**** This one's for Jaylen, and Esha/Rhylen <3 You're never forgotten, never lost.

Oh god I published this before I edited it rip to anyone who read it before I edited, cringe XP ****

*Andy*

I had taken Esha to a coffee shop to catch up, because what with her job and my band we hadn't had much time to ourselves where we could really talk, especially now that she had gotten closer with Ryker, Leah and Luna.

I couldn't say I was unhappy, I'm glad they were getting along. But I was feeling rather jealous, wanting Esha to myself.

It was supposed to be a chill meeting, but I knew as soon as we sat down that something was off. Esha was keeping something, and it was eating away at her.

"So you've been good right?" I asked her, raising my eyebrows to suggest that I meant it in a certain way.

"What?" She said, looking at me with clearly distracted eyes.

"You know what I mean" I said, suddenly getting an impulse to reach out and take her hand. Instead, I stuffed it in my pocket and shook my head out.

We had gotten.... involved in certain ways on occasion, but it felt different with her. I was nervous.

Esha sighed and looked to her lap, where her hands lay folded in her lap, her coffee untouched, forgotten.

"If you mean did I stopped cutting then the answer is yes. I did for a little while and then I started again." She said, shrugging her shoulder up. I got distracted by her sleek brown hair slipping across her smooth skin.

Registering what she said, I looked at her sad and disappointed. Not so much in her but in the people around her that should have helped. Especially me. 

I should have helped. And it's crazy to think that because up until recently I hadn't even thought about her for years, but I still felt somewhat responsible. I should've kept in contact, I should have tried more....

"Why?" I asked, unable to resist asking the obvious question that would cause discomfort.

"It's a long story.." she said, and I knew she wanted me to drop it. But I couldn't.

I took a sip of my coffee and leaned back a little, stretching my arms out behind my head. "I've got time" I said to her, pleading with my eyes. I remember she told me she could never resist saying no when she looked me in the eyes.

Silence fell and I panicked, worried I had fucked up and scared her away unknowingly.

She took a deep breath, and I followed her example, trying to calm my nerves.

"Maybe we should take this outside" I suggested, and she nodded, relieved. I threw out my now empty cup and grabbed her still untouched cup before following her out to a park bench.

She sat down and took a few breaths before speaking. "Well after high school I went to college and I met this guy-Jaylen. He was the bullied kid and my heart ached for him. But we became friends. I liked him, he was my boyfriend, my first serious boyfriend. I fell in love...well-" she spoke softly, tearing up and sniffling.

I didn't like this. I didn't like seeing her so hurt. Why did I have to bring this up?

"Esha, you don't have-" I spoke, but she silenced me with a hand, taking a calming breath before continuing.

"Well, after a few months we broke it off... I broke it off.... we stayed friends not wanting to drift and become strangers. I was.... I was on the phone with him this one night and he didn't sound good. I heard the tone before. I knew he was in the dark place, the place he tried so hard to stay out of."

By now, she was full out crying, tears pouring down her cheeks and her nose beginning to run.

I reached my hand out and brushed it against hers before taking it and squeezing slightly.

"Hey listen-" I began, but she cut me off.

"Well after we hung up I already had my shoes pulled on and was heading out the door. I ran as fast as I could to his house. But.... I was too late. The ambulance was already there and his mom was in tears. Jaylen had shot himself. And at the hospital I stood with his mother and she gave me a letter addressed to me. It was about how he still loved me. He was sorry, he had tried to tell me, he just couldn't. So....after all that I blame myself for being too late and I still have his note to this day."

She buried her face in her hands, sobbing now.

"L- Esha, I am so sorry. It wasn't your fault" I said to her, scooting closer to her and pulling her in my lap. I hugged her and ran my fingers through her hair, letting her cry into my chest.

"I'm sorry, so sorry Esha" I mumbled softly, pressing my lips to the top of her head while I felt her hands grip and squeeze my shirt in fists.