*Trigger warnings for mentions of domestic violence, mentions of drug use/relapse, vomit, and effects of overdose.***

Wait to start the song.

Every atom of Josh's body was scorched with pain when he was woken up for the millionth time to have his vitals checked and his IV fluids changed. Tyler woke up every time a nurse so much as walked past Josh's room, and as much as Josh wanted to be appreciative of that, it annoyed him that he couldn't sleep when he needed to so badly. His body wouldn't let him soon, and he didn't want to waste a single second of sleep.

A thought crossed Josh's mind as his temperature was checked. "What day is it?" He asked the nurse, his words slurred from sleep and pain.

The nurse checked the screen on the temperature reader, apparently finding nothing alarming about his results. "It's the eleventh," she told him.

"No, the day of the week," he asked, allowing Tyler to help him lie back down.

"It's Thursday," she told him.

"Fuck," Josh muttered. All of his muscles protested when he turned his head to look at Tyler. "You have class this morning."

Tyler shook his head, pulling Josh's blankets back up over him despite how much he was starting to sweat. "Don't worry about it. You're my priority. It's already seven anyways."

"No, no, no," Josh mumbled, groaning in pain when he tried to sit up. Tyler eased him back down immediately. "You have to go to class. You have your test tomorrow. You can't miss any more class because of me."

The nurse seemed to be at a loss for words, unable to bring herself to leave. She busied herself with Josh's chart, trying to pretend she wasn't fascinated by an addict giving a shit about someone besides himself.

"I'm not leaving you here by yourself," Tyler told Josh seriously, slinging an arm around his waist. He rubbed Josh's back gently. "It's okay. I'll talk to my professors when you get out of here."

"Fuck that. Where's your phone?" Josh asked, pulling Tyler's arm off of him.

Tyler seemed worried as he reached into the pocket of his borrowed hoodie and pulled out his phone. Josh was too focused on not passing out from the pain to even consider being tactful as he took Tyler's phone, punching in the passcode and opening his message app. Tyler remained silent, not asking Josh who the owner of the number he sent the message to was. The response came quickly. Josh handed Tyler his phone back.

"Hayley will be here in twenty minutes. Go home and get ready for class," Josh said, shifting to try and get comfortable in his bed. Nothing would be comfortable. His whole body was in pain, and he wasn't even having withdrawals yet.

His boyfriend was quiet for a moment before sitting up and climbing off of the hospital bed. Josh didn't look at him. He felt sick with guilt every time he looked at Tyler, and he couldn't handle that right now. He wanted Tyler to move on. He wanted Tyler to do better for himself.

The nurse scurried out of the room as Tyler pulled his shoes back on. He was shaking, and Josh knew he was trying to hide that he was crying. Josh couldn't hurt Tyler any more than he already had.

"Hey," Josh said softly. Tyler looked at Josh, his eyes shining with tears. Josh shook his head, forcing himself to sit up. "Come here."

Tyler's bottom lip trembled as he crawled back onto the bed, letting Josh hug him close. Tyler buried his face against Josh's shoulder, sniffling quietly. Josh kissed his temple softly.

"I don't want you to leave. I want you here with me so badly, but I'm not letting you miss class for me again. As soon as you're done today, you can come back. I just need you to promise me that you'll keep putting your education first," Josh explained to Tyler. As much as his muscles and bones protested, he rocked Tyler softly. "I'll be here when you get back."

Even though Josh knew he still smelled like sweat, piss, and vomit, he heard Tyler breathe him in. "Don't make me leave you," Tyler whispered.

Josh sighed, kissing Tyler's temple again. "What time is your first class?"

"Nine thirty," Tyler replied quietly.

Josh hummed. "We've still got some time then. If you leave here in an hour, would you have time to get ready and get to class on time?"

Tyler sniffled again, nodding meekly against Josh's shoulder. "Mmhm."

"Okay. I need you to help me lay down again. All of my muscles are fucking dying," Josh told his boyfriend, who immediately helped him to lie back in the bed. As soon as he was down, he opened his arms for Tyler to snuggle against him. Tyler did so without hesitating. "Hey, I love you so much."

Tyler smiled slightly, resting his head against Josh's chest. "I love you too."

Josh's arm trembled as he ran his fingers through Tyler's hair. When Tyler noticed, he tangled his fingers with Josh's and pulled his hand down to hold atop his stomach.

Start the song. It's Human Cannonball by Pigss.

"What's going through your mind right now?" Josh asked Tyler in what he hoped was a kind tone. The pain in his body made it hard for him to focus though.

Tyler shook his head, nudging his nose gently against Josh's jaw. "I thought you were going to die," he whispered meekly. "You had a seizure in my lap, Josh. Your lips were blue, and you weren't moving. I thought.... Josh, I can't watch another person die from heroin. I can't. I need you to let me help you get better. I love you. I need you here. I need you to tell me when you need something from me. I need you to communicate with me so I never have to see you like that again."

Josh pressed a kiss to the top of Tyler's head, leaving his face lightly pressed into Tyler's hair as he squeezed his hand lightly. He held Tyler close.

"I'm not giving up yet," he told Tyler softly. "I'm not going anywhere. I fucked up last night. I fucked up really bad, but I'm not going anywhere."

Tyler nodded, holding on to the front of Josh's hospital gown loosely as he tilted his head up to press their lips together. Despite the slow pace of the kiss, Josh's body was too drained to keep up. Tyler broke the kiss, resting his head on Josh's chest again.

"Have you ever overdosed on heroin before?" He asked Josh quietly.

Josh shook his head. "Just coke." After a moment he added, "You never told me you know someone who died from a heroin OD."

Silence settled over the room. Josh's head lifted to look down at his boyfriend. All of the colour had drained from Tyler's face. He looked sick all of a sudden.

"Tyler?" Josh asked carefully.

Tyler slowly slipped out of Josh's arms and climbed off of the bed, not making eye contact with Josh as he started toward the door. His feet stumbled.

"I should go get ready for class," Tyler whispered.

"Ty-"

"I'll come back later. Have Hayley text me when she gets here," Tyler said weakly.

It hit Josh suddenly, making his entire body go numb. "Your brother," he realized out loud. Tyler froze. "It was your brother. He didn't get better. He.... Oh my god. Ty. Babe, why didn't you tell me?"

Tyler still hadn't moved, facing away from Josh and looking down at his feet. He was shaking.

"Hey, come here," Josh said quietly. When his boyfriend didn't move, he added, "Ty, I'll get up and come over to you, but I might pass out before I get there."

Although he still seemed hesitant and closed off, Tyler came back over to the bed. He sat at the end of it instead of by Josh. He pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face against them. It took a great deal of effort for Josh to sit up and move closer to Tyler on the bed. Tyler closed his eyes, his breathing unsteady.

"I'm not mad," Josh whispered as reassuringly as he could manage in his current state. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you. I just wish you'd felt like you could tell me. I'm not mad, Ty. Don't be scared. Let me hold you. Come here."

Tyler whimpered like a frightened puppy as he crawled across the bed to Josh. Even though pain radiated throughout his bones as he did it, Josh pulled Tyler into his lap and held him close. He let Tyler sob against his shoulder as he tried to regain his composure.

For the first time, Josh could see the Tyler that Brendon was so desperate to protect. This was the man who let his boyfriends hit him. This was the man who let his boyfriends cheat on him. This was the man who let men take whatever they wanted from his body and then hang him out to dry. This was the fragile part of Tyler that Josh never saw because it was always hidden behind overalls and mismatched socks and a sweet smile. Why hadn't it ever occurred to Josh that something might have happened to Tyler that led him to believe that he was disposable?

"You needed me to tell you he got better," Tyler sobbed out. "I didn't want to lie, but I couldn't tell you the truth. I didn't know if you'd want to go through all of this shit to get better if you knew what those last few days before his overdose were like or how fucking scary it was to find his body. I couldn't let you be like him, Josh. I couldn't. You deserve to get better. You do. You aren't like Zack. You aren't."

Josh tried as best as he could to soothe the trembling man in his lap, but he was starting to feel extremely sick. He wasn't sure if he was going to throw up or pass out, but his vision was spotty and he felt dizzy. He rested his head on Tyler's shoulder and closed his eyes as he tried to steady himself.

Josh's body struggled greatly as he shifted Tyler so the two of them could lie down on the bed. He couldn't let Tyler know the extent of what he was feeling right now. He needed to protect him.

"We're okay. We're going to be okay. Just let me hold you. I'm not going anywhere. We'll be okay," Josh told Tyler over and over again as the younger man cried.

Josh looked up when the door to his hospital room opened. Brendon followed Hayley into the room. She was wearing one of Josh's shirts as a dress, and he could tell she was trying not to cry as she looked him over. Brendon was more concerned about his sobbing best friend. Josh had to prioritize who his attention was going to though. He couldn't handle trying to talk to all of them at once. His mind and body were already on overload. Tyler was obviously his first priority.

"It's okay to be scared, Ty. You don't have to try and be brave for me. We can both be a little bit scared right now. This is scary. It's especially scary if you've already seen how things can go wrong. We got lucky this time though. I'm going to be okay, and we're shooting for me not having this happen again. You don't need to try and be brave for me, baby, but you've gotta communicate with me about what you need too. If you need me to hold you while you be scared for a while, I'll do it. Just tell me," Josh soothed carefully.

Tyler nodded, sobbing brokenly as his fingers came up to tangle in Josh's hair. He didn't tug at it or pull Josh down into a kiss. He just held on.

"Hold me, and don't make me leave you today," Tyler whimpered out.

As much as Josh hated the idea of Tyler missing another class, he nodded, pulling the blankets back up over the two of them. "Done and done," he agreed. "What else?"

Tyler shook his head. "Just that," he whispered. "Just hold me, and don't ever fucking scare me like this again."

A sigh left Josh's lips as he held Tyler against his side, continuing to try to calm him down. He pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead. "Okay. I'll do my best," Josh promised.

Tyler nodded, closing his eyes and letting out a shaky breath. "I wish you knew how precious your life is," he whispered. "You're worth more than this. You are worth so much more than this."

Josh kissed Tyler's forehead again softly. "Okay. Just rest for a minute. You haven't slept much tonight. Just try to relax."

Only when Tyler was calm did Josh address the other people in the room. "Hey," he said quietly to Hayley and Brendon.

He was bracing himself for Brendon to yell at him, but Brendon didn't get a chance to say anything before Hayley was starting to cry. She hurried over to the chair by Josh's bed, sitting down and grabbing the hand that Tyler hadn't already claimed.

"You're supposed to text me when things are bad. You scared the shit out of me. You can't just text me at seven in the morning saying, 'I OD'd. Can you come to the hospital?' What the fuck, Josh? You scared me," Hayley lectured him fearfully. "Where did you even get dope?"

"Debby's dad," Josh replied quietly. "He offered it to me when we went to go get my dad, and I said no in the moment, but I fucked up and went back for it. I didn't know how to fucking process all of this shit."

"What shit?" Hayley asked him, sounding a bit less abrasive. That is, until she pointed at Brendon and exclaimed, "Sit the fuck down! You're making me nervous."

Brendon immediately sat down on the chair beside hers, seeming both terrified of and enamoured by the tiny woman. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Hayley wasn't paying attention to him though. She was listening to Josh unload all of his problems onto her like she was his NA sponsor or something. Maybe she was. Maybe Josh shouldn't have stopped going to NA.

"Jordan called because my dad had fucked off with the car and no one could find him. Tyler and I went to get him from Mr. Ryan's. My dad was saying a bunch of shit to me, which obviously I don't care about anymore, but then he said it to Tyler. I had to knock him out so we could get him to the car without him saying bullshit like that to Ty anymore." Josh felt Tyler nuzzle closer to him as he explained. "He tried to hurt Abbie when we got home, so I knocked him out again. I locked him in the bathroom to sober up, and then we left. I just.... I don't know. Maybe it shouldn't bother me when my dad does shit like this anymore, but fuck. That house was full of drugs, and my dad was being an asshole, and my family was scared, and Ty was scared, and I couldn't fucking handle it, so I went back and got the drugs."

Hayley sighed, running her fingers through Josh's hair. "I get it. Next time, let us help you get through it sober. You have me, Tyler, and your family in your corner. Let us help you."

Josh nodded, but he wasn't sure if it could really be that easy. Asking for help wasn't something he was good at. For years, he'd been unintentionally training his mind to think that drugs were the only thing that could fix things for him. Now, here he was in a hospital bed with pain in every vein in his body while his boyfriend struggled to keep everything together.

Josh's attention was drawn to Tyler when he felt Tyler's fingertips brush gently against his inner elbow. Pain shot through his arm at the touch, making him wince.

"Your vein collapsed," Tyler realized quietly, drawing Josh's eyes down to the spot.

Sure enough, Josh had collected a third collapsed and blackened vein. His heart sank. How many veins was he going to have to lose before he could get better? He set his hand on top of the track marks, keeping Tyler's hand beneath his.

"Sorry," Josh told Tyler quietly.

Tyler shook his head, lifting Josh's hand off of his arm before kissing the darkened vein softly. Tyler's fingers had felt like knives against his raw flesh, but Tyler's lips would always be petals. He let Tyler nestle himself against his shoulder again before tangling their fingers together.

"So I take it you're not going to class today?" Brendon asked Tyler finally.

Tyler didn't even look at Brendon, keeping his eyes watchfully upon Josh. "No. I'm staying with Josh today. I'll go tomorrow for my test, but I'm not leaving Josh today." When Josh opened his mouth, Tyler added, "And he can't talk me into leaving."

Brendon nodded, setting Tyler's backpack down beside Josh's bed. "Okay. I figured as much. I brought you some clothes and stuff. Text me if you need anything." Josh wasn't sure where he and Brendon stood at the moment, but Brendon looked to him and said sincerely, "I'm glad you're okay, Josh. I'm sorry I let you leave. I didn't know Tyler was trying to protect you."

"Thanks," Josh replied quietly. "But don't worry about it. You and Tyler aren't responsible for my sobriety. This is on me."

"Well, we still have your back if you need us," Brendon replied. "I better head to campus. You two need to get some sleep. Josh looks like he's either about to throw up or die."

"Feels like it," Josh mumbled as he closed his eyes again.

Brendon chuckled. "I'll stop by later. Love you, Ty."

"Love you too," Tyler replied quietly.

The room was silent for a moment after Brendon left before Hayley squeaked, scaring Josh awake from his two second nap. "I forgot I brought you something!" She explained, picking up her purse carefully.

"Unless it's our cat, I don't care," Josh joked despite how much he just wanted to pass out. His smile faltered when Hayley grinned and opened her purse. It meowed. "Oh my god. You snuck a cat into a hospital."

Hayley snickered as she lifted the disgruntled cat out of her purse and set it on the bed beside Josh. Pancake mewed distastefully before rubbing her face against Josh's in the hopes of gaining sympathy.

Despite the complete lack of serotonin in his brain right now, Josh's brain struggled to find a way to communicate to him that this was a situation that should leave him overjoyed. He smiled lazily as he stroked the cat's fur. She purred contentedly as she gracefully plopped her little body on top of his chest and curled up to sleep.

Tyler laughed when she stretched one paw out, resting it in his fluffy hair. "Does this mean she likes me?" He asked Josh with a grin despite the tears still drying on his cheeks.

"I hope so. I don't know if I could stick around if my daughter didn't like you," Josh told him, making him laugh again.

A soft kiss was pressed to Josh's chapped lips. "Does this make me a step parent?"

"Of course it does, honey," Hayley assured Tyler. "Even though Josh divorced me to be with you, you're still welcome in our family."

"I really appreciate that. That's really sweet of you," Tyler replied with a smile.

"You don't have to thank me. Pancake chose to welcome you into our family all by herself. I'm just following her lead. I'm glad I am though because it's been so easy to learn to love you," Hayley replied. "You're a sweetheart, and I couldn't have picked a more adorable stepdad for my baby if I tried."

"Stop trying to fuck my boyfriend while I'm sick. That's so shitty," Josh told Hayley, making Tyler laugh as he was pulled closer against Josh's side. "Only me and Pancake get to call him Daddy."

Even as Josh's boyfriend and best friend dissolved into laughter, he found himself barely having the energy or the ability to do anything but briefly give a weak smile. Pancake seemed to notice, nudging her nose against his and mewing her support.

"Be real though. If Tyler told you he wanted to fuck me, you'd let him as long as you could watch," Hayley joked, making Tyler's cheeks burn pink as he laughed.

Josh barely smiled again. "First of all, Tyler is gay. He would never want to fuck you. Second of all, hell yeah I would."

Tyler was still blushing and trying to fight a laugh as he rolled his eyes. "You're a sicko, Joshua."

Hayley snickered, kissing Josh's forehead before pressing a kiss to Pancake's and Tyler's as well. "I can't believe I married you sometimes."

"We did agree to see other people during our marriage," Josh pointed out.

She beamed. "And that's why our marriage was so blissful."

"The blissfullest," Josh agreed, making Hayley laugh.

The fun of the moment stopped abruptly when Josh shoved Pancake on top of Tyler before shooting up and vomiting heavily into the garbage bin beside his bed. Pain shot through his body as he heaved into the trash, barely hearing Pancake be tucked back into Hayley's purse while Tyler pressed the button that called for a nurse.

The nurse that came in tried to ask Josh how he was feeling and what was going on, but he was too busy vomiting out everything in his stomach to respond. Tyler explained that Josh had just been talking to them and joking around before the nausea had started. The nurse was already injecting something into Josh's IV, explaining that it would ease the nausea.

When Josh finally finished, he lied back down beside Tyler and closed his eyes. All jokes aside, his body was still struggling to keep functioning right now. His vitals were checked again. The oxygen tubes were placed in his nose once again before he was allowed to try to go back to sleep.

Tyler held Josh protectively and rubbed his back gently as he tried to drift off to sleep with all of the pain in his body. Somehow, Tyler eased him into a nightmare. Josh couldn't remember the nightmare at all. All he knew was that it was nothing compared to the reality of what these next few weeks were going to be like. They wouldn't be his last weeks though. He wasn't going to be like Zack.