AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHH!!!

Too genius, bro!! I love my bro.

He either found out my code or the first thing he did when I went out of house was grab my iPod and take some pics...

Which is making me think...

WHY WOULD SOMEONE PHOTOGRAPH OUR FISH??

Like, everyone has cats and dogs and we got... fish. But they can do a trick! If you come close to th aquarium, they'll all come to the glass wall. They want food. Greedy little bas****s XD

Here, Fish:

Btw people, YOU HAD ONE DAMN QUESTION TO ANSWER AND NO ONE ANSWERED IT! XD

HERE, READ!! (Last line)

I learned my leasson. Only post important stuff, right?

Also, I think my english teach gave up on me XD

Like, he's always doing tests were only like 5 people he picks out do the test to get an actual grade and the others do it as worksheet. And if your the seatmate of someone who has to do it for a grade, he tells you to meditate (aka, lean back in your chair and don't utter a single word). And today, my seatmate had to do it for a grade. And what did my teach tell me? Not to meditate, no he said (word for word, because he's talking english in class):
"Just draw something, it's not like you're doing anything else anyway."

Thanks teach. I love you too -3-
Told him to eat a snickers because he wasn't himself when in lessons. He pulled out a snickers and ate it RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF ME. (I luv snickers).
Then a guy from the back shouted something and my english teach be like, "Weird, I hear those noises again", and I was like "You should get your schizophrenia checked then.
I think he hates me now but it was payback. DON'T YOU EAT SNICKERS IN FRONT OF ME, YOU BASTERD (yes, I have to write it like this)

So I drew this:

And he just made an expression that looked like "well, at least you didn't do that bad".
I love this guy and hate him. WHY YOU BE SO DAMN FUNNY, MR. W?!?!

Also, today in german lessons, my (not really anymore) bully (whom I think I called Elias for the sake of a story once) split his banana milk over his stuff and into his bag. He's now officially banana boy. My class approved of the name.
Although my history teacher (she's awesome as fuck. I built her a damn glitter bazooka in 6th grade. And she still has it. She likes it, or so she told me. Now she wants an actual bazooka from me. But it has to be pink like the first one I built her, is what she said. I would do this if it was possible just to see her reaction. Like, I'd probably be stamped psycho and get thrown in jail cause it's illegal in germany but eyyy) would probably still call him "Sir *insert last name*" because she loves to make fun of his last name. It's actually pretty funny but I can't tell you ;-;

Oh yeah, I think I'm getting joint problems. like, everything keeps cracking when I move (especially wrist, ellbow, shoulder, finders and Spine (although spine is probably normal)) and it kinda creeps me out. IS IT NORMAL TO HAVE YOUR ELBOW CRACK THREE TIMES IN ONE MOVEMENT?!?!? I DON'T THINK IT IS AND IT SCARES ME...

Oh yeah... almost forgot! Happy (late) Birthday, MonstaxDuelistHero!!!
Have some crap...

See? that's why I don't feel like drawing at all at the moment! Whatever...
Btw, how the fuck did you manage to draw him in his actual style?!?! IT LOOKED SO WEIRD WHEN I TRIED!!! SO, kinda my own style-ish Yugi? (Hope it doesn't look too much like Yami (I think that was his name?)) And too lazy for the chain with the Millenium puzzle (HA, I remember that one! God, it's been ages since I've watched Yugi-oh. And I've only watched like 40 episodes anyway cause german TV only has these four anime: Yu-Gi-Oh, One Piece, Pokemon and Dragonball; and Yokai Watch or whatever it's called. Is that even an anime? It seems to be kinda popular. And we now have Miraculous since this year. That's not an anime, or is it? Whatever)

I actually wanted to say one more thing but I forgot what it was XD... ;-;

Btw, my second account has now 50 followers. so yeah, I guess that's something...

And I looked through my old art book. God how did I manage to stand myself?! I was so annyoing and stupid (even more than now). I mean, gloomy and pessimistic me ain't that much better but eh...
Want me to start saying how many reads and votes I have in every chapter again?? Cause I did that back then. I honestly don't care anymore about the numbers. These books turned into "I fucking hate the world" mixed with rant and a few doodles. Like my chapters once had two sentences!!! But at least I'm still posting crap so nothing changed about that.

I actually want to go back to the "just posting art" thing, but I need to rant somewhere and I'm not really in the mood to make a randomness book because, in all honesty, I would forget about it. Just like how I forgot about my adoptables book.

XD Remember this:

It's never be finished... Should I just put the skethc up for adoption? XD

Don't care...

I'll just try to finish the art trade today and then I'll do the rest on thursday.

In fact, I just read that UnidentifiedMyth is hosting a raffle. Shoot. Do you accept sketches, too??

I'm so fucked.

Why am I doing this again? XD

Oh yeah right, because you told me once you wanted to see more art and rather not have me stop...

And becasue I can't say no.

I'm a weakling.

Kill me.

Plz.

Okay.

Bye.

Stop reading.

Now.

Please.

Don't keep going.

No.

Stop it.

Go away.

okay.

Then not.

stay if you want.

Watch me drown in sorrow.

Watch me fail at life.

I hate this world.

I wanna cry but I can't

I wanna stay strong for once.

I hate the scars on my arm.

They won't heal up.

The angry red marks have now been there for almost two weeks.

They won't go away.

I don't want this anymore.

But at least I've been clean for two weeks because I can't stand the sight of the cuts.

That's good, right?

I think so.

I'll ask Angel tomorrow if she thinks that this will go away.

And I have a new technique now.

I have sharp canines.

So I bite my skin.

Sounds weird, right?

But It doesn't leave marks for longer than like two days.

And that's good.

Even though I can't feel it that good.

It's better than a knife.

You know that feeling when you feel the tears burning in your eyes and you keep blinking to keep them away?

That's what I'm doing right now.

I feel so miserable to have written this.

I'm at the point where I don't even care if people know I'm cutting.

I really don't.

I just wanna get this out of my system.

Like this:

Had a breakdown in school today.

Luckily i was on the toilet so i just silently cried.

So no one would hear...

After that, i went back to german lessons.

We were reading a story about suicide in german lessons....

We had to write how that person now might feel on the inside.

My teach had me read mine out loud.

She was surprised I could describe it so well.

That was suspicious.

And my teach is also my confidence teacher.

Which means she's now probably set on me.

Which is bad.

Why do I keep writing?

Why do I keep telling...?

I don't even want to.

But I'll do anything as long as it stops me from thinking about a certain day 10 days from now.

Because I'm scared.

I don't want to go there at all.

I don't want to see it.

I don't want to remember.

I don't want to go to church.

Becasue I only believe in god cause he did.

And now he's gone even though I had prayed to god to let him live a little bit longer.

Just long enough so I could get more time with him, visit him.

But the next day, he was gone.

On my grandma's birthday.

And I had to smile brightly the whole day for her even though I was destroyed on the inside.

I didn't even go to school the rest of the week.

Partly because I went to his funeral.

Partly becasue I was crying non-stop.

"At least he died in peace"

I wish I could see that as something good.

But I can't.

God wasn't there for me.

He wasn't there for him.

He's never there.

He wasn't with me at any point in time.

Because if he were, he could've helped me up when I fell down.

But I had to stand up on my own.

because everyone would laugh at me if i feel down.

But that's okay.

I'm glad for people that can believe in god.

I just can't.

And yet i keep praying.

Why?

I wish i knew why.

Because he believed. And those who believe get a nice life in heaven, right?

So i guess I'm praying that's true.

I wanna stop writing.

But i just wanna get it all out.

I'm gonna rant the rest to angel tomorrow.
Maybe cry a bit. Because i can be weak around her.

She's not the angel god sent me.

She's the angel i searched for.

Bye...

Also, stop reading my shit if you can't take the sadness. I told you I'd be gloomy. And i warned you.