April 30, 2016

Being friends worked, sort of.

The day after Bailey went out with her ex, we ran into each other at the community laundry by chance. It is funny to think how intimate something as ordinary as doing laundry can be.

She did not seem to have noticed I was there at first, which gave me the chance to observe, it is something I soon realized I took a habit of doing—she is captivating, and I can never help myself but to stare.

When I began to feel like it would be too creepy if she saw me watching her like that—almost obsessively looking at her—I figured I would best make myself noticed.

I said good morning and I swear I thought Cecilia would die out of a scare, she jumped back and almost fell.

We talked mostly about how her date went. I do not think I had seen someone over their thirties looking as in love as she was while talking about Miranda. I felt jealous someone who was not me was able to make her glow like that.

The friendship seemed to go well though.

For almost a month we would drive to campus together, which was good because first, she was always on time now, and second, we would chat all throughout our ride.

Every now and again I would feel something was off though, I just could not pinpoint what at first. That is, until a few days ago.

She often became this whole different person whenever I talked about Nay.

The professor would shut down at times when I started talking about my dating life, and those were the good times.

Whenever she did not shut down, she had something bad to say about Nay—which is hilarious to say the least, considering they had never really met.

Sometimes Nay would come over—I am only human after all—and not often, but consistently, she complained about the neighbor slash friend of mine who had crossed paths with her on the elevator and would not stop looking at her as if she had a contagious disease, her words, not mine.

To be honest, I did not think it was true at first, because Cecilia had no reason to treat her like that, if anything, every little thing I ever told her about Nay would be reason enough for her to be happy for me.

As the weeks passed, I started to think, maybe, even though she was once again with the infamous doctor, and seemed happy and completed, she did not quite like the fact that she had to share my attention with Nay.

It led me to avoid talking about my dating life with her, and maybe I even unconsciously started to avoid Nay altogether, which I was not being as smooth as I would have liked because she realized I was pulling away and it only made her clingier. She would wait for me outside my classes or walk me to them.

She did not know about my carpool buddy at first. But a week or so ago, she was waiting for me at the law building and saw me park my car right in front of her as the professor got out.

I am fairly sure that was the moment she figured out the reason to my unconscious actions. Especially because, the second the older woman noticed the younger one's presence the whole thing became a lot tenser.

Cecilia—instead of doing what she did every morning, and parting ways to head to the professor's lounge—decided to stay and sort of... stablish dominance, which I think made Nay feel almost as if she was the third wheel.

Nay was not even able to get too close before the bossy and dominant side of the professor kicked in.

At first, Cecilia would just talk over Nay's voice and pretend she was not even there, but as we got to her classroom—the one place where she was completely in control—she basically banished Nay away.

"I'm sorry, I don't allow students who didn't sign up for this class to stay in it." Just like that the professor shut the door keeping us both inside while Nay most likely stayed outside dumb fooled while staring at the door.

That was the moment I was finally able to grasp why Cecilia was acting so weird and confusing.

She was not jealous in a romantic way, it was more like, even though she could notice I had a crush on her, and her giving me false hope would most likely hurt me, she still liked the attention she got from my stupid infatuation, and it made me furious.

She would never be with me, but she would also not let anyone else come in my life and steal the attention that she seemed to feel entitled to receive.

I looked around realizing we were left alone in the classroom and seeing as she had so gracefully shut the door behind us, I did not hold back.

"What the actual fuck is your problem? Would you be okay if I were to do something like that with Miranda?" I was close to screaming and it caught her off guard.

I could see it in her face, as well as in her posture. Her body language had completely changed. She looked unsure of what to say and so we stayed like that for a while, me, pissed and bothered and her, surprised and unsure.

"I just... I don't like her for you... You deserve better than a player." She broke the silence with her trembling voice.

"First of, if anything I'm the one playing with her feelings, she's a welcome distraction and you shouldn't be trying to intervein."

I've never seen someone make so many different confused expressions in one single moment, but I wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of what—or better yet, who—exactly Nay was distracting me from.

"Second of, do you really think I find Miranda enough for you? Just because she listened to the one advice I gave her, it does not mean I think she's any good for you, because I know it's a matter of time before she snaps back to her old closeted self." I was so out of myself. I could not help but throw up all my thought on her face, leaving her speechless for a while.

I threw myself in the closest chair in defeat. I had defeated my own willpower to hold back the shit going on in my head.

She was left standing with her arms dropped by her side, also in defeat. I think deep down she knew I was right, her relationship had an expiration date, only no one knew exactly when it would happen.

And just like that we kept looking at each other, both unsure of what to do next, and both realizing our perfect friendship bubble had just popped.

The door was opened bringing us back to reality. She turned to walk to her desk as I turned my head to look who was coming in, just to see it was Amy—which got me confused because she most definitely was not a student in that class.

It confused me even more when she forcefully shut the door behind her.

But the worst part of it all was when she turned back to look at both Cecilia and I, letting go of a deep breath—like a parent who is about to scold their children—and with confidence she let it out.

"The fuck you two doing. So much for miss drama queen over there who didn't want me to even know you were friends." She stated, pointing her hand at Cecilia, who didn't take it lightly.

"And you? Now I see why you need a neurologist, so that maybe she can find where the hell you dumped that brain of yours." It was my turn to be scolded, I just do not think either one of us knew why we were being yelled at for. I think Amy figured that much out. Her next line was not any easier to take it in.

"My God! I can't believe you can both be at the same time so academically smart, yet completely, utterly, socially dumb! The girl... The girl you just mistreated and kicked out, didn't waist anytime throwing your name on the mud." This time she was looking deep in Cecilia's eyes.

I could see how confused the professor was, so I took the initiative to try and make some sense into it. "What are you talking about?" Amy rolled her eyes to that.

"Well, let me just list it for you, you dumbass. First, you start dating or whatever it was you were doing with her, while at the same time carpooling with your professor, and students just looove to talk about someone like you, a faculty member's daughter. Especially since half the people who study in this building are finally finding out you're gay because you are always with Nay, and the other half is figuring it out because you seem too close to you very, very gay professor."

Amy took a deep breath and I just knew there was more to come.

"Now, to point number two, your very gay professor seems to also be a very possessive one, and dear heartbroken Nay seems to think she was being played by you while you were sleeping with someone else. Now children, let's just try and take a guess who she thought she was competing with, shall we?" after that I knew shit had just hit the fan. I did not even have to look at Bailey to know she was having a mental meltdown.

Amy was studying us before dropping the real bomb, so I figured we might as well rip the band-aid off—though I think I was the only one to noticed there was a third factor.

"What's number three, Amy?" From the corner of my eye, I saw Cecilia looking at me in panic of the thought of there being more.

"Since you insist. Someone saw Nay running off while crying and decided to ask her if she was okay, to which she said, and I'm quoting here, 'finding out your girlfriend is cheating on you with a professor can do that to you.' Now, isn't it just wonderful?"

We were left with that as another student walked in, preventing Amy from continuing with the... scolding.

Amy knew there was nothing more she could do or say there. We were no longer alone, but rather being watched by the very curious student who had walked in, and who also happen to be looking our way and trying to understand what was going on.

Amy was just about to leave, when she looked him over once again and decided to come up with an actually quite believable cover-up story.

"To be honest, I don't agree with the both of you and I think this bloody research should follow a whole different direction." She faked some pissed off attitude and walked off, leaving me to check if her story did hold with the nosy boy.

All we had to do was hope he was as good spreading news as he was eavesdropping.

And that was pretty much how Cecilia pulled away from our so-called friendship once again, only this time I did not quite blame her.

If it were not for that one student being a hell of a good gossiper—spreading how the crying girl could not possibly be talking about us because we were accompanied by another student discussing research, as the whole Nay drama unfolded—that fiasco of a morning could have seriously harmed Cecilia's reputation.

But I knew there were still some students who did not buy the story. Some more attentive one who had seen me with both Nay and Cecilia enough times to still assume some trashy lesbian drama was going on.

Remi