Good evening! It's been a while, I know, I know. Thank you all for your lovely comments to my last chapter and all the DM's❤ I was literally squealing while reading them and felt inspired to keep writing more and more,  until it got out of hand and I ended up with a chapter that has 15.000 words. You have waited long enough for this!!!!
New Felix content for my Oneshot book is also on the way👁👄👁👌

The lost boy's words echoed inside your head like a silent explosion, repeating themselves, as if it would help you to comprehend them. You tried to find the perfect response, but no matter how hard you tried, there was none. There was a curiosity burning inside your guts. It tingled behind your eyes and crept its way down your neck. With widened eyes and mouth agape, you looked unbelieving in Felix's softened face. So many questions swirled inside your head, but each of them runned quickly past you like a wild river, making it unable to grasp a single thought as confusion slowly overcame you.

'Who is Sopha?' You stammered and blinked nervously with your eyes as your heartbeat paced up. 

'I told you her name.' 

For fucks sake, he did, but the occasion demanded far more information than a name, no matter how risky it was. Sopha was the first lost girl and instead of killing her, Felix obviously hid her from Pan. Not much information, but enough to understand more about the second in commands rebellious nature. A roaring fire spread inside your body, filled you with a feverish feeling of being proud to be right. He was not the monster you always assumed him to be.

'I trust you.' You said after a while, and for the first time you truly meant it. There was no reason to believe the lanky lost boy would lie and it made even perfectly sense not to talk about it. The second in command gave you a surprisingly warm smile, showing you his white palette of perfectly rowed teeth, as he squinted his eyes- almost like a little boy whose soul was kept behind bars for too long. Trusting did not mean forgiving.

'But you have to trust me, too.' You added, but the lost boy's eyes were telling you he already did. The grinning was like being glued onto his lips and his eyes seemed to melt as he heard your words. 

'I need to meet her.' 

The smile dropped. He slowly shook his head and his eyes widened in terror. 'It's too dangerous, he… he…' Felix made a small pause and scanned the surroundings. 'Let's go somewhere else.' 

The boy turned on his heels, so his face would vanish underneath his hood again. You followed him further into the forest, along a small overgrown path, far away to be unheard of, until you reached a small river. He was paranoid, that was a clear understatement. If Pan would ever hear something, he would act immediately.

'You want to teach me fishing again?' You questioned jokingly and remembered how he slipped the last time, then how you played in the water and- you regretted saying that to him, as you remembered the many times he had seemed to try kissing you. He had done it so obvious and still you were filled with doubt and shoved the thought aside. Maybe you hoped for it, missing the warm feeling of another human being next to you and he was the closest thing to hold on to. The possibility of you just overthinking was there and should not be underestimated. In the one moment you caught yourself dreaming of him, but in the next one you doubted every feeling towards the dreary boy. It was tiring, an on-and-off , in which he would try to hide his emotions, making it harder for you to sort your emotions.

Felix chuckled and gave you a playful, warning look. It warmed your heart. As you followed the second in command along the river, none of you said a single word and an awkward silence accompanied you through your walk. You tried your best not to look at him and felt even relieved that he hid behind that green cloak. 

'Where are we going?' 

'You're gonna like it.' He promised with a smirk, already hearing your intrigued voice. His long legs paced up and when you followed him through some thick bushes, you saw what he was talking about. Hidden behind the thick green, a wide clearing with thousands of  flowers stretched wide upon the view, leaving you startled next to the lost boy. The sun brightened the magnificent sight in a bright light and so many different smells entered your nose as you stepped further into the ocean of blossoms. 

'You walked off so many times, yet you haven't seen the most beautiful parts, haven't you?' Felix chuckled from behind. He was still so close, following you with each step further.  You saw the blue sky behind some stones at the edge of the clearing, so your feet immediately led the way towards it. 

No, You thought. You haven't shown me yet.

Suddenly you stepped with one foot into a hole and let out a muffled scream. Your eyes widened in terror,  but before you could feel any damage on your ankle, the second in command had wrapped his arms tightly around your body. Being embraced by Felix, you could not tell which of your hearts beat faster.

'Watch your step.' His voice was a warm breath on your neck. For a short moment you closed your eyes and enjoyed his thick arms around you, along with the scent of his body, tempting you to melt into him and rest your head against his chest. The illusion vanished when Felix quickly pulled away. 

'Thanks.'

You stumbled forwards and did not even turn around in an attempt to hide your blushing face. This idea of a lost boy with a heart that was not cold as stone would only hurt you in the end, so it was for the better to get rid of all those unnecessary emotions towards the second in command. If life were a game with a button to press pause and play, on and off, you would definitely use it to stop your mind from thinking and use it to go in a download mode to process all the events and find a real plan.

At the edge of the field you stopped walking and climbed up some lower rocks to take a glimpse of what hid behind. As your eyes met the wild, roaring ocean crashing against the shores, you sat down and let out a relieving sigh. The sun glistened on the crystal clear water and you watched in awe how the white foam crashed against the stones far underneath you. Down there was a beautiful beach, but seeing how the path was blocked by a lot of cliffs and intimidating green that looked everywhere the same, you pushed the idea of going there away, quickly.  

'That's the fly through the Rock Spire Islands.' Felix's voice suddenly entered your ears and you turned your head to see him point in front of you to the sharp cliffs. These waters looked more rapid and were covered with sharp rocks everywhere, making it impossible to travel with a boat there. It was a death trap for every boatman. 

'The beach down there is safe from mermaids.' Felix added as he pointed down to the beach that had your attention. 'The water is not deep enough for them.' 

For a moment you just enjoyed the moment in silence, closing your eyes and feeling the heat of the burning sun on your skin. Everything seemed peaceful and as soon as the happiness came, she already floated away, when you asked yourself why you were here. It was definitely more than a secret place to talk.

'Why did you show me this place?' You asked after a while and shifted up from the heatened rocks. The second in command followed you down and let himself drop onto the flower field. 

'I wish I could show you so many places.' Felix sounded like he was dreaming as he closed his eyes, his arms crossed behind his head, looking like he were asleep. The light made the lost boys seem like porcelain, smooth and soft, flawless up until the crack in the surface that appeared to be his scar. Deep inside yourself, you fought the urge to trace your fingers down it, or to touch the second in command at all. Something about his resting face always pulled you towards him.

'Are you going to stare at me all the time?' Felix asked out of the blue, his eyes still closed.

'How did-'

'They're burning on me.'

You did not respond but layed down onto the soft grass, your head close to Felix’s. When his hand brushes gently over yours, goosebumps spread all over your body in a prickling sensation. 

'I'll bring you to them. To Tinkerbell and Sopha.' Felix grabbed your wrist for a moment and stared at you with intense eyes before he added. 'I promise.'

'Can you hold your word?' You gave back and the lost boy hesitated. He gave you a quick nod before he tilted his head away and loosened his grip, but kept his hand there. For a moment you could not say anything and you felt how your cheeks heaten up from that quick touch. Felix woke some feelings inside you that you could not describe and after all this time, after everything he had done, his presence was like a drug to you that made you addicted to him. You wanted to stay at his side as long as you could and you wanted to find excuses to touch him again. With a quick glance aside you saw his eyes were closed again, lips slightly parted as he enjoyed the warm breeze under the burning sun. His pink lips- No, you could not even think about it!

Closing your eyes to get rid of the picture about the lost boy in your head, there suddenly was a rustling in the bushes, far away enough to stay undetected, still your experience told you to be cautious. Felix heard it too. He immediately shot up and reached for his clubs,  eyes constantly looking for any movements in those bushes. After the last game, he got more cautious and obviously more aggressive towards the other boys, always expecting a new surprise. Felix stood there for a moment, watching the surroundings like a hawk before he let go. 

'Time to go.' He rose to his feet and moved forward without checking if you were following.

'But we just came-'

'What if someone sees us?'

You knew he just expected you to follow and trust him. He was right and it made it clearer that he tried to act careless. All the way back, he stayed silent and you fought the urge to keep asking more about Sopha, well aware how angry and defensive the second in command could be. When the big hedges were in sight the urge to ask any more questions stopped immediately. If Pan or any other boy would hear you talking to Felix about the girls, it would only cause more trouble.

'What will we do now?' You asked the second in command as you stepped up the hills. The tall boy stopped and turned around to grab your shoulders.

'I will have to patrol.' He said. 'Wait a moment after I am inside before you enter the camp.' Felix commanded and trusted you enough to follow his orders, as he swiftly turned on his heels and vanished uphill between the bushy hedges. For a glimpse second you hesitated to obey, but decided otherwise. It was the best option, so you waited a long moment outside before you walked up the hill. You had understood Pan’s choice for the camp’s position the second you entered it for the first time- thick hedges on a hill with large trees, their crown hiding most of the treehouses up there. He arranged to build a small town in the air that would lead to the hunting area. They could be smart, but most of the time these boys wasted their useless energy for the stupidest things, that made you sometimes wonder how they managed to survive that long all by themselves. Yet there was no time to think in the lost boy's camp, no space to breathe as each second something unpredictable could happen. The air was tense with mystical energy, prickling on your tongue and running cold shivers down your spine. Everything was a secret here, a new adventure that would pull you in and give you no time to comprehend before the next one called. The danger was even more assaulting, well knowing that the previous girl's got murdered. 

By Felix.

And with that, the delusion about the lost boy in your mind faded as if someone turned the off switch. The second in command was forced and he feared Pan, it was enough to hope for a better outcome. It was surprisingly reassuring to get closer to the truth, but terrifying at the same time. Surviving in this hell hole was all you needed to focus on, whatever it took, so you had to plead Felix to bring you to Sopha as soon as possible.  She might have got an idea, how to stop Pan- and what to do with Felix.

'No!' You heard one of the older boys yell angrily as soon as you entered the small way through the hedges. His voice full of rage, that you could almost feel the tension of a fight that was about to begin prickling in the air. Curiously you shifted your eyes to a meager, brown haired boy on the clearing. He was building himself up in front of another, taller one, threatening him with his long, slim fingers that were formed into a pathetic frame of a fists. 'It should be my cottage!' 

The taller boy jumped to his feet and formed his hands into fists, too. More fleshy, thick sausage shaped fingers, that he would mostly use to shove a massive amount of junk into his disgusting food hole. He was unleashed, sweaty and swollen up, with eyes like a mole but the nose of a pig. His eyes formed into slits as he growled at the skinny short one,'My tent is shit!'

'So is mine!'

He pointed into the direction where the tents hid behind the trees. The taller, chubby one scoffed and crossed his broad arms in front of his muscular chest as he looked down onto the lost boy in front of him.

'Eat shit, you little twat.'

'Fight me then!' The short one laughed and before they could even start, two other boys jumped into their fight as well, claiming the mentioned cottage for themselves. You turned your head to look for Felix, only to see that he was not sitting far away at the bonfire and even though it was not the best idea, the presence of Thomas next to him caused your stomach to turn inside out, so you approached him once again. How could he simply sit there, not bothering about the lost boys fighting over the boy's cottage that Thomas had murdered? They did not even bury him, but threw him into the river. You could not help yourself but hated Felix for that, even though it was not his fault at all.

'Who's cottage are they talking about?' You  stopped in front of him and instantly regretted asking, well aware of the  right answer. 

'Gleb’s of course.' Thomas answered for Felix and rolled with his eyes, then continued poking with a stick into the flames.  He acted like a child when you watched him like this, young and innocent, a boy who could never hurt a fly. You knew better.

'They can't-' you stopped and yanked your head around, eyes burning inside the group of boy's backs as you're glaring could stop them somehow. Felix snorted and slowly sank his head. You weren't sure if it was just a facade for the others, or honest about what he thought about your reaction.

'But why does no one mourn about Gleb?' You asked with some sort of bitterness in your voice. 'You threw him into the river!' 

Felix avoided your gaze and stared at the ground while Thomas gave you a scolding look.

'Ye shaw way too much emotion.' He snarled, not even trying to hide his anger. 'Ye gave that eejit a smourich in the cage, enough to have a good time.' 

As he heard those words, the head of the second in command jerked around, giving you an agonised look before rising to his feet and quickly storming off, not saying a single word. There was no time for you to react or even understand this situation as your eyes followed the tall blonde boy vanishing behind some trees.

'What did just ha-'

Thomas rose to his feet as well, ignoring you and leaving in the opposite direction. He gave you a last glance, the corner up his lips slowly rising up.

What. The. Hell. 

Why did he say that? You were not sure what he was referring to, but when you saw Felix's  reaction, it explained everything and anger towards Thomas started to broodle inside you. He was talking about the second kiss with Gleb. How could he have known that if someone did not tell him? The coin dropped and you knew only one boy who could have told Thomas this- and he had some explanation to do.

Mitch might not be able to confirm the story right now, but there was no need for that. Thomas exposed himself when he revealed that he knew about the kiss- the one only Mitch had witnessed. Thomas was a snake worse than Pan and you hated yourself for believing his lies and innocent facade at the beginning. There hid a monster behind those beautiful features and your first assumption was that he tried to separate Felix from you on purpose, as if he knew that the second in command seemed more than a ruthless leader to you. 

Felix had many flaws, but his stubbornness was the most annoying of all. There was no room for conversations, no air to breathe in that thick cloud of delusion. You would not run after him and give him what he wanted, at least what you assumed he wanted. There was no need for explanations or even excuses, since communicating was not the lost boy’s greatest strength. Besides the problem's he had, the lost boy deserved to hear this information without having the right to be upset.

'Do you ever feel like having a stick and everyone around you is a pinãta?' A voice behind you caught your attention. With a swift turn of your head, you recognized Javier who was strutting towards you. The lost boy moaned theatrically and moved his head back to let his brown skin greet the sunbeams that shone through the canopy. He was absolutely done with everything around him and did not even intend to hide it in front of you. 

'All the time.' You gave back with a groan and gently started to rub your sleeve, as you pointed with the other hand to the hollering group of boys that fought without any remorse about their dead friend's cottage. 

'What's the matter with you? Heavy fight with your big teddy bear?'

'He isn't-' you denied but stopped mid sentence, knowing that this would only end up with Javier sizing you up.

'Well he is mad at me…' You started and looked aside. 'Like all the time.'

'I am not even sure if I want to be friends with him.' You added and let your head sink. Shame rose up inside you as you said these words, but on the other hand, Felix really tried his best to build up the distance between you two, using every excuse for it. You should feel grateful about it. But you were not. Why was he so hard to read? Could he not simply tell you what he thought and stop messing with your mind? Maybe it was a dumb idea to tell Javier, since he snitched to Felix once before. On the other hand you wanted Felix to show that he was your friend, instead of just saying it. 

The audacity. 

Thinking of that morning, you snorted out loud and shook your head. 

'That's bad?' Javier asked.

'That bad.' You answered. 

The lost boy understood and he did not ask another question about him, so you assumed this conversation was over. For a moment it felt tempting to ask him about the previous girls, but then you remembered Gleb's warning, that no one in this camp was to be trusted. Probably true. Maybe not even Javier, after seeing how even the nicest boy could stab you in the back- literally. You watched the little show between the boys as entertainment and finally understood why they seemed to enjoy doing this themselves. During a boring day there was nothing else exciting to pay attention to. Those little fights to watch were a little distraction to their own miserable lifes.

When Pan suddenly appeared out of nothing on the clearing, the whole atmosphere got tense. The lost boys stopped all of their conversations and let the fight drop, to look at their leader. 

'What's all the fuss about?' Pan asked playfully, yet his eyes were glowing. Nothing about him was to be trusted, not even a smile innocent enough like the one he wore as his eyes wandered through the camp. They came to halt for a glimpse second when he detected you, before his smile turned into a creepy grin. 

‘This fucker thinks he can claim Gleb’s cottage!’ The small rat-like boy yelled from the side in a brisk manner. Then he let out a high pitched shriek, when he felt the taller one hit the back of his head, so he turned to strike back, but stopped mid-move when Pan cleared his throat.

'Well, this is not how we settle things here, isn't it boys?' He asked with a chuckle.

Rat let go with a huff. He did not seem to be convinced, just like the taller one and all the other boys who kept silent until now. They took a moment to exchange some confused glances and quiet gossip, until some of their faces lit up, as their minds filled with assumptions about Pan’s intention.

'A game!' Someone yelled excitedly.

'Yes! A game!'

'A GAME!' The others chimed in and and you felt how your guts turned around as if someone stabbed you with a pitchfork and slowly started to twist it. For the lost boys it was just a game, but for you it was a dead person you cared for and the things he had left. Was there really no one, who seemed to care at least a little bit, or did Pan manage to drain every piece of empathy out of those children? If there were no one to grieve afterwards, how much was their friendship even worth? You doubted that the boys even had such a thing like real friendship. Everyone needed to watch their back and if they would let their guard down even for a short moment, it was over with them. No one else would show mercy and they would enjoy the suffering another endured- maybe because this is all they have ever known and it was easier to harm others tha to deal with your own demons. 

'I will think about it for a night.' Pan said and dropped the smile. His face looked so empty now, as if someone stole the sun out of his wrinkles and replaced them with dark shadows that hung deep over his face. There was something intimidating about how slowly he would approach someone and now, walking from the big oak over to the middle of the camp, every single boy got tense, as if they feared to be a target.

'Until then, I remember quite well you still haven't caught us something for dinner.'

He then turned to you and gave you a wide smile, not really different from a mischievous grin, but in the end it simply was the face he wore,- devil or not. Javier immediately excused himself and when you stood all by yourself in front of Pan, you felt like a deer in the headlight. He was the hunter and you were the prey. He strutted with slow steps into your direction, his eyes never leaving yours, as if someone had glued them onto them and for a moment you felt helpless. Felix was nowhere around and even if he were, he would not be any help at all, worse, Pan might order him to do something terrible that he would hate to do but would end up complying to it.

'Y/N.' Pan's warm voice was fake like everything else about him. He was so full of shit. 

'How's your leg?' And again, that nasty grin and the twitching eyebrows. He was mocking her, obviously. Or could it be simply an illusion of all the hatred towards him, that you felt deep inside your guts? Nevertheless, these negative emotions, no matter what kind, felt strong. 

'Has Felix shown you around the island?' He asked the next question, not even interested in the answer for the first one. Arrogant bastard.

He had not, so you shook your head. Not in particular or the purpose Pan was implying. And even if Felix did, you were sure not to spill any information about that. Pan's interest in Felix gave you a wave of paranoia, until you remembered that he made Felix your teacher in all sorts of training. But you regretted doubting Felix's fear of being seen together. Who knew what Pan would do if he found out.

'All this time on this Island and you never saw it's true beauty.' He purred, reminding you of what the second in command had said earlier, but less pleasantly. 'What a shame.'

'Yeah.'' You murmured back and avoided Pan's burning gaze. 'What a shame…'

It was like you could feel the leader of the island grin as he closed the gap between you two. He brought his hand to your chin and pushed it up, so you were forced to look at him. When your eyes met his green orbs again, you were shocked by the softness in them. He really looked like a boy instead of a devil. 

'Forgive me for-' he stopped and sighed, then let go of your face and shortly broke the gaze. Then he softly chuckled and shook his head.

'You must think I am a monster.' A quick glance for confirmation. 'But a king needs to show his cruelest side, or else he gets overthrown.'

Your own lips curled up into a cheeky grin and you formed your eyes into slits. 

'I thought there were no kings on Neverland-'

'-Just me.'

And there it had returned: the cheeky grin and the glistening in Pan's eyes, as if he wanted to say,'You got me', but in a less obvious way that seems so wickedly honest.

'Let's show you my kingdom then.' 

With the most devilish smirk on his lips, Pan dropped the hand from your face and stretched it out as an invitation. The sight of his cold, slender fingers alone made your blood rise in nervosity. For a second you stared at his pale skin and thought about the opportunity to escape this camp and to get a better vision of the dimension of Neverland. As you took Pan's hand, you already knew how stupid this idea was, but was there even a choice with him?

It took you s second to realise it, but the second you touched him, the surroundings had changed and you guessed that this was your first time teleporting somewhere else. Behind you was a stone gate, protecting the green, gentle giants of the jungle, that sprouted out of the ground and protected the flora from the heat of the burning sun. The salty air  tickled your nose as the cold breeze spread goosebumps all over your exposed skin. You let your eyes wander around and saw that you were at the edge of the island, high up on the mountains, at the sharp edge of a cliff. The waves crashed against the sharp rocks underneath,  that threathenly raked out of the deep black water, it's foam glistening in the sunlight. 

'Why bring me here?' You asked with a frown and took another glance down the cliff. It was an understatement to say you felt scared, not knowing what to expect next. Everything was unexpected and surprising with him and it was always unpredictable to tell what would happen next.

'Look at the ocean, Y/N.' Pan gave back with a smirk and pushed you further towards the edge. You pushed back, but already knew that you had no choice but to comply, so you stopped fighting against the force of his hand pressing against your back and slowly took small steps forward. Why in the hell did he even offer you the hand? To bring you somewhere else and kill you? Why not ask Felix?

'What do you feel when you look down?' The leader of the island purred sadistically, with a deep vibration in his throat that made you shudder.

I don't want to look down.

Your body was shaking now and you closed your eyelids shut, before you took a deep breath and slowly glanced over the moss-covered edge, with a good distance to feel a little secured. It was so fucking hard to stay calm while having this lunatic that close, as you hesitately took a glimpse into the deep that swallowed every piece of light. 

'Isn't this beautiful?' Pan whispered.

'Fucking terrifying.' You answered.

Pan chuckled. You could feel his hot breath against your ear as he spoke, 'Do you want to fly?'

Without hesitation, you tried to back off from the cliff, pressing your body against the mischievous leader, since there was no other escape and tried not to freak out. This was a trick, right? Pan quickly grabbed your wrist and turned you around to face him. His eyes were glowing dark when you dared to look at him. 

'There is nothing to fear, love.' He chuckled and raised an eyebrow, his face just inches apart. Was he out of his mind? This whole situation was crazy and you  regretted taking Pan's hand even more than before. Every second you looked at him, caused your guts to turn inside out. It was hard not to fucking gag.

'I could teach you.' He sneered.

Was that an offer or a threat? You were not sure to tell correctly. Listening to your guts, the rational thing to do was trying to get away, if there was not the fact that Peter Pan had magic. 

'How does it work?' You dared to ask, fearing what would happen next. A wide grin crept over Pan's face until you had the feeling that everything you saw was teeth. You could see in his eyes that there was broodling something inside the leader's mind, an idea that you were most likely not fond of. 

'Let me demonstrate it to you.' He said and pulled out a small bottle that was attached to a string around his neck. 'If you want to fly, you only have to believe to do so, love.'

Lie.

'How in the hell could that be possible?' You scoffed and crossed your arms in front of your chest. Pan opened the lid of the bottle and closed the distance between you two again. His hand pushed you a few steps back until you reached the end of the cliff. You tried to hold back against his force again, realising how close you were to the edge again.

'Watch it!' You squealed with an anxious look back, still feeling the leader's pressure. Pressing against him once more, only made Pan adjust his own force.

'Stop!' You yelped. 'You're gonna push me over-'

You wanted to inhale, but with the leader's face just a few centimeters from yours, your breath got stuck inside your chest. Suddenly everything happened so quickly. Pan placed both of his hands on your shoulders and with a firm move, he pushed you over the edge of the cliff. Your breath got stuck in your throat and with tears in your eyes you desperately waved with your limbs around and tried to hold onto something, but there was nothing else but air hissing between your fingers.

This was it. Your end. At least it was not Felix who had to kill you in the end, instead the leader did his dirty work himself. The feeling of the gravity pulling at your body was too strong. Your stomach turned inside out and with eye clothes you pressed your limbs against your body, terrified of the point where you would hit the water.

Suddenly, you felt something catching you mid air. With another ear splitting scream you opened your eyes to look into Pan's emerald orbs. His eyes were glowing as he held you in his arms, high up in the sky. Allowing yourself to look down, the ground was not far away, so the leader had allowed himself just a quick moment of fun for himself. You swiftly wrapped your arms around the devilish boy, fearing that he could drop you again. 

'Bring me down!' You whined and closed your eyes again as the cold wind tried to dry your tear stained cheeks.

'I will only land if you will open your eyes.' He gave back promptly as he moved through the air. You swallowed hard and took a peek through one narrowed eye. Underneath were the thick crowns of the jungle, less intimidating than the hungry teeth of the ocean. It was beautiful enough to look at with both eyes. Over the horizon were the mountains and near the camp was the beach that Pan was flying towards. If you had not experienced it yourself,  you would always believe that it was impossible to fly, even in a world filled with magic. At first, you really thought Pan was trying to kill you, still, you would not forgive him for pushing you down the cliff that easily- or for letting the boys beat you up.

'Wow-' You had no words for the beautiful sight view over the island. Pan still did not deserve enough of your trust when he told you that you would not need him to fly. His suggestion only made you cling even more tight against him, so Pan looked for a place to land. The leader set you down onto the clearing Felix had brought you to earlier and you wondered if that could be a coincidence. Could it have been Pan in the bushes earlier? Or had Thomas watched you go to Tinkerbell's treehouse? Both possibilities that you needed to be prepared for, planting doubt and paranoia inside you that grew like weed.

'This is my special viewpoint.' Pan declared with a big smile as he stepped through the flower field. Every flower you loved earlier lost its special meaning inside your heart with just a snap. Forget the flowers, how in the hell could you fly? 

'What was that?' You asked with your heart beating violently against your ribcage, completely ignoring his words. 'How in the hell did we fly?' 

Pan enjoyed your high pitched tone and pulled out the small bottle again, shaking it between his slender fingers.

'Magic fairy dust.'

'Why have I never seen a boy use some?' You asked and sounded way more curious than you intended to be,- even though you were quite curious about that. 

'It's a privilege that only applies to me.' Pan sneered. Of course it was, how could you even question that?

You gave yourself a moment to study the little bottle that hung freely around Pan's neck and suddenly you widened your eyes for just a second, when you realised why it looked so familiar.

'Something wrong?' Pan looked sceptical when he noticed your reaction, making you feel a little trapped. 

‘I still can’t believe that this works.’ was the quickest thing you could answer that was not even far from being a lie. At least the leader of the lost gang did not seem to perceive your behaviour as suspicious enough to care. He wanted to make this moment about something else.

'I have to apologise again.' He then said and the wide grin disappeared within just a glimpse of an eye. It was the weirdest feeling to stare into a round face with softened eyes and small, plump lips, their deep pink colour made his face seem even paler than it already was. Pan looked up to you through long lashes and gave you a smile that convinced you of being unfakeable- round cheeks with dimples and a glowing in his eyes like a toddler that was given something sweet. 

'How do you like the island?' His voice had changed too and in the moment he realized, the leader of the lost boys turned his head away to step closer to the edge of the cliffs.

'Would be better without those animals.' You gave back cockily and Pan let out a chuckle, signaling that he understood that you were implying the boys.

'The boys really roughed you up, eh?' He did not look amused at all now. 'I really am sorry. You really did not deserve that, but there had been girls on this island before and I did not treat them less harshly.'

Hell he did not, but this was no excuse to keep going and not changing. Would he still talk the same, if he knew what information you had? Maybe he did and it was his intention to test your reaction. Or maybe he wanted to say that it could be worse for you.

'They did not deserve that either.' He mumbled barely enough for you to understand. He had his arms crossed behind his back and his eyes were fixed in the roaring ocean, as if he tried to find something inside of the roaring pitch black.

'Have you ever felt lost?' He asked after a while and looked at you with a side-along gaze, curious in an innocent nature. You thought  about the question and could not answer, because it was way too complicated and stricken and maybe too revealing for him to use against you later.

'Have you?' You asked him back and watched how Pan focused his eyes onto the ocean again.  He was so close at the edge, that the opportunity to push him over was tempting. Pan slowly nodded. 

'A lot.' He smiled generously with nothing evil about it. 'I'd kill for the opportunity to feel loved again.'

You did not respond but let your eyes roam instead. His answer gave you goosebumps. Far away on the ocean was a ship that suddenly caught all of your attention. Not for too long, fearing that Pan could read your mind by simply looking at your face. The question of how and why a ship could be in Neverlands's waters burned like a hot nail inside of the back of your head. Pan clearly saw it leading the course towards the rock spire islands.

'Are they crazy?' You asked with widened eyes.

'They will go around.' Pan explained and turned around to point behind him. 'Minaty bay seems to be their destination.'

'Will you kill them?' 

His smile was shining like the sun when he started to laugh in a clear way to say,'Hell no!' Pan shook his head and brought his hands up to his stomach in an attempt to ground himself.

'What did you think of me when you came here?' He got semi-serious now, intrigued.

'You want the brutal honesty?' You laughed and almost felt comfortable. 'I thought you were a psychopath.' 

Peter laughed from the bottom of his heart that it was almost infectious. Then he raised his eyebrows and gave you an unbelieving look, as if he wanted to say,'Really that bad?'

It definitely had been and still was that bad, no need to sugarcoat how things were. He was like a puppet master, playing his games and you were the puppet.

'Why would you think that?' He asked and maybe even sounded a little bit hurt. Just a second later he shook his head and squinted his eyes as if he had eaten something sour. 

'Forget it.' Peter spoke and held his hands defensive up in front of his chest. 'I already know.' 

'I don't want you to feel out of place. The boys will have to live with the fact that you are now a part of Neverland, just like the rest of us.' He then added. 

His speeches were blurry, it did not contain enough information about what he wanted with you. It felt like he tried to make you think this was a safe place or that you will be accepted. Even if you would live peacefully in Neverland, what would Pan gain from that?

'I don't feel out of place.' You lied, but after a second thought you feared it was too obvious. 'Well I didn't- until…' 

'Until I made it hostile?'

He described it perfectly and for a moment Peter was nothing more than an ashamed little boy, nothing like the green devil that he used to appear. 

'Yeah…' You gave back quietly, unsure how to respond. Maybe you could try to get closer to him, if you tried to act nice, to get all the information you needed about Neverland's past. Pan could be a friend to you, but he could also end your life right here as he previously demonstrated- and it really did feel like a demonstration.

'But I want to make a new start.' Your words lightened his green orbs up. If he thought he could manipulate his way to gain your trust, why should you not do the same thing? Playing the devil's own game by his rules and might even win.

'You have such a big heart in such a small body, almost too big to carry all those emotions.' Peter said and frowned. 'I see that you are trying to see the best in people, when sometimes everything to look at, is a dark spot inside their chests.'

'Like yours?' You snorted and imagined all the possibilities to beat him up in a beautiful and satisfying way that it almost caused you to chortle. He gave you a warning look.

'You'd be surprised.'

'You can't surprise me anymore, Pan.' You shot back at him. Then he did something you did not expect, causing you to doubt your perception.

'It's Peter for you.'

You froze and felt how your smile dropped in disbelief. What were his intentions? There was no time to respond, when he spoke again. ‘I'll bring you back to the camp. Go take some rest now.’ 

He gave you a small wink before he slowly strutted past you to bring you home by foot. Like Felix, he was a silent traveller and did not waste any moment to speak. You were almost near the hill where the camp was  hidden between the trees and hedges, when Peter turned around again to smile at you.

‘The cottage is yours,’He said.

The cottage was yours now? Gleb's cottage was officially yours? ‘You deserved it.'

Maybe another cruel joke, but at least no boy would get it. They only cared for themselves and for a moment you gave Pan's words, that you truly deserved it. More than anyone else? This time was yours not to bother. The other boys hated you for that, when Pan announced it and gave you no other choice to disappear from the clearing and hide, until they all cooled off. The boys usually did not cook that much and after this long day you felt as if you were starving. You entered the kitchen cottage in the early evening and immediately stopped when you shortly locked eyes with the second in command, before he sunk his head back over his plate. 

'Where have you been?' He asked dryly. Felix could act as harsh as he wanted to, but the fact alone that he formed that question , obviously showed that he cared.

'Pan wanted to spend some time with me.' 

He shot his head into your direction and his eyes were filled with a burning curiosity.

'You were with Pan?' He asked and his eyes widened. 'What did he want? What did he say?' 

But his eyes said, 'Did you talk about me?'

You gave yourself a moment before you answered,'He pushed me down a cliff.' 

Felix shrunk and you saw his hand twitching. He wanted to say something, but instead of spilling those words he kept his thoughts a secret to himself. His face, on the other hand, spoke a million stories.  Felix looked angry and terrified, scared, jealous and a little bit hurt. Maybe he felt the same confusion about his feelings like Y/N did all the time. 

'He caught me later to demonstrate pixie dust.' Y/N added. Then she said, 'And he told me to call him Peter.'

Felix frowned and you could hear how his breath hitched before he turned his head away. 'He never asked a girl, except Sopha.' He mumbled before he pierced you one more time with his grey eyes. 'I-...I have to go now.' 

At least he talked to you again, you thought, as he hushed outside where the sunset would greet him a last time, until the moon would take place. Felix had mentioned Sopha again, without really telling who she was in this whole story and what made her so special. Who was she and why was she so important? What would happen to her if Pan- Peter found out that she was still alive? You sure did not want to find out, but the urge to meet her only grew with every thought about the unknown girl. What did she look like? What did she like to do for a living? Why did Felix let her live? So many questions and no one willing to give you the answers. It made you somewhat proud to have come this far in the first place. 

Felix did not know that you had some pixie dust buried behind your tent. It probably had to stay there for a while, until you felt that it was safe to get it. Even if you got the dust, you still did not know how to use it, even after Peter had demonstrated it to you. Not knowing or not believing? How long would it last but most importantly: where would it bring you? 

Hoping that no one would find it, you prepared yourself a small snack, then vanished into your new cottage. It felt odd to be in there and call everything inside your own now. Gleb's bed was still messy and some of his clothes were lying scattered over the ground. There was an empty desk with a wooden chair that was already covered with dust, which must mean that the boy barely spent time inside, enjoying the wild life on neverland. Everything felt odd in there, even sleeping- or rather especially sleeping. It was impossible to keep a calm mind. Your cottage was just like Felix's offside of the camp, so no one would hear you except for the second in command, a boy who rather thought about saving his own skin. 

The smell of Glebs scent still hanging in his sheets made you go crazy, whenever you closed your eyes and tried to grasp a calm thought. It made you believe that he was laying close to you, when there was nothing else but an empty, cold place. You would need to wash them as soon as possible to wash away all the guilt you felt towards him.

Sooner or later you could  not hold it any longer and climbed out of the bed and got dressed again. This could not wait and you would not spend another night in this camp without having the evidence for Thomas's crime. For now you had to look after Mitch and you had to deal with the Scottish asshole. There was no moment to talk with Felix about this and approaching Pan was not an option either. Did he really mean it to call him Peter or was this just another manipulation? The boy sure loved his games and after all your experience with the boys, you had learned to know that they aimed for emotions- which you had plenty of. Pan would not be able to mess with your feelings, or you would end up like all the other girls before.

The camp was barely filled with boys and the ones who were awake stood guard at their postings. Their flaming torches would announce every arrival of the nightly patrols, so it would be easy to avoid them by brushing tightly past some bushes onto the open clearing to the path that led to the tents. The hardest part though, never had been sneaking past the guards, but finding Mitch's shelter. They all look similar and you could not risk waking someone by searching a dozen tents. It was one in the first row, you remembered that clearly. You also knew that the tents in the back were for the younger ones and that they had trouble during rainy times because the ground was so muddy. Rat slept in one of those.

'Lookin' for a special lad, eh?' 

The blood inside your body immediately started to broodle inside your body, when the voice of the Scottish boy entered your ears. He stepped out of the shadows and gave you a taunting look as if he caught you doing something forbidden. For a second he even made it feel like she broke a rule.

'Where is his tent.' You snarled.

'What if I just kill Mitch? Who would really care about Mitch the snitch?' 

You tried your best to control your facial expressions, not wanting Thomas to know how you felt. The lost boy had no shame and did not even bother to hide what he did, being too convinced that it would change nothing. 

'Go and tell Felix.' He sneered with a wicked grin as if he could read your mind. 'Worked pretty well for Mitch last time.'

Your eyes darkened.

'Where is Mitch's tent?'

Thomas scoffed and yanked his head away. He stepped aside and pointed to one tent nearby. 'Goodluck with that worthless attempt.'

If that was not a confession, what then? Thomas walked off into the opposite direction and you wondered where he was going, but decided that seeing Mitch was more important than following the tall boy. The lost boy was hated by a lot of the other's and took his reputation as a snitch in count, there was nothing really surprising about it.  When you entered his tent, the small frame of a boy was already staring at her with widened, blood-shot eyes, resting on his trembling arms. He must have heard the conversation between you and Thomas. 

'Please...I-' He whined and sank his head. 'I never meant to…'

The sentence was never finished, but Mitch was the last one to apologise. He knew how these game's worked and he did whatever he needed to survive. In the end it was not him who stabbed Gleb. Still, you needed to hear it from him.

'Just look me in the eyes and answer me one question.' You demanded fiercely. Mitch slowly lifted his head and nodded. He looked terrible, like an evidence for all the anger issues Felix was possessed of. His face looked like a purple map with blue, red and yellow dots, the shapes of countries very much alike.

'Who killed Gleb and why?' 

Mitch sighted and dropped his head exhausted onto his pillow. 'Thomas blackmailed me to spy on you and when I told him about Gleb kissing you, he started to follow you. It was easier for him to frame Felix, so he ordered me to steal his dagger.' 

'Why Felix?' 

'Because of his temper-' Mitch stopped and raised an eyebrow, his eyes scanning your face as if he noticed something suspicious.

'It's Felix that you love, am I-' You dashed forward and pushed your hands tightly over the boy's mouth to stop him finishing that sentence. Mitch kicked furiously around and tried to free himself from your tight grip. He barely got air, tears forming in his eyes when you suddenly held his nose shut with the other hand and looked him darkly into his eyes. 

'Never speak about that to everyone, or else Pan will seem like the sugar plum fairy to you.'

With that you let go and removed herself from the heavy panting lost boy and left the tent. You had the confirmation that Thomas was the perpetrator, no matter how unimportant the Scottish boy felt about this witness. 

The next morning you woke up by the persistent knocking on your door. You crawled out of bed and dressed yourself before you opened the door for Javier. 

'Help me get firewood.' He had already turned on his heels and expected you to follow him, before the lost boy even finished his sentence. Everyone else on this  island already seemed to be awake, making you wonder for how long you had slept. The night in Gleb's cottage was silent and no one disturbed your deep slumber. It still was not worth it. 

Javier stopped half on the way to turn around. 'So what happened yesterday with Pan.' 

'What was supposed to happen?' You were tired of having to answer to everyone, without receiving some Information of your own. Javier let out an annoyed groan and turned on his heels to lead the way again. He was way too intrigued for your taste and you questioned the lost boy's interest, despite the fact that he clearly seemed to dislike Peter. What did he have to go through because of him?

At an open clearing you stopped and started to gather every piece of wood that could be used to make a good bonfire. Javier kept silent for most of the time,  still, you felt how his eyes burned holes through you. When Felix suddenly appeared out of nowhere, the dark haired boy kept his mouth shut and focused intensely onto every of his moves. 

'I'll bring that back to camp.' He said and took the wood out of your arms. 'See you there.' 

With that he was gone, just like the moment Peter appeared as if he did not want to be a part of anything that might harm him. Javier was a coward just like Mitch. When he was completely out of sight, you looked up to Felix. 

'What are you doing here?'

'I was not following you this time, if you are implying that.' He shot back and raised one of his eyebrows skeptically. 'I am on patrol.' 

'Ah.' It was hard to believe him.

'I know that Thomas killed Gleb.' You bursted out and saw how something in the second in command's face twitched.

'That's a strong accusation.'

'But it's true!' You yelled and formed your hands into fists. 'I have evidence."

Why would he not believe you now? Felix knew that Mitch stole the knife, but you really doubted that Felix were convinced that the short, fragile boy was able to murder Gleb. Even if the tall russian had been stabbed in the back, it only told you what a coward Thomas was.

'You still care about it so much.' Felix groaned.

'You never did in the first place.' You spat back.

Felix snorted. 

'I really don't care, if I am honest.' He turned around with a deadpan face. His voice was cold as ice. 'I am just glad that he is gone.' 

You wanted to say, 'I hate you.' You wanted to spit it out like poison, or furiously and full of emotion, or just as cold as he did. There were so many ways to express hate and disgust, but the moment had passed when you thought too long about it. 

'So if Gleb were still here.' Felix asked and  when he turned around you saw how dull his eyes were now and how uncomfortable he felt to ask, 'Would you have fallen in love with him?'

The question was stinging like a thick needle in the back of your head. The lost boy sounded as if he already knew the answer, but desperately needed a confirmation. How could he ask something like this? His words pierced your heart and woke a rumbling feeling of guilt roaming inside your guts. 

No, was the easiest and fastest answer, but the truth was, you really could not tell. It was a delightful moment of peace to have the Russian around you and he had made you feel special and secure as long as it lasted. Still, there was barely something you knew about him and mistaking attraction with love never has been easy. Maybe, well maybe you would have fallen in love with him but after all this time on Neverland you knew it would have never ended well.

I just should take Mitch and run away from here, you thought and slightly giggled to yourself. 

'What's so funny?' Felix asked angrily. He was impatient. 

'Nothing.' You frowned. His intense gaze pulled you back to reality, the corner of your lips dropped and you granted yourself another moment to think about an answer. 

'I-i think so…? Well, maybe. How can I tell?' You stuttered and forced yourself to keep eye contact in that uncomfortable moment. 

'Good to know.' He feigned and yanked his head away, so the hood would hide his face and the reaction to your answer.

'Thanks.' Felix locked eyes with you. After a while he seemed  not to be able to handle the staring, so he let his head sink, before he turned his back to you again. With slow steps you walked into his direction. When you almost finished closing the distance, Felix set pace again. 
 
'I have to patrol now.' He excused himself in hope to be able to escape this situation. You would not let him. The lost boy had shown some strange behaviour before, but never had it looked that emotional before.  It was as if the boy finally understood why you hated him so much after thinking the second in command had anything to do with Gleb's death. The tall lost boy kept walking when he noticed that you were following, not saying a word and always at a pace that he could keep turning his back to you.

'Felix.' You dared to ask after a while of unbearable silence. 'Why does it matter what could have been? Gleb is dead, Thomas killed him and now he is gone.'

Felix came to halt and turned on his heels. His eyes were steel, but the corner of his lips were twitching.

'I can't do this. Not again.' He said with a frown. The lost boy's words only confused you even more. Why was it that Felix had to speak in riddles all the time? Could he not simply say what he wanted or felt? 

'What do you mean?' You asked. 

'I see their faces every night, you know?' Felix let out a long, deep exhale. He took a quick glimpse at his sweaty hands, brought them up to his face and formed them into fists before closing his eyes shut. 

'Wendy.' He started and counted with his fingers. 'Martha, Olivia, Gwen, Lucy, Natalie, Annabel, Hannah, Cassandra, Galina…'

He sure had a top ten, you thought and bit your tongue not to let this grotesque comment slip. Tell me about your top three kills.

'I don't want to add another face that haunts me.' With that he turned away once more to hide his face. So this was it all about? Did he just want to prevent another massacre with a random girl, or was it more than that? If he only wanted to protect you, because he could not handle another stranger's death, Felix would not act that jealous all the time. On the other hand he avoided every other move that could be signaling you any kind of feelings. He made no sense to you. 

'So you just don't want to kill someone?' You asked with a doubting undertone.

'If you wondered why I am always around, then yes.' he started and glanced back. 'I just don't want you dead.'

His eyes told you another story, untouchable and fragile. The second in command truly looked lost. The conversation was over when Felix turned around and continued to lead the way back to the camp. There was nothing to add anyways as you followed him in silence. Now he had given you answers, there was still this stabbing in the back of your head, telling you to question it. At least Felix wanted you to be alive. But there was obviously more behind it. Especially when Gleb's death did not bother him at all. Near the camp your ways separated. You had to go through the narrow trees uphill, and Felix had to follow the bushy path downhill. 

'See you later?' You asked and could not believe to even speak your hopes out loud. Felix left with a growl, not a single look back. Javier was already waiting for you when you returned, roaming impatiently over the clearing. As soon as he saw you, he came to halt, then strutted swiftly towards the edge of the camp towards you. 

'Turn around.'  He said.

'What?'

'We need to talk.' Javier's pale, green eyes pierced you firmly. 'Seriously.'

His commanding behaviour was upsetting, but since Felix started to avoid you, you gave the lost boy a chance and followed him outside of the camp and away from the guards. 

'You can not trust Pan whatever he does.' Javier's dark face turned sinister and you knew he was talking about Gleb's cottage, your gift. Warning you of the leader was unnecessary, since he had shown his devilish nature so many times, proving how manipulative a single person can be.

'No shit. Tell me something new.' You brushed it off and crossed your arms in front of your chest.

'Have you ever wondered how you got here?' He curiously raised one eyebrow. It was like a coin dropped. You have spent all this time on the island thinking about escaping, without questioning how you even got here and why, what happened before and what existed behind the horizon. The pirate ship yesterday was evidence enough, that there had to be another way to leave than with pixie dust.

'Do you remember when Felix dropped me into the camp and I was all wet?' You asked when a theory popped up inside your head.

'Hardly.'

'A mermaid had pulled me into the deep I saw someone from my past. And when I found the box, there was another mermaid that had warned me about someone.' You told him excitedly. 'But Felix scared her away.'

Javier gave himself a moment to think about your words, before his face froze, as if he came to a sudden realisation. 'Wait- Felix?' 

Then his eyes widened. 'Wait I thought someone else found the box-' 

He added two things together- how Felix returned beaten up, plus the little background information you gave him. It was enough for a smug grin to creep on his face. Ones that said,'Gotcha!'

'I see, your teddy bear.' He chortled. 'Anyways. When the shadow brought us to the island, he took our memories away. You could get it back, if you could leave the island, but Pan never lets you leave, unless it's like Gleb. Only the mermaids have the ability to switch between realms.'

Javier's last statement only strengthened your theory. If the mermaids dragged you deep enough, you would start to remember. So what if they were no threat at all? The mermaids could have tried to help you all the time.

'Why tell me now, when everybody else keeps everything a big secret?' You raised one of your brows in a sceptical manner. It's not as if he were not trustworthy, but since Thomas showed his true nature it was hard not to doubt the other boys around.

'You saw the boy's reaction to Gleb's death and you know that there had been girl's here before. So we need to get off this Island or get rid… of him.'

He was right, but how should you do it? For a second you thought about telling him about the pixie dust, but no words crossed your lips. Probably for the better. The boy could end up trying to steal it for himself. would he get far?

'I will help you.' You said. 

'Good.' Javier gave back. 'Be ready.'

You were more than ready. Every cell inside your body screamed to fight back and now that you have found someone to start a rebellion with, you only needed to know how exactly Peter's magic worked. Would he tell you if you asked? It was the key to get you all free from him. No matter what Peter wanted, it could not be good. You glanced over to Javier, who was picking up some wood again, reminding you of your task. The fire would need to burn long, so it took both of you a while to gather all the amount you needed. None of you said another word at all, instead you listened to the tunes of the birds high up in the trees, trying to enjoy a peaceful moment in the fresh breeze.

'Why don't we have a stash-'

'Burned down.' Javier promptly shot back and shoved some stock onto the pile in your arms. You gave him an amused laugh before you realised that he truly meant it. 

'Don't look at me like that! It wasn't me!' Javier gave back when he saw the judging look in face. 'At least not this time…'

Not long after the conversation you strutted back. In the camp, you threw the wood next to where Javier had just dropped it onto the ground, then you took a seat at the table that some boys were setting up. There were all plenty of boys, but the boy you were focused on right now was Mitch, who seemed well enough to be out of his tent again. He looked bad but he could speak. There was no trouble for him to eat, yet he was not fond of sitting at the table with anyone else. He avoided looking at you, especially when you placed yourself right next to him. 

'I am sorry for yesterday.' Still no eye contact. 'You don't deserve any of this.'

Mitch flinched when he felt your hand touch his under the table, then he nodded slightly in agreement. The boy was not a threat to Pan, he was not dangerous. You could be friends with him- or use him to start a rebellion along with Javier. Otherwise, it was hopeless without the majority of lost boys against Peter 

'I will make it up to you.' You whispered and received the faint of a  smile in response. Peter had given him the usual tasks, showing no mercy, but ended up changing his mind when you pleaded with big eyes for him to consider it. The short boy was thankful for that, but he was easy to frighten and the previous night gave him enough to doubt his trust towards you. 

'How was your day?' You asked.

'No one died.' Peter gave back.

'Those are your standards?'

Peter let out a low chuckle and challenged you by  raising an eyebrow. He did not answer like usual, but rather changed the subject instead. 'How's your new cottage?'

He was heartless.

'It has a lot of space.' You gave back coldly. He did not seem like a maniac that would snap your neck any second no more. It felt more comfortable not having to cow in. The green devil nodded confirmative.

'Enjoy it then. You deserved it.' The leader purred and gave you a wide smile. 'It could be your forever home.'

Home. What was home? If Pan took your memories, there had to be a life out there that he ripped you out of. All those boys here and all the murdered girls, they all endured the same. What was Peter's plan and why did he need you for that? It felt odd to claim such, maybe even arrogant, but you already felt as if you were the unknown person Peter needed and that you must be the last girl to be here- alive or dead. 

'I will have to leave you for a while now, love.' Peter then said and gently grabbed your hand. Before you could even realise what he was doing, he had his lips pressed against the backside of it. When he walked away, a well known figure appeared inside the corner of your eyes. You turned your head to recognize Felix, assuming by his disgusted look that he saw what Peter did. 

'I see you are making friends.' He had a toxic undertone. You rolled your eyes and bit your tongue so as not to let a nasty comment slip. 

'And you're making less.'

Felix snorted and yanked his head angry away. You saw at Adam's apple that he was swallowing hard and that his body slightly trembled.

'Aren't you on patrol?' You hissed and gave him your cold shoulder. 

'Along the river to the waterfalls and back.' He gave back quick and dry. 

'You need to bring me to her! Please Felix, I need to know what Peter wants.' You bursted out without a warning, having waited long enough for his stubborn ass. Peter went somewhere and now was the perfect moment to leave the camp.

'Why Should I still want to bring you to them?' Felix huffed. He did not see it coming when you formed your hands to fists and started to punch his broad chest.

'You promised it, Felix!' You cried out. 'You promised to give me all those answers, to bring me to them and to bring me down from that goddamn Island! You fucking promised it!'

Felix did not hesitate to cover your mouth with his hand and gave you a warning look before he let go, 'They might won't feel that delighted about our visitation.'

'I need to get answers.' You gave back with a stern look. 'And I know you do, too.'

Felix did neither agree nor denied it. He kept his deadpan face and strutted in silence next to you  out of the camp through the overgrown pathway. If he would not speak, you would also keep being quiet. The second in command had enough chances to open up and tell you what he felt, but something was clearly blocking him. He liked you, without a doubt,  but could not bring himself to admit it. Felix did not even look at you as he led the way, always keeping a pace that made it hard for you to walk on the same height. Let him avoid you, if he wants to. It would not change a thing that he had to work with you to defeat Peter. Although the journey was long and included many hills, no complaint came from your mouth. Felix stopped for a short break and reached you some bread before he sat down onto the ground, his back leaning against a tree and his legs bent. You copied him and sat down in front of the boy, resting on one arm as you shoved the bread into your mouth with the free one. Felix threw a few fleeting glances at you, which you tried to ignore as best as you could. It was him who stopped talking and if he wanted that to change he had to speak up first. Was it so hard to communicate?

'You're unusually quiet.' The lost boy spoke up after a while that felt like an eternity.

'You're a fucking child, Felix.' You snapped back and looked over to him.

'Huh?' He looked up to you with a surprised look, almost looking insulted. 'How so?'

'How you avoid me all the time.' You gave back and chewed on another chunk of bread. 'Avoid me for what?'

For liking me? It was obvious to you by now and still there was no explanation for his harsh behaviour when you were alone. So many small disappointments changed him in a glimpse of a second to a whole new person. All this time you were so sure that his cold facade was just an act, now you could only hope for it.

'I am just angry that I am not allowed to be nice and can't let my guard down.' Felix sighed and it seemed like for a long time, he dared to open up again. 'Not for a second.'

You expected him to stand up and walk away like he usually did,  but instead he stayed. Felix did not seem to like any confrontation at all, surprising you for a little. His eyes were glued onto the ground, so you decided to leave it uncommented, until he would finally rise to his feet again.

'I can't promise you anything.' He said when the path got narrow and the overgrowth seemed to assault everything in reach, blocking the way that it was hardly recognisable as one. Felix squeezed his tall, slim body through the overgrown roots of a huge tree, looking not very different like an acrobat during a show. You had it easier to squeeze your smaller body through the wooden gaps, still the second in command offered his hand to help. When you touched his rough skin, you felt a thousand little butterflies rumble in your stomach. The feeling spread inside your whole body when Felix's eyes locked with yours for just a second, until he broke the gaze again. You jumped down the root and followed the last steps until you reached a giant tree surrounded by fern and nettles. As soon as you were close enough, Felix put his hands over his mouth to imitate a bird sound, followed by an ear-splitting, 'Tink!' 

You waited a moment, but when the woman's door was ripped open and she finally appeared on the balcony, her face looked everything but amazed to see you two, just like Felix had suspected. She eyed you up and down, moved over to Felix and back to you. 

'What do you want?' Her words were like poison, filling your heart with doubt to come all this way. 

'We need to see her.' Felix called. 'Please Tink, you know it weren't if i am not desperate!'

Tink frowned and thought about Felix's words. She looked behind herself, as if someone was talking, then faced you again and nodded. 

'Alright. Get in.' She groaned. 

'But just to be sure,' The blonde woman turned around again to walk away and open the trap door. 'You are always desperate!'

Felix climbed up the ladder, closely followed by you and when he entered the treehouse, Tinkerbell was already waiting with an evil glare for him. She had some certain anger in her, that she was not too shy about to show and even when he closed the trapdoor behind you, Tinkerbell let out an annoyed growl. Felix wanted to say something but rather bit his tongue instead. His eyes were burning on you, as if he told you how much he regretted coming. No wonder, Tinkerbell hated him a lot. To be a ruthless boy, watched by girls. It must be entirely strange. To have them watch him and to have them wondering, what is he going to do next? To have them flinch when he moved , even when it was a harmless enough move to reach for the salt. Having their eyes glued onto him and size him up, completely ready for a fight. It must feel like war. Like being constantly torn apart by both sides with a never ending tunnel that contained no light, because there was nothing else to grasp. He must have felt so lost. Felix was cautious, too. He clearly did not feel the need to protect himself, still he tried to be careful and showed his natural side as an observer. His eyes switched constantly between the girls around and he was listening- listening to something that could even be new to him.

'Stay here.' 

'Why? I want to hea-'

'Stay. Here.' Tinkerbell gruffly commanded while she led you onto the balcony. The lost boy suppressed a growl and kept silent as he hesitantly followed the order and sat down. The chair scratched over the wood and made a creaking sound when the tall lost boy took place. He sunk down to lean back and cross his arms in front of his chest , as his eyes pierced through you.

'I am waiting.' His voice was calm but stabbing like his eyes when you glanced back for the last time, shivers running down your spine. Tinkerbell followed you outside and closed the door before she nodded her head over to the first lost girl. Her brown eyes melted in the sun into golden rays, like a circling eclipse. It was a pool of caramel, rich with wisdom and soaking you in like a bear drawn to honey. The moment Sopha turned her head out of the sun, you blinked into her black dots that were as dark as the rest of her body. 

'I never thought I would see the face of another girl again.' You chuckled, unable to find another way to begin. Sopha stepped closer, her face was glowing in excitement as her wide grin revealed a white palette of teeth. 

'You can't imagine how desperately I hoped for another girl, too.' Her small chin was trembling and with a quick glance towards the door, you understood. 

'What will Felix do to me?' You almost could not form the question as if the words had to fight their way out of your throat. The lost girl pressed her brows together and opened her lips, unable to say something. As she stood that close in front of you, with a perplexed expression, a small scar under her right eye caught your attention, making you wonder how she got it. Sopha slowly shook her head and lightly giggled to herself.

'You mean Pan.' The girl corrected you. 'He is the problem. It never has been Felix.'

You rolled your eyes in a huff. Felix sure was not innocent in this story and even if he did not want to do all those bad things, he still ended up doing them.

Felix never dared to explain his actions and blocked every way to communicate about the truth. Was his fear of Pan that strong? Ruthless Felix, the second in command, feared a small little brat, all dressed up in green? If he feared the leader of the lost gang, there should be a reason for  everyone to be scared, even the lost boys- or especially the lost boys. It was still delusional how Felix expected you to trust him, when he obviously could not do the same and tell you the secrets that would keep you safe. He needed to tell you what he knew, everything from the existence of this island, the reason why Pan took children and where they are from, to his knowledge about Pan's plans. He had to know. Why should Felix, the most trusted lost boy, not know what Peter planned?

'I still hate him.' You gave back when the thought of the lost boy's stubbornness swirled inside your head.

'You don't look at him with full hate.' Tinkerbell stated and raised one doubting eyebrow, then slowly placed her hand on her hip.  

It was complicated between the second and command and you, he had so many red flags and so many good sides at the same time. There was so much to think about and the question of how you weighed each seemed to be the most important one. The girls would not understand it, if you would try to discuss what happened, still, it would always bother you. You fought an inner conflict, because your mind told you to stay away from those feelings your heart had developed all by itself.

'Felix is not a monster.' Sopha chuckled and gave you a wink. 'He has a soft core.'

'How can't you hate him for what he did?' You asked, realising how fond she seemed of the second in command. Sopha chuckled and shook her head again, as if she enjoyed your confusion.

'Poor girl.' Tinkerbell said. She eyed you up and down, recognizing every bruise or scratch that was revealed to her. The woman's eyes melted and when she stepped closer, she did not even hesitate to pull you into her arms. It was a consoling hug, innocent and soothing. The first lost girl joined the embracement, waking a moment of nostalgia inside you at the smell of her clouds of oiled hair.

'So confused.' Tinkerbell mumbled.

'So lost.' Sopha added. She watched your face grow in confusion, amusing her even more. Then she exchanged a quick glance with Tinkerbell, nodding, as if they both agreed on something. 

'Isn't it obvious that Felix is forced to keep the picture of Pan's loyal lab dog? What would happen if he refused his orders?' Sopha asked. 'He is replaceable, just like I was.'

'I don't understand Pan at all. First he lets Felix cage me and beat me up, then he wants to be my friend and takes me on a stupid flight.' 

Tinkerbell and Sopha immediately looked at each other with widened eyes, then quickly tried to hide their curiosity.

'And what do you think of him?' Tinkerbell stepped closer, her interest still showing. 

'Eh-'

'What is your heart telling you?' 

The first lost girl pulled her back and gave the blonde woman a warning look before she took her place.

'You are clearly here to know more about me, right?' She asked and you gave her a firm nod.

'I was once in love with Peter and I thought he loved me too. Pan, because I will refuse to call him a loved name again- he thought my love could save him and he demanded my heart as a sacrifice. I declined to split my heart in two and asked Felix for safe passage.' 

'Does it work?' You asked. 'Saving him with a heart?'

'Of course not, Pan does not understand the concept of love. No boy here does.' Tinkerbell chimed in. You doubted that. Gleb could love. Felix might be capable of doing so as well. The real question was, why did Peter get so many girls on the islands before. Your own theory was for their hearts in the form of a ritual- but what heart and what ritual? Did they have to love him? If that was what he wanted, you already saw the problem. 

'But you can get me off the island, right?' You asked cheerfully. 'That's why you gave me the pixie dust!'

'No we can't get you off the island.' Sopha shook her head in disappointment and gave you a sympathetic look. 'Tink gave it to you, so you could use it for a short distance if needed.'

She made a small pause and you saw in her expression how painful it was to say, 'Felix needs to bring you back to Pan until we know how to defeat his magic.'

Everything inside you broke like a mirror and with it popped the illusion of having found the perfect safe place. Deep down you knew she was right. If you would not come back, Peter would come and find you and the risk of exposing the other girl was simply too high. Still, it was too unbearable to be around those boys and endure them through a never ending hell. Felix would also be in danger. Sooner or later Pan would suspect his second in command to be disloyal and what would happen next? How could you endanger him after everything he did for you, all those things he was able to do in his enslaved position? Did he do it out of empathy, or were you right when you assumed he felt more. Why you then? What made you different from the girls before? You needed to ask him, no matter how hard it was to form these words and no matter how harsh the response was, as long as she was honest. With tears forming in your eyes and a lump in your throat that was no option right now. The second you entered the treehouse, Felix rose from his seat and moved his hands over his pants as if he were wiping dust away.

'I almost thought you forgot about me.' He joked. When he saw the tears rolling down your cheeks, his smile immediately dropped and his steel like eyes grew worried. He could sense that something was off and watched your face scrunch up, before you yanked your head away and exited through the trapdoor down the wooden ladder.

'What happened?' Felix asked with a worried undertone that he failed to hide. He hurried to climb and jumped down the last bits to reach for you, but in the second his fingers touched your shoulder,  you swiftly turned around. Deep inside, you knew that he was forced to keep his mask and that he might have felt too scared to take it off, yet it was like a thorn in your heart. You had to forgive him. Still, it was too unbearable to have someone around that you really wanted to like, no matter how hard they made it. Felix had to open up. He could not leave you crying and frustrated like this, fearing your life that got threatened by Neverlands's devil.

'Have you been close to them?' You asked out of the sudden. 'The other girls?'

The question seemed to catch him off guard. Felix widened his eyes for a second, then shook his head with a confused frown. No, he knew how a question like this could burn.

'Not like us.' he gave back and closed his eyes. The boy gave himself a second to smile about his daydreams, then he added,'I never had something like us.' 

What are we? You wanted to ask, but the words got stuck in your throat. 'So you don't see me like them?'

'You are more than just a face to me.' Felix leaned forward to whisper into your ear and pulled you into his arms to embrace you in a warm hug. Your head felt so small against Felix's broad chest, as he gently traced his thumb over your swollen cheeks, leaving a wet trail of your tears that he desperately tried to wipe away. This moment belonged to you alone and no one could take it from you, not the boys and not Peter. Right now Felix's was to be yours and he held you firm as if nothing in the world could hurt you under his protection. He was patient and he was subtly caring. The second in command grew to be way more than just a friend to you, more than a good companionship during hard times. 

'You are still an asshole.' You sobbed, but the corner of your lips lifted themselves up without you having any control over it.

'I forgot how to be nice after all this time on Neverland.' Felix murmured.

'Is that even possible?' You asked and lifted your face to look up into the tall blonde boy's eyes.

'You can't imagine how Pan can turn you into a monster.'

'I know you will disobey him one day. You are not a coward.'

'Whatever it takes.' Felix gave you a smirk.

'I hate it when you smirk.' You complained and pressed your forehead against his chest once more to hide your blushing cheeks.

'So?' Felix purred amused and raised an eyebrow. 'Why is that?'

'Because there is always something bad happening when you do!' You scoffed and he answered with another smug grin when your eyes met his again.

'Stop that!' You winced and tried to avoid looking into his piercing, blue orbs.

'I can't!' He laughed from the bottom of his heart, that you could feel the vibration through his whole body, shaking you a little. The dead, cold gaze was gone and he showed a palette of white teeth,  along with the sweetest pair of dimples. Something so small and unnoticeable, yet so beautiful, that it was so sad it was barely seen. You both kept laughing until you locked eyes again, still smiling, then slowly fading, until you both just stared. Then Felix's laughter suddenly stopped and his face turned serious. 

'What?' Your eyebrows were twitching nervously as you glanced confused up to the giant boy.

'I want to kiss you so bad.' Felix admitted. He brought his hands up to your face to cup it, before letting his thumb slowly trace over the shape of your lips. You froze in place, but instead of stiffening up, your limbs relaxed and you caught yourself sinking in his touch. His words alone caused shivers to run down your spine and the lack of control over your body almost exposed your amazement.

'What is holding you back?' You breathed against his skin and stretched your head further up. Felix bent down and moved his head closer to compensate for the height difference, until his nose touched yours. His breath was tickling on your lips, that you thought to already taste them on yours.

'I am too scared to find out what will happen next.'