Life in the church was not easy, but Amanda was grateful to almost never have time to wallow in her own misery. When she thought about her family, sometimes she felt a deep hatred, but other times, melancholy would take over, and sorrow would grip her heart.
The young woman volunteered for any task that Father Facundo offered her. She was convinced that free time could plunge her into a deep depression. During her first week "in exile," she taught literacy classes every morning at the church. Some afternoons, she helped Julia with her nursing duties and ran errands for the townspeople.The dreaded Sunday finally arrived, and Amanda couldn't help but wonder if her family would attend mass or if they would abandon their faith as easily as they pretended she had never been born. When the Pérez Esnaola carriage stopped at the entrance of the temple, Julia took her arm, and Amanda was grateful to have someone to lean on. She looked at Father Facundo beside her, who gave her a friendly smile that inspired some confidence, and the three of them continued greeting the parishioners who were slowly entering the temple.The young woman held her breath and felt dizzy when her mother passed in front of her, avoiding looking at her. The only one who looked at her with sadness was Sebastián, but he did not greet her. It was clear that if he did, he would have problems later with his father. Perhaps that was why they hadn't seen each other since he brought her belongings. Isabel and her family nodded at Father Facundo in greeting and ignored Amanda. She gripped Julia's arm tightly to contain the impulse to run away."How are the two most beautiful ladies of the viceroyalty?" Pablo Ferreira greeted, stopping a few steps away from Julia."Are you referring to us?" Amanda asked, regaining her composure."Of course, who else could I be talking about?" Pablo added, and Julia laughed."Oh, I see... For a moment, I thought I had become invisible," Amanda concluded, raising a hand to her face as if she were sharing a secret.Julia laughed again, and Pablo raised an eyebrow, confused. Father Facundo urged them to enter, as the mass was about to begin. The priest's sister went to sit next to her fiancé, but Amanda noticed that she was too close to her uncles, whom she wanted to avoid at all costs. Fortunately, Pablo realized she was paralyzed and guided her to sit next to a shepherd couple. From that spot, she couldn't see any member of her family."Aren't you going to sit with Sebastián?" Amanda asked in a low voice."I'm sure he'll survive if I'm away from him for a couple of hours," the young man joked."Didn't you hear that the new trend is to ignore me? Your good reputation could be at risk if they see you with me," Amanda warned."Nonsense! I never had a good reputation," the criollo assured her.The two began to laugh. A man sitting in front of them turned and, putting a finger to his bushy mustache, indicated they should be quiet. The priest had begun to speak.After mass, Amanda patiently waited for the church to empty. She didn't want to run into any member of her family again."Can we talk for a second?" Father Facundo asked when almost everyone had left."Of course!" Amanda said.Pablo walked a few meters away to give them privacy and began talking to Mariano Bustamante. The young man seemed sad, and it was no wonder. His father had been missing for days, and everyone prayed to find the man safe and sound."I want you to meet someone," the priest said, guiding her to an elderly woman waiting near the altar."Amanda, this is Doña Nazarena de Hidalgo, and she would love to take you into her home once Julia marries Dr. Medina," Father Facundo said.The young woman didn't respond."Nice to meet you, dear. Since my husband passed away and my daughters got married, I've felt lonely. It would be wonderful to have company again," the woman added, giving the stunned girl a smile.Amanda couldn't believe it. After all she had sacrificed for him, Father Facundo wanted to get rid of her too. Was he planning to leave her with an unknown old woman like an unprotected orphan? She understood she couldn't accompany Julia and the doctor in their newlywed life, but she had sworn the church would remain open to her."I thought... I thought I could keep living here," Amanda said after a few moments of silence."I'm sorry. It wouldn't be right. Although I've given my heart to God, some people wouldn't look kindly on you staying alone with me," the priest explained."You'll see, we'll get along very well," assured the woman."You understand, right?" Facundo asked, trying to place his hand on Amanda's arm, but she avoided him.She felt tears clouding her vision but didn't want to cry in front of him. She had been foolish to think something could ever happen between them. The priest seemed too worried about what others thought. He would never see her as a woman, and perhaps he didn't even see her as a friend."Excuse me. I need some air," she said in a faint voice and left, trying not to draw attention.She exited the church and headed to the park surrounding the building. She sat under a tree and allowed herself to cry. She looked up at the sky, fragmented by the bare branches. She wondered if everything would be the same if her father were still alive. She wanted to believe that Antonio Pérez Esnaola wouldn't have allowed her to be cast out of the family, but deep down, she knew her father wasn't much different from her uncle. Despite feeling betrayed, she missed them terribly. Her life was nothing but that, missing the past.The disappointment she felt toward Father Facundo had reopened the wound her family had left in her soul. The priest's rejection hurt, but the rejection from her mother and sisters was even more painful. Perhaps both betrayals had combined to deepen the void in her chest.Her thoughts were interrupted by Pablo, who sat next to her, though neither spoke for a few seconds."What do you want?" Amanda asked, not bothering to sound polite.She didn't understand why he couldn't let her cry in peace. Everything happening to her was bad enough without having to pretend everything was fine in front of someone."The priest told me what happened with the widow of Hidalgo. He's an idiot," Pablo replied."He's not an idiot!" Amanda exclaimed, feeling the need to defend him despite the pain he had caused her."Yes, he is. Come live at my house," he added without looking at her, pulling some grass from the ground.If it was a joke, it wasn't funny, or Amanda was in too foul a mood to understand it. She glared at him before responding."I know what you're trying, and I won't sleep with you. I don't want your comfort or your pity. I won't owe you anything," she said sharply."I don't want to sleep with you," he defended himself."In that case, I don't want your pity," she repeated."It's not pity. I need your help. I want to marry you," he said, finally looking at her with his deep brown eyes.It made no sense. Amanda didn't respond. Pablo told her a crazy story about his grandmother's death and how Sebastián, Leónidas, and the priest had helped him cover it up. His absurd tale at least distracted her from more painful thoughts."Why would you want to marry me?" she asked when he finished."I already told you. If anyone finds out my grandmother died before I come of age or marry, I'll lose my lands," he explained."Yes, but why me? Marry Magdalena or one of the many women who are dying for you," Amanda replied."I already told you I'm not looking to sleep with you, unless you want to, of course. I want an intelligent wife I can talk to, a friend. If you marry me, you can continue your projects. I think what you do is important, and if you want to sleep with the priest, that's fine by me..." Pablo began to explain, but Amanda interrupted him."What? I don't want to... well... Facundo and I never..." she stammered, feeling her cheeks flush."Alright, alright. Sorry. I thought there was something between you. But even so, I'm sure you'd be the perfect wife for me, and maybe in the future, we could even fall in love and start a dynasty," the criollo added, moving his hand slowly as he said the last word."Are you serious?" she asked.Sometimes it was hard to tell if he was joking. Amanda shook her head, unable to believe she was considering his proposal."Yes," he simply said.She looked into his eyes, searching for any hint of mockery, but found none. Although people usually preferred light-colored eyes, the dark brown of the criollo's eyes gave depth to his words.Pablo didn't offer the promise of eternal love, yet his offer was tempting. She had given up her home and pride for Father Facundo, but it wasn't enough for him. The criollo, on the other hand, offered her the freedom to pursue her dreams, whatever they were, and a name. Becoming Mrs. Ferreira seemed better than being a rejected Pérez Esnaola."You don't have to answer me right now, but promise you'll think about it," Pablo requested, standing up.Amanda nodded and watched as the criollo walked away. A part of her had hoped he would kiss her before leaving, giving her a glimpse of what her life could be if she accepted."Wait!" she called, and Pablo returned."Yes?" he asked, stopping in front of her.Amanda blushed. She would have preferred to be standing or for Pablo to sit back down."If I married you, would you still see other women?" she asked timidly.It might not make sense to demand fidelity in a fake marriage, but it was something Amanda needed to know. Pablo didn't respond immediately, and when he did, Amanda's heart raced."I don't know. It's possible, but I'll always be there for you if you want me by your side," he admitted.That wasn't enough, although in a way, it was also somewhat sweet. Besides, she loved Father Facundo even if he was eager to get rid of her. Pablo was handsome and had proven to be a good friend, but he would never be completely hers. It might seem selfish to demand his love and fidelity when she wasn't in love with him. She was angry with the priest, but she still loved him. What she felt for the criollo was very different, and while it wouldn't be hard to love him, it might not be the most sensible thing."Alright, I'll marry you," she accepted, thinking that when someone has hit rock bottom, it's impossible to fall even further.Pablo smiled and sat beside her."Are you sure? Don't you want more time to think about it?" he asked."I've never had so many doubts in my life, but it doesn't make sense to wait," she acknowledged, resting her head on the criollo's shoulder."Thank you," he said softly, resting his cheek on her head.Amanda had never imagined being engaged to Pablo Ferreira, much less in such a peculiar way. She couldn't wait to see Sofía's face when she found out, and she wondered what her family would say. Would they take it well, badly, or continue pretending she didn't exist? She pushed the painful images of her family and Father Facundo from her mind and focused on the moment. She liked feeling Pablo's warmth beside her, and when he took her hand, she didn't pull away.