unedited and long yay.

oh and requested kinda (love you guys)

Your POV
i stare at the wall sitting on my bed, my boyfriend standing up nagging at me in the corner of my eye, like he's supposed to control my choices. but he doesn't, he's not me of course. i control myself, and i'm nagging at myself in my head thinking about how stupid it was to not get over this one guy that came in my life and stayed in my life even though i want it gone. it's history, but i keep on reliving it all like my life was a book, a whole story about ethan and i; two young adults not caring for the world around themselves. no feelings at all about one another, somehow feels some sort of way, and breaks it off quick. done, but that's not all, there's an infinite amount of sequels that are slowly being written out as every second goes by. new sequel; a person who saw the guy, and now the person can't help but not want to get over him, because ethan's so easy to love.

he's so easy to love.

"why did you do this to me?" my boyfriend says yanking me out of my swirling thoughts. "why did you do this to you? why to us?"

i don't know, maybe it's the thought of not forgetting my young love, maybe it's the experience with him, maybe it's my young heart wanting to break out of this shell and fly like nothings stopping it, or maybe it's just being curious about if going to the club might just get me to see him again. maybe it's all and more.

"are you listening to me?" my boyfriend's voice ringing in my ears.

"yes i am, and i'm sorry that i'm like this. it's just that i have a hard time moving on," i admit standing up off the bed and face him. he sighs. "did you do anything with him?" his concerning voice spoke.

"no," i say. "he just said hi, and i left, i didn't want anything to do with him."

how many lies does it take to say until you are just faking everything, cause i never this disconnect from myself than ever. i feel like i'm staring at my own body, but not even knowing who the hell i was.

maybe i'm in search of something that'll helps me understand my thoughts. i might just be living a life that isn't what i intending for it to be. my true self staring at my fake self saying all these lies to my boyfriend, it makes just want to scream.

you're holding so many things back.

you say you were emotionally unhealthy before you met this guy in front of you. you still are believe it or not. but it feels more sickening than ever.

accept it, you need him.

my boyfriend left my room. "look, well talk about this later. i just need time to think about what you just said, you need to understand yourself more. i'm not here to not hear the truth behind what i see in front of me. if something's holding you back y/n," he says holding my hand. "i shouldn't just keep you away from what you want."

he says then i hear my apartment door open. "bye y/n," he says before i could anything to get him back, but he shuts the door leaving me alone.

i stare at nothing again, not even bothered by how much of my precious time is being taken, not even aware that my boyfriend basically broke up with me, but i never felt so grateful to how understanding he was. thank you so much for that.

then i hear my phone buzz. my body jolts when i reach my phone to find a contact that i haven't touched in a while, message me.

"hey i know it's late but i was wondering if we could talk" ethan texted. i glare at the screen, my smile pushing through a thick glass that has my frown plastered on it.

i text back. "it's too late right now"

"i know it's night time but i really want to hear you"

"i'm not talking about the nighttime ethan."

"then what?"

"i'm talking about the time for us." my thumbs didn't want to type that vague message.

"no it's not if you just call me right now."

"ethan i'm busy," i lie.

"no you're not."

i just leave him on read, i put my phone the side and stare at the messages, it was months since we've ever sent a single text.

then the phone rang, his name popping up. i shouldn't answer.

but you should.

i stare at it. few more rings until it gets forward to voicemail.

pick it up y/n!

it rings a little more. my mind swirls like a tornado of my own indecisive thoughts.

few more buzzes until it ends.

it'll end soon. won't take a while. he'll just give up anyway. i'm not that important to his life.

i'm talking about the time for us.

no it's not if you just call me right now, his voice seems so real in my mind like i record him.

and i pick up the phone to quickly answer him, my heart now desperate just to hear him.

but i couldn't. cause it was already forwarded to voicemail. my fingers shake uncontrollably wanting to call him back.

but it's too late now.

i feel my phone tremble of my hand, a thump as it reaches the mattress. i can't do anything now. i can't just call him back.

i stare into space again, now beyond saddened than ever before. i reached my lowest of the low, not following what i knew felt right.

it twisted my gut like tangled strings, it squeezes my chest like a boulder was resting on me, it shortens my breath like an undeniable truth strangling my throat. i'll never get over him and ill never solve it unless i do something right now.

and then the phone rings again, and i watch it vibrate, still my thoughts not choosing what action i should just take.

but i let it all out as i grab my phone and slide to answer it. nothing comes through for a second, just faint breaths from his since i knew he was finding a way to say something.

"hi," he spoke, making my heart jump by just his soft voice.

"hi."

silence was the villain.

"how are you?"

"fine i guess."

"listen y/n," he spoke through the phone, as my fingers still tumble under my phone that held his voice to my ear. "i'm sorry for causing something with your...boyfriend. i didn't mean to start a scene with you."

"it's fine ethan, it kind of just happened on its own."

his chuckle echos in my ear like it were a voice that i wanted to hear in forever.

"it just happened to us," he spoke.

i remain quiet again, kind of mad for allowing silence to overpower my thoughts that wanted to speak out loud.

"i just wanted to call you," he says trying to find a way to start something.

"okay," i blankly spoke.

"okay."

silence again.

"you know that...the thing is is that i'm not over you yet," he says. "you kind of made me stop falling in love with other people. i lost all trust in myself now that you're not around. i can't seem to love nowadays, and i'm saying that it's your fault. but it's my fault for doing this to us. i'm sorry."

my heart can't seem to describe what has been spoken to me. "you mean that you-"

"yeah, i never met anyone new after you left. it's the truth," he says.

"i'm sorry ethan-"

"no don't be sorry for a guy that's hopelessly in love with someone who has already moved on," he blurts with this voice that makes me feel what he's feeling; utter sadness for losing a piece of himself. i stole that piece.

"i never said i moved on," i admit feeling my heart pulsating since it's now taking control of my words.

he doesn't say anything. probably the best thing now.

and it continues for moments, but i don't bother ending the call, since i feel so different. it's like this euphoric feeling you can't help but want more of it since it's so foreign-

"i miss you."

but it's familiar at the same time, because just thinking about our history, first book of this series about eachother was that euphoric feeling. the guilt, the sadness, the angry, the violent, the lonely...the pleasant, the funny, the love, the peace, the romantics, the lust, the protection, comfort, trust, happiness, youth, the hope and excitement from holding eachother knowing that this could just be a birth of something special that would never be broken apart. it still is the this day, just a whole new version where we now know that what we had before was all right. it was young love, it's love.

"i miss you too," i say smiling now feeling the exhausted tears fall down my cheek.

"i want to hold you again," he spoke. "wrap my arms around your beautiful waist, listening to your heartbeats until i fall asleep, my lips grasping yours like it were made to fit, your shoulder for me to just cry on for comfort, i miss the person that listens to all the dumb shit i say, and the pinky that crossed with mine when we promised many things...everything about you i miss."

"ethan," i whisper on the phone, feeling myself lose control of my voice. my tears stain my cheeks as more comes down quick. it felts real. everything.

"i feel like we both needed this," he admits letting out a shy laugh. i laugh with him. "i did," i say.

silence. but it wasn't the enemy now.

"i want to see you some time," he says.

"can you come over now?" i say.

"i can't do that," he says knowing well about my boyfriend who's back at his apartment.

"he's back at his house ethan," i say letting out my carelessness.

"i can't be that guy," he says.

"not like that ethan, i just want to start over," i say before smiling hard. "i just need a hug," i say before giggling from that weird statement.

and i wasn't until i hear the simple knocks on the door. i reach the door quick, feeling my heart burst when i see him, who's changed into something else but it was fine. he only changed how he thinks now. i know that he now thinks differently about us.

his smile was sincere, his eyes warm and bright with the hope that i remember, his gaze overall felt like my heart has been lifted out of this weight of problems.

and then i was engulfed in an embraced that meant many words. his warmth radiates off his body and is built up between this hold that had me feeling so free. his arms holding my waist while mine wrapped around his neck tight.

"i love you by the way," he mumbles. "i've been holding that back way too long."

then my lips find there way connected to his, a way to relive all that we've been holding in. his soft lips fits so well with mine like it was made that way. fits like a puzzle piece, or it mixes like it we were red and blue making purple. it just felt so right.

we disconnect, then gathered the warmth between our hold like our life depends on it. "i love you too."

how right did this feel, it's just a simple thing though, but it felt so elaborate and so impactful. it bonded us back as one.

that's a weird ending, but ethan is cute so ye

i've read other imagines books and i'm kind of worried if mine are way too descriptive. are mine really different in a bad way?

my "imagines" get really deep i realize. is this bad? is this considered not an imagines book and just...weird short stories lmao?

please tell me if my imagines are different if you think so, thanks?-

49 parts guys...what now?