Castiel and Lucifer walk onstage together, the former slightly in front while his brother looks around. They sit down, with Castiel in the seat closest to Jody and Lucifer next to him.

"Welcome back, Castiel, and welcome in general, Lucifer," she greets them.

"Thanks for having me back," Castiel replies. He glances at Lucifer, who seems to be mesmerized by the audience. He elbows his brother in the ribs, regaining his attention. "You look like you just saw a ghost."

"No, I just saw a unicorn," Lucifer tells him, not sarcastically at all. "I guess he got out of the hotel room."

"I honestly don't know how to respond to that," Castiel replies.

"I know. Anyway, blame Marv for distracting me."

"'Marv'?" Castiel and Jody repeat at once.

"My unicorn," Lucifer clarifies.

"Your... You know what? I'm not even going to ask," Jody says.

"Good idea," Castiel replies. "The sooner you learn to just roll with it, the easier this whole thing will be."

"Noted," she replies. "Anyways, congrats on four million subscribers, Lucifer."

"Thanks," he replies. "It was tough, getting all four million of them. You know, being Castiel's brother and basically having him hand my all my subscribers on a silver platter is really hard."

"He may have gotten the word out, but the rest is all you," Jody replies, just as Castiel has been saying since day one.

"Why thank you, m'lady," he replies, tipping an imaginary fedora. The audience cheers, and he grins. "Hey, look, the famsquad is here!"

"The famsquad?" Jody repeats.

"Jacksfilms?" Lucifer tries again.

"What?"

"Isn't that the guy Adam and Samandriel keep arguing about?" Castiel asks.

"That he is," Lucifer replies. "I should force you to watch his videos with me. You know what? Tonight, I'm hooking my laptop up to the tv and you, me, and Dean are having a Jacksfilms marathon."

"But Divergent!" Castiel whines.

"We watched that last night. Finish the series again on your own time. Jacksfilms always comes first."

"I have a feeling I'm going to regret this."

"Unfortunately for you, I'm not giving you a choice. Jacksfilms for teh win!"

"Oh god, save me," he whispers. "Anyways, back to the conversation we should be having." He looks pointedly at Jody, silently signaling that they're done with their side conversation.

"Well, I have to ask about Dean," she says. He knows she wouldn't have asked about him, had he not posted about Dean on multiple occasions over the last week or so on various social media sites. "What's up with you two? I need the whole story."

"The 'whole story' goes back six years," Castiel tells her. "You really want the whole story?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, now I gotta figure out exactly where to start."

"I'll start!" Lucifer says excitedly. "The tale of Destiel is one full of ships and more ships and even more ships and even more ships and rainbows! 'Kay, your turn!"

Castiel joins the audience in laughing.

"I said it's your turn," Lucifer repeats. 

"No, really, where do I start?" Castiel asks.

"The beginning, like a normal person?" Lucifer suggests.

"Well, when'd you meet?" Jody suggests.

Castiel thinks back to the beginning of high school. "Um..."

Lucifer gives him a puzzled look, obviously wondering why he won't say it.

"Crowley," Castiel says quietly.

"Ah," Lucifer replies, figuring it out. "Alright, imma tell the story of Destiel, since Castiel is socially awkward and won't."

"Hey!" Castiel whines.

"No, kidding. You're not awkward anymore. Mostly. But I'm still telling the story of Destiel, since I probably know it better than you two do."

"Alright, ship master. Go ahead. I'll confirm the accuracy of it."

"Awesome. So, once upon a time in the hellish kingdom of Sioux Falls, there was an evil dictator named Crowley, and his evil sidekicks named —"

"Lucifer,"  Castiel hisses, elbowing his brother in the ribs.

"Relax, lil kitten. I got this," Lucifer assures him. "So there was an evil dictator named Crowley, and his sidekicks Azazel and Alastair." He gives Castiel a pointed look, silently assuring him that it's all good. "They ruled over their royal subjects with an iron thumb."

"Isn't it iron fist?" Jody asks.

"No, you just think it's iron fist, but I know the truth. It's an iron thumb, now and forever."

"Where are you going with this?" Castiel asks.

"You'll see. So they ruled over their subjects with an iron thumb." He gives Jody a pointed look on the last word. "One of those subjects was a little nephilim —"

"A what?" Castiel and Jody interrupt at once.

"A nephilim. An angel-child."

"The child of angels?" Castiel repeats. "Dad's God, though, isn't he? Err, was..." His smile slips at that, and he can see Lucifer has the same reaction. Recovering his composure quickly, he pats Castiel on the back, and though it's a sympathetic pat, he plays it off as if he's just mentally facepalming

"No, angel chan. A nephilim only has one angel parent. That was obviously Mom. Anyway, Crowley's royal subjects blah blah blah nephilim named Castiel. Castiel was a shy and awkward little angel-person. When he first joined Crowley's land, he was excited. He had high hopes for —"

"I knew I was going to hate high school," Castiel interrupts.

"Shushles, child, and let me tell the story. So Castiel was excited to go to Crowley's kingdom, because it was his chance to break out of his shell and become a pretty lil butterfly.

"But the minute supreme emperor Crowley laid eyes on Castiel, he decided he didn't like him. For years, he and his sidekicks taunted our little angelic friend, and that made the little butterfly sad. Then, one day, a big moose named D—"

"Sam's the moose," Castiel whispers.

"A big squirrel named Dean walked — err, scampered in on the nephilim playing guitar alone in the band room."

"How did you know that?" Castiel asks.

"I know everything," Lucifer replies ominously. "The squirrel joined his guitar playing and made it a duet. The guitars blended perfectly and became one big guitar, which only happens with soulmates. It was then that they realized they were meant for each other.

"But one day, the squirrel had to leave. It made the half angel very sad, but no matter how much he begged, the squirrel would not change his mind. The squirrel went across the entire empire for five whole years, until one day, he figured out where his butterfly would be. He found his angel and they kissed and made up and lived happily ever after except for that one time for a few months. The end."

Everyone just stares at him for a few moments until they all start laughing, Castiel and Jody included.

"Well, that was... That was quite a story," Jody says finally.

"He's always like this, by the way," Castiel says. "It may seem like an act he puts on for you guys, but no, this is actually Lucifer on a daily basis."

"I'm honestly kind of jealous," Jody replies. "I'd kill for a brother like that."

"I know, I'm awesome," Lucifer says, flipping his nonexistent shoulder length hair. "No, kidding. It's a miracle they haven't killed me yet. At this point, I think the only reason Anna hasn't decapitated me with a butter knife is because Claire's easily the scariest person in our house and she can protect me."

"And there are now four million people who know who you are that would be kind of suspicious," Jody reminds him.

"They're not people. They're the robots from the Phineas and Ferb movie that alternate universe Doof sent after Phineas and Ferb and Perry when they jumped out of the building. That's the only explanation I can think of."

"Do I want to know how you thought of that?" Jody asks.

"I'm just wondering how you guys didn't think of that. I'm going to be the only one that survives the government poisoning us through our microwaves because all you sheep would never believe it!"

"Hey, Lucifer, do you also think the moon landing is fake?" Castiel asks teasingly.

"Well of course. I mean, have you seen the video? It's obviously fake. It was taken on Mars. We've already made it to Mars, and that's why despite all the talk, no one's actually tried to go there."

"Dude." Castiel gapes at him. "You just solved everything."

"I'm telling you, Castiel. I know everything."

"Yeah, clearly."

"It's kinda scary," Jody adds.

"Well, yeah; you're talking to literal Satan right now. You should be scared."

She laughs. "I'm shaking," she jokes. "I don't think we've gotten this off topic on this show in years."

"That's cuz this isn't my place," Lucifer replies. "Castiel does the celebrity things. I sit at home with a camera and laptop. I don't know what I'm doing, and I probably wouldn't have come at all if it wasn't for Misha."

"Misha?"

Castiel facepalms.

Lucifer looks over at him apologetically. "Again I say, this isn't my thing, so... sorry?"

"Nah, it's fine." He's kind of decent looking now. He hopefully won't scar little children for life. "Misha's my dog."

"You have a dog?" Jody repeats.

"Yeah. He broke into my house and Lucifer guilted me into keeping him. I have a picture on my phone if you want to see why I haven't really publicized him."

"Well, now I'm curious," she replies.

Castiel pulls out his phone from his trench coat pocket, and the crowd whines. As he searches for a picture, he adds, "I'll post a picture of him on Instagram for you guys. How about that?" The audience cheers in agreement. He finds a newish picture of the dog and shows it to Jody, who gapes at it for a moment.

"Um..."

"Adorable, right?" Lucifer says excitedly.

"Um..."

"He's not, I know," Castiel says. "He looked worse when I first found him, believe it or not. But he's really sweet and doesn't seem to mind traveling a lot. Here, I'll post it now for everyone else before I forget." He quickly posts the picture on Instagram, the caption simply reading "My doge, Misha."

"So yeah. That's my dog," he says. "He came from a rough place, but he's still fighting every day, and I think that's really admirable. My dog's a better role model that me," he jokes, and the audience laughs.

"Alright, I have a question for you," Jody says to Castiel when people calm down. "Now, obviously, you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable, but —"

"Is this going to be a thing now?" Castiel asks, knowing this is because of the scene with Lilith. "If you're worried I'm going to walk out, don't be. I like you and the show too much for that."

"Well, I just wanted to make sure," she replies. "So, if you don't want to answer, I totally get it, but I figured it could be a nice chance to clear things up if you want to. I'm sure you've heard the rumors going around that you tried to kill yourself. Comments?"

"Yeah, actually, a few," he replies, casually removing his trench coat and revealing his suit jacket. "I don't know where that came from, but I've seen it quite a bit on Twitter and in headlines. I don't know if people assumed the worst after the video my breakup with Dean went viral or what, but I've been trying to figure out how I could possibly respond to something like that."

He knows exactly what to say to deflect that accusation, but he makes a split second decision and takes off his suit jacket, rolling up his sleeve slightly to show the end of the cut he made all those months ago. It's healed quite a bit, but it's definitely still there.

He hears the collective gasp of the audience, and he tries to ignore it. He knows that's not what they were expecting; Jody's face is proof of that.

Lucifer elbows him in the ribs. "What are you doing?" he hisses. "Are you insane?"

"Yes, I am," he replies, just as quietly. He slides his sleeve down and puts his suit jacket and trench coat back on as he talks. "Obviously, I could have just denied it and no one but Lucifer would know, but I'm sick of this, and if you don't mind, I have a little rant that I haven't prepared at all and had no intention of giving until about ten seconds ago.

"I've been bullied my entire life, to the point where I wouldn't even talk to my siblings for years. For all the crap that anti bullying assemblies get, I think they have a good goal, because if it wasn't for my brother Gabriel, none of you would know my name, because he saved my life six years ago when I tried to kill myself for the first time.

"What people always seem to forget is that celebrities are people too. There's a reason people like Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift aren't on Twitter much if it all, and why I'll stay offline for weeks at a time. We're easy targets for cyber bullies, trolls. But after five years of trying to put up with this gracefully, I feel like I owe it to my fellow celebrity friends to say something about this.

"We're people too. We have feelings too. Making fun of celebrities is still bullying, and you never know what effect that can have on them. I'm not expecting to change the world with this, and I'm sure I'm going to get twenty billion people tweeting at me that this is the definition of first world problems and telling me to kill myself anyway, but I just had to get that out there. Anyways, yeah. Just think about what you're saying before you say it."

There's a stunned silence after that. It's Lucifer who breaks the silence.

"Random dancing!" he yells like he's in iCarly, then starts spastically dancing around. His randomness seems to bring everyone back to the good time they had been having. Lucifer's weirdness seems to do that a lot. Castiel just hopes he never loses that sense of humor.