JESUS, DADDY. ARE YOU DRUNK?

[  season 1 — episode 09  ]

DAISY LIKED TO THINK SHE WAS PRETTY GOOD AT PREDICTING ROY'S EMOTIONS, so she knew he was going to be pissed when he came to pick up Phoebe from her lesson. He was thirty-three minutes late and stormed in without even shouting Phoebe's name.

Ted told him that him getting benched was a possibility in the final match of the season.

"I like that a child is the first official guest we've had," Daisy said, not counting her family, of course.

She and Roy were in the living room of her flat while Ted was out. And Phoebe was sitting at the dining table, her sparkly headphones over her ears as she watched a video on Daisy's iPad to stay entertained.

Roy was fuming as he looked out at Richmond through the window, taking in deep breaths. Knowing he wasn't ready to say much and she couldn't understand his grunts fully, Daisy just chattered on until he was ready. Because Roy wouldn't have walked her home and come upstairs if he wanted to silently stew on his own.

"Oh, I didn't know Jamie's been over here," Roy did at least manage to joke.

Daisy just rolled her eyes playfully. But truth was, if this was where she and Jamie slept together, Roy was just petty enough to never come visit.

"I do got some things I don't want her to find, though, so we can't let her go sniffing around," she added, biting her lip. Daisy didn't have to worry about Henry snooping through her room or anything like that, but Phoebe was quite curious.

"What kinds of stuff?" Roy asked, raising a bushy eyebrow. Daisy wasn't exactly the kind of person to be hiding anything dangerous or illegal.

Daisy's face heated up, feeling a little embarrassed. "Well, you know, stuff like a... vibrator and stuff," she mumbled, making the corners of his lips turn up.

But sensing it wasn't something she was comfortable talking about just yet, he turned it into another joke. "Yeah, that's gonna be a problem. Her mum said no electronics."

It made Daisy relax and laugh once again, looking at Phoebe. "Yeah, but we already broke that," she said. Phoebe was watching Glee performances on YouTube. Finally, she looked back at Roy and sighed. "So, how are you doing?"

"Fine," he grunted.

Taking that as the cue that he wasn't ready to talk about it, she focused back on Phoebe. "She's doing incredible in class, by the way. Really, just miles ahead of everyone. Guess it's the Kent in her that makes her work so hard," she said, making sure to praise him the slightest bit.

Roy continued to keep his eyes on the kids playing football in the park outside. "You know, the last time I was on the bench—"

"Oh, yay, you're ready to talk about all that. Awesome, um, but let's wait a second," Daisy cut him off.

She took his larger hand in hers and pulled him to the couch, handing him a throw pillow to hold as well that was shaped like a strawberry. And Roy let her do all that to help him get more comfortable.

"Okay, we're both ready now. Let me have it," Daisy said, sitting across from him on the couch.

Roy rolled his eyes and handed the pillow to her, which she happily clutched. Then he leaned forward and rubbed his forehead. "Roy Kent has been the best player on every team he's been on since he was a kid. I like being Roy Kent. I don't know if I can handle just being some loser has-been called Roy," he admitted sadly.

"I don't think just Roy is so bad," Daisy told him gently.

"Just Roy," he scoffed. "I hate it already. 'All right, Roy?' Yeah. 'What you been up to?' Fuck all. That's all my life is gonna be."

To try and keep the sulky expression off his face, Daisy put the pillow to the side and moved onto her knees, getting closer to him. She wrapped her arms around him while treading her fingers through his hair, beginning to kiss along his jaw.

She could feel his tight muscles relax the slightest bit, but he took in a sharp breath and tensed right back up when she whispered a breathy, "Roy," in his ear. Roy turned his head slightly, seeking out her lips.

"Roy," she murmured against his lips, kissing him softly.

"Fuck," he muttered into her mouth, gripping her waist.

"See," she said while pulling back just enough to look him in the eye. "I quite like saying your name."

"You're gonna fucking kill me before your dad can bench me," he grumbled before kissing her once more.

Daisy smiled into it before pulling back again. "So, can Roy who plays a game for a living bear the shift of being just Roy?"

"It's not just a game to me," he reminded her. "It's all I've ever known. It's who I am. It's all I am."

She hated hearing him tie his self worth to football, something that he couldn't play forever. He couldn't always be the best on every team — he wasn't even the best on Richmond's team now.

Deciding to try a new and slightly cleaner tactic, she turned away from Roy. "Phoebe? Phoebe?" she called loudly. Phoebe heard her and pulled the headphones off. "Can you come over here for a second, baby?"

Phoebe was still in her clothes from dance practice, prancing over in a tutu while walking on her toes. "You were right. Glee is amazing. Santana is like Uncle Roy."

"Yes, and that makes them both amazing," she agreed. "Wait till I show you a scene with Sebastian. But first, I need you to close your eyes for me, right?" Phoebe quickly did as told. "Okay. Can you describe your Uncle Roy? Everything that you can think of right away. Go."

Phoebe scrunched her face up, clearly thinking hard. "Well, he's my uncle. His beard is scratchy."

When Roy reached to run his fingers over his beard, Daisy just smiled. She liked how it felt when he kissed her.

"He buys me ice cream. He swears a lot. He's really funny. He talks about my ballet teacher loads," Phoebe went on with a big grin. Daisy giggled as Roy rolled his eyes. "And I love him."

Daisy looked pointedly at Roy as she spoke once Phoebe was done. "Absolutely perfect, Phoebe. Thank you," she said. "See? I didn't hear anything about being a footballer."

"Who gives a shit what she has to say? She's seven," Roy grumbled, which made Phoebe roll her eyes, reminding Daisy so much of Roy.

"The point is, you don't know what people think about Roy Kent," Daisy told him. "Secondly, all that matters, Roy Kent, is what you think about Roy. And like I said, he's pretty great."

Roy stared down at her for a moment, an unreadable emotion in his eyes. Then he leaned in and kissed her gently, cupping her face as he did so. It was the easiest way to thank her that wasn't just a grunt.

"Gross!" Phoebe scoffed, shutting her eyes again.

Daisy was laughing as the kiss ended, and she leaned against Roy's chest, looking at the little girl.

"Phoebe," Roy then said while holding onto Daisy. She liked how he rubbed comforting little patterns on her thigh. "Know how everyone is all excited for the match this weekend?"

"Yeah! Everyone at school is so jealous I get to go and watch it," she said, smiling.

"Right, well, I might not get to play in it," he told her sadly. "And I don't want you to feel like you can't watch it just because of that."

"Of course, I'll still watch it," she said, her face all scrunched up in confusion. "Football is football. Now, can we go get ice cream like you and Daisy promised?"

Roy squinted at her a bit, his feelings a little hurt. "You don't fucking care that I'm not playing?"

Phoebe just stared up at him like he was a bit stupid. "Is me getting ice cream dependent on if you play or not?"

"Fuck's sake," he swore, rolling his eyes. "You sound like your mother growing up."

✵︎

They did, in fact, get ice cream. Daisy was actually still eating hers, as Roy got her a large cup of cherry. Phoebe had been dropped off at home with chocolate smeared all over her face, and now Roy was walking Daisy back home since it was dark out. The couple was holding hands, and so that they could remain doing so, Roy was holding the styrofoam cup of ice cream while Daisy used her right hand to scoop spoonfuls into her mouth.

"Thank you," Roy said quietly, speaking for the first time since leaving his sister's flat.

Daisy looked up at him and squeezed his hand. "For warning you to not get bigger than a small ice cream cone knowing how it is on your stomach this late?"

Roy scoffed and shook his head. "No. I mean, yeah, but no. I mean, thank you for all that shit back there with Phoebe. I'm not, like, happy about it or anything, but maybe it won't be the end of the fucking world if I'm benched one game to keep us from being relegated."

"I don't wanna see you on the bench either," she said in a soft tone. "I love watching you out there. I know I called it a game earlier, but every day, you prove it's not just that to you and everyone else on the pitch. So just... think of this as doing what's best for the team."

"Doesn't feel like what's best," he huffed as they neared Mae's. "Feels like a fucking punch in the face. And fucking Tartt is the one throwing it."

"Hey, this ain't about Jamie," Daisy said, shaking her head. "This is about you and Richmond. It don't matter that Jamie is gonna be out there and playing for the other team. Y'all've still got Danny, Zoreaux, Isaac, Colin, and Richard and Sam. And Nate's, like, a football genius, right?"

"What the fuck did you just say?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at her. Daisy tilted her head in confusion, unsure of what he meant. "What was that word? Y'al'vel'd?"

"No, I said 'you all have'. You just incorrectly said 'you all would haved'," she informed him. "Which is y'all'ld've. Alternately, you all could haved."

Roy let out air through his nose to laugh while shaking his head. "I like how you talk."

The intrusive side of Daisy's mind reminded her that it wasn't that long ago that Jamie was saying that before kissing her just like Roy was now, wrapping his warm hands around her waist. But then she focused on his scruffy beard tickling her skin before he nipped at her bottom lip. She tasted like fucking ice cream — of course he was gonna shove his tongue down her throat and having a swell time doing it.

"I like how you talk too," she murmured into the kiss as they briefly parted for air.

"No, you don't," he laughed. "You think I curse too much."

"Maybe, but that's what makes Roy - Roy," she told him before standing on her toes and kissing him again.

"Oi! Look at Roy and Daisy!" the familiar and suddenly very annoying voice of Jeremy called.

Daisy pulled away with a sigh and turned, seeing him along with Paul and Baz leaving the pub. "Go away, boys."

"Yeah, let them be," Paul said with a little smile. "It's so cute."

"No, it's not," Baz insisted. "It's fucking distracting Kent from wiping the floor with Man City this weekend. You're being a distraction, Daisy! That's why he's been playing like shit."

"I've been playing like what?" Roy said, glaring at Baz, who was suddenly shaking a little bit.

"Uh, um, n - nothing at all, Mr. Roy Kent. You're a fucking legend, you are," Baz said quickly as his friends nodded along.

"Get lost," Roy ordered, and the three of them quickly scurried off while whispering about the rare interaction where Roy Kent said more than one word accompanied by a grunt.

Daisy looked down at her Crocs, a small frown on her face. "Am I really a distraction?" she asked Roy in a quiet tone. "I mean, Nate said so. The press and now the boys—"

"No fucking way," Roy cut her off in a firm tone. Then he hooked his finger underneath her chin, bringing her gaze back up to him. "Knowing you're in the crowd, watching me and wearing my kit, cheering for me — fuck, that's all the motivation a man needs. Makes me run faster too, 'cause you're way too fucking fast and I don't want to embarrass myself in front of you."

"Please, I don't think you could do anything embarrassing enough," she said, smiling once more. "But good. I'd been kinda worried about that. I've always had a 'don't mess around with any of my father's players' rule, but none of the guys back in Kansas were really great enough to go breakin' that rule."

"Yeah, 'cause it's fucking Kansas and they call it fucking soccer," he scoffed. "Now, c'mon. Hoping your dad isn't home so I can make out with you up against the door for a bit."

Daisy just laughed and let him drag her down the sidewalk, knowing they could've just gone back to his flat if he wanted alone time. The thought did have her considering getting a flat of her own, figuring she made enough money to live on her own — but that would be fairly stupid, as she and her father didn't have to pay for their current housing. It was all on Rebecca's account.

Unfortunately, there would be no making out at the door. Before they even made it to the flat, they saw Ted stumbling out of Mae's. And in his drunken state, he went back to his roots and checked the wrong side of the street before going to cross.

Roy was there, pulling Ted back as a car honked and sped by, missing the man by just a few inches.

"Oh, hey, there," Ted greeted, looking at Roy and not at all reacting to almost being flattened.

"Jesus, Daddy," Daisy said, grabbing his other arm and attention. "Are you drunk?"

Ted brought up his hand and pinched his fingers together while squinting. "Just a tad, Oopsie Daisy."

Daisy looked to Roy with pleading eyes, silently begging him to help her get her father home without him falling over. Because Ted was clumsy when he was drunk, and if he fell, Daisy didn't have the upper body strength to get him back up.

Roy let out a groan, not really wanting to, but the older man already knew he was in that stage of being unable to deny Daisy of anything she wanted.

God, he was fucked.

✵︎

Roy wasn't nearly as comfortable being in the flat this time. He and Daisy were sitting at the kitchen table as a drunk Ted wandered around the kitchen, eating peanut butter straight from the jar with his finger. He didn't offer up why he decided to get drunk on a work night, but he did offer the jar to Roy silently.

"I'm good," he muttered, turning his head from it.

"You got a nut allergy?" he asked.

"I got a finger allergy," Roy corrected.

"Yeah, that's fair," Daisy chimed in. "Also, I'm not convinced there aren't bugs in your jar because you keep the lid off."

"In theory, it's genius, but in practice, it's flawed," Ted said, shrugging a little. Then he looked around the kitchen. "What else have I got to offer you here? We got red wine. We got tea. Ooh. Two-day-old pasta water."

Daisy cringed as her father looked pointedly at her. She was responsible for dinner cleanup after he cooked but she never got around to it. She could always just blame it on being too upset about the whole Rebecca thing even though Ted wouldn't buy that.

"Tea's fine," Roy finally said, and Ted set to work on boiling a kettle full of water.  "Look, I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself."

"Eh, la-di-da," Ted waved it off.

"I'm usually better at hiding my anger."

Both Lassos looked at him skeptically. "You think so, huh?"

Roy just shrugged at that, looking incredibly cute as he played stupid.

"You told him to choke on a Big Mac and die," Daisy reminded him. "So you don't gotta apologize for what you said earlier."

"Know thyself," Ted added while pointing to the sky. "Rest in peace, Socrates."

"Told my niece I might not be playing," Roy said, bringing up Phoebe. He rolled his eyes in annoyance. "She asked if we could go get ice cream."

"Well, hey, at least you had someone you could talk to, right?" Ted asked while winking at Daisy. "How was the ice cream?"

"Good. It's fucking ice cream," he said, almost annoyed at Ted for asking.

"Yeah, right? Ice cream's the best. It's kinda like seeing Billy Joel perform live, you know? It never disappoints."

"Mm-hmm."

"It does give me the toots though," he added.

"Roy too," Daisy needlessly revealed with a small, amused smile.

"The ice cream, not Billy Joel, right?" Ted asked for clarification, to which Roy nodded.

"I asked her if she was still gonna watch the match if I wasn't playing," he then explained.

"Yeah?"

"Little shit said yes," he said, still annoyed. "Didn't even blink. Just straight into my face."

"Well, hey. That's showbiz, ain't it?" he asked, getting a grunt from Roy. "I promised myself I was never gonna watch Fresh Prince again when they swapped out Aunt Vivs. But truth be told, as long as they let Carlton do his thing, I was always gonna take a minute and just sit right there. Sides, Daisy's crush on Mr. Smith was talked about daily in her middle school years."

"Oh, it went way past middle school," Daisy said, thinking of Will Smith with a dreamy smile that made Roy smile a little as well.

"Sidebar," Ted spoke up again. "Alfonso Ribeiro, the greatest physical comedian of the 19th, 20th and 21st century. Case in point right here—" Then he began dancing a familiar dance, swinging his arms as he did the Carlton. "Iconic, yeah?"

Roy looked at him, genuinely unsure of what to say — not that he was a man of many words to begin with. "I never know how to react when a grown man does the Carlton in front of me."

"Makes me wanna join in a little," Daisy mumbled under her breath while resisting the urge. After all, she was Ted's daughter and loved his goofy antics just as much as he did himself.

"You could see a silhouette doing this, you know exactly what it is, you know exactly who's doing it!" Ted went on, getting louder as he danced. "It is the one, the only, Alfonso—"

He was cut off by someone pounding on the floor above them, the sound coming through the ceiling. "Knock it off!"

"Sorry, Ms. Shipley!" Ted and Daisy both shouted up at the same time. Then Ted slicked his hair back and looked at Roy to explain. "It has been a whole thing this last week."

"She's been having a bad time at work," Daisy added, having gotten the gossip while collecting their mail the other day.

"Anyway," Ted sighed, "You know what we could do? You've been hurt off and on all season. Why don't we just say you're injured, you can't play? No shame in that."

"That would help protect my stock if I wanna move next season," Roy grumbled with a childish pout on his face. Daisy knew he was all talk. He wouldn't transfer. Not now. "Maybe to a club that actually wants to start me."

Ted clicked his tongue at Roy's attitude while going to get the water off the stove. "Come on."

"What if, God forbid, I end up having to play in fucking America — where I'd dominate, by the way. They'd be like, 'Oh, is this football then?'"

"You ain't going to America, Roy," Daisy said while holding his hand under the table.

"She's right," Ted agreed while bringing the tea over and some cups. "Well, obviously, my preference would be to have you there. At practice tomorrow and the game. But hey, you gotta do what's right for you."

Roy was silent for a few moments, looking down at Daisy's hand in his, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. "Can I think about it?"

"I'd call you a big dummy, poo-poo face if you didn't," he said, making Daisy snort a little at the childish nickname.

Then both men took sips of their tea, and Daisy followed half a second later. Sure, she'd prefer it over ice and with a butt load of sugar in it, but tea wasn't that bad over here.

Ted, however, grimaced and put his cup down. "Be honest with me. It's a prank, right? The tea. Like, when us tourist folks aren't around, y'all know this tastes like garbage."

"No," Roy said with a nearly invisible smirk on his lips. "I love it." To prove his point, he took in as large mouthful, not breaking eye contact with Ted.

"You don't love it," he said, glaring at him. "It's pigeon sweat."

Roy swallowed it and let out a pleasant exhale like it was the most delicious thing in the world. Daisy grinned and leaned her head on his shoulder, happy to see him joking around with her father who was trying another mouthful that he spit back out.

"Mm. Horrible. Horrible."

✵︎

"Do you think she'll like it?" Daisy asked her father as they were walking to Rebecca's office the next morning.

It was Trent Crimm's daughter's birthday, so Daisy had a little cupcake for her as well as a ballerina Barbie toy. She'd gotten a picture of her from Allora to make sure the doll looked like her with tanner skin and black, curly hair.

"Oh, it's gone make her day, Adanna," he assured her. Then he held up a pink box that had prettily decorated cookies in it. "You're really outdoing my biscuits though."

"Sorry," she said, grinning a little. "But Allora is trying to ease her into dancing, and I bet this doll will help her out."

"Mighty sweet of ya," he noted while entering Rebecca's office. "Bing-bong! It's biscuits o'clock—" Ted stopped himself, both he and Daisy were surprised to see Higgins back and sitting across the desk from Rebecca, both looking rather happy. "Higgins! You're back!"

"Yeah!" he said excitedly.

"We missed you," Daisy said, grinning at him as they came closer. She was glad Rebecca changed her mind and apologized to Higgins for her behavior.

"All right. Well, hey, I know I may be a little too old-school for some folks, but I'm gonna say it anyway," Ted told him. "Hell to the yeah."

"Good to see you," Higgins said, having missed Ted's bubbly personality.

"Nice to see you too. Here you go, boss. Those are yours," Ted said while handing the biscuits over to an eager Rebecca.

"Thank you, Ted." Then she let out a satisfied moan when she bit into it before looking at Higgins who had watched her eat the biscuits countless times without sharing. "Oh, you've got to try one of these."

But Ted was quicker, beginning to dig in his backpack. "Oh, no, he does not. Caring is sharing, but I brought Higgins his own."

Higgins looked at him, surprised. "What? How did you know?"

"Well, I had a hunch you were gonna be here," he lied, making Daisy roll her eyes playfully a bit. "Yeah."

"Oh, wow," he murmured, accepting the gift.

"Actually, those were for Trent Crimm's daughter. She turns three today," Ted then confessed, watching Higgins' face fall. "But it means more to me if you had 'em."

"What? No. No, no. Come on," he said, trying to give them back.

"No. It's okay. She won't remember."

"Oh, Ted, you've already told her?" Rebecca asked, shaking her head. You couldn't promise a child biscuits then take them away.

"Yeah, weeks ago. She's been looking forward to it. But she's three. She'll bounce right back. It'll be fine," he assured them. "Daisy has a little gift for her too."

"No way," Higgins denied, refusing to take something from a three-year-old.

"No, no. I insist. I insist," he said before grinning. "I'm screwing with you. I'm just messing around. I predicted this whole thing, and I made those myself for you." Daisy just giggled as her father lied — Higgins would know as soon as he opened the lid.

"Oh," Higgins sighed in relief. "Thank you."

Ted then rubbed his hair playfully before backing up. "Okay, y'all. I'll see you in a little bit, okay? Let's go, Greyhounds. Whoo!"

Daisy stayed back, watching as Higgins opened the box, seeing the pink and white icing. "Yeah, these are definitely for a little girl," he declared, feeling bad all over again.

Rebecca just smirked at him. "Maybe he thinks you're silly and playful and mysterious."

"Oh, sure."

"Don't sweat it, Higgy," Daisy told him while holding up the pink gift bag in hand. "There's a cupcake in here for her."

"Oh, thank god," he muttered. Really, he was on the brink of hunting down Trent's daughter himself to make sure she got the cookies. "I really did not want to give these back."

✵︎

After staying to talk with Rebecca and Higgins for a little while longer, Daisy went to the locker room. Spirits seemed high enough, but she noticed right away that Roy's practice kit was still hanging up. She had been certain he was gonna give in and let himself be benched. Daisy sat next to Sam on the bench, just in front of Roy's usual spot.

Ted was just as disheartened by the sight of his jersey but pushed those feelings back as he got ready for training. "Okay, fellas! Need y'all to listen up."

"Coach," Beard greeted while coming to stand next to him. Nate joined them as well.

"Now—"

Nate was suddenly cutting Ted off, speaking quickly. "I know now's not the best time, Coach, but I have been feeling physically sick since walking away from you the other day. Plus last night, I had a horrible nightmare that I was pecking you to death like a crow. I'm so sorry."

A drunk Ted briefly explained his little fight with Nate and Beard, who ignored him like children when he was initially refusing to bench Roy. It seemed it was all over now though.

"It's okay, Nate," Ted assured him. "We're all good in the hood, all right?"

He sighed in relief. Ted was his favorite person, so he didn't want to be on his bad side. "Oh, yeah."

"But hey, but do me a favor. Try to apologize to me in your dream so we're good on that side of things too," he requested.

"Oh, yeah. Of course."

"Thank you," he said before addressing the team. "Now, fellas, we got ourselves a heck of a match comin' up, yeah? And what I'm gonna need from all of y'all..."

Ted trailed off as Roy came into the locker room late, all eyes on him. He didn't say anything at first as he took off his jacket, handing it to Daisy.

"Sorry, mates," he said while taking his shirt off as well. And Daisy didn't really care how Sam nudged her side as she openly stared at Roy's chest. "My seven-year-old niece watched an episode of Glee and asked what an inactive crackhouse was. So I had to take her to get her ears pierced in an attempt to erase the memory."

Daisy giggled and covered her mouth, realizing that she probably shouldn't have let someone so young know about Glee just yet. No doubt, Roy was going to complain about that later.

"Well, that's not ideal," Beard muttered.

"Can I say something?" Roy then asked after putting on his kit and the blue jersey reserved for second team.

Ted nodded and stepped back. "Floor is yours, Captain."

Roy sighed before addressing the whole room, pointing at all his teammates. "Second team's gonna kick first team's fucking asses today!"

That lightened the mood as the second stringers began laughing and teasing the others, joking along with Roy. And as they did, Ted just smiled, glad things weren't ruined.

"All right, fellas! Finish getting ready, and then we'll do what the man says. We'll settle this out on the pitch. Let's go."

"Sorry about that," Daisy told Roy as she stood up. "I probably should've warned you to just let her watch the singing parts."

"Wasn't that bad," he said, wrapping an arm around her to bring her closer. "And it made me like that Rachel chick a lot fucking more. That was hilarious."