both Cecilia and I through other gestures other than our words.

I was done with the paper by the time my phone buzzed letting me know I had a new text. It was Cecilia telling me she was done.

I gathered my belongings and walked as fast as I could towards the mediation center. It did take me a while to get there though, but in my defense the damn thing felt like a good 4 blocks away from the library.

"Lucy called. She is stuck in traffic and asked if we could pick Emma at school." The professor said once we were inside my car. Emma was Lucy's daughter and the sweetest kid.

"Sure. She's still in school? Isn't it like a little too late for that?" I asked while getting the car out of Cecilia's designated parking spot.

"Apparently there was some sort of activity for the little ones. A school play her English teacher came up with." That made more sense. Since I had no clue where Emma's school was, I let Cecilia tell me the way.

I was pretty much mortified when I realized it was the same school Kat worked at. By the time we were out of the car and passing the front gate I was fairly sure we would end up bumping into Kat—I hated to be right sometimes.

I heard Emma before I could even see her running my way, "Aunt Remi!" She screamed running towards us. Cecilia looked at me with a smirk on her face letting out a huff.

"Emma, honey, you know the rules." I also heard Kat before I could see her.

I had crouched down so I could hug the little girl, and once I heard her teacher, I looked up only to meet a surprised pair of green eyes looking back at me. The same green eyes I had tried so hard to fall for just a few months prior to that moment.

"Hi." I let out in a whisper like tone as I got back up on my feet with Emma in my arms.

Kat's eyes were taking in the scene displaying in front of her. Cecilia had rested a very possessive arm around my waist just as soon as I was back by her side and Emma was mindlessly playing with my necklace.

"Her mother didn't ring to say someone else was picking up Emma." The teacher tried to pretend like she was not shocked, but even if we had not dated for long, I knew her enough to know our presence there had taken her by surprise.

"Oh, that's because I'm listed as one of Emma's emergency contacts." Cecilia was being so nonchalantly I was worried she had not realized who Emma's teacher actually was.

it did not take me long to understand though, she was playing oblivious to get on Kat's nerves.

"Sorry, but I'll need to check it." Kat was clearly pissed at how chill Cecilia was being.

I felt like the tension that was building up between those two could be easily cut with a knife. At least it seemed Emma was not aware of it. In fact, she ended up making things worse—but who could blame a kid for their bluntness?

"That's my Aunt Cecilia, miss. And you know my Aunt Remi, though she isn't really my aunt, but I always call her that." Emma explained with a huge smile, before leaning closer to her teacher as if she was about to tell her a secret, just she wasn't discreet at all.

"Mommy said they're girlfriends. I think it's super cause it means Aunt Remi can get to be my real aunt someday. Isn't it wonderful?" I knew Cecilia was freaking out over the prospect of us getting serious to that point, but on the outside, the woman looked completely unbothered by her niece's statement.

I have to say I commended Kat on keeping her cool in front of Emma, I am not so sure I would have been able to do the same if the roles were reversed.

"Yeah, honey, it really is wonderful." She said giving Emma a fake toothless smile that could almost pass as a real one if it was not for the inability to reach her eyes.

"If you could just come with me for a quick moment, I need your signature before I can let you take her." Kat directed to Cecilia, all the while displaying the most professional demeanor she could muster.

It did not take long for Cecilia to come back and meet Emma and I at the playground. "You two ready?" She asked getting Emma to run to her much like she had done with me.

Instead of taking Emma home we went straight to our building seeing as it was closer, and I did not have the appropriate car seat for Emma's age.

All throughout the car ride Emma could not stop talking about her day and how much she had liked being part on a play even if she had only gotten to play the tree.

I was tempted to go to my place and let Cecilia have some alone time with her niece, but they both insisted I stayed with them. So, I changed into some shorts and a band shirt I had at the professor's place before I sat down at the living room's floor with them.

"You know, you two should try it sometime soon." I was startled by Lucy's voice coming from the front door as she looked at us with a smirk that resembled a whole lot like the elder Bailey's—Once again, that is why you do not give keys to friends and family, they always abuse their key privileges.

"Damn, Lucy. You scared the shit out of me!" I said exasperated as Cecilia coved Emma's ears with her hands, although the kid did not seem to mind our interaction seeing as she was watching cartoons on my phone.

"Sorry." Lucy put her hands up in surrender, "I'm serious, you know? If you want kids, you might at least start thinking about it, my sister isn't getting any younger, five more years and people might mistake her for the grandmother instead." Lucy knew just what to say to get under her sister's skin.

"Screw you, Lucy." Cecilia said rolling her eyes at the younger sister before taking her hands from Emma's ears to let her know her mother had arrived and that was the end of Lucy's jokes. The mother and daughter did not take long to leave after that.

It took me a lot of kisses and sushi to convince Cecilia to let go of being called a grandmother. I do not know what Lucy thought she would accomplish with that comment when I could not even get Cecilia to accept being called my girlfriend.

Remi