Chapter 12

Harper

"Are you sure you're alright while I go out?" My dad sighed, standing in my doorway.

"Yes, dad." I sighed, pausing the episode of Grey's Anatomy. "I will be perfectly content watching as many Grey's episodes as I can tonight." I gave him a cheesy smile.

"Harper, you had to leave class today because-"

"Noah was overreacting. It was not pre anxiety attack, it was just simply uncomfortableness." I gave him a look.

"You arrived in my office pale, sweaty, and shaking." My dad crossed his arms.

"Pfft. Matter of opinion." I offered, sinking low into my cocoon of blankets.

"Sure. We'll talk about this later. I have a booster meeting. If you hear from Noah Keller, let me know. He missed practice today and nobody's heard from the guy." My dad sighed, running his hands through his hair.

I tried not to look too concerned as I nodded and told him that I'd keep an eye out.

As soon as I heard my dad leave the house, I shut my computer and practically leapt from the bed.

My mental rehabilitation with Netflix and chocolate was going to have to wait. I pulled a pair of sweatpants over my underwear and pulled a sweatshirt over my t-shirt.

Appearances certainly didn't matter right now.

I'd grabbed my wallet and keys and was just about to leave through the front door when a knock stopped me dead.

I froze, looking at the closed door.

Who was here?

I carefully opened the door up, shocked to see Roy and Mick, Noah's best friends.

"Yes?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Uh is your dad here?" Roy asked quickly.

"No." I shook my head.

"Shit." Roy sighed.

"Has he heard anything from Noah?" Mick asked nervously.

I shook my head, not using words this time.

"He was in really bad shape earlier." Roy glanced at Mick.

"The guy does not seem to be in a good state of mind." Mick shook his head, looking genuinely concerned.

"Do you have room in your car for one more?" I asked, looking out at the small Chevy sitting in my driveway.

"Yes, why?" Mick frowned, playing with his keys.

"Because I know where he is." I replied quietly, stepping out onto the front porch. "And if we hurry, we'll get there before he does something dumb."

"Something dumb like what?" Mick asked nervously.

"The kid can't be suicidal..." Roy added, his voice with a tiny shake in it.

"No but he's a little bit vulnerable and if he decides to go bring shit up with his parents... Nobody will be happy." I shook my head, getting into the passenger seat. "It will take us about forty minutes to get there, I'll navigate."

"Forty?" Mick asked in shock, getting into the driver's seat.

"Why am I always stuck in the back..." Roy groaned as he got into the backseat of Mick's car.

"Because I get carsick and because I know where we're going." I snapped, buckling my seatbelt. "Let's go before anything bad happens."

Halfway through the drive I started explaining where we were going.

"There are three places he'll be and all have a different level of badness to them." I explained. "We'll start with the worst place he could go, then his house, then... Well yeah." I sighed, pushing my hair back from my face.

"How do you know this?" Roy asked. "You guys barely know each other."

"Says who?" I frowned, glancing back at him.

"I did spend four hours in a car with you two and you didn't talk much." Roy frowned.

"Because you wouldn't shut up." I snorted, turning back to face the road. My stomach was churning as we pulled off of the highway on a familiar exit, heading straight towards my old neighborhood.

"Isn't this where Noah used to live?" Mick asked quietly.

I nodded. "Yep." I whispered, my hands tightening into fists.

"You sure you know where he is?" Mick asked nervously.

"Almost positive." I said quietly. "Let's just hope he's not at the first two places we try."

"Seriously how do you know this shit?" Roy asked, leaning forwards.

"I'm observant." I lied, folding my hands in my lap. "Turn right." I said suddenly, causing the car to jerk to the right as Mick took the turn too fast.

When Roy sat up again, he returned his questioning.

"How long have you known Noah?" Roy asked seriously, looking at me with a quizzical look.

"I have no clue." I replied honestly.

We'd been going to school for a while, but when did we first really get to know each other?

Everything just sort of developed and happened...

"Left." I muttered, my stomach twisting as we turned onto my mom's street.

I let out a sigh of relief as we passed the house.

Noah's car was not in the driveway.

"We're safe. Turn left up ahead." I muttered. "He's not there."

"What would've happened if he was there?" Mick frowned.

"He would've yelled at her a lot and she would've lost her shit, my dad would've found out, I'd be fucked, Noah would be screwed, his aunt and uncle would have to tell his parents and they'd surely send him to Jamaica or something."

"You know his parents?" Roy asked suddenly. "How?"

"Turn right." I sighed.

Mick turned onto Noah's street and I instantly looked for his car outside of his parents' house.

"We're safe." I repeated, letting out a breath. "He'll be at the hideout." I sighed before letting out a groan.

"The hideout?" Mick and Roy repeated at the same time.

"Just go straight and turn left down the next one." I sighed, resting my head against the window.

"How did Noah seem in health today?" Mick asked suddenly. "Was he off?"

"I mean he was as normal as any guy could be while learning that shit." I sighed.

I gave Mick instructions to the warehouse, my heart thumping in my ears.

"Is that him?" Mick asked as he pulled into a spot a few spaces down from Noah's car.

Noah was laying on the roof, staring up at the sky.

"Yeah." I sighed, opening up the door. "The idiot doesn't have the code to get inside."

Noah's dad owned this warehouse but rarely used it. He changed the code every once in a while and understandably, Noah didn't have the latest one.

I walked up to the truck, not attempting to be stealth.

"Go away." Noah groaned.

"Get your ass down from there before a bird shits on you or you get sunburned." I said harshly.

"It's cloudy."

"UV rays still go through."

"It's October."

"Noah Keller get your ass down." I said harshly, crossing my arms.

Noah sighed before jumping down from the roof.

"What, Harper?" Noah asked, leaning back against the car.

"Skipping practice? Being all dramatic about this? Are you fucking kidding me?" I held out my arms for emphasis. "Could you make it any more obvious to my father that there is something to hide between us!"

Noah's eyes widened.

"You're getting mad at me for being dramatic?" He yelled, stepping towards me. "You're the one who had a panic attack in health today because you couldn't handle it!"

"Because I didn't want to think about what we didn't have anymore!" I yelled. "And my dad understood that! But the second you start acting weird, he's going to get suspicious and our lives will be ruined!"

"You think I don't know that?" Noah yelled.

The conversation had escalated much quicker than I anticipated and we were both standing in front of each other, arms up, yelling.

"Then why are you acting so immature about this?!" I yelled, putting my hands on my hips to stop myself from slapping him.

"Immature?!" Noah's eyes widened. He stepped back from me, dragging his hands across his face as he walked away. "Fuck, Harper, how the hell am I supposed to act?"

I bit my lip, watching his shoulders slump as he leaned against his car.

"Two days before we told our parents, do you remember what happened?" Noah asked, turning around suddenly. His eyes were red but there were no tears yet.

I shook my head.

"We were here, laying up in the loft in the warehouse, talking about the future, and you said you felt the baby." Noah said quietly.

My stomach tightened and I wanted to tell him to stop.

"We thought it was too early to feel the baby, and I couldn't feel it, but you said you felt butterflies and I just... Today..."

"Mr. Jameson said that at eleven weeks you can feel little twitchy movements." I whispered, knowing where he was going with this. "Yeah, why do you think I didn't even make it to my dad's office before I threw up?"

Noah sighed, leaning back against the car.

"You felt him, Harper. Or you felt her, him, I don't know. I didn't get that." Noah shook his head.

"I failed him, or her." I replied quietly. "Did you hear that shit? At eight weeks they were completely dependent on me and I let them down."

Noah winced, running his hands through his hair.

I stood up straight, taking a deep breath.

"We need to get it all out right now. This is where we leave it. When we leave this abandoned parking lot, there's no more talking or thinking of what happened, got it?" I said seriously, my hands on my hips again.

Noah nodded, standing up straight as well.

"Listen, we've had two years to grieve." I said seriously.

"In retrospective, it's not the worst thing that could've happened." Noah added.

"Exactly, it was a small bundle of cells, barely living." I added with a nod.

"We're totally fine now and who the hell is to say we could've been successful with a kid? Hell no."

"Exactly." I nodded. "Besides, it's not like we can't have more kids down the line."

Noah nodded.

"Definitely." He said seriously. Then he froze. "Wait what?" His face fell as confusion crossed his features.

"It's not like this made us infertile." I replied with a shrug. "And I don't know about you but I don't plan on being celibate for the rest of my life."

"Oh... I thought you meant like... Us." Noah winced.

I folded my arms across my chest, running my finger over the spot that the tattoo was as my brain tried processing this.

"Completely honest I don't think I didn't mean us." I admitted quietly.

"Hm?" Noah raised his eyebrows, prompting me to keep talking.

"This is going to sound ridiculous... But like..." I sighed, unsure how to say this. "The past two years, I never really felt like we broke up I just... I felt like we were temporarily separated. I don't know why but I had no doubts that we'd end up together again."

Noah tried to hide his smirk as he looked down at his feet.

"I mean I never did take back what I said when I gave you that ring." Noah said honestly, looking up at me again. "And yeah I know what you mean. Whenever I'd be with someone else, I'd feel like I was cheating or something."

My blood ran cold.

"You've... You've been with other people?" I whispered, my stomach churning.

Noah's eyes widened. "No! No not like that! No, shit, no." Noah laughed. "I haven't slept with anyone but I've done other stuff, I mean."

"Oh..." I laughed, relief flooding me. "Yeah, yeah same."

Noah nodded. 
"Listen... Harper I-"

He was interrupted by the loud blare of a horn. Noah looked over my shoulder, his face forming a frown.

"You brought Mick and Roy?!" Noah's eyes widened as he stepped away from me.

"They showed up at my dad's house worried about you. I wasn't going to tell them to get lost!" I replied, holding up my arms in protest.

"This is our spot!" Noah exclaimed before beginning to walk towards the car. "You don't bring other people to our spot!"

"Okay, wow. Calm down please." I said urgently, following him towards Mick and Roy.

They both got out of the car quickly.

"Where the hell have you been?" Mick asked loudly.

"This is the girl you fucked at the party after-"

"Don't even finish that sentence." Noah said harshly, pointing at Roy with an accusatory finger. "What the hell are you two goons doing here?"

"Making sure you didn't do something dumb that would get you kicked off of the team. I've seen guys act like this before and it all had to do with drugs, alcohol, and a whole slew of illegal activities." Mick said seriously.

I was beginning to see the trend among these three friends. Mick was the responsible one while Roy was the liability who talked before he thought and lacked a filter. But one thing that they had in common was that they both clearly cared for Noah, who seemed unable to care for anything anymore.

"Nothing illegal going on over here." Noah shook his head as he folded his arms over his chest. "You two can go on home, I'll drive Harper back."

"Not a chance in hell. Your eyes are bloodshot as fuck." Roy said seriously, stepping towards him.

Noah automatically backed away.

"I'm not high." Noah sighed.

Roy snorted, shaking his head. "Likely story." He rolled his eyes.

"He's not." I replied, crossing my arms. "And if you call yourselves his best friends, you should know that."

Noah spun around to face me, his eyes widening.

"You need to stop." Noah said quietly. "Seriously, enough."

I bit my lip, looking down at my feet.

"What is she talking about?" Mick asked seriously.

"None of your business." Noah snapped. "Holy shit, I can't do this."

My eyes widened as he spun on his heel and marched towards his car.

"Noah!" I said harshly, walking after him.

"No, no Harper just go home with them. I'll just... I can't deal with this right now." He shook his head, not turning to face me.

"You're kidding me, right?" I laughed. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Noah didn't reply as he opened up the driver's door to his car.

"You're acting like fucking Ron Weasley with a-"

"An emotional capacity of a teaspoon." Noah finished for me, getting into the car. "No shit, Harper, you've done enough to fuck me up." Noah glared at me.

"Do not drive away." I hissed, trying to grab the keys from him as he went to turn the engine on. "You have to face this and deal with it and maybe take responsibility for your actions once in a while!"

"Ironic coming from you!" Noah said harshly, holding me away from his keys as he turned on the engine.

"Noah Keller I swear to God if you drive away I'll-"

"You'll do what? I don't give a damn what you do, Harper." Noah hissed. "From the day I met you, you've only caused shit in my life."

"That is bullshit and you know it!" I said harshly, swatting his hand away as he went to put the car into drive.

"Get out of the way our I'll run your feet over." Noah said harshly, managing to shift gears despite my protests.

"Fine! Fucking leave! It's what you do best anyways, right? Shit gets hard, you get the hell out of there and don't even look back!" I hissed, stepping away from the car. "You can't accept responsibility and you know it."

"Fuck off, Harper." Noah hissed, turning to glare at me. "You're just making shit up."

"Oh am I?!" I yelled, holding out my arms. "Name one time that you accepted something shitty and faced it!"

Before he could even reply, I cut him off.

"You make excuses for everything, you never own up to your mistakes, you act like everyone else is at fault, and you bolt the second things get difficult!" I yelled.

"You don't know anything about my life, Harper!" Noah yelled.

"Don't change the fucking subject!" I yelled, my throat getting raw as tears welled up in my eyes. "These are your best friends and you're leaving like they mean nothing to you! Do you know how concerned they are about you? Own up to the damn tribulations of life!"

"I can damn well deal with tribulations of life." Noah hissed.

"Says the guy who couldn't even face his brother's funeral." I snapped.

Noah's eyes darkened and he slammed the door shut, pressing down on the pedal as he sped away from me.

"Oh hell no." I hissed, pulling my hair up into a ponytail as I marched back towards the car.

Roy and Mick were standing there, completely shocked and silent.

"Well get in the damn car, you think he can just get away with that?" I hissed, getting into the front seat of the car.

I watched Noah's car turn left out of the parking lot and I knew exactly where he was going.

"Well that was completely un-Noah-like." Mick mumbled, turning on the engine.

"I've never seen him yell. Ever." Roy agreed.

"Then you've lived a very sheltered life." I muttered. "Just hurry up, turn left at the light." I instructed. 
"The highway is that way though." Mick frowned.

"We're not going back." I replied. "Just turn left, it's green!"

Roy let out a slow whistle in the backseat, sounding nervous.

"Where are we going?" Mick asked quietly.

"Have you ever heard Noah mention a guy named Hank Ranson?" I asked.

"Um, no?"

"Well he's Noah's best friend until Noah moved." I replied. "There's Noah's car." I pointed to the house.

Mick pulled into the driveway and I instantly jumped out.

But I froze as Hank strolled off of the porch, an amused look on his face.

"What on earth did you do to him?" Hank laughed as I slowly walked up to him. "He's a spoiled toddler who didn't get the birthday gift they wanted." Hank sighed.

"Yeah well it's not my fault he doesn't show his emotions properly." I muttered, looking down at my feet.

"Hi, it's been a while." Hank laughed, pulling me into a hug.

I sighed, squeezing him back.

"Yeah, it has." I mumbled, crossing my arms as I stepped away from him.

"So tell me, what happened?" Hank asked, scanning my face.

"They screamed at each other about stuff and he took off after uh, well I'm assuming Harper said something that struck a nerve." Mick explained, walking up behind me with Roy.

"I may have brought up Jonah..." I said softly.

"Damn." Hank's eyes widened. "Going for the jugular."

"He was being a brat and it just slipped and I know, I really fucked up." I sighed.

"Who is Jonah?" Roy asked curiously.

"Who are you?" Hank frowned, suddenly aware of the two strangers on his lawn.

"Mick and Roy, Noah's friends." I replied. "As much as they can be, considering Noah seems to have locked himself behind concrete."

"Yeah well, he has good reason to." Hank shook his head.

"I'm sorry who is this Jonah person?" Roy repeated.

"Noah's older brother. He was an addict and overdosed a week before graduating from high school. Noah took it really hard and well... He doesn't touch drugs or alcohol because of it."

"I wondered why he was always sober." Mick sighed.

"I'm not comfortable discussing this with you. It's not my shit to bring up." I shook my head. "Hank, where is he?" I asked.

"My mom made him some tea." Hank replied.

"Mick, Roy, go home. I've got it from here." I said softly.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Mick shook his head.

"It is. He's not... I'll be fine, okay? I'll let you know when he's home safely." I sighed before turning to walk into the house.

I followed the sound of Mrs. Ranson to the kitchen and hesitated before walking in.

"Well she is right." I heard Mrs. Ranson say softly.

I stopped outside of the door, holding my breath.

"I know she is." Noah muttered, his voice thick. "Doesn't mean I want her to be."

Mrs. Ranson laughed at that.

"It must've been pretty chaotic lately with her back and everything." She said softly.

"Chaotic is one word for it." Noah sighed. "Shit, I love her to death and my feelings have not changed since the last time I saw her. I still want to spend the rest of my life with her and have kids and grow old together, it fucking sucks."

"Why does that suck?" Mrs. Ranson asked quietly.

"Because every time I look at her, I think of the life we could've had if her mom hadn't intervened and I-"

"That life would've been horrible, Noah. A child in your sophomore year of high school? Say goodbye to hopes of graduating on time, of going out of state to school. Say goodbye to your freedom for the next eighteen plus years of your life." Mrs. Ranson said seriously. "Teenage pregnancy is not as romantic as the movies make it seem."

Noah let out a sigh, followed by a slurp as he sipped his tea.

"She hates me. I can see it in her eyes." Noah said softly.

I felt my chest tighten.

"I don't hate you." I spoke up, stepping into the kitchen.

Noah's back tensed but he didn't look to me.

Mrs. Ranson gave me a smile as she stood up. "It's beautiful outside, I think I'll go see what my son is up to."

She gave my arm a squeeze as she walked past me and I slowly sat down in her seat.

"Noah." I whispered, reaching for his hands. "I am so sorry. No matter how angry I was at you, I have absolutely no right to throw that back in your face."

Noah stared down at his tea, his eyes bloodshot and his face tear stained.

"Harper..." He whispered, closing his eyes for a minute. "You are going to cause me to drop dead of heart failure at an obscenely young age." He said softly, raising his head to face me.

I let out a laugh, raising my eyes.

"As long as I'm around long enough to do so." I smiled, crossing my legs.

Noah squeezed my hands, his eyes meeting mine.

"I left you. I could've called, but I didn't. It was possible for me to come see you and I didn't because I was scared. I didn't reach out to you because I was sad and lonely and ashamed that I got you into that mess and I didn't help you get out of it." Noah whispered.

"Noah..."

"No, Harper, listen to me." Noah said seriously. "I've had two years to think about this and it's about time we talked about it."

I stayed silent, holding back my words.

"Remember the bonfire that Hank had?" Noah said quietly.

"There have been many."

"It was on your birthday and we snuck upstairs to his room." Noah whispered.

"Yeah?" I frowned.

"We didn't have a condom that night, Harper."

"But you pulled out in time, you-"

"I didn't." Noah whispered, his face looking pained. "I thought I did, and then it was too late and I got out as soon as I could. In the moment I didn't think it was that big of a deal, I mean I'd barely started so I brushed it off and completely forgot about it. But the more time I had to think about it, the more I realized... This was all my fault and I-"

"Noah." I sighed, scooting towards him. "It was not your fault. We were careless. We weren't having safe sex. We got ourselves into that mess. Don't you dare take the blame for it."

Noah didn't meet my eyes as he looked down at his tea again.

"Do you want to know how I dealt with it at the beginning?" I whispered. "I was still in denial that you were gone. I figured you'd be back soon, maybe a month or two with your aunt and uncle."

Noah looked up at me.

"So I told myself it was practice and it was proof that we were going to have the life we want to. Of all the times we slept together, the one unprotected time produced a child. So I told myself that when we were married and starting a family, we'd have a kid whenever the hell we wanted." I said softly.

Noah sighed, squeezing my hands.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess." Noah whispered. "You're right, I have no emotional capacity and I-"

"No, I was wrong." I shook my head. "We're having this honest conversation right now."

Noah nodded.

"And I think it's about damn time we got over this and went back to the way we were." I said seriously.

Noah looked up at me, raising his eyebrows.

"You think I'm going to argue with you, make up with you, and then fucking leave?"

"We can't just pick up where we left off..." Noah said quietly.

"Why on earth not?" I asked, leaning back in my chair.

"I can't exactly take you home and be like 'oh hey coach surprise I used to date your daughter and we're together again'." Noah said softly, trying to pull his hands away from mine.

I squeezed them, keeping them on the table.

"I never said we were going to do that. By going back to the way we were, I meant no more fighting and no more dwelling on the past. It's been two years since we dated, we're completely different people. This isn't going to be a sequel, it's going to be a spin-off."

Noah raised his eyebrows at my analogy but nodded anyways.

"But what are we going to tell your dad?" Noah asked quietly, looking hesitant. "We can't tell him we used to know each other or-"

"Goodness of course not." I grimaced. "We just tell him that we've been hanging out lately and we're dating now." I said with a smile.

"He'll take that well." Noah sighed.

"Better than telling him we used to be dating and all the shit that followed." I gave Noah a look.

Noah nodded, looking down at our joined hands.

"Harper, I've known since the day I met you that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. We're going to have to get through a lot of shit together and I know we can do it." Noah said seriously. "So right now, while it lasts, let's enjoy a carefree life."

"While it lasts?" I frowned.

"Once you and I start dating, word will spread. Be it a casual conversation between my aunt and my mom or maybe your dad and your mom, it will come out that Noah Keller is dating Harper Lawrence and all hell will break loose." Noah whispered.

"Lovely." I grimaced.

"So right now, let's enjoy the present." Noah said seriously.

I nodded.

"And let's go introduce my girlfriend to my friends."

"Hm?" I raised my eyebrows as he stood up happily from the kitchen table.

"There's a bonfire going on tonight and all my friends will be there. They are my life now, I want you to be a part of it." Noah said seriously.

"So we're good?" I asked carefully, standing up too.

"Better than good." He planted a kiss on my lips. 

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This is the longest chapter I think I've ever written. Enjoy ;)

- E xx