“Please don’t save me yet.”

—•—

NAGISA

My eyes shot open, the vague yet unforgettable scene resounds repeatedly in my mind, stray tears falling from my eyes.

“Calm down, Nai-chan. Calm down, you’re safe,” I heard Nike’s voice beside me with Livi’s hands rubbing circles at my back. “You’re safe, and it was all just a dream okay? It was just a small, inexistent dream.”

My sobs got louder as I heard the words. I want to believe them. I really want to believe that it was all just a figment of my imagination. But everytime I remember his retreating figure, reality just really slaps me in the face. That it wasn’t just a twisted nightmare, but a horrible memory.

“I...could have stopped...him.” I almost choked back the mention of his name. “I could have saved him, Livi! I could have stopped Karma from saving me in the first place!”

It hurts.

“His death was so untimely! Karma wasn’t suppose to die! Alone! Without me!”

It’s so infuriating.

“I was the one who was supposed to be dead! I knew they double-crossed us, but just didn’t do anything! Why didn’t I?! Why did I not stop them?!”

Karma’s death, it was my fault.

I felt someone caress my hair, trying to calm me down. “Nagisa, listen to me,” Livi said with an authoritative tone. “His—Akabane’s incident, is not your fault and it will never be. I want you to understand that, alright?”

He sighed exasperatedly, running a hand through his midnight hair. “Your classmates did not understand the hardships you had to go through to stand at the pedestal you are today, and the sacrifices you had to make for them.”

“I know that, and to be honest, I don’t know what to feel about this anymore,” I said, burying my face with my palms. “I want to make them pay for their crime, not just for Karma, but also for the people who got caught up with their foolishness. But how can I do that when we were the ones who drove them to make the decision? Should I hate them? They will suffer the consequences, no doubt about that. But is it worth it? Should I forgive and forget? I can’t, it will scar me forever.

I don’t know what to do anymore and it’s so frustrating! I just want to get this done and over with!”

Nike embraced me. “Hush, you’ve thought enough so early in the morning.”

“Nike, Livi...”

“Don’t make any rash judgement, Nai-chan. It was a mistake on their part. Before you decide, you need to sort out your thoughts and prioritize, do what you think and feel is right. And whatever you do, you are not alone. Understand?

We are on your side, always remember that.”

—•—

“Nagi, mind if I ask you a question?”

“Īe. Ask away.”

“Why do you always hang around this rundown rooftop after school? Not that I mind, but I’m worried your mom will hit you again if you go home late.”

“I like the sunsets here. It remind me of you.”

“Really now? How so?”

“I get the feeling that you’re constantly watching over me. And like sun, although it sets, the warmth settles.”

“Sometimes, I really don’t get you literate people.”

“I mean, you, Karma, are like the sun. You always watch over me, sometimes from a distance. And even when you’re not around, you find ways to keep guard and protect me, much like how the sun entrusts the world to the moon as night falls.”

“Someone needs to keep an eye on you, after all. Your decisions are sometimes worrysome, Nagi-Nagi. You really need to work on your critical judgements sometimes. I don’t want you going all ‘Korosensei’ on me again.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you all the time, but how do I exactly make sure I won’t go ‘Korosensei’?”

“Reverse it. Think with your heart, and feel with your mind.”

“And here I thought I was the literate person.”

“Aish, I meant being sensitive. Do what you think is best, not for you but for others. You may not be happy with it at the beginning, but time heals.”

“Wait, so you do that?”

“Of course not! I said those to you because I know only you can pull it off.”

“KARMA!!!”

“Heh, peace?”

“Be thankful I know you so well.”

“And I love you too.”

“Baka.”

—•—

I sighed with the memory as I dangle my legs along the steep cliff. In the end, I still end up here on this mountaintop whenever something bothers me. I can’t help it, after all these years, Korosensei seems to stay alive.

Now, what do I do?

‘Come to think of it, I haven’t finished reading the farewell gift Korosensei gave each of us years ago.’

Unconsciously, my feet dragged me to where it all started; our old, Assassination Classroom.

—•—

Hello again, Nagisa-chan. I estimate that by the time you read this again, it might have been ten years since you and your class assassinated me.

“Seriously? He estimated that far?” the realization suddenly made me want to bow down.

You have finally realized your career (most probably in the assassination side) and if reading this had crossed your mind, you might be currently facing one of the toughest challenges in your life, after your inner battle between killing or saving me, and pursuing a path of your own.

Now, I believe this problem of yours, had driven you to a corner after possibly encountering a similar situation three years ago— where you had to choose between choices that may change your life forever, losing some things you cherish the most in the process. I’ve been there, and I know how much it hurts.

Revenge is not the answer.

“Typical Korosensei,” I muttered, smiling bitterly.

However, it is ‘an’ answer.

“What?”

I told you. I’ve been there and I know how much it hurts. To not be able to do something about it. To not be able to avoid it. To not be strong enough to endure it. I know, and that is why I have no right to question your resolve, because you, Nagisa, know yourself best. You are smart enough to weigh in your decisions. If you think revenge is your answer, then I will not stop you.

You have a choice on what kind of revenge you will act on, and it is what matters. But, let me tell you this. The worst kind of revenge cannot be considered justice. And the effects are irreversible. But really, it’s just up to you to decide.

Now, I want you to ask yourself.

Will it be worth it? Will it satisfy you? Will it heal you? Will it make you happy?

If you can answer these questions with no hesitation (which I’m sure you can), then my job in this chapter is already done.

What I want you to remember is that you will never be alone. Whenever you feel lost, always look behind you— at the people who had been with you every step of the way, and put in mind every advice they gave to you.

Think with your heart, and feel with your mind.

Sounds familiar, right?

Regards from the afterlife,
Korosensei

—•—

End of Chapter

I closed the hardbound book and placed it carefully under my old desk, the confusing thoughts swirling inside my mind finally coming to a stop. It was all so simple. I should have not doubted.

I breathed in with relief, my eyes taking in the familiarity of the room then stopped at the view of the setting sun Karma and I used to stay in late for.

“Thank you.” My lips curved into a grateful smile, my mind cleared of all uncertainties.

‘Oh, and Karma,’ I thought, caressing the pendant with the engraved symbol 愛 hanging around my neck, his faint image lingering in front of me.

‘I'll be saving you soon.’

【 edited. 】