i was bored so i wrote something then i started liking the plot of it.

couple parts i think, i thought about writing the entire thing, and it reached over four thousand words, and i wasn't even done with it. so imma just give you parts:)

only the patient can read this:)

my love,

i'm always lost in your sparkly eyes, perfectly shaped lips, curved upwards then a little dip in the middle, cupid's bow, your smooth hair so light it bounces freely when you walk with me, your smile never failed to assuage my mind, forcing it to stop thinking of anything else other than how perfect you looked that day. you're beautiful in in my concentrated eyes.

i felt so obsessed over such a being when i met you. the one person out of the entire crowd caught me. that one person that can make me feeble in all ways. it felt like a disease to drown all of my time just to stare in awe, but i wanted it to get worse and worse by the minute, because i loved it.

i always wished i could just hold your hand and tell you that i'm here for anything you need, like a shoulder to just sob on, or ears to hear you yell everything you holds in, or a pair of lips to zip with yours.

i remember when only committed most of our time talking online mostly, i was too scared to even confront my feelings towards you. everything you say is sweet and sincere. i remember when i tried to pick pieces of our talks just to find a hint of love in them that i could indulge for a while. talk complete nothings-but it felt like infinities of infinities to me.

our whole story, it all started when we exchanged conversations online, we related to anything the world offers. our humor was close to the same, apparently something you thought would never happen.

and you asked me if you wanted to meet up, the pang of fury of love exploded in my chest like a firecracker; burst of energy in half a second.

and then i watched you walk towards me, i was sitting on the bench, yet again watching your bright eyes get bigger and brighter the closer you get, your hair dancing with the movement, i probably can come up with a chapter book of things i loved about you. but you looked liked a lost fawn, you were scared when we locked eyes.

and we sat together, our smiles so noticeable, shyness wasn't being a friend. we looked at eachother, and i hear your first words ever spoken to me in person, it was soft and careful, you didn't want to hurt me. it was "hello, ethan."

yet again, that new voice drove me mad and here's when everything tumbled before me, takes me down this love that i wanted to discover. i replied back to the greeting, and we chatted along.

your voice smooth, it perfectly played a melody in my ears. you spoke with such enthusiasm, humor, and and with care.

silence was the comfortable friend, but when it's longer than a second, it attacks you internally. we never lost the eye contact, it was strong, to me, it felt like my world in a glance.

conversations turned to life stories turned into compliments, first words of flirting, it was something i loved.

"you're very cute," your lost voice spoke, and i remember when i wanted to shy away in my anti-social ball, i was very scared, very scared to reply back.

but i replied with honesty, with such care in my voice, it meant a thousand words. "you're very beautiful."

"no i'm not."

"yes you are, i never felt so entranced by someone so quick."

and you accepted it, your smile yet again proving it could get wider. your cheeks were a crimson red, and i saw them before you dip your face into your arms to hide the blushing. it was the cutest thing i've ever seen.

only a week has only gone by and online soon went to random mcdonald's trips, we shared food together, and we talked stupidly and laughed so loud in the car, completely distracted by how long we've sat in the mcdonald's parking lot, stuffing fries and chocolate shakes down our throats. you were already growing strong comfort around me, you licking the salt residue from the fries off your fingers.

one of my favorite things was driving you, our voices melding with the music you and i seemed to love together. your voice, even though you say it's terrible, it's the most perfect voice i've ever heard.

ive noticed you've always let yourself down, and i've picked you up proudly, and you appreciated it, and i was okay with being your extra leg when you fall.

you've passed the moment to the side, but i will never forget it, two weeks after meeting eachother, i felt the love between us grow more in depth, i wanted to kiss you so bad, i wanted to capture your lips, feel the softness on mine.

and we did, our voices quiet, our stares louder than anything. and you spoke, with such sadness, "i've never kissed someone before."

and here came the pang of guilt. "you never kissed someone you liked?"

"no one ever lov-liked me back," you spoke, and i never felt so attacked emotionally, it's like your feelings were influencing mine. it was sadness and humiliation. "it's embarrassing."

"it's not embarrassing, you just waited when it's the right time," i said cupping your cheek. i swear i can remember every little detail.

"would it be okay...if we were to kiss?" you spoke, the shyness was very noticeable.

and i never held in my thoughts from you ever until now, i wanted to kiss you so bad, but instead i said, "we can do that," and i cupped your cheek.

i remembered it all, i pulled you close to me from the back of your neck, my fingers feeling your waves of hair, and our lips grasped eachother. i tasted the salt on your lips, with a hint of fruit from your lipstick. you contemplated for months saying how you're a bad kisser, i clapped back on that. your lips were a perfect softness, delicate petals of a rose moving with mine slowly.

and you pulled apart first, saying "was it bad?"

and it was a hint of friendliness. "you're a good kisser, don't doubt yourself on that."

more weeks have went by, and i always woke up to you sleeping on top of me with a popcorn bowl on the side table, and the screen of the tv was replaying the movie.

a few times i kissed your hair, obtaining the scent of it, and you woke up. perking yourself up so your palms rested on your chin, the elbows digging on my ribs but i didn't mind.

and you spoke, "my morning hair is the worst."

and i remember combing your soft locks with my fingers. "it's perfect."

and you doubted that multiple times, but i won.

and those were memories that i will never forget from you. it was the best times of my life; holding you in my arms, tossing popcorn into each other's mouths, and listening to the subtle heartbeats from eachothers chests. that was home to me.

days like that we're the usual, unlike one day that reminded up that there is still troubles between us.

and it left me broken to this day. i never yelled at you, never ever, even during this memory, i never raised my voice to hurt you, cause your my rose.

but you yelled at me, i dreaded it sometimes. "ethan, listen! i don't want you to hold my hand in public!"

"why," my voice calm.

"because we're not dating ethan! we're not dating at all!" you shout. utter hatred in your voice, it was a voice i wasn't used to. it was scratchy and painful, i loved your soft voice.

"did that kiss mean anything-"

"that kiss? that kiss weeks ago? that one? that only kiss we had? that meant nothing to me. you pushed me into kissing you!"

that's wrong, you lied. you in fact asked me, but i didn't bother added fuel to this fire. i didn't want to hurt you. i didn't want you to feel wrong. i'll let you push me to the ground and beat me up for all i care. you can torture me mentally, physically, and emotionally and i won't fight back.

i'm too in love.

and you cried right after, asking me to leave. and i respected you deeply, left calmly, and i could still hear you soft whimpers.

and it felt like all that i ever wanted was swallowed down a void. there's no more. i thought my dream to hold you with love was gone. but you seem to come back in my mind everyday. what you said never stopped me, as you may know.

and i came back a week later, i knew what we had was so strong it can't be broken by anything.

and i arrived to your house. and you remember what happens.

you open the door, and pulled me your arms, apologizing for all you said. and i believed you, i loved you the entire time. but you never said we were together, that wasn't the point. you never knew how much i loved feeling your breath hit the sensitive skin of my neck.

you plead for me to stay the night, and i calmly accepted, and i held you tight which the tv was on, it felt like love. it was already love.

now that i think of it, maybe you knew that i was so entitled to you, but if that was the case, you played me and my emotions until i became stale.

months went by. it was funny when i tried harmless flirting with you, and you never noticed. i always heard you go wide-eyed when someone hot passes by. my hands would lace with yours, and you tried pulling away. i was jealous. i wanted your eyes on me, no one else.

and we went to a club once, or twice, you liked going there. i heard you say a few times, "loosen up ethan, and hook up with a girl."

"i can't," would be all i say, you wouldn't respond, you left me alone on the couch, multiple girls i softly declined to dance with.

i was too in love, even if you were in front of me dancing with another guy.

and you knew how gruesome it was for me to witness him touching you wrong. you glanced at me multiple times, i don't belong to you, but you belonged to me.

you have to admit that guys touched you wrong, he was touching you in ways that violated you. but all you did was hurt me, let me witness it, let me drown into it, let me indulge to the fact that you don't love me. i was too dumb to understand that.

i was too in love.

and you kissed him, flushed against his sweaty body, and i left. i didn't want to see the rest.

i was so fucking vulnerable, it wasn't healthy. you made me feel so special, so important to your life, but i wasn't part of your life. importance of love seemed to be meaningless. i probably would've given up and drove away, not bothered to pick your flushed body up. but i waited for you outside in the car.

and you called me, while i was in the car, not wanted to watch you weaken under that man's grasp, and you spoke, such fright, that you were scared, that he was pushing you to have sex.

you begged me to help, and fury bubbled my veins as jumped out of the car and sprinted towards the smelly building.

and you witnessed the rest, me peeling that man off you and punched him until his face was purple and red.

never, ever do i tolerate that. any girl, i would never ignore that. men have no such right to take advantage of someone. when it happened to you, i was indeed wanting the kill the man.

and you dragged your drunken feet, grasping me tight, crying deeply and powerfully on my shoulder, and i carried you to the car, and dear god, you were sobbing and wailing, you were scarred. you were hurt.

i buried my lips into your hair to comfort you with my kisses, and for the first time in a while, you didn't mind the closeness. i needed that, beyond anything.

it really helped reached a point where we just didn't care anymore about who we were when together. i just wanted to hold you tight.

many nights i slept through with you, our pure love included kisses on the cheek, hugs that are more powerful than a magnet, and our conversations that were meaningful.

i thought that this would not only continue, it would get stronger and stronger. i couldn't wait for the day when i get to all you mine and you call me yours.

until i was alone, sipping my coffee at a café, and i saw you walking down the street, holding a man's hand so delicately. your prefect soft hand grasping his, and i had to second glance at it. i held yours more than that man did.

that should be my hand.

let's call this a short story, written in a love letter<3