5/18/15

"WHEN ARE BAILEY and Cale coming?" I ask as I walk around the dinner table placing the plates and silverware.

"Oh, they're not honey!" my mother's voice shouts from the kitchen. I quickly grab the extra plates and utensils and clutch them to my chest. I turn on my heels and walk into the kitchen trying to bury the anxiety that laces through me.

I set them down on the island and turn to lean against the edge of the counter. I cross my arms over my chest. "So where are they?" I ask, not caring who answers.

"Who?" my father questions as he begins to slice up the chicken.

I roll my eyes. "Bai and Cale..." I trail. No answer. "Hello? I'm sorry am I invisible to you guys?" I wave my hands in the air annoyed at this whole situation.

My mother looks up to me. "I'm sorry honey, but I honestly don't know where they are." She shrugs and continues to tend to the potatoes on the stove.

"They're adults and engaged now, we don't track their every movement," my dad answers. "We asked if they were going to join us, and Bai said no."

I bite at the inside of my cheek, and stare down at my bare feet that press against the cold hardwood floors. "So you don't care that Bai and Cale are having a lot of alone time?" I ask with a raised brow.

My father sighs, and my mother's eyes narrow in on me. "Like your father said honey, they are adults and engaged. We can say all we want, but they have to make their own decisions now. Not that it is any of your business Grayson." I blush in embarrassment of the use of my full name in chastisement. 

I nod even though I would like to push the subject further. My parents have always been old schooled, and I know not knowing what their daughter is up to is killing them a little inside. Especially since she is with a Hasting. 

I walk to the table with a bowl of steamed vegetables in hands and my parents in tow. We quickly begin to pass around the food to fill up our plates. I start to shovel chicken and potatoes into my mouth, when I receive another disapproving glare from my mother.

"It's not a race Gray, you can breathe between bites." I set my fork down and begin to chew slowly at her request. I love my mother to death, but I've never met another woman so stuck on manners.

I chew and swallow slowly, making sure to eat at a slower pace.

"So how was lunch with Chase yesterday?" my father asks.

I smile immediately at the mention of his name. "Great! I can't wait for him to transfer to Northwestern," I say truthfully.

My mother smirks at me. "You know your father and I met the summer before our junior year." I roll my eyes at what she is pushing. It's as if Chase and I are the only ones who see each other as friends. Everyone else has hearts in their eyes, and is trying to play matchmaker.

I shake my head, and stuff some chicken in my mouth. "No mom," I groan. "We are just friends, that is all. Promise," I push. I could never date Chase, even if he wanted to, I just couldn't. It would be a constant comparison to Cale, and that's fair to no one.

My father kisses my mother on the cheek. I smile at the small gesture, hating how my heart pulls in sadness and jealousy. All I want is to have a relationship like my parents, and be unconditionally in love with a man who wants me back. My father's eyes meet mine. "We aren't trying to push anything Gray. But Chase is a nice boy...maybe those Hasting boys aren't as bad as we once thought," he says with a single shouldered shrug.

I scrape my fork against my plate, hating and loving the awful sound at the same time. "He is nice, but he is just a friend..." I trail. "So moving on, I also ran into Kylie yesterday," I mention happily.

My parents faces light up at Kylie's name. They always loved Kylie, and are still close friends with her parents. Kylie always referred to my parents as her second family. And I know it hurt when I stopped coming to Easton, because Kylie also stopped coming around as much.

"Oh that is just wonderful!" My mother exclaims with a loud clap. "I've missed her coming around here so much, is she coming over? Oh tell her she must! I will make her favorite, lasagna! Wait is that still her favorite?" my mother rambles on and on, more to herself than anyone else. My father laughs at my mother's constant stream of words, and I just shake my head in amusement.

I breathe out a laugh. "Slow down mom. She will be coming over, and I'm sure she would still love your lasagna."

Dinner continues on with my mother going on and on about Kylie. My father goes on about some baseball game I could care less about. And I sit and watch my parents' small interactions with a warm smile. But the small voice in my head wonders if I will ever have the chance to find what my parents have.

What I thought I once had, but now what Bailey and Cale have.

* * * * *

I lay in my bed on top of the covers with a sigh. I quickly shoot Hayley a text waiting for the bubble to show she is texting back, but it doesn't appear. She doesn't answer back right away, so I know she is most likely still working. I chew on the inside of my cheek, and turn my head to look out my open doors. I have my side doors open, and the breeze from the ocean rolls in steadily. I bite my lip at the feeling of the salty breeze brushing over me.

"Stop making those sounds Gray," Cale grumbles at me. "You're killing me."

I smirk as I sit up on my elbows on the soft cushion of my comforter. The doors in my room are open, and the sun floods my room, filling it with bright light and smell of the ocean. Cale continues to massage my feet, though his fingers start to trail up my calves in slow seductive strokes. "You lost the bet," I point out. "So you rub the feet," I laugh.

Cale's fingers continue to press into the arch of my feet, and I can't help but groan in response. He seriously does have magical fingers. I blush at the idea of them on other parts of my body. After the kiss in his truck, Cale hasn't touched me much. We hang out almost every day, and we have so much fun...but dammit I want him to touch me and kiss me. That first kiss in his truck was the hottest thing I've ever experienced, and wow I want more. I've never had a guy kiss me as thoroughly as Cale Hasting, and I'm sure a no one ever could.

"How was I supposed to know you knew Spanish that well?" he exclaims.

I laugh. "I used to spend my free time watching Spanish soap operas," I shrug. "Learned a thing or two."

"Learned a thing or two?" he mocks. "More like became fluent."

I stick my tongue out at him.

Suddenly Cale's hands are wrapped around my thighs and pulling me towards him until I'm straddling his lap. His fingers continue to trace around the bottoms of my feet and the backs of my calves. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull my body closer to his.

Cale's eyes go dark, and his eyes trace over my body until they land right back where they started, my lips. I want him to kiss me, god it's all I want. I crave the feeling of his lips on me. The same lips that created a fire deep within my core in his truck. I lift one of my hands from the back of his neck, and begin to trace the lines of his face. I hate how beautiful he is. Sometimes it hurts how much I want him. But it doesn't stop me from wanting him more, and that should scare me more. But it doesn't.

"I think I deserve another reward for winning that bet," I whisper hoarsely. My finger finally begins to touch the skin around his lips. I don't touch his lips just yet, but I am so close, and I love the way his body leans in closer. The way his tongue darts out to wet his lips, wetting my finger at the same time. I feel the heat of his breath surround me, and all I want to do is melt into him and get lost.

Suddenly his fingers are wrapped around my wrist and stopping my fingers from touching him. I raise an eyebrow in question as to why he stopped me.

He leans in even closer, his lips just barely brushing mine. "I don't know if you deserve another reward." He cocks his head to the right and watches me with so much attentiveness I feel naked even though I'm fully clothed.

A small smile lifts the corner of my lips. "Ok," I shrug. "That's fine, Julio said I have beautiful lips," I lie. Julio only asked me how to get to the nearest grocery store. But Cale doesn't need to know that. Cale's eyes narrow at my words. I peel my hand away from his grip and crawl off his lap. "I'm sure he would give me my reward I'm looking for," I say as I start to get off the bed.

But before I can even place one foot on the ground Cale's arms wrap around my waist. He pulls back onto the bed as I let out an excited squeal. He places me on my back against the comforter and presses his hard body deliciously against mine.

He presses his fingers into my sides making me howl with laughter, and squirm and writhe underneath his evil fingertips. "Stop, stop, stop!" I scream out with laughter following.

His hazel eyes burn into mine. "No Julio," he growls. His jaw is clenched, and his face is hard, but a playful gleam shines behind his dark eyes.

I press my lips together, refusing to answer him. He presses his fingers further into my sides as I try to escape the wrath of his tickling. But his body is pressed into mine pinning me down with his hips, and his other hand has snaked around to latch onto both of my wrists holding them above my head.

"No Julio," he says once more.

He presses one last time into my side before I give in. "Fine, fine, fine, no Julio!" I shriek. "Please stop, stop, Cale—"

His name barely leaves my lips before he presses his mouth against mine, and if possible this kiss is even better than our first. His lips are soft, but they press into mine with such passion that I feel my skin tingle and my mind go numb. But his lips pull away way too soon for my liking. I let out an annoyed groan in protest of his lips leaving mine. "Did Julio really say that?" Cale questions.

I raise an eyebrow. "What if he did?" I reply back in a playful tone.

Cale's lips graze mine. "Gray..." he trails, my name coming out deep and raspy.

A laughter bubbles up and escapes my parted lips. "No, he asked where the closest store was," I say with the shake of my head.

A devilish smirk coats his face. "You will be the death of me Grayson Kennings." I loved the way my full name rolled off his tongue so naturally.

I push my body up into his, and lift my head off the mattress so our lips are barely separated. "Then you better kiss me while you can."

So he does, again, again, and again.

Cale kisses me until I'm so completely and utterly lost in him that I never wanted to leave that moment.

But we did. The moment ended and the memory faded.

I gave Cale everything, and he took it all greedily. And when he broke me, he didn't even have the decency to give back the pieces of my heart he took.

But I'm done giving him parts of me, because I'm done being lost in Cale Hasting.

I have to find who I am without him being a part of me.

And in this moment, with the my eyes watching the dark waves wash up on the shore, I decide Cale Hasting won't define me anymore.

No matter how much I wanted him to define me. No matter how much I wanted to get lost in him. No matter how much I never wanted to leave that bed.

I have to find myself, and I have to move on. I have to try.