Title: The Past That Haunts - L.W. Chronicles: Book 1

Genre: Vampire

Author: angelusanimi27

Rating: Mature

# of Chapters: 12 (ongoing)

# of Chapters I've read: 2

Summary/Blurb: 

Lilith Wardman has had a rough start. At the age of 6, her parents passed away in a tragic auto accident. She was taken in by her grandparents and eventually got back on her feet despite the overwhelming hole in her heart. Anger and sorrow transformed Lilith into a recluse, pushing away friends and loved ones. Leaving what little family she had left, Lilith began her new life in Downtown Manhattan.

Her world is about to turn upside down in a modern game of cat and mouse.

For years, unknown friends and enemies have been watching Lilith. Some as means of protection. Others however, are waiting for the right opportunity to strike. Bound by a single promise and with time dwindling fast, her discreet guardians concoct a plan of their own to save her.

Love, betrayal and secrets await Lilith. Will she gather the skills she needs for survival? Or will the past come back to bite her?

Review: 

Cover: 

It's almost surreal how well put-together this cover is—I can see that you've gotten this done by someone who knows their shit, but, also, it fits your genre + title to a tee. The cover itself is haunting, but every element is in its place and belongs there (there isn't anything that shouldn't be there). Everything, from the image to the cover, is in a shade of red—this sets the atmosphere for the story. It's ominous, haunting, just as the title says.

The blood moon, in the top right corner, holds apocalyptic beliefs, which is quite fitting to the story really, since it does contain supernatural elements to it. We have the main character right in the middle, surrounded by a kind of fog, and she seems like she's about to walk off some kind of cliff—the kind of things ghost do to make you wish you were never born.

For those people to whom I've already given reviews (and have commented that their covers need some improvement), I suggest that you look at this one as an example. Not only does it catch my eye, but it also fits the story. The author has put the cover credit at the bottom of the blurb, so if you're interested to see who made this for her (if they're still available for some cover making) I suggest you check them out.

Overall—Spooky!

Blurb: 

The blurb also has a specific structure—it moves in a chronological order, and the rhetorical questions are there only at the end. Of course Lilith will gather the skills she needs to survive and the past will come back to bite her little butt, but the author didn't throw this in halfway through the blurb, but rather as a way to make us want to click on the little "read" button.

We already know the answer to these questions (otherwise, quite frankly, there wouldn't be a story), but after getting a rough idea of what the plot entails, these questions are the deal breaker. Note how they are specific to the character, and have a clear-cut yes or no answer.

So the first paragraph of the blurb may have seemed a little generic—we have the MC orphaned as a little kid, moves to live with relatives, becomes angry and isolated, etc. all characteristics we've seen before. (I won't lie, my first story has something along those lines) But once you get to "Her world is about to turn upside down in a modern game of cat and mouse" things turn for the better. The next two paragraphs both tie into this idiom, and things get from "normal" to "creepy" in a *snaps fingers* I've also noticed you haven't mentioned any vampires, or werewolves, or whatever, leaving this up to the imagination. Of course, there will be vampires, it's in the genre, but you didn't throw this at us to make this seem more interesting.

By keeping things ambiguous, "friends and enemies have been watching Lilith", you can pretty much apply this to any situation. Except this one has a more sinister twist. Finally, it's really lovely of you to have credited all the people who have helped you with the graphics side of the book in the blurb—it's the fair thing to do, considering that they did such a good job with giving your book exposure. (Because yes, readers judge books by their covers.)

Overall—Amazing job! 

First impression:

I like how you've incorporated her tragic past in a short, two paragraph dream sequence in the beginning of the first chapter, rather than dedicating an entire prologue to it. It may be a pivotal event in the MC's life, but it's something that doesn't need to be dwelled on for too long. We're more interested in the story AFTER the accident, and you know this well.

It also makes you get away with opening the chapter with an alarm clock scene: "A blaring noise jolts me from my sleep, interrupting my nightmare. I slam the snooze button down, sending the alarm clock to the floor [...]" If you would've started only with that, it would've gotten an eye-roll out of me.

You then go into the details of the character stretching her back, etc. which may seem a little mundane, but by adding some humour into it (" [...] my toes wiggle and stretch while a carpenter ant strolling near my feet garners my attention. Fool, I think, while crushing it with my heel.") you spice things up.

Alright, but everything after that, despite the beautiful descriptions, just became a whole lot of boring. The whole morning routine, described in the tiniest of details—gave me a headache. Do I really have to know everything about the outfit she's wearing, from her polka dot panties to her faded dark blue denim jeans?

Then we go through the makeup routine.... the only break from this was when the character reminisced about when her parents died. But that was a little out of place—why did it only resurface when she looked at herself in the mirror? As she's mechanically going through her routine (which doesn't require a lot of concentration) these thoughts should constantly be on her mind, not only resurface at 'conveniently' the right time.

I found myself skimming through the whole thing until I got to the part where the MC enters The Royal Pub to start her shift.

"Certain feelings tingle deep within and a pleasurable shiver creeps up my spine."—This made me laugh  even more when she turned to see an Italian gangster (I promise you that the Mafia members don't wear fedoras from the Prohibitionist era anymore). Are middle-aged men with pot bellies really the only customers that pub gets? There must be some cute guy that comes in every once in a while. Her reaction was very....hormonal, something I would've expected from a teenage girl, but Mr. Rossini must've really been quite the looker.

But beyond that, this regained my attention, in a positive way. Seriously, it would be a lot better if you cut down on all that unnecessary detail and got straight to this.

Overall—You may have caught my attention with the opening paragraph, but you lost it thanks to the morning routine, and then regained it with sexy Italian Mr. Rossini. (It's funny how that "Mafia boss" thing will never ever leave our image. Oh well.) 

Writing Style:

I have a nagging feeling that I've read this book before, a long time ago. If I'm not mistaken, the story opened with Lilith going to a club, running into Mr. Rossini, and then getting taken to the back of alleyway, am I right? Or is this a different story, also written by you?

Anyway, I love your writing style. On the description scale, sometimes you tend to lean on the "too much" side, which can make things a little dull to read. But it's better to over-describe than to under-describe, in my opinion, because then it's only a matter of cutting things down, rather than force yourself to think of ways to make your writing more compelling.

The grammar/punctuation is flawless, and you write in the first person POV excellently. Lilith, as a character, is super relatable—she lives a normal life just like us, even if her world is a little bit different. At no time did I find it hard to connect with her, it was almost as if we were sitting at a café and she was narrating her story to me in person.

What also made me a very happy camper was the fact that you got the Italian phrases right.

There's nothing worse than seeing someone massacre your language, and it makes it 300% obvious that they didn't bother consulting a native/used Google Translate/or don't know the language at all. So good job for that, I reward you with a lifetime supply of genuine Italian pizza.

Something that I cannot complain about is info-dumping—something which you do not do in this story. You introduce the vampire aspect in the second chapter, and in a couple of sentences, not in a run-down that seemed taken out of an encyclopedia.

Overall—Good work! 

Characters: 

Lilith— A young woman in her twenties (?) works at a pub saturated with pot-bellied men who watch football games and drink beer like water. She seems a little too naive at times, behaving like a teenager, which was surprising. This girl lost her parents as a kid, and had a relatively difficult childhood, so I would've expected her to be a little tougher. Also, she probably has to deal with men's BS on a daily basis, so she should have a more "hardened" exterior. She seems like the type who is easily manipulated by other people—I mean, one look from Mr. Rossini and she practically orgasmed. A very lovely character, though, has a strong voice, and hopefully she doesn't fall into the "damsel in distress" stereotype later on in the story.

Mr. Rossini—aka sexy Italian dude who still dresses like a gangster from Al Capone's era. He needs to update his wardrobe, but something tells me that he's a vampire, or at least involved with them. He definitely has this aura of power and can make any lady swoon on her feet. Including me.

Mr. Ramsey—I'm thinking of Chef Gordon Ramsey. Has only said one sentence in the whole story so far, but from the narration, doesn't seem like an asshole. Then again, Lilith is good-hearted, she doesn't seem like the type to bad talk other people.

Jenna—mentioned in the story but doesn't appear. From what I can tell, she looks like the typical girl a pub would hire—good body, air-head, bubbly nature...could get the Pope to buy a drink. 

Diamond rating ♢ (1—10): 9

I would've given this 10/10 if it weren't for the morning routine (which killed the vibe). This is an amazing story and you've definitely earned your spot in the Diamond In The Rough reading list. Good job!