"WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING OUT HERE?"

With fear crippling his mental faculties, Theodosius found it difficult enough to stand upright, so he stuck to the basics: he quivered and tried not to wet his robes.

The sound of an impatient hoof tapping against the gleaming floor raised the hair on the back of Theo's neck. He plastered what he hoped was an ingratiating expression, but what was actually much more of a sickly grimace, onto his face and turned to regard the speaker. Too frightened to meet her lambent yellow eyes, he stared instead at her hooves for a moment before slowly inching his gaze upward.

Such a look, given by any other man to any other female creature, might have been considered a leer. This particular look, however, was something more like a whimper of the eye.

Bihatra's coal-gray skin was unbecomingly ashen in the fluorescent lights of the vast lobby. Her dark hair fell in riotous curls to frame a face that was, nevertheless, unnaturally beautiful. She wore a severe-looking black pantsuit that did not hinder the movement of her whip-like, barbed tail. The tail flicked toward Theo, causing him to flinch.

"I-I-I, ah, I-I," he said.

"You-you-you what? What was your name, again?"

"Th-th-theodosius," Theo said.

"You're the necromancer, right?"

Theo nodded.

Bihatra darted a glance toward the security desk, her mouth twitching into a frown. "I feel like it's been years since I brought you here," she said, as if to herself.

"It has," Theo said. Perhaps wisely, he responded with less verbosity than he had shown to the Narrator in Chapter One.

"Well, come on." Bihatra took hold of Theo's arm, her talons pricking his flesh through the sleeve of his robe, and she began to drag him toward the security desk.

Having no options other than the one, Theo allowed himself to be pulled bodily along by the demoness, who was half again his height and at least three times as strong. The touch of her hand through his sleeve was hot, and he caught the scent of singing fabric, but he decided that a burnt sleeve was a smaller issue to contend with than the eternal torment that was close at hand.

"You didn't have to come all the way out here," he said, the urgency of his fear overcoming his commitment to brevity of speech. "Really. You must be so busy. I don't mind waiting in line."

Bihatra ignored him.

"Honestly. Another sixteen years—not long at all, really, in the eternal scheme of things."

Bihatra ignored him some more.

"I was getting to be acquaintances with Mildred. She's not so bad, after all—"

"Shut up, Todderosh." Bihatra had gained the security desk. She deposited Theo none too gently before it, then leaned over the desk. Theo ducked to avoid a swhip! of her tail. "Fred!"

The creature at the security desk, a gangly personage who looked like the demonic equivalent of a spotty-faced human teenager, turned his face toward Bihatra with a frown. "What."

"Why the Devil are you so slow? This line of people stretches all the way into Purgatory!"

Fred indicated an enormous book resting on the counter behind the security desk. "Can't do nothin' about how long it takes, Bihatra. Got to do all the cross-referencing myself."

"Well, this one's at the front of the line now. Do him next. The boss wants to see him."

Theo wheezed.

Fred eyed Theo with skepticism. "Him? Whassizname?"

"Thobbernock? Thisserack? What was it again?"

"Theodosius," Theodosius said. He tried not to be irritated—he really did—but he had no trouble remembering Bihatra's name. They had, after all, had a rather intimate acquaintance, what with him having been eaten to death by her, and all. "Certified Sorcerer."

"That." Bihatra pointed at the large book with a taloned index finger. "Go, go, go."

Fred leisurely began to turn some pages. Then some more. Several minutes later, he turned another page.

Bihatra's hooves clicked against the polished floor as she shifted her weight. Theo glanced up at her with apprehension, sensing her mounting irritation. She hissed, "Fred," which was impressive, beings as the name "Fred" contains no sibilants.

"There's multiple Theodosiuses, just hold your hell-hounds," Fred said. "Where're you from?"

"Barenn," Theo said.

"Your father's name?"

"Theodosius."

"Theodosius the Elder, or Theodosius the Green?"

Theo cocked his head, thought a moment, and proceeded with caution. "Well...I think the Elder, although possibly both. I never met him."

Fred shook his head. "They're two different Theodosiuses, so we'll go with Elder."

Fred turned another page and sighed in the manner of a teenager who has been set to some task that definitely not optional, and definitely bo-o-oring. Bihatra sighed in the manner of a demoness who had a long list of much better things to do than stand around in the vestibule of Hell with a smelly necromancer on one side and a smelly adolescent demon on the other.

Finally, Fred sat up a bit straighter and looked at Bihatra. "Nope. Can't let him in."

"What!" Bihatra cried.

Theo straightened and peeked over the desk at the security demon. "What?"

Fred shrugged. He turned the massive book round toward them and tapped a paragraph. Bihatra leaned over the desk to read it. "No damnable offenses? He was a necromancer, for the Devil's sake!"

Theo craned his neck to read what was written in the book.

THEODOSIUS THE YOUNGER OF BARENN, SON OF THEODOSIUS THE ELDER OF BARENN —

Certified sorcerer.

A life spent in marginally useful pursuits but with no accomplishments of note.

Poor necromancer. No damnable offenses.

"Wait—you mean I don't belong here?" Theo asked.

Bihatra shot Theo a dirty look. "Of course you belong here, you idiot. You made a deal with a demoness, first of all."

Fred shrugged. "You can't just go makin' deals with anybody, Bihatra, you know that. You gotta follow the regularations, and they say that only deals made with humans successfully tempted into damnable offenses are official. Did you successfully tempt him into a damnable offense?"

Theo turned to regard Bihatra with an elevating sense of smugness and glee. "She didn't!"

The demoness put her hands on her hips and glared down at him. "I did!"

"No, you tried—you tried!—but you didn't! You didn't! I didn't kill any tiny humans!"

"Well—but—" Bihatra sputtered. "You were a necromancer! If that's not a damnable offense—"

"But I was a really bad one!" Theo cried in victory. "I was terrible at it! I only ever resurrected animals—birds, deer, a very ill-tempered cat—"

"Which don't got eternal souls, Bihatra," Fred said. He rolled his eyes. "Like, that's grade-school stuff."

Bihatra rounded on the security guard with such a look of vengeful fury in her eyes that Theo nearly lost the tenuous control he had on his bladder. Fred, however, had apparently been around the block. Angry demonesses and mix-ups regarding eternal damnation seemed to be just a typical Monday for him. He shrugged his slumped shoulders as if to say, What can you do? I don't make the rules.

"Well," Bihatra said, collecting herself, "none of that matters."

Theo felt the tiny bit of hope that had been restored to him flee quickly, without looking back.

"Give him a visitor's badge. The boss wants to see him. Proper necromancer—" and here she shot Theo a look of disgust— "or no."